Writers HUB [IO] THANK YOUU!

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

Deepa jha

@Dee_J

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#141

Originally posted by: somergasm.

NO. NO. In fact I was going to ask you to shorten the Sheetal and Aarav part. Please! It's too lengthy. People won't feel like reading it if it's too lengthy.

Oh ok😳 Sorry, but I can't shorten that more I already have edited quite many details

Quote

616377

Hibernated

Posted: 11 years ago

#142

Originally posted by: Dee_J
Oh ok😳 Sorry, but I can't shorten that more I already have edited quite many details

But I did mention that I wanted them to be as brief as possible.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Deepa jha

@Dee_J

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#143

Originally posted by: somergasm.

But I did mention that I wanted them to be as brief as possible.

I did try and so I edited out many details. Still will try😳

Quote

Zee

@aamir18

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#144

Diwali:

One step back. Another step forward. Dhak Dhak Dhak Dhak. The ringing of her payal encompassed the solitude of the midnight... the sound of his silent confession lingering in the thickness of the air that surrounded them. The hesitancy, the anxiety and the excitement of discovering a concealed token kept with whom she considered a monster. His safekeeping of her late mother's last remembrance. It was quite a sight --- him and her and their reflection in the still water by the poolside. She quivered at the warmth of his roughened hands and the coolness of the smooth breeze... the most delicate and beautiful contrast. The friction, the passion, the desire, all communicated without a single word exchanged. In fact, forget words. The pull that is present without even touching. When they are on different sides of a room full of loud, crowded people and celebrations.

And then, that almost kiss. The scrunching of the sari, the gentle caress of the hands and the passion of those burning eyes. The looking past of relationships and commitments, forgetting of class and status to give way for the rawest but the purest form of need. Diwali 2012. A scene to remember. The most viewed scene in all of IPKKND history and the second most viewed in the history of Indian television entertainment.

Sanaya and Barun acted so PHENOMENALLY in this scene, that the scene and lyrics have become equivalent with the most natural, deepest and righteous feelings and sentiments. Perhaps this is their biggest accomplishment; making the song theirs. Who could have guessed, that the original depiction of Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai in Jism concentrates heavily on the physical pleasures of love, namely sex and flesh? In the rendition of Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon, we are presented with most innocent but most passionate attraction. No vulgarity or lewdness, whatsoever.

I always LOVE LOVE LOVE feedback. So if this is bad, or anybody reading thinks this needs to be reworked, feel free to let me know! 😳

-Vizu, I'm so sorry this is late! 😭 Maaf karde yaar. My AD is going for a toss. I'll have the hospital hug up today as well. Pakka wala promise 😳

Edited by aamir18 - 11 years ago

Quote

Zee

@aamir18

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#145

Hospital

The tears refuse to stop. The tears refuse to cease. She watches her Bau Ji behind the streaked glass window, tied to long tubes and metal wires that tracked the beating of his unpredictable heart. Her aching refuses to lessen, and it seems impossible to be bartered. Not with her mother. Not with her sister. Not even with a friend. She is alone to fend with the fear and anxiety. Alone... once again.

Until she feels that breeze run through her hair. That gentle breeze that means... everything might get better. He would make everything alright. And suddenly, she doesn't feel so alone. One upward glance and the unbearable pain lessens, with just a single look at Arnav Singh Raizada. The sound of her name rolls of his tongue, gentle and alluring. He calls for her. Unsteady legs rise of their own accord, and her body craves for his embrace. The need for him grows so strong, she runs across the waxed hospital floor and crashes into him, letting the warmth of his body seep into her hardened one. And at once, she's home.

Comfort is attained at last. Something she could not find in the presence of her family or Shyam or even Devi Maiyya. Freedom was in this man's arms... the man who had insulted her, hurt her and abandoned her. But somewhere the only man that could truly make her happy. She bore her heart like an open book as tears settled into the soft cotton of his sweater, clutching at the material to confirm him a reality.

And behind her, a struggling man. One who combats between his fueled ego and the love in his heart. The greys of his character clash to conquer, and a hand remains still in the air... so desperately close yet so far away. Heart and mind face their first heated conflict in years. To touch and to hold or not to give in? Mind emerges as the winner, but is weakened and wounded... for the pain of the heart as he watches her run away is excruciating. From this moment forth, the heart will conquer once and for all.

Edited by aamir18 - 11 years ago

Quote

riti4u

@riti4u

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 11 years ago

#146

Zitni its beautifully written... I think you should ask about word length... I feel you can shorten a bit on this... but it sounds beautiful...👏..both diwali night and hospital one..

Quote

Zee

@aamir18

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#147

Thank you so much, Riti! 🤗 I'm so touched!

(Also, hope you're doing well, dear! I haven't talked to you since we last interacted in the Sobti FC 😳 My best wishes, always!)

And definitely Vizu, if it needs to be shortened, let me know 😳 I'll be more than happy to!

Originally posted by: riti4u
Zitni its beautifully written... I think you should ask about word length... I feel you can shorten a bit on this... but it sounds beautiful...👏..both diwali night and hospital one..

Edited by aamir18 - 11 years ago

Quote

Preet

@Preet.Kc

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#148

Originally posted by: aamir18

I always LOVE LOVE LOVE feedback. So if this is bad, or anybody reading thinks this needs to be reworked, feel free to let me know! 😳

-Vizu, I'm so sorry this is late! 😭 Maaf karde yaar. My AD is going for a toss. I'll have the hospital hug up today as well. Pakka wala promise 😳

You have written it simply superbly Loved it too much 😉

@TM i can't shorten it sorry but i have a BIG PROBLEM in writting in word limits iss I don't partecipate in OS contests 😆. You can edit it if you want.

Quote

Preet

@Preet.Kc

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#149

Originally posted by: somergasm.

NO. NO. In fact I was going to ask you to shorten the Sheetal and Aarav part. Please! It's too lengthy. People won't feel like reading it if it's too lengthy.

This is not true, i always read everything no matter how much is lengthy, all depends in the way it is written. And plus it's a track not a single moment so it has to be quite long, not too much. But to fit it in 200 words is impossibile at least for me. So if you want you can reduce it, for me it's impossibile. Sorry.

Edited by Preet.Kc - 11 years ago

Quote

Zee

@aamir18

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#150

Originally posted by: Preet.Kc

You have written it simply superbly Loved it too much 😉

Originally posted by: -BarunSanz-
Zee..its Beautifulll <3

Thank you so so so much guys! Your parts are absolutely amazing as well 👏 As is everyones! Can't wait to see this all come together! 😳<3 Vizu, if you need more help, I'm a PM away!

Cheers to our ArHi and IPK!

Edited by aamir18 - 11 years ago

Quote

1 ... 13 14 15 16 17

Writers HUB [IO] THANK YOUU! - Page 15

Related Topics

Explore Topics