Undesirable (AK) Part47-Epi/Page126 - Page 7

The next morning Kripa awoke with a pounding pain in her heart, she gasped it was the same painful pain she had felt every few months. Abruptly she jumped to her feet and rushed towards the bathroom trying to stop the heart pain but nothing. Having not told her doctor or her family members about the pain she knew she couldn't do anything, and merely passed it off as another thing that doesn't want her living. With a sigh she jumped into the shower, and walked out several minutes later dressed in slightly loose jeans and a shirt, something that abruptly made her look skinnier. On her favorite show the day before she realized if you were clothes your size you do look skinnier and it worked for her, perhaps today the second day of school she would not have to deal with the pain and rejection she had felt.

"Good morning bhaiyya!" Kripa cheerfully greeted her loving brother, who she deeply respected from the bottom of her heart. "Good morning sweetheart, how are you feeling now?" Karan asked worried. Kripa glanced at herself and back at him, "I am completely fine!" she muttered looking away from his eyes. "is that so, then how come last night when I came to check up on you I found your knuckles bleeding! I know for sure something happened yesterday because you only use the punching bag when something hurts you deeply and this morning you looked as if you were in pain!" he spoke the anxiety increasing in him every second as he thought about the horror she must have felt once again on her first day of her school. At age sixteen she was killing her insides by not eating, unleashing her anger until she didn't bleed and was mentally dying day by day. "Oh my…! I'm so sorry I wasn't here yesterday, I had an important meeting and couldn't come!" Karan mumbled pain crossing his face, the one person he loved more than anything in his life was his sister. He couldn't see her in pain and only he knew how much pain he went through seeing her devastated.

"it's okay bhai!" Kripa smiled looking away from his eyes and blinked several times to clear out her misty eyes. "do you want me to join you today at school as a visitor?" Karan asked worried. Kripa shook her head, she didn't want her brother to see how much she went through one day, and she definitely could not see her twenty-one year old brother taking another day off from work just to protect her from the outside world when both knew he would not always be there. She came out of her thoughts when Gayatri dumped another few plates of breakfast in front of her, this time fed up with her mother Kripa moved all the plates away, and walked out the door after kissing Karan on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later bhai, have a nice day!" she said cheerfully and rushed out the door, already deciding to walk however many miles it was to school. There was no point in expecting anything from her parents but she still did. Deep down she wandered if they ever did love her at all. "Kripa! Kripa!" Karan called out to her from behind. She turned surprised to find him behind her, "sweetie do you need a ride to school? I can drop you off and pick you up?" Karan questioned, truly he wanted to see the faces of whoever was killing his baby sister in the inside.

Kripa smiled and shook her head, "it's okay bhai you don't have to do that for me, I'll see you later okay!" she smiled and walked away heading off for her destination. Another thing she never wanted to do in her life was become a hassle or an unwanted thing or person on Karan, she loved him too much to bother him although she knew he wanted only the best for her.

"Oye moti you are late! You were supposed to be here ten minutes before so we could mock you! You completely ruined my morning! Next time show up on time!" Josh snarled at Kripa. Kripa stared back into his eyes hurt once again, but inside the nagging feeling of him controlling her life never left her alone. She walked away without saying anything to afraid to muster the courage and talk back to him. "OH NO LOOK THE FLOOR JUST CRACKED!" Prithivi retorted trying to run away from Kripa and pretended to fall to the floor. Angad watched both of them amused, his eyes twinkling with something very interesting.

"Kripa!" he called out to her with sudden amusement flickering in his eyes. Kripa rolled her eyes and turned around, "do you want to say something as well? Feel free to!" she mumbled hoarsely, apparently trying to stand up against them was only causing more pain, she was crying and they both knew it. Angad glanced at her, the amusement slightly dying down in his eyes; in seconds as if it were not true Kripa fought back the urge to feel sympathy in his eyes for her. Shaking her head negatively she turned around and walked away when she felt Josh and Prithivi get into a squabble with Angad. Seconds later she found herself on the ground with Angad on top of her. "Ahh can't breath, suffocating!" Angad managed to mumble with a cheeky smile on his face, although he felt bad for her but he always thought those who looked like they did was because they decided to look like that so in a second there he was lying on top of her disgusted and pretending to gasp for air.

"Can you please get off me?" Kripa replied back softly, Angad glanced into her eyes, they were filled with so much pain and what surprised him even more was that she was still kind. He didn't want that from her he wanted to be fought against. He smirked mentally and got up, "thank gosh I thought I was going to suffocate I mean look at me I only weight 175 muscle lbs. [84.5 kilos] I don't think I could have survived with a three hundred pound person on top of me, and boy if she did, I would walk out of here completely broken --like this!" he spoke imitating an old man with a walking stick.

Kripa walked into the lunch room and waited in line to grab something to drink, she was feeling dehydrated from sitting in the sun so long. Sighing she glanced around the room and found her every movement being monitored by those around her. Quickly she glanced away and grabbed a lemonade bottle and turned to head towards the door when she heard a chanting start in the far end of the lunch room. "Look everyone there she is MOTI! MOTI! ELEPHANT! ELEPHANT! Come on everyone join in!" Angad, Prithivi and Josh screamed with a mocking laughter. In seconds the cafeteria was in an uproar, everyone was chanting elephant at Kripa, and what hurt even more was the lunch ladies and workers didn't bother to shut them up. With a hopeful glance towards the lunch lady, Kripa waited to see her telling everyone to quiet down but nothing. The tears immediately welled up faster than expected and she turned to leave her head for the first time in her life held low, not once had she ever forgotten to keep her head high, but today because of the world she had lost.

So why was she still breathing, why was her heart beating and most importantly why was she still here? She thought but no one knew the answers, she was here but mentally she had died in that cafeteria, the worst anyone could have done had been taken to another level, no one had decided to side with her, not even the teachers or supervisors available instead they had decided to chant along with them something so low and wicked. Tearing apart the last bit of self esteem that would have wanted to keep her alive. And for the first time again in her life Kripa Sharma was heading towards suicide as an option to end the agony….