Originally posted by: yazh1
The ones who fall deep are the ones who hurt the most is it not.
First there was silence
then the horrible lashing out as you poured out everything
Somehow felt your posts will be somewhat mellow when you come back. (the temples and Kerala could have helped you somewhat reconcile)
That was a sad post and is it not nice to have an 'outlet' :-) a place, to tell all.
He has always said my fans see me as sujal/rajveer, but I am not like that.
I am fallible, etc.
So he has not changed or deceived
what has changed is the way he is being perceived.
Hope this 'feeling like an idiot phase' passes and we get to see the old vandu 😃
Yes.....The ones who fall deep ,hurt the most !!
And NO......I NEVER blamed him for anything.....I have only myself to blame for everything...
When I started watching KTH....It wasnt he who asked me to? I watched LRL coz I wanted to...
I traced up his activities through the articles/shows and interviews coz I wanted to !!
He NEVER asked me to be CRAZY about him....
When ALL that I did on my own....Then HOW can I blame him...
The LIKING was soo much that I viewed him through Rose Tinted Glasses.....Feeling that all he did was justified....I supported every action of his...Coz I had put him on a PEDESTAL.....That he is just something else....
And TODAY if m hurt......Its MY fault and only MINE....
I ONLY say that.....My biggest mistake was that I saw him on KTH and fell for him...HARD...! I BLAME only myself for all this hurt that m going through !!! 8 years of STUPIDITY and FOOLISHNESS...
Fighting with GC fans on LRL Forum.....Defending his actions on Forums....I got too involved....It was DUMB of me...! The "well wisher" part went too far....MY FAULT...! COMPLETELY and TOTALLY my fault....
His Life....His Choices...His Decisions.....His Success....His Failure....His Notions....And His Opinions....Who the Heck am I to question..........I wouldnt Tolerate anyone questioning my decisions.....So I do NOT have any right to question his...
Trust me I understand it all...........But M hurting too much right now......I want to express the anguish I am feeling.......Inspite of seeing perfect sense and knowing that its all futile....I cant stop myself from feeling SAD.....So all the confusion that my mind has....M putting it up here...!
I wish I can become Indifferent to this whole aspect.....!! And be PRACTICAL about this...Rather than being VULNERABLE and EMOTIONAL !!
I do NOT wish to hurt any fans of his......Most importantly coz I know what it feels like to be a fan........And I was one of the BIGGEST fans ever of his.....!! I just wanted to talk it all out....to get it all out of my system...
P.S. - I do NOT blame him for anything !!! Just my Rose tinted glasses have smashed....And m seeing things as they are...! And I will always Wish Him Well....!!!
Edited by togepe30 - 13 years ago
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