She
wakes up coughing in the middle of the night.
The
jar of water beside her bed is empty, she notices. The coughing is getting
worse, she cannot wake up her daughter and husband asleep beside her with the
noise she is making and so gets up from the bed, opens the door of their
bedroom and makes way towards the kitchen.
Once
she has had water... once she is calm enough and can finally be peaceful enough
to proceed towards her bedroom, she freezes and stops in her tracks.
It
did not immediately occur to her due to the coughing... but it is her first night
back at her home; her marital home post the horrible incident with Parmeet.
Standing
here now in the dark, she cannot help but remember the horrible event she lived
through. It all comes rushing back to her - the chain of events playing on her
mind like a reel on a loop.
She finds
herself all alone once again in this same room with that man; hears the
repulsive words he said, recollects the way he had kept looking at her as if
undressing her in his mind already, she feels his foul touches all over her
body once again, from that night and every other event.
She
recalls the fight she fought to save her honor, herself.
She remembers the
worst moments of her life and is frightened out of her mind enough to not
realize she is screaming bloody murder and has woken up the entire house with
the ruckus, even her parents next door with the commotion.
She
is folded in on herself, closed off and on the kitchen floor as that happens.
Her head is between her legs, her hands over her ears, her eyes closed and she
is sweating profusely as she keeps on screaming - let go off me, Raman... Raman
save me, Raman help me, Raman... The only name she takes.
A
hand lands at her shoulder and she is frightened even more, her screams get
louder; the hand that touched her is now around her shoulders and she is
fighting with all her might... but someone holds her tight. She is being rocked
and hushed. She is being assured repeatedly she is safe, she is safe... The
voice that is trying to pacify her keeps saying I am here, I am here Ishita,
everything is okay, you are okay.
It
does not register with her if she has stopped moving for a minute, ten minutes
or an hour; only that she finally can recognize the voice. She can finally
register the person holding her is her husband and he bore the brunt of her
violent outburst, her blows and her tears silently.
She
is finally calm enough to call his name in a small voice and touch the arm that
holds her tight as she asks him to release his hold on her.
She
is panting, profusely so and watches as her husband directs his younger sister
to get a glass of water and his brother the first-aid kit immediately.
Once
he gets her to drink the water, she notices there are shards of broken glass
all over the floor. One or two of them have torn the flesh of her skin as her
right foot keeps bleeding. The skin of her feet tingles when the antiseptic is
applied but it does not sting or if it does...she hardly notices.
Her
mind is still in a haze, her eyes see Raman applying the antiseptic cream on it
and bandaging her. She can hear Ruhi asking about her as well as her Amma
asking Trisha to take Ruhi to her room and get her to sleep there for the
night. She feels the presence of all her family members around her. The bright
lights illuminating the kitchen make things appear a little less frightening
but the words... The words that she keeps on hearing do not stop.
The
images recede yet the memory lingers. She cannot see the events playing in her
mind anymore but her skin still feels dirty and repulsed.
It
registers with her Raman is asking her something, he touches her face and gets
her to look at him... she is still watching his mouth move... but the words don't
come to her. She cannot hear him still.
She
hears how he praised her, how her husband never looks at her, how he would satisfy
her.
It
is when Raman shakes her hard enough for her teeth to rattle does she realize
he is asking her is she all right, what happened to her?
"Ishita...
tell me, talk to me, Ishita... hear me. Ishita can you hear me?"
"Yes."
The word tumbles from her mouth, and she
notices him breathe a sigh of relief.
She
is in his arms again and she doesn't know if he asked her to tell him this or
if she began saying the things on her own, all she knows is she recounts and
narrates the chilling version of the night that she was almost raped within the
confines of her own house by someone she considered family.
She
tells Raman in a low voice, which is entirely detached how she came home that
night to find the house empty, how she saw Parmeet was there, how she was
trying to somehow get out before he could do something, anything to her without
letting him see how scared she was.
She tells him of the foul words he said to
her, of him making a mockery- a crude, cruel joke of her infertility as well as
how it will not matter if something does happen between them. Since there would be no side effects - no
way for anyone to ever find out anything should they choose not to do it. She
tells him how she slapped him twice and he still came onto her. She tells him
every single detail that comes to her agitated, panicked mind in detail with
the precision she wishes it would not.
She
lets it all out, all the things until the point she ran out the door and
escaped him but never forgetting even in her waking hours the lingering residue
of this foul happening.
She
tells him being here again in this dark room, the same room that happened to
witness her fear and her battle triggered the chain of events all over again in
her mind, she tells him she is scared too much to move. She requests him not to
leave her side.
She lets him know how
the first time he went away from her she was nearly violated in their bedroom.
She reminds him of the phone call he made late that night from Mumbai and tells
him how much it meant to her, comforted her to hear his voice, how scared she
had been that night. She lets him know Ruhi had slept beside her but without
him, being in this home, that room frightened her to no ends. How hearing his
voice had given her the feeling he is right here beside her and nothing
untoward would happen to her, not until he is around.
She had felt safe, she had felt she was with
him. She had felt his presence around her by merely hearing his voice.
She
hears his reassurance that placates her more than all the things in this world.
He
assures her he will never leave her.
He vows never ever to let anything ever happen
to her so long as he is alive, so long as he is breathing.
She
cannot be sure of how long they sat there or what time things began or end, in
the end she had fallen asleep from the exhaustion of the scare, pacified and
secured with her head on his shoulders as he had at last lifted her in his arms
and put her to bed. While her
exhaustion puts her in a deep slumber for hours on end; however, the same could
not be said for the family.
They experienced firsthand the horrific nature of
her nightmarish experience.
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