..... 12x03 | The Foundry

Now, that I'm a little more calm and composed in the head, I thought I should just write and let it all out of my system. SPN does that to you, you can't really rest until you have said it all.

Mary Winchester - I thought I'd save this for last but no, I'd better get started on her first because she's the sole reason of my disappointment with regards to this week's episode. Now, I'm not disappointed with the writing or the execution of the episode but I'm still trying wrap my head around with the way the writers are shaping Mary up. I don't know if it's for the good or the bad but definitely doesn't make me feel any good. As much as I understand that Mary is struggling to adjust in a world that she's feels she doesn't belong to, as much as I understand she's finding it incredibly hard to adapt to a life where John is no more, where she barely knows her own sons, where she isn't even sure of who she is and what she should be doing. I understand, I do. However, the one thing I never expected out of her was the one decision she took in this episode; walking out on hersons, her only remaining family, her responsibility.

Had this just been about Mary asking for a little break and a little time to just and absorb it all, it make so much more sense and would also go with the character she was always shown to be. No wait, we never really knew Mary, at least not enough. She's always been a memory, a ghost of past, a figment of imagination but never areal person live-in-flesh. And this is what has hurt Dean the most, hurt Sam the most, hurt us the most. She's just not the person we thought she'd be, she's not the person we imagined her to be, she's just not the person we expected her to be. It's completely alright to break that illusion and build a character up on its own. I'm all for Mary having her own personality, her own ideologies, her own opinions, her own methods and her basically being who she really is. But what I'm not up for is Mary abandoning her sons.

She practically told Dean and Sam that it hurts her to be around them, that she misses John, her baby Sam and her four year old Dean and that she barely knows them. Okay, justified enough that she misses being who she was and how thing were supposed to be and aren't anymore. BUT. There's a HUGE but here. Did Mary ever give a thought that if she BARELY knows Sam and Dean then even Sam and Dean BARELY know her? She's just as a stranger to them as they're to her. Did she ever pause to think what a 30+ year old Dean could possibly remember about his 4 year old self? May be just fleeting and vague memories. Did she ever consider that her 30+ old Sam doesn't even have those indistinct memories? I understand the need for space, the need to clear one's head out to asses reality better, the need for a break, the need to introspect and the need to rediscover, explore and learn. Couldn't she do all of it while still staying in the bunker? She could, IMO. She really could.

Because its after 30 years her sons have had a chance to actually have a shot at family. After 30 years of agony and suffering of every kind do they have a chance to experience a parent-child relationship. After practically being homeless, family-less, loveless and friendless do they have the opportunity to build relationships again and live that experience, live that life and just be the sons to their mother which they could never be. When her sons where more than willing and eager to give themselves a chance as a family, were putting in all the possible efforts to be a family, were yearning so badly for all that lost love, what gave Mary the right to tell them that she loves them and yet doesn't want to stick around? She snatches it ALL in just ONE SHOT, shatters their every little dream, all their hopes, all of their happiness of having her back, ALL OF IT IN JUST ONE GO. If that is not harsh, not cruel, not merciless, not inconsiderate and not selfish then I don't know what is. She could have used this time, this chance, this opportunity, this right, this life that had been taken away from her in the most horrific, tragic and unfortunate circumstances to build her life up with her sons, along with them, as a team, as a family. She could have spent this time trying to know all that she's missed out on, trying get some knowledge on her son's lives, trying to understand, absorb and grasp all there was to. With Sam and Dean around, she could have figured all of it out and understood all of it in the best possible way because her sons would have ensured that she doesn't get overwhelmed. By going out on her own, she's put herself at risk, put them in a vulnerable position and just put everything Sam and Dean had it back after literally saving the world for the second time.

The lives the Winchesters lead today might have been their destiny, they might be the chosen one's, they were meant to be hunters and everything else today might be the way it was always supposed to be but nobody can take away the fact that they all had roles to play and they all made choices that determined their fate, Mary Winchester included. One episode she's guilty for having started it all and next episode she walks out on her own people. Contradiction much? All of it just made me think a little that may be John was a better parent (I never hated on John, FYI). He's made crappy decisions and screwed up a lot of things but a part of that truth is also that he tried his best. He didn't walk out on his sons, he always wanted to be with them, didn't manage to get liked but raised his son's right and died for them. Now, I don't doubt Mary would die for them in a heartbeat but right now, I don't see any effort. None, at all.

If I could, I'd go up to Heaven and give Bobby a rib-crashing hug because that man was a better father/mother/parent to Sam and Dean than John and Mary could ever be. Heck, even Jody proved to be a mother-figure to the boys. Speaking of Jody, I hope she's the one to awaken the mother in Mary in the coming episodes. PLEASE LET IT BE THAT WAY. If another character, especially Mary's ends up being ruined beyond recognition then it's going to terribly sad. But right now, Mary is just being Mary, the person.

I get that making bad decisions is in the Winchesters blood line but is it too much to ask the Momma Winchester to be a bit more mature, sensible and responsible? I do love Mary, I do. But this decision of hers may invoke empathy but it certainly does not deserve any respect, I'm sorry. No offence to anyone who may think otherwise but this is just my opinion.

PS I missed out on this particular piece of info while watching the episode because the feels but did she say that John and her were together in Heaven? I think she did. I might be forgetting something but if anyone knows then please enlighten me. When did THAT happen? If John and Mary were indeed in Heaven then why wouldn't we know about it in S5? Or even S8? Or even any time recently because Heaven's been a mess. Wouldn't Castiel or some angel or someone know if they those had been in Heaven? If I ain't wrong, this is another botch up by the writers.