The Best of Things
(RagLak, SwaSan) Fan Fiction Series
By Bubble
Chapter 22
That incident changed things between Swara and Sanskaar. Even they didn't realise how that happened.
That night, she stuck her tongue out at him and huffily took her blanket into the guest room. Sanskaar was half-expecting it and shrugged: she probably needed some space for herself because he had invaded her personal zone. Girls needed their defences...
Swara lay awake a long time, mulling over what had happened. As she snuggled into her pillow, she touched her lips, remembering the feel of his... his taste, the pressure. It had been her first kiss... and it had been so amazing! She had been so taken by surprise, and then... that seductive pull of his lips... when she had regained some coherent sense of what was happening, she had had to pull herself out of his arms or she would have been swept away in the tide of their mutual passion. She was very attracted to Sanskaar, she admitted that to herself.
But what did it mean? She knew many of her college friends had boyfriends whom they kissed... it could be a casual sign of affection and attraction... but Swara, for all her modernity, was old fashioned when it came to physical intimacy. Matters between them had not been settled - she had not agreed to be Sanskaar's wife and he had kissed her...
She knew he loved her... it must be so difficult for him! she thought, with a pang. Was it fair to him? To be with her everyday, in the same room and expect him all the time to keep his feelings in check?
Why couldn't she just stay and take up this marriage for real? What about his parents? What about love? "I don't know what love is any more..." thought Swara, "what I thought was love just brought me so much misery." She had to decide, one way or the other! They couldn't go on like this! I guess that's what Sanskaar was trying to say, she thought. Make up your mind... your time on the fence is up.
Partly out of consideration for Sanskaar and partly because she didn't know how to behave, Swara became awkward in her dealings with him. A little more formal, more polite... At first, Sanskaar dismissed it - Swara needed to recover her composure, and he was willing to give her all the time she needed.
But still he was hurt one evening, when he sank into the sofa beside her in the Entertainment Room, and she stiffened in alarmed reaction. He moved carefully aside, so that their shoulders did not touch. Two minutes later, he got up and left the room. Swara raised a hand to stop him, but he did not see it. He had promised to behave like friends but apparently Swara had developed misgivings about even being in casual contact with him. Sanskaar kicked himself for being so impulsive in getting close to her.
For three nights running, Swara slept in the guest room. Unable to ask her to stay back in "their" room, Sanskaar sat up half the night staring out into the darkness.
Their conversation became stilted. And over that week, Sanskaar knew the first stirrings of despair. Swara was retreating from him, withdrawing from him... that kiss had precipitated the situation, and instead of persuading, coaxing Swara into a closer relationship, convincing her to be with him for the rest of their lives, it was yielding the opposite result. Because, going by her behaviour, Swara was probably deciding that she was going to end the relationship once and for all.
Swara also wrung her hands over that fact that she was letting her awkwardness ruin their precious friendship, but by the time she realised it the damage had already been done.
Whenever she was in their room, Sanskaar was careful to keep out of her way, polite and distant, trying pointedly to give her space. Having spent a few nights in the guest room just to sort out her own thoughts, she couldn't suddenly come back... because that would be like green signalling a new dimension to their relationship that she wasn't fully ready for... she desperately wanted to get back the closeness they had had, but she didn't know what to do! She knew she was hurting Sanskaar... Swara groaned and sank her face into her palms.
Swara and Sanskaar always presented a polished joint front to the rest of the family... and no one, not even Lakshya, had noticed the distance that had suddenly cropped up between them.
But there was someone who was keeping a closer eye...
Edited by soapbubble - 9 years ago
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