SwaRon OS: It All Ends With Cold Coffee
An
interestingly forlorn excuse for a girl is whom I have chosen to fall in love
with, and this time, to remain in love with. I have stumbled through phases and
I have inferred out of them my inability to decipher things rightly. Now, maybe
she has been right all along for calling me a member of the United Society of
Jerks. It is quite possible that a jerk is what I am and to tell you the truth,
nobody can really undergo the amount of sentiment she goes, I claimed to know
of the effect I leave on her, on everybody but she has been proving me wrong
since three years now, and since I am so intelligent, I have only recently
figured the same.
I do
not remember the first time we met, all I do remember is the first time I
noticed the oddity of her nature, and that is saying something. She never said
anything that could justify the suspicion in her eyes. She never really mouthed
her doubts and insecurities, but I knew for myself that something major in my
head had gone berserk to have noticed that. I never had to control my thoughts
before this, turns out now, I began seeing everything vividly, and retaining
all the information. And normally, it would have been a cakewalk for me to
brush aside my thoughts about a girl. My observation range is not a teaspoonful
in capacity, but I generally got over it before. This time, I could not.
I have
known a bunch of other girlfriends from school just like her. You do know
people by face and establish acquaintances when you are in the same school all
this while. At first, I had no reason to give up my gentle and aloof
disposition and take up something as brutal as the responsibility of
reciprocating to the hints I had been receiving for a while, okay ' three
years, tops. Here's a major chunk of information I missed ' the woman is in
love with me, and I don't know what I did to get her to do that.
* *
*
I
never really gave it a thought but it is exceedingly plausible that I am not
over a petty crush I harboured over one of the jerks I knew, way back in my
ninth grade, or it could have been eighth grade, for all we know. As such, I
had other things to do, and I naturally felt more interested in them rather
than in being a lovesick puppy for the rest of my youth. I, for one never
understood how much someone could mean to me, if I did not even know them.
I
would like to believe we became friends, anyway, around our eleventh grade,
ironically that was when we opted for different streams and our sections
changed again. Anyhow, we were friends and it was all my doing, I had put two
weeks of effort in it. Eventually, we got to joking, hanging and fooling
around, and I will never understand if all three mean the same in lingo, go
figure. Gradually, class eleven happened and we got busy, naturally.
I
was certain about falling in love by January of this year. It was brutally cold
and a bunch of fifteen of my schoolmates, including him had come over for a
post-New-Year party, or whatever it was. My friends just wanted to come over
and we had already celebrated New Year's. So, everybody was in the living room,
my parents, on the second floor and positively asleep. Guess what? I was doing
the dishes.
And
he walks in like all my stacks of saucers and cutlery and bowls would render
white and shiny and when he would properly be inside the kitchen, they might as
well levitate into their respective racks. Yeah, there is an aura about him,
like he secretly knows he stands out and the smirk he wishes to give is
private, so he'd just wear a smile and walk around like a boss.
'You
need help?' he asked.
'Uh,
no, I do dishes worth the whole kitchen on daily basis, thanks.' I sneered.
'Let
me,' he asserted, anyway and we washed and wiped in coordination.
So,
my realization was not grand, not in the least ' it was this thing here, I had
seen him being kind to people a lot. I knew he'd never give me any special
treatment. He was naturally, kind enough to bear with all sorts of people. His
disposition was aloof, I was his friend but he had many, many friends, and probably that is about it. I loved him but
half-acquaintances-half-friends were all we could be.
* *
*
I
did feel confident that morning. I did not have to brush up any conversational
skills (as this was positively the only time I was going to talk things with a lady, anyway) or convince
myself of whatever sanity I could calculate in what I was about to do. I had
fallen in love with her and I did not know how I was going to keep that to
myself. Sure, I have been an ignorant moron for three years and all but that is
how I am, I'd like to believe. I simply do not hold with the special treatment.
People were all the same to me, until much recently when I realized in my head,
I never did reckon her as part of the people lot.
I
realized I love her last week. I was just lying in bed, my iPod was plugged and
I was randomly going through my playlist. I came across songs she had once
recommended to me. The smile that must have spread on my face was uncanny; I
know because it was probably hurting my jaw, I was smiling so hard. Her face
had materialized in front of me, how she would almost jump up and down as she
would tell me what songs to listen, she must really love the band. See, that's
about it ' I notice, I know but I still don't notice and I still don't know.
But even I am not that thick, I was sure, I loved her.
Hence,
finally I believed to have it in me to go up to her and tell how I felt, just
talk to her about it. I chose that late March morning. I had seen her parents
brisk walking in a garden near their bungalow, so it was just going to be her
in the house. The best fashion to carry out the whole thing was this, right in
the morning, afresh and with every stair I climbed, the goodwill grew onto me.
I
rang the doorbell and a minute later I saw her standing right in front of me.
She wore a singularly white nightdress, and her hair was compiled in a bun and
rested on the nape of her neck. I probably woke her up before time.
* *
*
"Hey!"
he greeted me at half past six in the morning, like it was routine.
"Um,
hey, there, come on in." I told him like he was my best friend in the whole
world and like I was used to seeing him in my house first thing in the morning.
Furthermore, whatever was up with my clothes; okay scratch that; I cannot sleep
all covered up.
I
led him to the kitchen and proceeded to the kitchen counter while he occupied
very awkwardly one of the chairs of the dining table. I blended us two long
glasses of cold coffee with chocolate syrup and ice-cream, and I will seriously
recommend against consumption of such a beverage in the morning. Pity, him and
I both hated tea.
"Whoa,
you can make stuff." He commented like it was news to him, probably it was.
"Yeah,
I can make stuff. So, jackass, what are you doing here?" I finally managed to
ask, biting my lip.
"I
have something to say to you." He said and switched into some sort of
confession-mode. It was the most sincere expression I had ever seen on anyone's
face, and I am not even kidding anymore.
"Okay,
shoot." I said.
Then,
something weirder than him appearing at my doorstep that morning happened. He got
up from his seat, made sure to push it back into its place. Meanwhile, I placed
both our coffee glasses near the sink. He was probably adjusting something in
his head, still looking all sincere.
"I
love you." He whispered and I am positive it was a whisper until he began with a complimentary speech. As for
me, I didn't really comprehend anything beyond that. That's about it. I was on
the cusp on crying my eyes out; I was literally out of my mind. It is
incredulous to have someone say that to you. To be in love is different, quite
masochistic really but to be told that someone loves you is a notion of another
level.
"You
are listening to me?" he shook me by the shoulders like he'd finally realized I
had lost my marbles.
"You
love me, sounds awesome." I told him and we discussed our issues of three years
over a few more glasses of cold coffee. Silently, like in the back of my head,
I was thanking him for being in love with me, and simultaneously, I wondered if
it even made sense, any of it. Bottom line was that I was loved. That still
sounds stupid.
* * *
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