ASYA/Kabhi SS: Four Seasons (ch.9, pg.41) note pg.48 - Page 28

Holaaa peeps...here I am, back after a visit to outer space. Lol, no I just suck with time management and can't squeeze in time for writing amidst the chaos called life. 😭

But did someone say a Asad POV chapter ? So here it is, Asad with his thoughts. A nice and long Asad POV chapter...i better get some love in return 😳😆

And this chapter goes out to AsyaMaaneet for the most correct analysis of the quote in the previous chapter.😃

Enjoy

SPRING

~~

"Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence." - Yoko Ono

Ch.9

Asad had been staring at her. Just staring at sleeping in bright sunlight snuggled in his arms. It had started with her head against his shoulder but soon Asad had taken off his light jacket and draped it around her before pulling her against his chest. Yes, it's spring and warmer now but the wind still has a bite to it. He didn't want her getting sick. A grumpy flu invaded Zoya was hard to handle, to say the least. He had experienced it once and wasn't intent on another near death experience any time soon.

Zoya is a very active sleeper, always moving, scuffing and tossing and turning around in her sleep. Asad knew because he always found her weird positions in the mornings of their sleepovers, the foot of the bed being her personal favourite. Thankfully she still stayed on the bed looking like a beauty with a tangle of limbs and arms and hair standing in ten different directions.

But where were we ? Oh yeah, an active sleeper Zoe. Asad realized that Zoya sensed that she was in his arms even in her deep sound sleep because she moved restlessly trying to find a comfortable spot on his hard chest. Asad gently shifted her so her head was on his thighs as he stretched his legs out, adjusting his jacket around her. She mumbled incoherently before she went under again.

Asad ran his fingers through her open silky tresses. Once before, Zoya had slept on his shoulder, back when they were strangers and Asad had no idea why she was so sorrowful. And today, he realized once again: Asad had no idea why she wasn't getting enough sleep to have her dozing off in the middle of the afternoon.

Was it his impending departure ?

"Asad, how am I going to live without you when you are gone?"

June was a few months but he was already dreading it. Just the idea of being away from her saddened him so. But he had a sinking feeling that to her it's much more.

He would vividly recollect that moment. The sheer sorrow was so evident on her face, in her eyes. Her glazed out, glassy doe-like filled with tears, tears over the fear of losing him and her voice, it was so utterly heartbroken that it ached his heart even now.

"Asad, how am I going to live without you when you are gone?"

To her, it's like loss of another person from her life. That she is about to lose yet another person she cares about. She thinks she is going to lose me! How could he have been so blind? After her Jijju and Appi's death, they grew so close to one another and now, he was leaving too and would leave a void in her life.

Now that he looked closely, he noted her dark stains under her eyes. Her skin had lost some of its colour and her face lost the little weight she had managed to gain. He stroked the back of his fingers along her cheek, worrying and wondering why Zoya seemed to be going backwards rather than forward.

Forward movement, that's what his aim was for her. She grieved; she healed to a certain extent. He had hoped she would only grow stronger. Asad's fingers continued to trail lazily along the sooth path of her cheek until Zoya moved and gripped his hand between her palms. He found such comfort in her gesture that he had to fight the emotion that threatened to break his heart.

"Zoya, how am I ever going to live without you now?", he whispered so softly it was barely audible.

Life without her would never give him the sense completeness he felt when he was with her. Nowadays, when he tried to imagine his life, of what it would be in a few months without her constant presence; he couldn't. He simply couldn't. And that scared him out like nothing ever had !

He already cared about her so much that it frightened him of what would become of them if they continued down this path. But yet, he couldn't bring himself to distant from her. To learn to live without Zoya. It was as if he couldn't go back to the time where his life existed before her.

"Yo, Khan !" he had been so lost in his own roiling thoughts, he hadn't heard McAdams come up. She glanced down at a sleeping Zoya and sighed in a way he didn't quite understand. She came and sat next to him against the tree and started aimlessly.

"Hey, were we suppose to meet today ?" He spoke very softly, mindful to Zoya's sleeping

"Nope, I just dropped by to see Zoe for something." Stacie was also speaking softly actually they never spoke this politely before.

" Anything important ?"

Stacie huffed, "No, not really. " They never got along, bickered and bantered about every damn thing but nowadays, McAdams seemed hostile towards him, like she couldn't stand the sight of him. And he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Have I done something to upset you, McAdams ? Any particular reason you are forever grinding your teeth at me nowadays ?"

"Asad", Zoya's soft, sleep-laden whisper saved Stacie from answering. They both glanced down as Zoya blinked her eyes open and stretched her arms leisurely almost...almost smacking Stacie in the face.

"Did I fall asleep on you ?" She seemed a tad dazed out, as she usually is when she wakes up. A tender smile came to him naturally as she rubbed her eyes slowly and smiled sleepily at him. He helped her up, letting her rest comfortably against his chest.

"Oh hey, Stac", Zoya said when her eyes were finally open enough to see clearly.

"Hey, bestie", Stacie came over and sat next to Zoya, seeming glad to be away from Asad.

"Wait, if you are here, where is it ?" She was fully awake now, and was more worried about it'.

Soon Stacie had left for her classes at university with a hug and a whispered conversation Asad chose not to intrude on. Asad donned his light jacket and gathered his bag. They intertwined their hands and Asad started strolling within the park not ready to leave just yet. Maybe they could talk.

"Sorry for dozing off.", Zoya said, yawning lazily. She turned to walk backwards and Asad's grip on hers firmed making sure she wouldn't stumble and fall.

"You dozed off on me when we didn't even know each other's names. I am hardly about to get offended now." Zoya took bait to Asad's tease and rewarded him with a chuckle.

"You getting enough sleep at night, Zoe ?" Asad asked causally, bringing her closer to his body as a skater boarder crossed by them a little too closely for his liking. Sleepovers were now a thing over the weekend event but even on the phone, he always talked to her until her voice began to get husky and he knew her body getting ready to shut off.

"Yeah, I am.", she said, not really meeting his glance. "It's just uni stress, some assignments and stuff piled up together."

That's wasn't true and they both knew. University never stressed Zoya out, she was even making decent grades at the time of her sister's ailment and death. But Asad let it pass, giving her more time when he really wanted to do was shake her really hard and scream it to her, "You aren't going to lose me, Zoe. You aren't going lose me !" But even that would be a lie. How could one lose someone who already belonged to them ? Because come June, he would have lost all he had to her.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

They eventually ended up walking back to Asad's apartment and Zoya pulled out the key she had to his apartment. The key was suppose to be for emergencies when they had initially exchanged keys weeks ago but Zoya used the key just as often as Asad did.

Zoya turned the key but turned back to face him. "Close your eyes." She ordered with a sly smile and Asad had a feeling his Zoe was up to something.

Even though he would end up doing exactly she said, he still got a kick out of denying her, "No. Why ?"

"Asad !", she always said his name like a scold and whine. He chuckled.

She went behind him and standing on her tiptoes, she covered his eyes with her hands. The sweet scent of lavender wafted in his sense and he sighed. Lavender is Zoya and lavender is beautiful.

"It's a surprise, handsome", she exclaimed as she led them into the apartment. Asad could literally hear the excitement in her voice and he indulged her. Whatever she had planned had made her happy.

"So can I open my eyes now ?", he asked when he heard the sounds of riping sounds of paper. He kept his eyes closed even when Zoya had removed her hands, he wanted to let her surprise be a full surprise.

Her hands came back to his eyes and she whispered gleefully, "Open them." For a second, Asad relished the sound of her voice. Her happy voice.

He opened his eyes and saw a brand new black guitar resting on the coffee table. The same guitar ! His eyes burnt and his throat constricted painfully. He was so emotionally choked up that he didn't even scold Zoya when he saw her standing on the sofa. With her shoes on. He plucked her into his arms for a full body hug, squeezing her tighter and tighter.

"Thank you", he whispered against her ear before he buried his face in her hair.

They drew back a few moments later and Asad drank in the sight of the beauty of his surprise. He picked up the guitar and pulled Zoya to the couch. His fingers still knew how to play the strings. Three years later and his heart still knows how to comfort itself.

"Dils Ammi and I were talking earlier this week. She told me how much you loved your guitar. She said playing the guitar always soothed you. Helped you through any mood. But you..."

"Sold it because I needed the money for something." He finished for her. He was sure his mother hadn't told her why he had sold his most prized possession.

"Tamatar had wanted this salwar suit we saw at the bazaar. Money was tight, it usually is especially near the end of the month. I told Tamatar I would buy her the suit when I saved up money and my adorable sister had agreed immediately. But her sad eyes looked back at that suit even when we were walking away."

Asad smiled fondly. Selling the guitar had been worth it. Seeing his sister radiant smile the next morning she had found the suit and hugged him bouncing like the kid. That was happiness that he could sell his soul for.

"Ammi told me. You sold your guitar and gave your sister what she wanted." Asad nodded.

"I could do anything for my family's happiness." Asad said honestly and Zoya's eyes watered up.

"They are so lucky. You know, to have you in their life." she whispered.

You have me too, Zoya. You just don't realize it.

"Play something for us. I will record it and send it to Namja and Ammi later."

She set up her camera of the tripod and adjusted him into the frame before she settled next to him again.

Asad took a deep breath and starting stringing the chords to a song that was ever so close to his heart.

Zindagi ki yehi reet hai

Haar ke baad hi jeet hai

Zindagi ki yehi reet hai

Haar ke baaz hi jeet hai

Thode aansu hai, thodi hasi

Aaj gham hai to kal hai Khushi

Rather than singing to the camera, he sang to her as she watched with a smile. Never ending tears consumed her. Silent ones. So Asad tried to tell her through his song.

It will be okay. You will be okay. And it's okay to be not okay sometimes.

Zindagi ki yehi reet hai

Haar ke baad hi jeet hai

Thode aansu hai, thodi hasi

Aaj gham hai to kal hai khushi

Zindagi ki yehi reet hai

Haar ke baad hi jeet hai

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"How did you find the same one?" It was a few hours later, night had fallen and they were sprawled on the couch cocooned in silence as a movie played on.

Zoya had made sandwiches for dinner and made an utter mess of his miniature kitchen in the process but even then, he was on clean up duty. It used to be a Farooqui house rule. If you cook, you don't clean.

Now Zoya had claimed, it applied to them too. And on that note, Asad vowed never to let Zoya in his kitchen. Heck, who was he kidding? Here she was messing with his mind and heart and he was worried about his kitchen.

He was asking her the guitar she gifted him. It was the replica of his old one. The black beauty that used to give him so much comfort. It even had the treble cleft he had painted in white himself.

"I looked it up online and ordered it in.", she shrugged like it was no big deal. It was a big deal. He had never been taken care of this way. His Ammi, the wonderful woman she is, usually too busy making ends meet. No one had the time to take care of his wants.

"And the treble cleft ?", he asked tracing it with her finger.

"I had company add it. I wanted to it to be the same. The exact same so you could have your old friend back."

He wanted to tell that he didn't need his old friend back, not when he had her by his side but he didn't. Not when he knew how much meant to her.

"Thank you, beautiful.", he reached for her pinky and locked it with his and found such comfort in the gesture.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

A loud crash of thunder startled Asad right out of his sleep. He breathed deeply as lightning followed right after. He squeezed his eyes shut wanting to block out everything. The Thunder. The Lighting. The Past. The Memoires.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He lay still, breathing deeply as he faced the wrath of the mother nature. Thunder roared and lighting flashed. The rain pattered hard against his window, almost a deafening sound. He wanted to block the sound of thunder that sounded every few seconds, he could stand just about everything about spring. The rain, the wet streets but the thunder. The thunder he couldn't bear. It had his heart beating a million miles.

Fumbling for the lamp with shaking hands, he switched it on and reached for his water bottle. He sighed when he realized it was empty. He didn't want to go to the kitchen in case he woke Zoya up. She had just fallen asleep a few hours ago on the couch. Relying on a tried and tested technique, he sat with her on the couch and just talked to her, hoping to bore her to sleep. Soon , her eyes had started drooping close but he could tell she was fighting to stay awake. So he had leaned back settling her in his arms. And a few seconds later, a serene expression was painted on her face.

He walked with quiet footsteps but stopped when he saw Zoya standing against the window, staring at the storm head-on. She barely blinked, as if hypnotized. He had drawn the curtains close when he went to bed hoping the morning light wouldn't wake her early. But she had woken up just after a few hours. Maybe the storm had woken her.

"Zoya", he called out and she turned. A flash of lighting illuminated her and he had seen her once, standing against his window like this. Exactly like this. Even her expression matched it. The same heart-broken expression she once had. Silently, he made his way to her and drew her in his arms.

He wasn't sure who he was comforting, her or himself, maybe both of them. But it didn't matter. Another roar of thunder and Asad flinched as if it had struck him. He hugged her tighter and squeezed her closer.

"What's wrong, Asad ? You heart is going a thousand miles.", He heard her soft whisper over the shout of the loud thunder. Asad opened his eyes to see her gazing up at him with worry. She placed her palm on his chest over his heart, lightly brushing her fingers to soothe him. He focused on the sensation of the strokes of her fingers, her warmth seeping through the cloth of his T-shirt and eventually his heart settled.

"I don't like thunder.", he managed. "The storm..I..the thunder.", she hushed him with a finger, probably when she felt his heart starting to run a marathon again.

Moving them away from the window, she led him by the hand to the sofa. She went back to the windows, drawing the curtain close. She wrapped the blanket around his shoulders because he kept shaking but he didn't tell her it wasn't from the cold. It was just the past.

"I will be right back." She said to him softly.

She came back minutes with two cups of steaming coffee. They settled themselves close to each other, sipping the coffee in silence, well not in silence. The thunder made itself heard every once in a while and every time it startled Asad, not matter how hard he fought it. After a few minutes, Zoya put the cups on the coffee table. She put her arms around him tightly and put her hand to his heart.

"Want to talk about it ?", she asked softly. She looked like she was in pain too, seeing Asad suffering like this.

"The thunder. It brings back memories. My Abbu...he left us on a night like this. He was out late, really late. I was already asleep and the thunder woke me." He paused, gathering himself when he felt the anger building.

"I saw my Abbu leaving with a suitcase in hand. I didn't understand what was going on. My Ammi was crying and pleading with him not to leave us. She followed him outside as I watched from the door helplessly. She chased him on the car, crying and begging him to stay, asking him what did wrong. He pushed her away when getting into the car. She had fallen to the ground. My Ammi was pregnant with Namja and he still drove away. That was the moment I learned the emotion of hatred. I had ran to Ammi and held her in my small arms, I was young then, about eight I think. That day, the strongest woman I know broke down and I held her as she cried. I still hear her. Her sobs. They still ache my heart, Zoya."

Zoya listened silently, giving the space to let it all out. He never spoke about that night to anyone, not even his Ammi. That night was too painful for the both of them. That night made his grow up over night. That night his Ammi had lost the man she still loved, the man who broke her. That night Asad truly learned what hatred felt like. Asad over the years had moved on, learnt to not the let the bitterness engulf him but the hatred for Rashid Ahmed Khan was embedded deep and on nights like this, it came out.

"He left us that night for another woman. He had been having an affair with another woman for a few years and that night he left us, my Ammi, My Tamatar who hadn't even come into this world. He abandoned us when we needed him the most, when my Ammi needed her husband, and my baby sister needed her father."

"Asad, he left you too.", she whispered to him. He didn't once mention what it felt like to lose his father.

"I would forgive him for that in a heartbeat, Zoe. If he chose not to love me and just abandon me, I wouldn't hate him for that. But he hurt my girls, the two women I love so much. He hurt them so much, there is a part of them that still hasn't healed."

"You heal them, Asad. Ammi and Tamatar have you to love them like that man never could. You give us everything you have. You have a big heart, Asad. Your heart is made for loving." He felt like she placed him on too high of a pedestal, one he didn't deserve to be at.

He smiled down at her and wiped her tears away. She was crying for him and Asad couldn't bear that.

"Thunder also reminds me of Ayaan.", he smiled fondly now. Asad told Zoya a little about Ayaan. His brother who held a part of his heart, actually Ayaan was part of Asad, a part he couldn't ever part with.

"A couple of years later, Jahab Rashid came back but not to us. Instead he brought a child with him. A young Ayaan, he was a few years old, about three. I tried to resent him for bringing another child for my Ammi to care for. But I couldn't, not when I looked at the curly haired boy who I fell in love with. I didn't understand why Ayaan was living with us, but I never asked Ammi. Ammi was too burdened by her sorrow and caring for Namja. So I learnt to take care of Ayaan. I taught him how to walk. I..", Asad trailed off.

"Ayaan became a part of my existence. Ayaan didn't like thunder either." He chuckled then remembering the nights the brother stayed huddled up together in bed. "Ayaan use to sneak into my bed on nights it rained. Thunder always reminded me of Abbu but whenever Ayaan would come to my bed scared. I would forget my fear when comforting him."

"We were happy, as happy as our family could be. Ayaan and Namja were my world and somehow we made it from one day to the next. But years later, Rashid came back and took Ayaan away. Apparently he had married Shireen and now they wanted his son back. Like my Ammi, I begged, pleaded, cried for him to not to take my Ayaan away from me. But he still took him."

Asad grip on Zoya tightened when he felt the burning of tears in his eyes. "Whenever it thunders now, I remember everything. All the pain he has given my Ammi and Tamatar. And, I miss Ayaan even more. And I hate Janab Rashid Ahmed Khan even more. He took him away." Asad whispered and the tears came. "He took my baby away, took away a part of my existence.

"But you and Ayaan are still brothers. Ayaan still talks to you , still loves you, calls you his Bhaijaan. You are his Bhaijaan. You know what Jaan means, Asad ? It means life, you are his life just like he is yours."

Asad nodded because Zoya was right. Distance couldn't lessen the love they had for one another, if anything, their love strengthened.

Sitting in silence, Asad realized then that the storm was over, the thunder no longer cracked and roared. Zoya had helped him ride out the storm. And a new day was on the horizon, he could see the morning light just starting to filter through.

Zoya snuggled closer in his arms and Asad felt the peace in his heart. The talking helped, venting his anger and resentment wouldn't ever heal him but he knew not to let his hatred destroy him and his loved ones.

"Zoe ?", she looked up and waited. "You are I don't usually need words but I needed them today. I needed to talk. I need you to know...that I am always going to be your stranger. The one person you can always talk to."

"But Asad--"

"I know." He said quietly and Zoya's eyes widened. "I know there is something bothering you and you are not telling me and that's okay." Asad saw Zoya visibly relax again.

"If you need the space to figure it out, that's fine but I can't see you sad. A sad Zoe means a worried Asad and I know you don't want that. When you need to talk, we talk, okay"

Zoya sighed softly and nodded. He looked down at Zoya, her eyes kept shuttering close but she still ran her fingers in soothing strokes even as she is falling asleep. He heart was racing now, but for an entirely different reason now.

There you have it. So what is on Asad's mind ? Is he in love ? Does he know he is in love ? Questions, questions and questions..lol. Let me know what you think.

Next chapter: oh god, I have absolutely no idea..lol

Much love,

Reya <3

Really nice update 😳
both r in love with each other..as each of them have become so close 😳
How will zoe survive another loved one leaving her
its time they confess 😳

wonderful update

Thanks for PM.

Awesome update
Zoya gifted asad a guitar. He was happy & told her abt his previous guitar which she already knew. He was scared when thunders roared. Zoya saw him restless & asked him. He saw her worried for him. He shared his past with her. He felt relax after talking. He saw zoya worried for something & he asked her. He told her that he will be there if she wants to talk as he cant see her sad. Asad gestures told clearly that he is in love. So when will u planning for confession. Plz continue soon. Thanks for pm

Awsum update. .:)
lovd it. .:)
It was soo emotional. .!!
Thank u..:)