Dear Naina,
Soβ¦. I am dead, this is unreal, not my own obituary but a love letter from beyond life, beyond ashes.
I am not going to ask, how you are. I want to know that more than anything else. Butβ¦
Crazy me, being in a place where emotions cannot affect me, but stillβ¦
So where do I start. The day you stood before me in the red saree. To take my breath away.
Did the man in me bring out the woman in you. Because I know that the woman in you brought out the man in me.
I was a bungling fool, but your eyes told me that you understood what my words failed to convey.
So, was there a connect along those corridors. Did our minds come together as one.
So why did I hesitate. Did I have a right to take it further.
I knew what I was up against, did I have a right to burden you.
But my girl, you did not let go. You came after me like a woman on a mission. My mind failed to connect the two images. The woman in uniform to that of the one in red.
But then you made sure I had no doubts, and that, that was not a dream. Why did you choose me, there are more good looking and handsome men nearer you, what made you choose me. What did you see in me. I was a tortured man what did I have to offer.
But then, did I enjoy the looks, the stolen glances, of course I did.
Did I enjoy your sudden appearances, of course I did.
Did I enjoy the love that was on show for me and me alone, of course I did.
Did I enjoy our talk, the innuendos, the tension, I more than did.
Something that was always an imagination, a fantasy was becoming a reality for me. I know it was for you too.
So what do I call what we had on the steps of the academy. A cat and mouse game. How can a slip of a girl break a strong man.
But then you did not break, I just willingly surrendered to the inevitable didn't I. I let you win. Well⦠that is what I would like to think.
I challenged you and you more than willingly accepted it.
But then I knew you will accept it.
How can moments that did not involve touch but just words be the most intimate moments we will ever spend on earth.
If you were the moon in white I was the dark night in black. How symbolic!
I always felt that a light from within you drove away the darkness from within me.
The longing I felt on the day you stood before me in that red saree and the longing I had learnt to keep under control hit me with an unknown force as I saw you kneeling and praying.
I wished for the day I will take you to be mine. The day when our bodies will come together as one.
Dare I dreamβ¦
But then I had to be satisfied with that one act of covering your head.
Something more wonderful too happened atop that point.
What Shakespeare said could be right for a rose, but how can it for you and me. My name is me and naina is you. Can I imagine you by any other name. Can any other name sound so sensuous or define you. Can I be anything but rajveer.
The name that did not come from your mouth or from the labyrinths of your mind but from deep within the chambers of your heart found an echo in my own.
We did it twice, but then remember what happened the third time. Ah! how can you forget, we called out each others names at exactly the same time didn't we.
Not our minds not our bodies, just what was it that came together as one. Something that is very YOU and something that was very ME.
I am no more there, you will also cease to exist one day, but the airwaves that carry our entwined names will linger forever. A silent testimony to our love.
How can such a simple thing give me so much joy. Why should such a simple gesture lift up my spirits.
How I long that you never ever get to read this, that I say all this on the first day we come together as one, with your head resting on my outstretched arm, our arms around each other's sated, hot and weary bodies, our eyes closed as we relive every moment from the past.
Rajveer
PS: So, I will ask you what I dread to ask. How are you naina. It has been a year. You know what the selfish part of me wants it to be, but I strongly wish you find happiness.
Just never let me go, have a place for me in a small corner of your heart.