Niyoti, you're fabulous. Amazing. Wonderful. Fantastic. Phenomenal. I'm running out of positive adjectives. I want this to happen. I want him to realize her loss deeply, to feel it within every part of him- and then I want him to manaofy her and make her come back with him. Not by force, but of her own will.This line: Paro was packing. With an unaccustomed nervous flutter of his heart he concluded that the trunks looked far too heavily stuffed for a short trip away.
You've depicted his noticing that she doesn't seem like she's going to come back very well. The nervous flutter- the tightening of his heart- everything tells him that something is wrong, that she is planning on leaving him. And it hurts him, and you've shown that so, so well.
I also really liked this line: The wide smiles that had earlier been bestowed freely had been replaced by cautious ones and for a man who had vowed to keep his distance he felt the loss far too keenly.
He promised her he'd keep his distance, but I think he'll start living for her smiles and her laughter- This line just stuck out to me. She's so generous with her love right now, I want to see how it'll be when she's hurt by him, when she doesn't want to win him over- when he has to do that.
Wonderful job, Niyoti- Every time, you set the standard higher.
Edited by chotidesi - 10 years ago
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