Fouzia you haven't messed up.. Shruthi has given u a way...
Cmn to my POV. "Nothing is happening right" applies to me right from my birth..
Its been 21 yrs, rather 22 yrs we are stuck in a situation which I guess has no way out except saying "its my way or highway". 😆
My dad has this thing of balancing everything, even for those who don't value it.
And this extra care and attention for the nincompoops has made me and my brother the way we are today. I believe we have lost a lot in this game of balance. Our childhood, our dreams and most of all mental peace.
U'll c me getting angry at every single thing. There's no one thing that I let down. If I c smthn relatable to those ppl or to my past I retaliate in the worst possible way.
We have lost everything to them. Reason? Blood relations. And everyday we expected that our loss our pain our efforts will be acknowledged. My parents wasted their life in this expectation. And what did they get? Babaji ka thullu. 😆 okay its not funny. But u know what after a substantial period each of ur suffering becones a joke... We tried to make peace with what the condition was. In jokes, in sarcasm, in pity, in tears, in anger everything. But was there any use? No.
And many our relatives know this we don't like the mention of those ppl.
Over two decades we as a family have learnt to move on. We have learnt to say "gaya tel lene" 😆.
Am very introvert and insecure. My insecurity stems from the fear that may be my father to fulfill his duty of a son and a brother will forget us. He knows who is right and who is wrong but he cannot take sides.
I lost my grandma this Jan. But I don't know why I wasn't overwhelmed. It wasn't normal. Its too rude and insensitive to admit that I felt half of our problems were over then.
My mom cried because she was never acknowledged in these 31 yrs. I cried because my mom and dad cried. I cried only for them. Ppl or kids are very much attached to their grandparents. But I was not. Never. Things never worked out that way.
Why did I say half problems over and half not?
My family has a case of a widow. A single mother but someone who was blessed financially from her in laws. Her share of property is enough to take care of her and her child. But my question is can finance replace relations? And this is where friction starts. We never thot ill of her. But why she always thinks bad of us? Even when my grandma knew her in and out why didn't she pull her ears or slapped her? Her negligence made us pay. Made me and my brother suffer so much?
Answering u has brought tears in my eyes. I guess its that pain which will never lessen.
I admire and appreciate u because even after being a single mother, u have dignity and not EGO. I hate airheads.
I feel you very much fouzia.. Maybe because u have that genuineness...
Am sorry I went a bit off track.
But I support Shruthi. Don't expect.. That's it.. Cz the day u do spoil ur own life...
Instead acknowledge those who make ur life beautiful..
Cmn to how long it will take... My advise don't expect from nincompoops.
I don't know how old your daughters are. But trust me your efforts will pay off. A day will come when they'll acknowledge u as the best mother. And that day will be an answer to your question... Till then believe that its your testing period.
I can feel u cz we too are in testing times..
Cmn to your family, its good u have their support.. And u do acknowledge that. I know it. But again one advise from a person who may be is very younger to you: never leave that thread.. Don't hold it too hard or too light. Maintain a distance but keep the bond intact. I tell u this because of our experience. We were lending support but no one took it. Instead we were shunned away so roughly that today the essence of blood relations have lost. One mistake from any of your sides, will make ur kids suffer. And I really don't want them to go thru what we have been thru...
My talks seem very philosophical and heavy. But there were times I wished to end my life. But again, am one big strong pillar of substance. I didn't.
Now why did I say half problems. I haven't been much open about it. But let me open it now..
Believe it or not karma comes back.. And u never know how it will..
We had got our grandma as she was ill but after a few months she chose to go to her daughter. She went and after 5 months she suffered a paralysis attack. The final attack which took her life after 4 months. And to whom did she come? To her son. To that family whom she never acknowledged...
Cmn to my Father's sister. Its a similar case.. Ekdum parallel..
She has pushed us. But u know the secret? She has only us. God forbid if tomorrow anything happens, it will only be us who'll be rushing. But does she realize and behave accordingly? No..
Now when this will happen we don't know. But its bound to. Cz karma comes back. She'll fall in those feet on which she had stepped. The clock is ticking.
And u know what even though she always thot that my brother shouldn't get married, I shouldn't succeed, our family shouldn't be at peace, we will help her when time comes. Not because of expecting her acknowledgement. But because its our duty.
Anyone acknowledges or not but u know what there's someone who's watching everything. Who's silently acknowledging your each step. Who's actually patting your back for passing each of his test. But the result is yet to be declared... And once this series of tests is over, the results will be disclosed. And if u succeed then "everything will seem right" 😉
P.S: I hope I didn't bore u. Got a bit carried away 😆
Edited by daydreamers - 9 years ago
