Part 2 of 3
Zoya was 13 when her father came home with a
16 year old Asad Ahmed Khan, he looked so weak, so broken and so vulnerable. He
was bleeding profusely, in a state of shock. He didn't talk to anyone for weeks,
well to anyone but the pretty girl who followed him around everywhere.
She became his best friend and he became
hers. He didn't tell her much about what happened to his family then, but she
knew that they'd been murdered in front of his eyes. His whole family was wiped
out in the span of a few minutes, he was lucky to have survived. She didn't
know why her father took him in, raised him like a son, but she was glad that
he did. She was also proud of her father for doing it for him.
She never knew what her father took him away
for after they came home from school for years. It took her a few years to put
it al together, she was so nave that she didn't even know that her father ran
every illegal business in the country. She didn't know that Asad was being
trained for it. All she knew was that she was in love with him, and that she
would marry him one day. It wasn't until he turned 21, and she turned 18, that
he started pushing her away. It was then that he had realized that he could
never be with her. Luckily for him, she was leaving for New York that year, she got into NYU.
But her life fell apart before she left, she
found out about her father's sad truth, he wasn't proud of the life he chose
for himself but he said he had no choice. He could either be a criminal or he
could be dead, he chose the former. And he picked that life for Asad, he didn't
want it for himself having seen the consequences of his father's choice to take
this road. But how could he deny the man who he owed his life to. So he did
what he had to do, he pushed her away, he broke her heart and told her that he
didn't love her when she told him before she left. His heart broke for himself
and for her, he knew that he loved her and she loved him but she didn't even
have the comfort of knowing that her love was requited.
Her heart broke into a million pieces that day.
She played the scene over and over again, and dhe believed it for a while but
she saw through it eventually. It didn't take her long to realize that he was
pushing her away. She persisted for years, but he didn't budge. He didn't let
her in. And her heart broke every time. He ignored her for years, he didn't
talk to her, he didn't see her and he didn't let her see him. She waited and
waited and waited but nothing.
She still saw the same man when she came
back years after, he was older but he was still her Asad, his eyes weren't as
happy as they used to be and his smile all but non-existent, just like hers.
She knew that he loved her, she saw it in his eyes but he didn't say anything.
He almost hugged her when he saw her but he stopped himself. He caught her from
falling flat on her back and stared at her for longer than acceptable, she
smiled at him and he let her go afraid that he was leading her on again.
It infuriated her to no end. She hoped that
he would budge, so she said yes when her father said it was time for her to get
married, because he was in the room. She saw his eyes flash up to hers, she saw
the pain in his eyes, she thought he would say something but he didn't and
that's when she realized how serious he was about this. He looked away almost
resigned, as if he knew this was coming.
X-X-X-X
"I
think you look very sexy in green." Akram said pointing to the green
lengha laid out in the heap of clothes at the boutique. Zoya's father had
insisted that he come with her to shop for their engagement. Zoya sighed and
picked up the flashy green lengha and then looked at Asad who was glaring at
Akram from his spot against the wall.
Asad's hand clenched when Akram put his hands
around Zoya. He thought he could do this but the sight of Zoya with another man
made him burn up with jealousy, but he couldn't do anything about it. She
wasn't his, she couldn't be. In his head, Akram would take her away from all of
this, he would keep her safe - something he couldn't do. So he stood there and
did absolutely nothing.
Zoya flinched and wanted to pull away from
Akram's touch but she couldn't. This is what she signed up for when she said
yes to her father, if it wasn't Akram it'd be someone else just like him and it still wouldn't feel right. It wouldn't
be him.
"I
like the red one." Zoya said looking at the intricate but subtle
embroidery of the red lehengha. She picked it up because it was his favourite color on her. He had told
her long ago that she looked absolutely stunning in it, and she knew he meant
it because his eyes stayed on her a bit longer when she wore red, she hadn't
failed to notice that.
Akram
just shrugged as Zoya picked up the red lehenga and excused himself to make an
important phone call.
"Perfect,
let's get this sized." The saleswoman smiled at the bride-to-be. Zoya got
up and followed her completely avoiding eye contact with Asad. "You try
this on, I'll go grab a smaller and bigger size just in case and then we can
alter it to you." The saleswoman disappeared into the back with that as
Zoya walked into the dressing room.
Asad
stood there looking around, there were dresses everywhere in the posh store,
most of them in reds and pinks and all so beautiful. Zoya loved bridal
clothing, she used to spend hours going through magazines and exclaiming that
she would wear something like the one on the page on her wedding day every
other page. But that excitement wasn't present today, she looked at the clothing
but it was almost as if she didn't really see it.
He
remembered that one time when she accidentally let herself slip and asked him
what he would like her to wear to their wedding.
She had asked it so assuredly, like it was going to happen, and then she had
blushed and started stuttering. He had laughed and promised that he would come
with her and help her pick. But here he was standing here watching another man
do what he desperately wanted to do.
And
for the millionth time he wished that he hadn't met her like he had. He wished
his parents hadn't died, that her father hadn't let him in or that Ghafoor
Siddiqui wasn't who he was. He wished they were normal people that had met by
chance and fallen in love. He wanted that simple love story that most people
scoff at claiming they want something passionate and painful, he wanted to date
her and then eventually ask her to marry him. He wanted to wake up beside her
everyday, he wanted to go for a walk with her hand in his, he wanted to kiss
her whenever he felt like it -
The
door to the dressing room opened breaking Asad out of his thoughts. Zoya
stepped out looking like a vision right out of his dream. She had her hair
pulled to one side as she stepped out in the red lengha that fit her perfectly,
the colour was perfect against her skin. She didn't notice that he was staring
at her in awe because her hands were behind her trying to zip the dress up, she
hoped that the saleswoman would be back by now and would help her zip up but she
wasn't.
Zoya
looked up and her eyes met his and she stopped fiddling with the zipper. The
way he was looking at her right then made her insides churn, it made the pit of
her stomach tighten and her heart thump. His eyes were darker than they usually
were as he slowly walked towards her and her heartbeat increased with every
step he took.
She
let out a short breath when he reached her, their eyes still locked. His arms
went around her waist to her back, she shivered as his hands came in contact
with her bare lower back, her eyes closing. He slowly dragged the zipper up,
his fingers brushing up her back leaving a burning trail on her skin, until it
was closed. His hands strayed there and she opened her eyes feeling hopeful. She
stared into his eyes trying to gauge what was happening.
The
confused look in her eyes caused Asad to step back, as he came out of his
trance and realized what he had just done. He wasn't supposed to do that, how
could-
"Why
are you doing this to me?" Zoya whispered her voice sounding broken, that
was the third time he'd willingly come to her only to pull away with that
crazed look in his eyes.
"I-I
can't-" He started to say running his hand through his hair.
"Just
leave Asad, you're good at that." She whispered. He watched pained as a
tear rolled down her cheek. He always did this to her, he always came closer
and then pushed her away but he couldn't help it, she just drew him to her. He
didn't even realize what he was doing until her eyes opened. He turned around
rather than comforting her like he wanted to, because the latter would just
hurt her more. He ran into a smiling Akram on the way out, and he never wanted
to punch his face out as much as he did then.
X-X-X-X
"I
can't do this Aapi." Zoya cried sitting next to her sister that night.
"I can't even stop thinking about him in my head and on top of that he is
everywhere I go. I know he loves me and that just makes it harder, I - Why is
he doing this to me?"
"You
know just as well as I do that it's to protect you Zoya. He'd rather kill
himself everyday than let anything happen to you." Zeenat said.
"I
don't want him to protect me, I want him to be with me. I feel like I am
suffocating without him. What do I do Aapi? It's always been him, for as long
as I can remember. I had our whole life planned out, we were supposed to get
married, I was supposed to be happy." She cried.
"There
is a lot of things that we want Zoya but we can't have them."
"Aapi?
Could you ever love anyone apart from Anwar jiju if he were to leave or if
something happened to him?"
Aapi
shook her head, understanding. She put her arms around her little sister
feeling her heart break right along with hers. She prayed that her little
sister would find happiness, she hoped that Asad would realize that he was
dooming the both of them, they'd be alive but they'd be living dead.
X-X-X-X
"I
have to go to the shareholder's meeting. He is coming with us." Zoya said
to Asad who just nodded, not even looking at her. He already knew the former
but not the latter. His fists involuntary clenched when he thought of Akram,
but he had no one but himself to blame for that. It was good that Akram was
coming, he wouldn't have to be in a confined space with Zoya alone. He could
sit with the driver and not have to look at her accusing eyes, his resolve was
growing weaker by the day, he didn't anticipate how strong jealousy was.
Zoya
stepped out wearing a pair of jeans with a white lace top and a black blazer,
her hair straight and a bag in her hand. She walked past him, going down the
stairs and to the front door where her to-be fiancee was standing. He smiled at
her and held out his hand, Zoya hesitated but put her hand in his as they walked
out to the car. Asad's heart hurt again but there was nothing he could do.
The
normally very short trip to the company seemed too long. He could hear Akram
whispering to her, she wasn't responding though, only "mhm",
"yeah" and "no" came from her direction. She was ignoring him,
he could see that. She bolted out of the car as soon as it stopped and he
followed her into the building.
He
stood at the side of the room, keeping an eye on her as she walked around with
a fake smile plastered on her face, introducing her "fiance" to
people. Her "fiance" had his arm around her waist and it drove Asad mad, he
didn't know how he stood there when all he wanted to do was march across the
room and rip his arm off. This was his punishment for all that he did wrong
over the years, he thought. He calmed down a little when Akram walked off in a
different direction leaving Zoya behind. He walked to a pillar that was a bit
closer, he could hear the conversation now.
"Congratulations!"
Mrs Sharma, a major shareholder and a friend of Zeenat's, said to Zoya. "It
feels wonderful doesn't it? Knowing that you'll be getting married soon. It's
the best feeling in the world...well until you have kids." She laughed. "Oh,
you'll have the most darling children Zoya."
Zoya
wanted to puke as the thought hit her. Children - with Akram. She hated having Akram's
arm around her. She couldn't do this. As much as she hoped and thought that it
would be possible to move on she couldn't. How could she spend the rest of her
life with a man she couldn't love, or even like? She was feeling sick at the
mere thought of having him touch her intimately.
For
the past few days Asad wondered how much it would actually hurt when she got
married, to know that she belonged to another man. He didn't understand why his
brain didn't realize that he would touch her and that she would have his kids,
it was obvious but he didn't think of it until the words left that woman's
mouth. He felt numb all of a sudden. He didn't even notice the glass in his
hand break because he applied too much force to it. He only noticed that Zoya's
head turned in his direction and her eyes widened.
Before
he knew what was happening she was across the room with a worried expression on her face. She dragged
him out by his other hand and took him to the office right off the conference
room, the one her father presented to her a week ago. She sat him down on her
sofa before walking to her desk to grab the first aid kit she knew she had left
there. He didn't say anything, he just watched her walk around.
She
sat beside him and cleaned his bleeding hand with the wipes. There was a piece
of glass stuck right in the middle of his palm, she looked up at him when she
spoke. "It's going to hurt."
"I
don't think anything could hurt as much as..." He said but stopped when
she pulled the glass out, he let out a little hiss and Zoya started crying. He
watched the tears flow down her face as she wiped the remaining blood away
before putting on antiseptic cream, and bandaging his hand.
"Does
it hurt?" She asked looking up at him, her eyes red. He smiled sadly
wiping away her tears with his other hand. Her eyes closed at his touch, she
opened her eyes again when she felt him cup her face in his hand.
"More
than you could imagine." He said. "It should be me." He
whispered.
"Don't
do this now." She said, a fresh round of tears flowing out of her eyes. He
knew he should stop but he couldn't get himself to, and he uttered the three
words that he'd been carrying in his heart for years.
"I
love you." He said, the words sounded so right coming out of his mouth but
they caused her to let out a sob. She looked at him and cried, she cried for
herself, she had waited to hear those three words for so long. She felt angry
all of a sudden and pushed his hand away.
"THEN
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DAMN IT! I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T MARRY HIM."
"You
have-"
"I
swear to god Asad, I will kill you if you complete that sentence after what you
just said to me. You can't just do this when you feel like it and then pull
away. And don't tell me that I have to - I don't have to do anything. But let
me tell you one thing Asad Ahmed Khan, you HAVE get me out of this, I don't
care what you do. I will kill myself if I have to marry anyone but you. And you
know I am serious." She said.
"Zoya-
listen..."
"NO.
You listen for once, I am tired of hearing why I can't be with you. I don't
care what happens, I don't care if my life is in danger, I just want to spend
any time I have with you."
"I
can't-"
"YES
YOU CAN. Leave all this, come with me. We'll leave, we can-"
"You
really think your father is going to let you do that now? This isn't just a
wedding Zoya, it's a merger of two companies."
"I
am not a f**king toy to be passed around and traded, that's what all of you
always treat me as. I don't want to do this. I won't do this. And if you don't
do something by the day of my engagement you'll see my dead face Asad Ahmed
Khan." She said getting up and leaving, not letting him get in another
word. He fell back onto the sofa letting out a growl, what the f**k was he
supposed to do now?
X-X-X-X
"There
are only two times when a man sits at the bar alone drinking whiskey. One, if
he is an alcoholic or two, if there is a girl plaguing his mind. And I know
it's not the first one, so what gives?" Anwar asked sitting beside Asad
later that night in the confines of the Siddiqui mansion.
"You're
back." Asad said.
"Are
you going to tell me or am I going to have to force it out of you?" Anwar
asked.
"Zoya."
Asad said taking another sip out of his glass.
"Of
course." Anwar smiled. "There is something about the Siddiqui sisters
isn't there?" He laughed. "Imagine my shock when Zeenat told me Zoya
agreed to the wedding. And then my subsequent shock that the man was still
running around with two eyes and all his bones."
"Jiju."
Asad groaned. "You aren't helping."
"You
always pushed her away, deal with the consequences and if you can't then do
something about it, she'd practically begging you to."
"What
if the same thing happens to her? What if someone kills her to get back at me?
I've seen my whole family -"
"You
can't live life thinking about the what ifs Asad. And what is a life worth
living when you are walking around dead. I know you like to think that you'll
be able to live without her but the truth is that you're just a walking corpse
without her much like she is without you. I haven't seen the either of you
smile, really smile, since the day she left. Do you really think she's going to
be happy without you Asad? You're trying to save her by not being with her but
you're just killing her while she's alive."
"She
said she'll kill herself if she has to marry someone other than me."
"Then
why are you sitting here? You have all the answers."
"But
her Abbu..."
"Can
be convinced. He loves Zoya. He just needs to see what makes his daughter happy,
yes, he will be furious at first but he will come around, maybe not now but one
day he will."
"But
he said that once you come into this business there is no leaving...I can't
leave. How am I supposed to protect her?"
"You've
tried to protect her all these years where has that gotten you? And you don't
think he'll willingly ship you off with her to keep her safe?"
"But-"
"You
can spend all night trying to think of reasons not to go to her, your brain
will come up with many but your heart won't agree Asad. You've been fighting
the same battle for years, it's time that you quit and claim your prize."
Anwar said getting up.
X-X-X-X
He
knocked on her door that night after contemplating what Anwar Jiju had said. It was an act that surprised both Zoya and
himself.
"Zoya-"
He started to say as soon as she opened the door.
"Shhh!"
Zoya whispered looking towards both sides of the hallway before pulling him
into her room and closing the doors behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"I-I
don't know." He said sounding unsure of himself, but he walked across her room
and sat on her bed. Zoya just stared at him confused, he didn't look like he
didn't know the way he had sauntered into her room and sat down.
"Asad!
I swear I am going to strangle you." She said sitting beside him finally.
Asad
sighed and then turned to look at her. "I've been thinking..."
"That's
a start." Zoya interrupted.
"Can
you let me speak?" He asked.
"Depends
on what you're going to say." She shrugged.
"I
love you." He said abruptly and then waited for her to speak, but she just
looked at his expectedly.
"And?"
She finally said.
"And
what?"
"What
are we going to do about it?"
"I
don't quite know yet." He sighed.
"Are
you going to push me away again tomorrow morning?" She asked.
"I
am tired of pushing you away, it isn't working for both us anyways." He said.
"OW!" He yelled when she whacked his head, hard.
"YOU
COULDN'T REALIZE THIS BEFORE. YOU HAD TO WAIT TILL NOW. YOU IDIOT. WHY DO I
LOVE YOU?" She yelled hitting his arm repeatedly now. "I HATE YOU."
"This
is a very abusive relationship." He joked trying to lighten the mood and stop
her onslaught.
"Yeah,
what about the f**king emotional abuse you've been putting me through for
years?" She asked as she stopped hitting him and started tearing up.
"I
am sorry." He whispered wiping away her tears. He took his shoes off and
scooted up into her bed, leaning against the headboard and pulling her up with
him. She sat straight as a rock at first but then eventually sighed and leaned
into him putting her head on his chest.
"I
hate you." She whispered as his heart hammered away under her ears, and in that
moment she felt some semblance of normalcy. The pain that always seemed to be
present wasn't anymore, she felt like she could breathe again.
"I
love you." He said after a while as they sat there in complete silence.
"I
love you too." She finally whispered.
"I
am an idiot."
"A
colossal one." She agreed.
"Ah,
it seems your vocabulary has improved over the years." He smiled.
"You
wouldn't know since you don't even talk to me."
"You
don't know how hard it is to stay away." He sighed.
"You
seemed to have done just fine."
"You
really think so?" He asked surprised as she nodded. "It was the hardest thing
I've ever done - suppressing the urge to call you or show up at your door all
those years. And it was even harder after you came back, I had to force myself
to not talk to you or look at you, it didn't always work, I think you noticed."
"Do
you think we should just tell Abbu?"
"I
don't think he is going to react well to that right now."
"We
should run away!" She exclaimed.
"Are
you crazy?"
"He
is not going to be happy about breaking this off after he's announced my
engagement." Zoya sighed. "We should have approached him earlier."
"He
wouldn't have agreed."
"Why
though? He loves you like his own son."
"He
wants to keep you out of this world, once people see that you are his weakness
they will use you to their benefit. You don't even realize the amount of times
your life has already been in danger. Being with me is going to bring you
deeper into this world, you won't only be his weakness but mine too."
"But
we don't know that for-"
"My
mother, my sisters and my brother all became victims because everyone knew they
were my dad's weakness." He whispered sadly. Zoya's heart broke at the pain in
his voice, he never talked about his family or what happened to them. She threw
her arm around him, he was leaning against the headboard and staring up at the
ceiling, but Zoya was almost laying on top of him - she was tucked into his
side her head resting on his chest and now her arm was laying across his body.
"Is
that why you were so adamant about staying away from me?" She asked.
"I
clearly failed." He sighed. "I won't be able to live with myself if something
happens to you because of me."
"Nothing
will happen." She promised him.
"You
can't know that."
"I
know that you'll never let anything happen to me." She said. He didn't reply
because he didn't know how to, he knew he would try his best to keep her safe,
but what if that wasn't enough. "So what did I miss in the eight years you
spent ignoring me?" She asked changing the topic.
"Not
much. Work and moping around missing you. How was NYU?" He asked.
"It
was interesting. I spent most of my time at the library."
"No
interesting men I should be worried about?"
"What
do you think?"
"I
don't think so." He replied.
"You
thought right. Any women I should be worried about?"
"I
think I have tunnel vision when it comes to women, I only see you."
"We
wasted so much time."
"I
hurt you a lot, didn't I?"
"A
lot. I spent most of my time thinking about what I did wrong after you told me
that you didn't love me. It only got worse when I realized that you did love me
but were pushing me away. It all happened at the worst time too. Right after I
found out about what dad does for a living, I was so oblivious all those years.
I was so mad at myself for not figuring it out, and I didn't know how to deal
with it. It was like everything just broke at once, my whole life just
shattered. So I spent a lot of time alone trying to figure it out."
"Is
that why you always sat on that bench by the lake?" He asked mindlessly, only
realizing what he said when she sat up straight her eyes wide as she looked at
him.
"How
did you know?" She gasped.
"Did
you really think your father and I were going to let you go all alone after
everything that happened?"
"Wha-where?
For how long?"
"I
lived in the building right across from yours for three months." He said
looking at her.
"How...how
did I not notice?"
"You
weren't yourself, you would just walk around with a glassy look in your eyes
and I was really careful. I walked right in front of you once, I was so sure
you would see me but you walked right by." He said.
"And
you couldn't reach out to me?"
"I
wanted to, so bad. But I knew I broke you and I needed you to put yourself back
together and forget me. But how did you realize I was lying?" He
asked pulling her to lay beside him again.
"Well
when I got over the initial shock of you saying you didn't love me I thought a
lot about us. About the things you did for me and how we've always been. Then I
realized a righteous uptight person like you would never lead a girl on unless
you really did love her."
"Ah,
so my fault is being too righteous." He smiled. She laughed turning and
putting her chin on his chest so she could see him.
"And
being a colossal idiot, don't forget that mister."
The
two of them laughed, for the first time in years. Zoya felt a comforting warmth
settle in her chest, like everything was going to be okay.
"What
are we going to do?" She asked.
"If
only Akram would break off the engagement or your dad would." Asad sighed as
a knock sounded on the door, both of their eyes grew wide as they scrambled off
the bed. Zoya pushed him behind the door before opening it to find Aapi, she
sighed in relief.
"God
Aapi, you scared me."
"Who
were you talking to? I heard you laugh." Zeenat asked looking at Zoya's smiling
face surprised. Zoya shut the door quitely and revealed a sheepish looking
Asad. A smile broke out on Zeenat's face.
"Hi."
He waved as Aapi grabbed his ear and tugged it hard. "OW! Aapi!" He
said.
"I
thought you would come around as soon as you heard that she was getting
engaged. What is wrong with you?" She said whacking him again.
"What
is it with you two and hitting me? Can we not do this now Aapi?" He asked.
"Are
we running away?" Zoya asked excitedly.
"No."
Asad said giving her an 'are you crazy look?'
"Allah
Miyah! WHY?" She groaned.
"Ah,
there it is. You haven't changed at all. And here I thought you mellowed out a
bit." He smiled loving that she was back to her loud happy self, the guilt
that was racking him for the past few weeks since she had come back lessened.
"I
was depressed before and now I am happy!" She grinned.
"We
haven't accomplished anything yet..." He pointed out.
"We'll
figure it out." She smiled. "I love saying 'we'."
Zeenat
laughed at their antics shaking her head but she was delighted that her sister
was happy and that the boy who she thought of as a brother was smiling, she
hadn't seen him smile in years. She knew the two of them were meant to be with
each other, she had known since he walked into this house and took to Zoya like
a moth to flame. They were inseparable during their early years, and anyone who
was around to notice would have seen the immense love and care they had for
each other. Her heart had broken right along with theirs when Zoya left but she
felt like everything was going to be all right now.
"Now
tells tells, you having a plans Asad Bitwa?" Zoya said imitating her
favourite tellywood aunty type.
"Kind
of." Asad said sitting on the bed beside her and Aapi.
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