Thank you all for sticking by me and this writing thingy-bob for so long, I have no words to express my gratitude. You all make me write to the best of my ability so all the credit actually goes to you guys. Love you all.
So after much delay, here's part 4. Enjoy the read and do pin down your thoughts.
Chapter 4
I ran my finger along the awards shelf eyeing the various prizes Bhaiya has collected over his years in service. Has it really been two years? It felt like I was here just yesterday, admiring how foolishly courageous he was. Yet I was gathering dust along my finger, proof that I had abandoned this room. How easy it was to enter the room after I had got over the initial fear of opening the door. I stood outside with one hand on the door knob, reluctant yet excited to twist it. I knew what was lying where inside but I was weirdly expecting something else. 'What?' I hear you say. Truthfully? I have no idea.
"I've seen some of them being presented to him."
"Huh?"
"The awards on the shelf, I've seen some of them being given to him."
"Oh. I guess you have. Where are yours?"
"Stuck in Air Corp's cabinet. I have no where else to put them and I certainly have no use for them now so I dumped them there."
"You just gave them away? Just like that? They mean nothing to you? You're life is in those awards!"
"No, my life is here, with me. Besides, I don't want my life to be portrayed in bits of wood or coloured metal, I want my life to be...well, I don't know yet."
"What made you quit? Why do you hate the army so much now?"
A minute silence.
"Do you know where that harmonica is?"
So he didn't want to answer. Fine. I went over the drawer and brought an old tin box. Inside laid lots of bit of pieces including Bhaiya's tattered old harmonica. The instrument was Bhaiya's companion in the happiest and saddest of times, it was always by side. So when it came home we definitely knew that Bhaiya had indeed left us.
I picked it up and handed it to Yuvraj. He delicately took it into his hands, aware of the fact that the object had more sentimental value than one could place on it. He examined it from all sides and then flipped it to the back and brought out a paper from the slit. He chuckled shaking his head as he brought out a 5 note. The sight left me awed, he looked a whole new man with a genuine smile on his face. The world looked...well, it looked happier despite the glum we were swimming in. He looked almost recognisable, I just couldn't put my tongue on who.
"He remembered! He actually remembered!"
"What? What did he remember? What is that 5 note?"
"I once promised Ashok that we would become pilots. We saw a plane fly by incredibly low that we could almost see it's belly in full detail. The sight left us amazed and from that second onwards, we promised that we would become pilots. Of course Ashok being the pessimist he was said it was unlikely next to impossible for it to actually come true so we bet 5 that we would achieve our dream. Trust Ashok to remember something we said in passing when we were lil boys and stick to it."
"That does a lot like Bhaiya. I can't believe we've had the harmonica all this time and I had no idea I could've been 5 richer!"
"You don't need the 5 hence why you didn't go looking into the nook and crooks of this. It was the closeness of harmonica that meant the most to you."
"Hmm. Do you know...hey, wait a minute. Ever since you were little boys? But I would know you if you knew Bhaiya then. He only had two other childhood friends, they were always here: Mac and Yuvi."
"Hey Ghundi."
"I haven't...no one has...only Yuv...Yuvi? Is that you?"
"From what I can remember, that's not what you used to call me. But I'm not complaining."
"Oh my God, Yuvi! It is you! Girlypants!"
"Uff, you do remember that horrible name!"
He had changed so much, both outside and inside. I could no longer recognise the warm feelings he once used to forever radiate. The kind smile that gave you a feeling of belonging was no longer there. Instead here was a hard man, all cold and metallic. Out of all of Bhaiya's friends, I used to like Yuvi the most. We got along really well, always teasing each other with this comment or that poke. Out of the three friends, Yuvi was the softest hence why I used to call him Girlypants and he used to call me Ghundi in return for my naughty, boyish behaviour. I can't believe that I once fantasised a life with him. But that was all then.
"I didn't know your name was Yuvraj, I thought it was always Yuvi! Why didn't you say so before? Why didn't you come sooner?"
"I told you, I couldn't. I wasn't allowed a holiday until all the missions I've been enlisted on where not over."
"Why didn't Bhaiya say anything?"
"You know why. You're father never approved of Mac, called him a bad influence. And he never approved of me staying with him, apparently he was corrupting me. But no one knew Mac better than Ashok or I did. If your Papa ever found out that after forbidding Ashok from seeing us ever again we all carried on with our joint secret ambition of flying together...well there's no knowing what he would've done."
"You were scared of Papa?"
"Any little boy of my age would be scared of your Papa! That walking stick he used to carry looked less like a walking stick and more like a bashing cane!"
For the first time in a very long time I laughed. I laughed out so loud I could hear the house tremble...with delight. I remember that walking stick all too well but I remember Mac's and Yuvi's fear of Papa even better. The fear was readable on their faces. They would enter the house if only they were sure that Papa wasn't home and even then they would creep in. If ever Papa was home and caught them inside, they would stand to attention and allow Papa to say whatever he wanted to say before they ran out. Good memories.
"Mac, what's he doing now?"
"He's still in the force, still flying and squeezing in a bit of fighting. Ashok's death shook him a little, it was weird seeing him unbalanced. But he's a tough nut, he pulled through and made sure the rest followed but every night, before we all rest our heads he would look out the sky trying to find the Ashok star."
"He still believes in all that?"
"The Army makes you believe in all sorts of things, makes you remember all sorts of things."
Mac was always the strongest out of the trio. If ever there was a squabble outside, Mac was always the first in, if not the initiator. Bhaiya would be next and it was left to Yuvi to solve the feud.
"You know you almost killed me back then, when you woke up."
"I didn't mean to, it was an instantaneous action. I didn't recognise where I was so I thought the enemy...I may have left the army but I don't think this nurtured army mind has quite accepted that."
"The man has left the army but the army hasn't left the man."
"Hmm."
"Which reminds me, those reoccurring dreams you have, those nightmares?" There was that flash of anger in his eyes again. If looks can kill, I'm sure I would've been dead by now. "You used to have them a couple of times every sleeping schedule. You would twist and turn in the most scariest way possible and utter random words. What do you dream about?"
"I'm not your patient Naina! Go and use your shrink nonsense on someone else, it's not needed here!"
How did he know I'm a psychologist? Oh yes, Bhaiya.
"I'm not making you my patient, I'm just interested...from a friend's point of view. Honest."
I didn't think it possible but the anger in eyes increased in such magnitude I found it hard to remain eye contact. His jaws clenched up and his frown met in the middle, Yuvi was a very scary state. What could he possibly see and did not want to share that could rage such emotions in him?
"Yeah, right. Once a psych, always a psych. I've had my fair share of you people digging your nose where it's not wanted. I'm telling you Naina, I don't need your 'help'. There's nothing 'wrong' with me."
"I'm not trying to help you. I'm just merely..."
"Naina!"
He's fists started to curl up into balls and I knew better not to keep pressing on for my answers.
"Yuvi..."
"I'll be leaving early tomorrow."
"Are you sure..."
"Good night"
He turned and left the room. If anything was established tonight then it was this: the Yuvi I knew died with my brother...and that fact that he was hiding something from me, something big, colossal even.
After breakfast the next morning, Yuvi left with a bag full of very little food. That's it. He refused to take extra clothes or anything else, kept saying that we've already done enough and that he wouldn't be able to repay us back. He just wanted to go with what he came with, his sorry self. Kaka walked him to the gates before he looked back one last time. He couldn't see the figure in the window but I could see him. I waved but the wave was never returned. I could still feel his gaze of his last unconveyed sorry before he turned his back and walked away. The country air in his lungs, compressed air stuck in mine.
Kaka came back and silently shut the door. He was gone. The hallway murmured. I walked to the kitchen, Kaka and Kaki stood with crooked bodies and preserved faces. They stood like that for thirty seconds of forever.
No one admitted it, but we all knew that he touched our hearts in an unexplainable way.
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