my thoughts and feelings. I MISS THEM.

it is another of those beautiful twilights.
I walk into my room, shutting the door behind us and settling myself on my couch. I pull out my laptop from the table beside it and am in half a mind to keep it back. I loose and I open the damn thing. it allures me to the internet explorer and then to my favorites. my fingers automatically open the forum and I scroll down.

disappointment.

sadness washes over me as I read the topics. nostalgia fills me as I try my best to hold back my tears.

I miss those days, I miss it when I automatically used to open the laptop and grin at the no. of posts and twinj stuff. I miss it when I used to walk in the living room or my parents's room a good fifteen minutes before eight. I miss fighting for the remote with my brother. I miss talking about it to people. I miss rushing upstairs and calling up my friends to tell them how I was feeling. I miss logging in to the forum and posting my reviews. I miss reading those comments, some sympathizing some understanding, some trying to make me understand. I miss gushing on kunj's amazing one liner and twinkle's cute frown and scoff when she was teased. I miss our siyappa queen and sadu sarna. I miss bebe gushing over twinj. I miss usha rani giving those expressions. I miss leela watching twinj and then babaji and thanking him for kunj. I miss monu and his doings. I miss cherry bhaiya's "oye, good for nothing".damn, I even miss chudail auntie. I miss those days quite literally.

no, I have nothing against naman, infact I think he's really adorable. I have nothing against jasmin, though I just feel kinda bad for her. nothing against Zain either, nothing against anybody on the show. im all good.

jasmin ? well, I feel super bad for her. if you ever had the time to go through the instagram accounts of the costars, or even hers, I find it jasmin-less. as if she is ont including herself in any fun happening on the sets. she looks sad-ish sometimes, though I hope im wrong.

I miss you sidhant.

I miss kunj. mera kunj. twinkle's kunj. sidhant wala kunj. I miss writing his name with a million hearts around it. cuz no more I love kunj, its sidhant now. a kunj less person.

I miss having to write loads about how beautifully sidmin fit into each other. if anybody did read my older reviews, they would know my obsessions for sidmin.

I wish they could be together.

but that's all I can do, eh ? wish. hope. want. dream.

nothing of that sort is ever gonna happen. im tired of reminding myself. im tired of the fact that. sidhant or jasmin have never dedicated a post to each other, not even on her birthday or the 1 year anniversary. none.

I miss those raka sir selfies. they used to be the epitome of cuteness. I miss the interviews so bad. so super bad I tell you. I especially miss when sidmin made kheer and fed it to each other and raka sir.

sometimes I feel like leaving. this forum. this place. taking a break, maybe. but then I stop myself. saying that I have friends here. friends, who might or might not need me, but I do need them.

days and nights I stay depressed. not the actual depression. but the sad sulky face is a permanent feautyre on the face of the sunshine I used to be. the sunshine is there. hidden behind the clouds.

that night I was watching twinj vm;s smiling and laughing.

until I started crying.

I cried for 3 hours. long time, 3 hours. I cried for everything.
sometimes I think, hum kitne stupid the na, twinj ki life mein yeh problem, wanting it to go away, maybe we leave the show, blah blah.

now look at me. I sit here, sad, trying to say what I feel.

I was watching nothing in particular on the television today, and I just scrolled down to see tei was playing. a small part of me almost clicked the button and got happy that I was in time.

but my heart knew. why do I know that it knew ? cuz I did not click ok. I did not go ahead and throw myself into the painful memories again. I stopped, turned of the tv , got up and walked away. tried hard to busy myself in something or the other.

I have never ever gotten attached to any show like this. never. when sid left the show, I was literally on the breakup mode for weeks. I was in a corner of my couch, sitting and crying. eating nothing. saying nothing. doing nothing. just being on the forum and talking to those people who were going through the same phase of life.

it felt like I lost again. lost to life and lost to destiney.
devastated, broken, sad.
me.

sometimes I think maybe, just maybe if all was okay, what would have been happening in tei, no annie, no pallavi no naman. no such foolish tracks, no stupid scripts. nothing.

just sidmin, raka sir and Zain. oh and happy people like us waiting for the clock to strike 8 and run down to watch the show that held our hearts and souls.

it strikes 8. I sit and sigh.

Queen u have not only read my mind but also poured each & every bit of my pain hidden in my heart...in the form of Words..

Sakshi thank u for this awesome post.

Shaks believe me it's same thing with me.

Adi u r right abt sid.

Originally posted by: tikit

Adi u r right abt sid.

In his interviews the spark of fun nd all is missing.

In some of the pics he looked quite serious nd lost too.

Yes thst spark nd chemistry is missing nd off screen i saw that.

Originally posted by: tikit

Yes thst spark nd chemistry is missing nd off screen i saw that.

Btw i saw naman nd jas talking to each other nd naman was smiling nd saying something but jas was little sad.

You echoed my words girlie. Yes I haven't watched a single episode of TEI after his exit as well. I know the show is going well and everyone is giving their best to this show. No harsh feeling against anyone. I know life goes on.

There is something called 'nostalgia.' Whenever I look at the old pics I feel like Twinkle is just made for Kunj , Kunj which was portrayed by Sid. Their cuddle, romance, friendship, trust, quarrels I miss everything. I don't watch any fiction right now because somehow I have a broken heart.

The clock strikes at 8 and I go back to the old memories. I afraid I will never be able to attach myself with a TV fiction once again. Sid left and it was his decision. But what he doesn't know is his fans will never be able to forget Kunj. Sid wala Kunj and his chemistry with his Siyapaa Queen.