||-Writingmania- ||*LakshMilians*word:'Birthday'ResultsPg26. - Page 2

Created

Last reply

Replies

268

Views

64.7k

Users

26

Likes

788

Frequent Posters

Shivam... thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#11

Originally posted by: LakshMila

@Shruthi Well,if you werent busy with your studies,I would have written your name already. ;-)

Others,thankyou for your feedback!Gear up,we'll start round one as soon as we get about 15 writers.One special request,if you know of any writer who could participate in this game and currently not able to come here,do let me know!

Before that,lets look upto the update by Rishi Valmiki himself 😆


Rishivar Will post his own version of Lakshman - meghnath battle😆
Edited by Shivam... - 9 years ago
LakshMila thumbnail
9th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Networker 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#12

Originally posted by: Shivam...


Rishivar Will post his own version of Lakshman - meghnath battle😆


Rishivar is great!😆
Trinaa thumbnail
9th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#13
Lovely idea
I am very excited to read so many LakshMila stories.
Shivam... thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#14
Ok this update is my first go at a non humourous post which is not quite my strong point in writing , the work is complete fiction with some distortions with respect to original ramayana plot.
Do give your feedback

THE BETTER WIFE



At Ayodhya , it was a unusualy calm day , something seemed very peculiar that day.


Shatrughan , Shritkirti , Mandavi , along with the three queen mothers were gathered in the royal court . It was time for Bharat's return to the palace.

From the past few days , it had become the custom that all the Royal family members would wait for Bharat during the early evening to receive updates of the battle going

on between Rama and Ravana's forces.

Each day the battle finished right before sunset , and bharat would come back to share the events of the battle , the details of which he would get from his spies and

messangers.

But today , it was something different . Bharat came back along with Guru Vashisht to the court , where the others were anxiously waiting for him.

Both of them looked tensed .

Kaushalya and Sumitra rushed towards them , " what is it son , what is the news today, is everything alright "

" Everything is alright as of now Maa " , said bharat , with fear visible in his voice .

"What do you mean by this , is this the care you show for your siblings " , roared an infiriuated kakeyi .

I dont owe you any answer , oh queen of ayodhya , bharat replied back angrily , still havent forgotten that everything happened was because of his mother's ill deeds .


Vashisht : Calm down both of you , this is not the time. Call urmila here at once.

Till then Shrutkirti had came back along with a pale Urmila , whose 14 years had passed by praying all day in front of Lord Shiva.

BHarat ( holding Sumitra's hand ) : Mother , he is fighting the biggest battle of his life today .

Urmila : What are you saying brother

Vashisht : Putri Urmila , you husband is engaged in duel with Meghnath , the eldest and the mightiest warrior of Lanka , stronger even than Raavana by all means . They

have been fighting all day , both are severly injured , but none of them refuses to budge down. All the gods are present in the sky to witness this epic battle.

Bharat : the war was supposed to end by sunset , but it has not , both have decided to carry on the battle till one of them meets his end , and no one in both the armies

is daring to come in between them to stop the battle for the next day .

shatrughan : I had been getting these wierd feeling , i knew there was something odd about today , so my fears were true , it was the silence before the storm.

Urmila ( with her chin up ) : Rishivar , there is no need to worry , My husband will emerge victorious , he has promised me he will come back , and you know how stubborn

he is regarding his promises , he never breaks one . Rishivar , can I ask you something ?


Vashissht : Do not hesitate , oh Janak putri , you wish shall be mine to fulfill

Urmila : I know you have supreme powers , Can you , with your abilities , give us a visual insight into the battle field . I want myself to feel to be along with saumitra

at this moment of crisis.



All were stunned to hear this . But Vashisht had promised , so he , with his powers , made the visuals appear right before everyone's eyes .

Now each one could see exactly what was happening , as will be described below :





Soon all members of Ayodhya felt as if they were not in Ayodhya , but right in the middle of the battlefield itself where they could see the war happening.

It had grown quite dark , well past the sunset , and indrajit being an asur , his powers had grown manifold during the night.


On one side , everyone saw meghnath's towering figure , on a huge and impressie Rath , just as he fired a barrage of arrows towards the other end.

As everyone followed the trail of arrows moving towards the other side , they saw that the trail was countered equally impressivley with a matching weapon .

Stood there with his bow in his hand confidently , it was Lakshmana , drenched in blood from top to bottom , with his face barely recognizable .


Sumitra and Kaushalya cried aloud in horror before fainting there right then , seeing for the fisrt time their son in such a horrific condition.

Mandavi and Shrutkirti were also too scared too see their brother in Law in such a sight , and clung onto their husbands tightly in anticipation for the worst to come.


Urmila was hardly being able to control her tears , a promise given to her husband which was really painsticking at the moment to keep up . She asked curiuosly as to where was her Ram bhayia , as to which Rishivar replied that

Vashisht :Ram and other army is down on earth , while this battle is taking place in the sky. Its the battle between the finest of the both sides , the battle betwween the right hands of Rama and Raavan.



Shatrughan drew out sword angrily and made a swipe at indrajit , but the blow vanished in thin Air

Vashisht : Putra , what are u doing , we are not present at the scene in real physical dimension , you have to control ur emotions .



Back at the war

Indrajit : Oh , young prince of Ayodhya , you are fighting a losing Battle . There is now Way you are going to defeat Me . Do you know I am , I am the son of Lankesh , one of the most learned and Man on earth , His knowledge equals that of Brahma

Lakshman : And Look what that learned man has taken you all into , all the people of lanka will have to suffer because of him .

Indrajit in Rage fired Brahmastra , but the brahmastra , but the brahmastra refused to touch Lakshmana citing improper code of battle ethics.

Indrajit was stunned , but did not lose hope


Indrajit : Our clan is the greatest Bhakt of Lord Shiva , he protects us

Lakshman ( mocks him ) : And still your father wasn't able to lift the dhanush which my brther broke like a child's play , and if this humiliation was not enough , he got embarrased again when trying to lift the kailash parvat , and you call yourselves shiv bhakts.

Indrajit fired the pashupata astra and vaishnav astra in anger , but to his astonishment again , the weapon refused to harm Lakshmana.

Indrajit : you dont know , You cannot harm me at all , I am protected by my wife's severe penance . She is the source of my power and motivation. She has sacrificed so much for me. She had fasted for several months , never cried when I went out for battle and didnt come back for days , agreed to marry for the sake of her family's welfare , and she would not hesitate to die as sati the day I am killed . That sort of a great women she is. How can you think you can defeat the husband of such a pious woman.


Lakshman : Oh , the great Asur Indrajit , for waht you have told me , the respect for your wife truly emerges in my Heart.

But by bringing up that topic , u surely have put up losing argument , for u dont know my Mila

Sulochana is truly great , But still what she has done is incomparable to what my Urmi has suffered.

Oh , the son of Lanka , listen to what this Lakshman has to say

I have not been the greatest of Husbands , infact I am one of the worst. Before my marriage was fixed , I told her I would not fulfil my duties as husband if it came in front oh my duties as a brother , so i urged her to not accepted the marriage proposal , but that oath hardly knocked her out and she stood by her decision to marry me .

You say sulochana fasted for months , I am sure my Urmi has survived these 14 years on just water . Sulochana didnt cry when you didnt return for days , My mila didnt shed a tear for 14 years , yes 14 years in my as well as her soul sister's absence.

She has lived 14 years like an asthetic , without enjoying the worldly and physical pleasures she had the right for , do you even know how tough it would have been to be alone , her urge to be a mother someday for those 14 years .


( Lakshman's voice became increasingly loud as he spoke further , tears were also flowing from his eyes as he continued further )


She herself has been doing severe penance for years , sitting all day long in front of the lord with a diya in her hand . Can you imagine whats it like for a girl who loved to talk and play pranks go into silence for years , without letting her emotions and pain being felt by anyone lese present around her.

You say your wife will die the same day when you will be , but let it be known to you , for I know my urmi died from inside the day I left for Vanvaas , she has been emotionally dead for the last 14 years, for her heart and soul lies with me

So , even you cant kill me , for my heart and soul lies with her , and this saumitra is as stubborn as his mila , for I have promised her that I will return and fulfill all her dreams that i coudnt do all these years .


Lakshman didnt realise that as he was speaking about Urmila , he was simulataneously shooting arrows at meghnath in fury , and meghnath was nearly dead , with all his body parts torn apart.


For Once Indrajit visioned laskhman's words , and saw Urmila's figure right though Lakshman's chest , glowing with a bright light , before finally breathing His last.




Urmila for once broke her promise, as she could no longer hold back her tears , her husband had spoken so highly of her in front of his enemy , those words which he never spoke to her in private while leaving , but she had sensed those feelings in his heart back then.


Vashisht broke loose his spell and everyone found themselves again at the palace , with everyone admiring the sacrifice of LAKSHMILA .

BY SHIVAM



Edited by Shivam... - 9 years ago
radianteyes. thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#15
Great idea Mina and mini
I want to participate but I don't know right now if studies would allow .
minamma thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#16
Great job shivam
We need more brilliant writers like you
SriMaatangi thumbnail
9th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 9 years ago
#17
Mini 👏👏
Rishivar, my idea you stole off :P
It's okay :P I am going to combine a little of Srutha-Ramayana, and Valmiki Ramayana, and write something on 'Patni'. But I can have it up only by tomorrow. Is that okay?
Shivam... thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#18

Originally posted by: TwinMadness

Mini 👏👏

Rishivar, my idea you stole off :P
It's okay :P I am going to combine a little of Srutha-Ramayana, and Valmiki Ramayana, and write something on 'Patni'. But I can have it up only by tomorrow. Is that okay?


Hey Srutha , I had no idea u were coming up with this kind of Plot .

So sorry

But you forget that Rishivar's primary job is chori dacaiti😆😆
shruthiravi thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#19
WOW Shivam beautifully written. And thanks it is written completely in English. I could read faster 😃. After your work thinking should I write on the topic
deejagi thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#20
Hi, lovely idea and great creation by both Mina & Shivam. But was it the same word given to all? as even he has written his story based on patni?

Related Topics

Top

Stay Connected with IndiaForums!

Be the first to know about the latest news, updates, and exclusive content.

Add to Home Screen!

Install this web app on your iPhone for the best experience. It's easy, just tap and then "Add to Home Screen".