'Change can come in many forms in our lives. It might come forcefully like a tidal wave, or creep along incrementally like a glacier. It might come in the form of devasting tragedy, difficult choices, broken relationships or even new opportunities.
Many times the only way to improve our lives is to force ourselves to undergo difficult.AHHH difficulties. Transformation and changes are a process and as life happens there are lot of ups and downs. It's a journey of discovery. I had to face lots of problems. But i survived.
Past is history, right now i'm looking forward to my present. Lots of things happened in this 2 years. 2 long years. But i was not alone. My life, my love, my wife was with me.
Sometimes seems life has not been kind with me, i guess. 7 years ago i lost the girl whom i loved the most, Kavita. And guess what? The day we were getting married. What a beautiful gift live gave me! I changed a lot after that day. Sanskar Maheshwari died along with Kavita; there was just a living body, without soul. It was a traumatic phase of my life, a painful emotion. Losing the first love is probably more hurtful than losing any subsequent love or breaking up with someone. You feel crashed and the world collapses. That day i lost everything, life won.
But i was wrong! I returned back to my family after many long years, with a purpose: revenge. Yes, i admit it at that time i was not in the condition of thinking anything else apart of Kavita. I was so blind in revenge that i couldn't see that what i was doing was wrong. I wanted my family to suffer. How can i change so much? This was not the Sanskar everyone knew.
I was walking on a dark road, without any support, any light, or this was what i thought. An angel came in my life. It took me along time to recognise her. Swara Sanskar Maheshwari. The day i saved her from being stabbed, i didn't save her life, instead she gave me a new life. Her words made me understand my mistakes. Life goes on, everyone faces troubles, dark moments. And she was right. Agar Kavita zinda hoti, to kya wo khush hoti mujhe yeh sab karte hue dekh kar? Never! To phir mein kyun iss galat raaste par aaye aa?
Darwaaza khula dekha nahi ki aur mushkile zindagi mein aa gayi. When i thought that now all is well a new problem came in my life. Ragini tried to kill Swara and took her place in the mandap, my family got to know that i was not mad and obviously no one believed me.
Zindagi ne eesa mod liya ki sab kuch badal diya. In a blink of an eye the girl who was going to get married with my brother, got married with me. Well yes, at the beginning it was just a drama, but slowly it became so real. Atleast for me. Her tears, smile, happiness started to matter me the most. I couldn't see her crying, her smile was the reason of my smile. I started to think that she was special. I was never tired of her company; whenever she cried i wanted to comfort her and tell her that i was there for her always. But i was kind of afraid to fall in love again. Life has been cruel one time, what if it happened again? And her only mission was to unite her parents, nothing more.
Love is a pretty powerful drug. When you feel it, you really feel it. It can suspend time, making the whole world seem still and invisible. True love isn't ordinary, it doesn't come around often.
Actually i never wanted to confess my feelings to her, but that day i got too drunk and got away with my feelings. And to be honest i already knew her reaction, which was quite normal. Well she was angry with me, she felt cheated. I didn't know how to react. Maybe she was right. But i couldn't tolerate her saying something against mera pyaar. I can tolerate everything but agar koi mere pyaar par shak ya phir ungli uthaye, mein seh nahi sakta. Was i really wrong at that time?
Mission unite maa-baba went on, even though the equations between us changed. Friendship over for her, not for me. I was falling in love with her with each passing day, hour, minute. The fear of losing her forever started troubling me. After Ragini's truth was out, she would live the house and go back in her life or she could have started a new life with Laksh... Nono just the thought of the 2nd option scared me. But what if she really go back to him?
That fear seemed turning into reality when everyone got to know that she was innocent. As everyone would expect Laksh asked for forgiveness and a second chance. A question came up in my mind at that time (i might sound selfish) but why zindagi was giving him a second chance? Why zindagi was not giving ME a second chance? Kya galti thi meri?
When i was quite sure that Swara Laksh would have started a new life, the unexpected happened. She forgave him, but didn't break his and Ragini's relationship. Her words are still echoing in my mind "I'm sorry Laksh, i can forgive you lekin agar tum yeh soch rahe ho ki mein tumhare saath ek nayi zindagi shuru karoongi, to tum galat ho. Don't forget ki meri behen tumhari wife hai, koi khilona nahi hai jisse jab chaha zindagi se nikal diya. And meri bhi shaadi ho chuki hai, tumhare bhai ke saath. Mein ab Mrs Swara Sanskar Maheshwari hoon."
I knew she was not in love with me yet, but kya pyaar shaadi ke baad nahi ho sakta? We were friends atleast. I promised myself to support her always in every moment of the life. I was sad that we were just so called husband-wife, there was no actual emotion from her side. But i waited, kabhi na kabhi she will start loving me na?
And finally it happened. I'm not sure when she fall in love, and i never forced her as i knew it takes a long time to forget the first love, but slowly she started caring for me. Now it's been 2 years since our wedding. I always look forward to seeing her after a long, tiring day of work, because i know she is there to make things better; she always pushes me to greater and greater things, when nothing else in the world makes sense, she is there for you. Our marriage became unquestioning. Right now i don't have any fear of losing her, because i know she is happy with me.
I'm not saying that our married life didn't face problems. We had lots of problems, but our love didn't become weak. When bad times come true love won't let you down, instead it will grow stronger and stronger with each passing day. I love Swara, no matter what. I trust her more then myself. I just want to thank God for sending an angel in my life. Life isn't that cruel, afterall.'
He just finished typing on the laptop when Swara entered the room with a glass of milk 'Your milk Sanskar'. He closed the laptop and put it on the table. 'Kya kar rahe the?' she asked him. Before he could reply, his mobile started ringing. She raised her left eyebrow, questioning him. He smiled 'office se' and went outside to speak.
She went near the window, stood there, looking up in the sky lost in her thoughts talking to herself. 2 years ago, her life changed, in better.
'Life bhi kya khel khelti hai nah? Mom humesha kehti thi ki jo bhi hota hai acche ke liye hota hai. Aaj pta lga ki wo sach keh rahe the. I couldn't ask for anything else in my life. Life gave me every happiness. Just if i could change anything in my life, i would return back in the past when i hurted a lot Sanskar. I didn't want to. He is a gem of a person. I did hurt him, i know. I just wanted him to forget him. I didn't want to ruin his life actually. There were thousands of girls outside, better then me, why did he fall for me? He deserves best.
And i was not ready to fall in love again. I felt cheated when Laksh married Ragini, i didn't want to experience it again. I was not ready. He loved me, sache dil se, but i was still afraid. Shayed isiliye mene anjaane mein usse hurt kiya. Bas ek hi cheez dimaag mein thi, jitna door mein usse chali jayoon utna accha hai. I wanted him to hate me, that would have made my life easy, i could have moved out of his life easily. The fact was, and i was trying to hide it, that i was falling badly in love with Sanskar. But i was not ready. I tried to hide this from everyone, but not from myself. Dil hai ki maanta hi nahi tha.
He was always with me, always. Itna bharosa tha usko mujh par? Whenever i though of giving up, he was there to make me feel good, to motivate me. Whenever i felt low and cried, he wiped my tears. They say 'no man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry'
Sanskar is an amazing and supportive husband, i'm blessed to have him in my life. The moment when i want to quit, he is there to push me to keep fighting. Life never seems boring when i talk with him. He is my adviser and my best friend.
If i had a chance to live my life over again, next time i would find him sooner so that i could love him longer.' Just then Sanskar entered the room and saw her standind there. 'Swara, kya soch rahi ho?' asked her going near her, putting a hand on her shoulder. He saw tears in her eyes 'what happened Swara?'
'Sanskar, thank you for being in my life.' He gently leaned over her and kissed her on her forehead. A sweet and simple gesture, to say her how much he cared for her.
Time stopped there, an intense and pure moment, so tender, it hangs in the air as it pulls closer. A perfect moment. And when it comes to the end, both of them realize that it was just the beginning.
Debate Mansion
