The unknown son (An Arjuna-Iravan FF) Part 8B-Page 23 - Page 6

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Yajnaseni thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#51

Originally posted by: Brishti_Sarkar

I like your writing style... The symbolic comparison with stars is very meaningful. Especially when Tudhi says that he loves being with them. My family.
Another dialogue I liked a lot is when asked by Iravan if Yudhishtir misses his dad, he says "I do. Don't you?" This line has such a deep meaning.
Continue real soon. Will be waiting for your PM about update.


I will update fast if you all promise to comment faster. I still find all of my readers hv not caught up with this update. And thanx for the encouraging words!
subhikrish thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#52
sry 4 late reply dr... was held up...
as 4 d story loved d concept of yudhi giving advice to iravan... he understands every1 ri8...
and do write an emotional meet of arjun and iravan...and write fast too...
Yajnaseni thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#53

Part 5-The Shower of Arrows 

It was yet another night. The eighth day of the war had seen heavy bloodshed. The army of the Pandavas was getting annihilated quickly. Spirits of the soldiers were dwindling. They could only hope for a miracle to save them. Iravan lay on his bed. His body was highly bruised but he had trained himself not to feel any pain. His body lacked energy yet sleep was evading him that night. Every time he closed his eyes some horrible nightmare used to wake him up. Iravan gave up trying to sleep and stepped into the open air with his bow clutched in his hand. Very little moon light reached the Earth. The sky seemed to be studded with diamonds. The heaven looked like a temple bathed in milk.

Iravan remembered his talk with his eldest uncle under the same star studded roof. Iravan had gone to talk to his father the next day but had retraced his step back to the tent when he found him in the company of a lady he did not know. He did not want to interfere in anyone's life, not even his father's. He did not think he was welcome there and did not want to intrude.

Iravan walked a few paces. He lifted his bow and put an arrow on it. Just then he was distracted be spiral of red fumes that could be seen in the distance. Then he saw a volley of arrows rise and arrange themselves in such a form that they gave the illusion of a flying eagle. Then a single arrow cut all the branches of a ten feet tall tree in a second. It was another second before another volley of arrows formed a circle around him and lit up fire. Iravan was so much in awe of the skill that he did not notice that he himself could be in mortal danger.

"Oh! It's you Iravan. I am not used to see anyone around here at this point of time. Why aren't you taking rest? Didn't this long day tire you?" It was Arjuna who spoke. Oravan noticed another shower of arrows put of the fire.

"I..umm...Sleep was not coming to me." Iravan stumbled back.

"You seemed shocked to see me." Arjuna asked with a lopsided grin.

"I was not shocked; I was just not expecting anyone here at this time of night."

"You don't get shocked of things you would expect, would you? See how terrified you are of me that you are forgetting courtesies you owe to an elder."

Iravan thought for a moment on the meaning of Arjuna's word and then quickly bent down to touch Arjuna's feet. He received the blessing of his father.

"Ah...well so can you fight in the dark, Iravan?" his father asked.

"Not as good as you."

"We will see. Show me."

Iravan pulled out an arrow from the quiver and shot a chosen target.

"Good, now can you do this." Arjuna did a simple trick using his arrows.

Iravan could do it in a second try. Arjuna began testing Iravan's skill with different tricks which Iravan managed to do within a few trials.

"Go pick up a mace. I have not fought with that sturdy weapon for a long time."

Arjuna and Iravan began a mace fight. None of them was more skilled than the other in this. Neither of them were also willing to give up. After a long time Iravan figured out of the defence gap on Arjuna's waist and took advantage of it to roll him on the ground. But Arjuna caught on to Iravan's Uttariya as he fell. The son fell on his father as father fell on the ground. They both roared with laughter.

Arjuna was gasping for breath as he said, "I am proud to the father of four best warriors in the world."

Iravan was lying on the ground, "Don't count me in as one of the greatest father. I am happy in being counted as good."

Arjun replied"Your Mata Draupadi wants to meet you. She saw you when you walked out on us on the day I was talking to her. I told her. She was very angry that I did not go after you when you were leaving. And you don't want to catch the Agni-Kanya in a fiery mood. And moreover you wouldn't like to get into an argument with her over her sons."

"But I am not her son."

"She doesn't have to give you birth. Look at Abhimanyu. He always used to run behind Draupadi holding her achal. He calls himself Panchali-nandan instead of Subhadra-nandan."

"Oh really! But she has not met me before."

"Mothers don't need to be introduced to their children. Go and take her ashirvad before you go to battle tomorrow. She will be extremely happy."

"As you wish, I will surely go to Mata in the morning/"

"Iravan. You know one day your Mata Chitrangada and I lay below the stars in the same way. She sang a song, a beautiful one. Something about nature. I couldn't understand as it was in her local language."

"Mta chitra did sing us songs about heaven and shining stars. Do you want to listen?"

"If you shall sing"

So Iravan began a song which reached out to heaven. Even the gods were delighted to hear such a voice. Iravan had inherited more than one talent from his father. Soon, the father and the son fell asleep on the soft earth. 

OK. At last the long update you all wished for. I hope you liked this part. I was quite emotional writing this though it might not be the best of my posts. Do review, comment and like/unlike(if possible).

Love t2 aka Tia

Edited by Yajnaseni - 9 years ago
Ryuki thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#54
wow you are amazing writer Yajnaseni๐Ÿ‘โญ๏ธ..I love the way you show us Arjun-Iravan metting..and finaly Arjun show his love to his new son..please continue soon
iturkhahs thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#55
Thanks for the PM
This was so emotional. Loved the father and son bonding. So many hidden sentiments. It really made me๐Ÿ˜ญ 

"Arjun replied"Your Mata Draupadi wants to meet you. She saw you when you walked out on us on the day I was talking to her. I told her. She was very angry that I did not go after you when you were leaving. And you don't want to catch the Agni-Kanya in a fiery mood. And moreover you wouldn't like to get into an argument with her over her sons."

"But I am not her son."

"She doesn't have to give you birth. Look at Abhimanyu. He always used to run behind Draupadi holding her achal. He calls himself Panchali-nandan instead of Subhadra-nandan."

"Oh really! But she has not met me before."

"Mothers don't need to be introduced to their children. Go and take her ashirvad before you go to battle tomorrow. She will be extremely happy."

This was the best part of the conversation. You are really good. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘

Waiting for the next update๐Ÿ˜ƒ


ElMystique thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#56
Wow this was an aamazing update it couldnt get better...
You have perfectly depicted father son duo..This is a cordial relation between a father and his teenager son..I am glad he is comfortable but sadly it was eighth day of war...
Pls continue ASAP๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

Yagyaseni thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#57
Loved your way of writing, dear!!! Just amazing!! Iravan was always close to my heart for some reason maybe he didn't meet his father but the way you showed their love made me happy and emotional at the same time!! Loved the part where Arjun told about Yagyaseni Draupadi and her motherly feelings!!Please continue soon!! Please read my FF on AnYa if you have time!!Edited by Yagyaseni - 9 years ago
amritat thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#58

Great writing...๐Ÿ‘

Sorry, for not replying before. I actually get more attracted to stories, related to my Parth-Panchali, if u know wat I mean...๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜†
 
But this one is actually great.
Somewhere, I felt a sense of formality, and hesitation when Iravan talked to his father. This is quite implied, given the fact that he was not brought up by Arjun. That hesitation is well- portrayed.
 
And I loved how u showed Draupadi's motherly side.
Actually, I had read it somewhere, that in South, there are Draupadi Amman temples, which are guarded by Iravan. There is a story of how Draupadi saved Iravan's life, for which he promised to guard her as a son forever. The statues of Iravan, in the temple signifies that.
 
Please continue...๐Ÿ˜Š
subhikrish thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#59
loved each and every bit of it tia dear...  
firstly i was very happy that arjun actually behaved very normal with iravan... may be he got used to him having a son wid uloopi... then i liked the concept of them interacting with a fight.. it was so much warrior like..i dont kno if ds story wud ve been this good if you ve used more of emotional talkin since it s iravan arjun duo... then the upcoming conversation and iravan singin as beautiful as arjun was so very sweet... i was really elated to kno that he had more similarities wid arjun coz he s very less compared to his father unlike sruthakirti or abimanyu...and next comes the highlight... arjuns description of draupadi to iravan... am eagerly waiting for the meet of mother and d son.. am sure panchu wont behave as arjun behaved wid iravan at first... she wud definitely shower him wid love.. so lookin 4wd for it... update fast gal...
P.S yes ia m 1 of d lazy ppl u talked abt... wel dat explains this long reply... hope ur happy wid it darling๐Ÿ˜‰
Yajnaseni thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#60
Thanks everyone for reading and commenting guys. I am very glad that you liked it. Please read my other FF too-
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4063965

@Yagyaseni- Can u PM me the link to ur FF.
@iturkhans- Thankx fr following the story. What may I call u?
@frappie di- Thanx for reviewing.@Amritat- Thankx for reading. Hv u read the earlier parts. If not at least read part 3. If u liked this part, then u would like that also.