From & To Sathish #5 - Page 17

Avan, Aval, Adhu 55

… to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Gayatri fully conscious was sitting in a half-erect position, propped up by several pillows and she was busy thanking the two nurses who were fawning over her when she saw the door open and Ravi enter into the room.

She took one look at him and raising her right hand pointed to his shirt, and cursed, ' Holy crap' and Ravi relieved that she was doing well, smiled and raised his right hand, pointed to her and said, ' sorry to disappoint you but this is neither crap nor holy but mere vomit.'

The two nurses glanced at each other and after telling Gayatri not to strain herself, made a quick exit.

“The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye.” ― Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

She sat on the bed looking at him and he stood looking at her. Seeing her in a hospital bed, with machines humming and beeping their tunes, he thought she looked very lost and vulnerable. He remembered her words as she swam in and out of consciousness, 'Don't let me go, Ravi. I have nothing, no one and I am all alone' and it broke his heart.

They stood staring at each other and she willed him in her soul to step forward and to come closer to her but Ravi stood making no movement.

She pointed to his shirt again, ' I am sorry for ruining your shirt, Ravi.'

He moved, closer and closer and falling to his knees looked up at her with trembling lips and a quaking heart and thanked her.

' Thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving my kids.'

She bent towards him and laid a soft hand on his head and gently caressing his cheek, said, 'And, you, my dear sir, saved mine.'

She put out her right hand and said mockingly, ' Let's both shake hands on a done deal and on a fair bargain.'

He took her hand and shyly shook it and said, ' not fair, my lady, not fair at all. You saved two lives while I saved you just once.'

Gayatri laughed and to his ears, her laughter sounded like tiny bells ringing and he stared at her fascinated for the soul she was and the strength she possessed.

She winked her right eye, ' well, in that case, it simply means that you will have to rescue me one more time and then we will be done with our debts.'

He looked into Gayatri's eyes and saw the same strength that he had seen in Her eyes all those years ago.

His heart picked up speed and began to race as Ravi's mind asked him, ' why now? why her and that too after nearly 25 years of solitude with only her in my soul?' Why is my heart betraying me or worse is it just my body lusting for release? '

Gayatri was not a mind reader but she clearly saw the chaos that raged in his eyes as something, maybe some memory tormented him and began to tear his soul apart.

The door opened and in came Ganesan and the moment was swept away and both knew it.

Ravi slowly got to his feet and asked Ganesan what he was doing in the hospital.

' Master, the news about what happened has spread like a virus and everyone knows what happened. Amma was the one who told me to take a change of clothes for you and rush to the hospital after hearing from Mekalai about what happened near the lake.'

Ganesan looked at Gayatri, ' ma'am, you are a hero. A real hero for jumping in like that and going after those two kids.'

He clapped loudly and Gayatri's face reddening slightly in embarrassment waved her hand and said, ' No big deal. Anybody would have done the same thing if they happened to be there.'

Ravi taking the bag asked Gayatri if it was okay if he used the bathroom to bathe and change into fresh clothes and she smiled and said it was okay.

Then she told Ganesan to pick up her room keys from her handbag and go get some of her stuff from the hotel where she was staying and he nodded happily and left the room in a rush.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGahFoKol5Y

Vaanathai Pola 359

Raman had not slept properly in days and the stress that comes from lack of sleep was beginning to show in his face as dark circles under his eyes. Raman's mind was full of the missing Brigadier Prakash Malhotra who just so happened to be the head of the board that handled everything the nation did in its fight and research against deadly diseases and also in its use in Bio-terrorism.

Along with this tremendous strain on Raman's reserves, the situation concerning Radhu and Kavita and the meeting that was fixed for a short while later with Minister Durai Pandi Murugan were adding to his woes.

Jeeva felt, read and saw everything that was in Raman's head and it shocked her and scared her and her hands immediately reached out to protect her twins.

Raman knew he was really in a fix and he looked at Jeeva, ' Please, forget whatever you just saw in my head and please don't ask me anything about it.'

' But, Ram, baby, this case concerns Bio-terrorism and cell research. I might not be as smart as you but I know my sciences, and still remember what I learnt back in high school.'

' Jeeva, please, this is not about you or your knowledge when it comes to the subject of science.'

She looked at him and from the way she jutted her chin out, Raman knew his wife was not going to back down. In the few years they had been together, they had been very few situations that had turned sour between them both and in all of them, Raman had been the one to back down and he did it with a particular reason in his mind.

Raman had immense faith in people and came from the school of thought that taught, " All people deserve a chance or two to think and dwell on the situation they are in and it is best to let them do that in a calm and serene mood and not do the same when upset or angry. Most people realize their mistakes or F..k up's when left alone and most of them apologize and are ready to see reason.'

Raman with a smile, said, ' Jeeva, we will talk more after I come back. But, right now I need to bathe and get going. The last thing I want to do is not show up and put more stress on an already stressed man who is still recovering from a massive heart attack.'

She calmed down, nearly but not completely and her thoughts slipped out,' Are we in any danger? Do we need to evacuate to a safer place?'

' No, Jeeva. We are not in any danger right now and if such a situation should arise then I will handle it. Please, baby, just drop it and let it go for now.'

Well, it had to happen and it happened and Jeeva roared and yelled.

' Drop it, what do you mean, drop it? You are in the midst of some scary and creepy shit and you want me to drop it and let it go just like that? How, please tell me how am I, a new mother supposed to remain calm after knowing that my husband is hunting some criminals who are involved in matters such as deadly diseases and Bioterrorism?'

Maybe it was all the flying that he had been subjecting himself to from Chennai to Delhi and Delhi to Chennai and Delhi to the Gulf and back that triggered Raman's anger or maybe the lack of sleep and also the tense situation with the case concerning the missing Brigadier that finally broke his back but it broke it.

Raman was not by nature given to being nasty or sarcastic. He always conducted his affairs with total and brutal honesty. Even, in the situations when he had been forced to kill, he had always tried giving peace and sanity a chance to save lives.

But that was when he was dealing with killers but this was his wife Jeeva, his love, his life and the mother of his children.

Raman swallowed his anger and calming himself down replied, slowly and deliberately, ' oh, okay. So, you know and still, remember your sciences. Right, jolly good. Now, please tell me the protocols and the measures that are needed if a terrorist should happen to discharge a deadly biological weapon.'

He stepped forward aggressively, ' Go on, impress me, science teacher. Educate me so that I can apply your knowledge when a terrorist attack happens.'

Raman shook his head sadly, ' Through some miracle, a power or something like that which has been given to you, you read my mind and jump to conclusions.'

Stepping close, Raman growled, ' You, my children, our parents are important and my priority. But, second, only to our nation for its security and the safety of its people comes first and will always be the first priority.'

Maybe she needed to be told to back down and maybe she needed to be told to not mess and interfere with classified matters but Raman knew that he had hurt her and his face immediately softened and he slowly sat next to her and apologized.

' Jeeva, baby, I am sorry for raising my voice and I am sorry for being rude. Please forgive me. I should not have let loose and vented my work tensions on you. It was wrong and I am really sorry for it.'

Jeeva's eyes were brimming with tears and she turned her head away saying, ' It is okay, Raman. I guess both of us are stressed out. Me with delivery and you with all your work.'

She turned slowly and looked at him with searching eyes, ' I miss you terribly. We all miss you terribly. This house feels empty, dark and cold without your light and warmth.'

Raman gently used his rough and callused fingers to wipe her tears away and kissed her deeply and then said, ' I know and I have been thinking about it too. Maybe, this line of work with RAW is not for me, what with me in Delhi and all of you here in Chennai.'

He patted her cheek and smiling said, ' Let me have a word with V.k and I will see if I can work something out.'

Getting up, he exhaled his tension away and told Jeeva, ' Let me go stand under the cold shower and wash away my stress for I don't want to meet Vijay's parents in this silly and grouchy mood.'

' Again, I am sorry, baby. I mean it.'

Raman got out of his clothes and threw them all into the cane container and went into the bathroom.

The water was cold and made him gasp in surprise. But it was a good surprise and he stood with his face turned into the falling water and so did not hear the door open and only felt her arms around him and as they went down and grabbed him.

Raman turned the shower off and whispered in a gruff and horny voice, ' I thought no sex for a few weeks at least, ma'am.'

She slowly turned him around and falling to her knees, looked up at him and winked, ' I still have my hands and my mouth. Now, what would you like?'

Raman looked at her and said cheekily, ' Both, and take your time.'

She slowly took him into her mouth and began to make love to him with her lips and tongue and all he could was explode into her mouth with a groan and in huge spurts.

Avan, Aval, Adhu 56

Ravi went into the bathroom and was out in the room in a matter of minutes and seeing him in and out so quickly, Gayatri mumbled something to herself and then finding her own thought very funny, began to laugh and seeing Ravi stare at her, used her hands to stifle her laughter. It warmed Ravi's heart to see her in better again and in her usual naughty self and stood staring at her, smiling indulgently.

' Master sir, I have a reason to smile, so I am, but, why are you smiling?'

' Gayatri madam, I too have a reason to smile and so I am?'

' What do you have to smile about, Gentleman?

' Lots but that is me and only for me, lady.'

' Don't you think it is rude to laugh at a lady, Mister Ravi Kumar?'

' Not at all, Miss Gayatri. In fact, it would be rude on my part if I did not share your joy and stood sullen and downcast.'

Both laughed at each other and at their brief parry of words and Gayatri asked him, ' Ravi, why were you smiling so happily?'

' Because you were smiling, Gayatri. After seeing you unconscious and still near the lake, I thought that I had lost you. So,it is great to see you laughing and that too at me, which is quite obvious.'

She looked at him with a slight misgiving and Ravi smiled and hurriedly said, ' I don't mind being the butt of your joke and I don't mind being a joker even, as long as it makes you happy.'

' Ravi, the reason I smiled when you came out of the bathroom was that a word popped out in my head and the word was "Economical" for you are economical in everything. In your words, your movements, in actions and probably in your thoughts too.'

She raised a hand and said, ' Eureka! wait, the only thing you spend a lot a of time is on time itself along with thought.'

Ravi went ' Uh, uh, what' and Gayatri nodded, ' see, I too am thoda brilliant. Hai na, Ravi Bhai.'

Ravi lifted his right shoulder slightly in a manner of a shrug and tilted his head to the right and said, ' You are right. I do spend a lot of time thinking, pondering but in reality, I am just dreaming' and then he looked at her with a scared and startled expression and in a pleading voice begged her not to reveal to the world that he was a day-dreamer and saying this he joined her in her laughter and both shared a quiet moment looking at each other and sharing a smiley moment.

She gently took his hand and gripping it in her looked at him with joy and peace and said, ' Ravi, I am not much into God and prayers and stuff but right now my heart tells me to pray and hope that there is always peace and happiness in your life.'

Gayatri noted, observed that even though she had taken his hand and held it in a very caring and intimate way, Ravi had made no obvious or subtle movement to turn this into another emotion, need as most men were wont to do.

She looked at him and he looked back at her, still with the same patient and indulgent shy smile and asked, ' what now? Another discovery of some hidden facet in me?'

' No, master sir, I was just thinking about the kiss that I planted on your mouth today morning and only now realized why I had done it?

' What? Why that and now?'

' Because I think you are a beautiful soul in a beautiful body. I find everything about you beautiful and yet....'

Ravi thanked her and let it go and fell silent leaving Gayatri to think and ponder as to how many men would have reacted the same way and began to chuckle again realizing almost all would have forgotten to thank her and instead would have latched on the yet....

Pulling a chair close to the bed, he sat with his arms folded across his chest and with a happy expression pasted on his face.

She pinched his hand playfully and told him, ' I envy you for who you are and this ability of yours to remain calm and self-sufficient at all moments.'

Ravi leant forward and carefully picked a few strands that had found refuge on her face and lifting them restored them to their home that was her unruly mane.

' Thank you, ma'am. I thank you for all the beautiful compliments you are bestowing on me and I know that you are doing it with care and with genuine feelings. But..' he paused and smiled and then the smile slowly faded away and an expression of reality took its place and he unpaused.

' Gayatri, I sometimes find this world, this existence very odd and weird. The reason is that everything has become overrated. Being polite, being kind, being courteous, everything that defines a normal human being has become overrated and is glorified.'

He looked at her hurriedly and realizing that she was not misunderstanding him, ' I find nothing special about myself or the manner in which I carry myself and conduct myself at all times and in the same breath, I confess that I never, ever judge people for the way they conduct themselves. I am and I let people be who they are for that is how they are meant to be and want to be.'

' Ravi, that is why I kissed you in the morning. The same way, a person would stop to smell the fragrance of a rose, touch and caress a beautiful fruit, wonder and marvel at the dew diamonds on a stalk of grass.'

She sighed contentedly, ' I feel very comfortable with you and feel wanted and needed when you are around and, and...'

The door opened and a very tall and distinguished-looking man entered the room and Ravi got to his feet and greeted him with a lot of respect.

Gayatri stared at the man who was a few inches taller than Ravi and then stared at his enormous moustache that stood proudly from ear to ear and looked at Ravi questioningly.

The man held Ravi's hands in his enormous hands and asked in a deep, baritone voice, ' Iyaa, are you all right?'

' I am fine, Iyaa ' and it was his turn to look at the man questioningly.

Then Ravi looked at Gayatri and introduced the man, ' Gayatri, this is Dharmalinga Thevar' and turning to the man, ' Iyaa, this is Gayatri.'

Dharmalinga Thevar folded his hands and greeted her in the traditional manner, ' Vanakkam ma. How are you feeling now?'

' Much better sir. Thank you.'

He looked at her with kind eyes that reminded her of Ravi's and she looked at both of them wondering why this man should remind her of Ravi and then the man addressed her.

' We are all deeply indebted to you and very grateful, Madam for saving the children's lives. From what I heard, you are a real hero and an angel. Thank you. If there is anything or in any way, I can be of help while you are here in Madurai, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me.

Turning to Ravi, ' Iyaa, thank you for taking care of Aditya, again. Honestly, I am really worried about him and how his future is going to turn out.'

He looked at Ravi pathetically, ' Please, I have totally lost hope and my last remaining hope rests on your strong shoulders. Will you help me please?'

Ravi nodded, ' Iyaa, what is this? You know me very and treat me like your son. Please, there is no need for you to even ask. I will talk to him and do my best. I promise.'

The man wished them both and left quietly.

' Ravi' she called him and he tiredly turned to her and she asked him who the man was who had just left them.

' He is the current Central Madurai MLA.'

Gayatri was amazed by what she heard him say, ' An MP calls the head of the hospital to look after you. A sitting MLA comes personally to visit you and see if you are doing okay.'

Then remembering something MLA Tharmalinga Thevar had said, she looked at him, ' But why, why was he talking about someone named Aditya and asking for your help.'

Ravi did not answer and so she pressed on, ' Is it the same Adi that you went to the station last night? What is going on, Ravi?'

' He is Meenakshi's father and Aditya's Grandfather. But, he has always been more of a father to me than an uncle and I owe him a lot, maybe my life even.'

Dear readers,

I began writing the story " Vaanathai Pola " immediately after finishing " Jannal Oram" sometime in December 2019. Looking back on that time from the confines of the present time, August 2021, it feels like some other time, lost in the past. In a way it was for that was the time before names such as Corona, Covid 19 were whispered with fear.

That was the time when the late Amma's party AIADMK was still in power while it is not now and it is the DMK that is ruling the state right now.

So, I have been thinking about it for some time now and have finally decided that in the end I am telling a story and in stories, liberties can be taken by me but only to a certain point and so I beg a little leeway from you the readers and hope that you don't mind too much when logic is suspended in some chapters when I am dealing with the main characters.

Specifically, in the case of Kavita and her father Durai Pandi Arumugam who are both Ministers in the AIADMK Cabinet.

When I started writing Vaanathai Pola, I honestly was not aware of this looming pandemic that was gearing up to strike and unleash hell and havoc in everyone's lives. Even in Feb 2020, when I travelled to Hyderabad for a few days of work it did not strike me odd when I see a few passengers in the airport walking about wearing masks and sadly, I laughed and thought to myself, ' Hypochondriacs, I suppose' and went about my life.

Then all hell broke loose and a national lockdown was announced by Modi although the head of my film fraternity Mr. Selvamani preemptively ordered a lockdown on all shooting work and sadly just a few days before the new Vijay Tv serial " Baakiyalakshmi" that I was acting in was about to be launched and its first episode telecast date had been set for March 17th. In a way, it was a blessing for we were not ready and did not have enough episodes in hand.

The lockdown came and stayed for many months. But, in that time many who had stayed and called earth their home departed. I lost many dear friends and the saddest part was that I could not even say goodbye or attend their funeral.

The worst part for me was seeing the fear of death in everyone's eyes and yet time and life has moved on.

I got both my doses of Covid shield vaccinations and since I am in the cinema field and shooting nonstop, I get tested every week and have been negative.

Many actors I know and have worked with have tested positive and have returned to work although sadly some of them are still suffering from the ravages of Covid 19.

So, here we are in 2021 and pretty soon and before we know it, 2022 will be on us.

Is it only me or has time kind of quietly picked up speed?

Vaanathai Pola 360

Raman did not spend too much time wondering what to wear and as was his habit, opened the cupboard and picked out a plain blue cotton shirt and slipped into and then quickly pulled up a grey coloured jeans and looked at Jeeva, ' Any idea how long this slim fit fashion is going to last?'

' Slim looks good on you, baby, so I hope this trend lasts longer.'

Hugging him she laid her head on his chest and said, ' will you be staying long in Durai uncle's house?'

Raman's right hand slowly slipped down and he gave her bum a nice pinch which evoked a yelp of pain from her and she asked him, ' what was that for? I thought things were settled between us after I went down on my knees....'

He used his lips to peck at her gently and said, ' Naughty woman, you read my thoughts and so know pretty well that I am in the dark as to the big man wants and also how long I am going to be there.'

Memories of Vijay suddenly filled his head and he looked at her sadly, ' They have suffered so much, Jeeva and you cannot deny that I am one of the reasons for that.'

Jeeva's large almond-shaped eyes flashed angrily, ' I don't get it and no matter what you say to convince me otherwise, I will never get it.'

She held him by the collar, ' The war between Minister Durai Pandi and the late minister Vaidyanathan started long before you appeared in the picture. It was you who put his life at stake and saved Vijay and Kavita from certain death at the hands of the killers sent by Vaidyanathan. Then, after all those years, your paths crossed when you had to meet him regarding Bharat, his son-in-law and his daughter Kutty Jeeva.'

Letting go of his shirt collar, she reached up and cupped his face in her hands and told him, ' even then it was not you who was the reason for Vijay's death. Vijay seeing Vaidyanathan along with that power broker and fixer, Santoshi lal was the immediate cause of him being murdered. But, little did his killers know that Laxman had already called Ram who would soon hunt them all down.'

'Raman, when will this end, baby. How long will you carry on this war of vengeance?'

Raman smiled and Jeeva saw the smile linger for a few moments and then faded and she saw another man take his place and speak the words with steel and determination, ' as long as it takes, Jeeva.'

' But, Ram, this cannot go on forever. We are parents now, sweetheart. We are not alone and we have two lives who depend on us for everything.'

Raman smiled and glared at her, ' Sometimes, you behave so naively, Jeeva. Okay, answer my question. If I let go of this job and take up a quiet desk job in some Corporate company, will that change anything? Will all the killing and crime stop? will my enemies stop hunting you, me and the kids and our parents?'

He sat down on the bed and gently touched Vijay's soft feet and said, ' I have been chosen. we have been chosen and we cannot back down now for they will come for us' and pointing to the babies and then pointing to her, Raman pointed to the hall, ' they will come for all of you and will not stop until they have murdered us.'

Raman stared hard at Jeeva, ' is that what you want me to do? stand by and be killed, stand by and watch all of you die?'

Something dangerous flickered in Raman's eyes and Jeeva was seeing this new anger for the first time and was not only shocked but scared and then she heard him say it.

' I stood by and let suja hang herself. I stood by and let Vijay be murdered. If I had made up my mind earlier, I could have put an end to Vaidyanathan with my own bare hands but I wasted precious time and the enemies moved while I lagged. I will not let that happen again. Never.'

Raman kissed her mouth roughly and said, ' Don't worry baby. I will be all right' and then bent down and kissed both his Vijay and Suja and marched out of the room and into the four.

One look into their eyes and he knew that they had heard everything and understood everything that had taken place between him and Jeeva.

He told them that he had a meeting with Kavita's father and that he might be late and that there was a chance that he might not come back home and head back to the RAW office that was inside the Army base.

Jeeva's mother Kamakshi gave him a bag and Raman looked at it, ' amma, what is this?'

' I know Durai anna likes Rava kesari and payasam a lot. So, I have packed some of it for him along with Vadais and vatha Kozhambu.'

' But, amma, they are all my favourites...'

' I know Raman. I prepared all of them with you in my heart and wanted all of us to have dinner sitting together as one family. But... it looks like you have more important matters on hand that you have to attend.'

Raman's shoulders sagged and Kamakshi hurriedly consoled him, ' Ram, this is a rather delicate and difficult situation that you and Jeeva are in and I' and looking at the others, ' we don't want to add to your already over-burdened shoulders.

Jeevas' dad, Manigandan joined in, ' Raman sir, I think almost all people who work for the security of this country face this burning question about how best to manage their time between the nation and their family.'

Raman stood silent for a few moments and then he looked up, ' I will try to do better. I am trying but sometimes, I fail and when that happens, please remember, that Raman is human.'

He requested all of them to watch over Jeeva and the babies.

Shaktivel nodded, ' You know we will but there is only so much that we can do and fill but in the end, she needs you and right now.'

' I know appa and like I said, I will try and do better ' and with that walked out and into the waiting car and sandwiched between two jeeps filled with commandos headed to Minister Durai Pandi Arumugam's house.'

Avan, Aval, Adhu 57

“They say the glass is half full or half empty, well let me tell you I'm just glad there's a glass at all.” ― Claire Auricomous

Gayatri's eyes made the connections with the names and Ravi nodded, ' Yes, the same Meenakshi whom we helped a few hours earlier.'

' Ravi, I thought there was some history of bad blood between both your families and yet her father paid you a visit.'

Sighing Ravi looked at her, ' It is a long story that started way back when I was in school. A story that I was told started happily but turned sour when I entered my teenage years ' and looking away, ' maybe someday when I am in the mood, I will tell you all about it. But, right now, you need to rest and get better.'

She asked him what the doctors had told him and he told her that they wanted to keep her overnight for observation, just to be on the same side.

' Gayatri' he spoke her name and she loved it the way her name rolled out of his lips and she looked at him.

' Please, don't think I am prying into your personal affairs but is there anybody you need to get in touch with, just for...' and leaving the sentence unfinished, fell silent but having finished conveying his thought.

' No need, Ravi. I can take care of myself ' and pointing to the room with her hand, she stopped and pointed at him and said, ' I am in good hands and in one of the best hospitals in India and moreover, I am not in any critical condition. But, if that too happens then there are a few numbers you can call.'

He smiled and asked casually, ' How will I know who to call?'

' Very simple and easy for all of them are in my contacts as Emergency 1, 2 and so forth.'

Ravi was at a loss for words and since it was not his way to use words carelessly, he fell silent and elected to stare at the ground instead.

She pinched him and asked, ' do you find the floor more interesting than me, Master?'

He looked up and shook his head and said, ' Not the floor but the silence, the lull in a conversation. They seem to mean and convey more than words can.'

' Why is that, Ravi? Why do silences mean so much?'

' I think because even in silence, our thoughts are moving, reacting and sorting out stuff. Even when the lips don't move, the eyes are moving in sync with the soul and expressing and reaching out to the other.'

' Okay, boss. What are you thinking right now?'

Ravi smiled and she thought he looked beautiful when he did that for she could feel it in her soul.

' I was just thinking if you will be okay if I ask my mum to stay with you tonight.'

' Why your mum? why trouble that poor lady when you know very well that she has difficulty in moving around?'

' Gayatri, it is just that I would sleep better if there was someone to watch over you tonight?

' Why don't you watch over me staying here with me tonight?'

Vaanathai Pola 361

Raman's small convoy hit traffic as soon as they approached The Thiru Va Ka bridge and he looked at his watch and saw that there was still twenty minutes left for him to reach Minister Durai Pandi's house and pushing that out of the way filled his mind with Jeeva and the flare-up that had happened between them and which in the end she had doused with her mouth.

' You are everything to me, Jeeva. My every breath and every beat of my heart. But what do I do when I am called to protect and defend the lives of so many crores of people. How do I knowingly and willingly give up that sacred task and just think of me, mine and what matters to us? But, I will do it, my love, I will do it if you so demand that of me and I will follow you like a lamb anywhere you want me to and will obey your every word. I will do it freely, willingly and from my heart and without any

misgivings or guilt. Is that what you want, Jeeva? Then I will do it, and as soon as possible' Raman thought as he sat in the car and then his mind made up, he made a call and after having finished with that, he leant forward and requested the Army commando who was driving, and the man nodded and said, ' Yes sir.'

At the same time, back in his house, Jeeva slowly walked out of their bedroom and sat down at the table and placing her head in her hands, began to cry her heart out.

Kamakshi and Valliammai threw their hands around her and hugged her and tried to console her.

Kamakshi held her only child in her arms and unable to see her in such a state, lost control and began to cry and mumbled, ' It is okay, Jeeva. All couples fight, debate, argue and it is all good and healthy for their relationship and works out well.'

Valliammai wiping away Jeeva's tears, ' Why are you crying? Uh. Why? You were perfectly right in your questions and honest about your fears and worries. Of course, you are scared about your babies and you can only talk about them to Raman and not to Modi, can you? So, be bold and be brave for you are right and have done nothing wrong. If I was in your place, I would have done the same thing.'

Jeeva shook her head, ' Raman is my baby, Amma. The poor guy, spends all his time awake and asleep, worrying about us and everyone else's well-being in this world and what did I do? I selfishly told him to stop doing that and start thinking only of me and our babies and our family.'

Shaktivel joined in, ' Jeeva, there is nothing selfish in what you said for you only spoke up about every human's basic need which is safety and security. It is a rather delicate situation but we are all very sure that both of you will come to an agreement that will keep you both happy.'

The doorbell rang and all five of them turned towards the door and saw it open and all saw Raman enter and stand there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a loving smile in his soul.

Jeeva looked, saw and then getting up, ran, flew into his arms and into his lips.

Relationships are full of compromises. Sometimes you do what you like, and other times you do. what the other person likes. That is part of being in a healthy relationship. However, you also need to spend time doing things that you both enjoy doing together. While you enjoy spending time together, you also need to live separate lives. Just because you're married doesn't mean that you have to spend 24/7 together and can't have separate interests and hobbies. In a healthy relationship, you both understand, and respect, that you need time apart to do what you want to do.

Even seemingly perfect couples fight behind closed doors. The difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships is that fights shouldn't be about who's right. They need to be more productive. This means listening to each other, understanding and respecting each other's viewpoints, and finding common ground so that you can strengthen your marriage. And please, call it what it is a fight. Don't go around saying, "We never have fights, we have discussions." A fight doesn't mean you are hurling insults nor getting physical. No! Sure you are discussing, it's a fight but you can and should have a fair fight.

Solid marriages involve asking the right questions and listening closely to the answers without interruption or passing judgment. There's room for discussion and being empathetic to their opinion. This shows that you respect what they're saying and are making an effort to understand where they're coming from.

Asking for help is by no means a sign of weakness. When you ask your spouse for advice or help you're respecting and admitting the fact that they have more experience or skills in an area that you're not that familiar with.

Romance does that to you. In romance, someone else comes to save you. In love, you wake up every day to save yourself, to be a better person, and support the other to the best of your ability. Love is getting a partner where you deepen the joys and cushion the blows of your very individual lives.

Vaanathai Pola 362

Often words help us express our emotions. But there are times when the beauty Of silence expresses it all".

It is a beautiful thing, if it can be called that but rather we use, a state, a mind-set when we talk about love and then we graduate to unconditional love between souls that better their physical beings. It is immediately profound, Godly, majestic and strangely liberating this higher form of love but rarely met and even rarely met by two souls.

Only between parents and their children do we see this sort of sacred bond that is called unconditional love and that too it moves, flows one way. From, Parent to child.

For lovers it is rather more complicated than that for their bodies and their hormones come into play and then top it with what one needs is not what the other needs. Even in seemingly calm and peaceful relationships there exists invisible underwater currents that turn into a deadly tsunami, once or twice in a lifetime. For most move on and without the knowledge of the other. One gives way to the other in the name of love and in the name of sacrifice but the equilibrium is lost even if it is not noticed.

To maintain balance and perfect harmony between two souls, it is very important that they both understand that they are gonna fail, fall and fight. What is left is what they will do next and what moves they will make to restore harmony and balance in their relationship?

Everyone secretly think that their love is the greatest love of all but that is just that, a thought. Illusion.

Raman looked at Jeeva and she looked at him.

' Baby, I am sorry, really sorry for raising my voice and that too in anger. Forgive me, please and no, there is no excuse for my rude behaviour.'

Woman, wife looked at her man, husband and a lover looked at her lover and said, ' Ram, all you did was raise your voice and state the truth which however difficult for me to grasp or understand still remains the absolute truth.'

' Jeeva, I...'

She covered his mouth with her fingers and said, ' My baby, Raman was not meant just for this petty, silly Jeeva but is meant for more, much more than his selfish woman.'

He looked at her and softly kissed her lips, ' But, this Raman exists, operates, breathes, moves because of his woman and for the woman. His heart beats better, faster because she beats for him too.'

Wiping her tears, ' so you see, Raman is Jeeva and nothing without Jeeva.'

She took his palms and kissing them, glanced at his watch and looked up and asked, ' It is nearly 7.15 pm. You were suppposed to..'

' Don't worry, I called Kavita's father and told him that I would be a bit late and he understood and said it was okay.'

Both stood silently, looking at each other and their joy appeared like a rainbow bubble to their parents and all four quietly moved away to the kitchen.

They need not have bothered for their kids were totally oblivious to the world that lay outside their minds. They were so lost in each other that everything else was a blur and that which was meant to be ignored and it was.

A few moments later, she stood waving to him and watching him leave and whispered, ' I love you baby. I hope God keeps you safe and if God should feels jealous and threatened by our love, then let God take me.'

Avan, Aval, Adhu 59

The Road Not Taken By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I don't know why, but this poem haunts me in my sleep and even when I am wide awake. It creeps on tiny kitten claws as a whisper, a tinkling bell from some distant flat in my neighbourhood and once close to my soul, digs in deep and refuses to let go.

Two roads and a choice to be made. One the past and one the future. Sadly, never a choice of the present. But, it is also a choice, a war between what your head wants you to do and what your heart beats for you to do.

Does it matter what age you are when you are faced with two roads, two lives, two futures?

Life asks us all this tough question many times( and maybe even in many lives) Safety and self-preservation or mystery and self-destruction?

Pointing to the bag which held the clothes, Gayatri said, ' Just chuck them. I will buy you a new shirt and pants before I leave.'

' It's okay, Gayatri' was his reply and with that done he fell silent and she remarked, ' Ravi, you know who you remind me of?'

' who, Gayatri?'

' Someone very famous.'

She nodded and said, ' Yes, and I think I am correct. You have a very expressive face yet you reveal all that is in your head and heart with just one expression, and with subtle variations that have to be closely watched or else they vanish along with their meanings.'

Ravi went along with her, ' Okay, I will bite. Who is this famous person you are comparing me with?

She saw his face crease slightly with curiosity and then with horror as he protested' Oh no! Gayatri, please not some actor' and pausing for a moment and then having made up his mind about something, said, ' But, if you are going to compare me with some actor then please do it with my favourite actor' and then in a shy voice whispered...

She did not hear him for his voice was so faint and in frustration, she slapped his arm and asked him to speak more loudly and Ravi did and said, ' Amitabh Bachchan.'

' Amitabhji, Big B' she exclaimed and clapping her hands, ' well, I never' and excitedly asked, ' Master, You watch films too?'

' What kind of question is this? Of course, I watch films' and looked at her curiously, ' I wonder, just wonder what is it about me that makes you think I am abnormal, weird or eccentric.'

Her face went all rigid and serious and staring at him she asked him in a childish voice, ' Are you all that?'

Ravi smiled and she felt it touch her soul, her essence and she thought to herself, ' Why don't you smile more often my friend for in your smile and in your happiness I see the child in you and maybe the real you.'

' Maybe I am Gayatri' he replied softly and she saw it come and go, like the faint light of distant stars, a wistful far off expression. Maybe an ache, an old wound that had not yet healed.'

She knew it for she felt it in her own broken heart that he too nursed a broken heart.

She reached for his hand and held it in hers and whispered, ' Ravi, will you be my friend? will you spend time with me, talk to me?'

Not knowing the reason for this sudden request, he smiled, ' Yes. I will.'

She looked at him for several seconds that felt like minutes to him and then she laughed and said, ' I was right when I said you remind me of someone famous.'

' Please, put me out of my agony, ma'am' he joked and she smiled and said, ' Buddha. You remind me of Buddha.'

His face revealed clearly his disappointment and he looked at her sadly and hung his head, ' Buddha and that of all people, him and not Amitabh. Oh no.'