*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 114

God Complex but uncomplicated

In the beginning they were just part of the ambience and stayed in their privacy of their private property. But, an important part of the Ambience, nevertheless and they were always given room, space, at least a shelf if that was not possible and even spared a cupboard for them to be place and worshipped.

Small idols, big idols, big frames, expensive frames and I was told that they were Devudu, Deivam, Gods. I always liked Lord Ganesha with his benevolent eyes and a loving smile even with the trunk and I guess like everybody( Hopefully) I never thought he was weird or vague or even handicapped with that trunk that hung so obviously. All I knew from the beginning was that he always had a welcome smile, day and night and always seemed to be ready to greet and meet me.

I became close, real closer when I began to really speak with him from somewhere in my 5th or 6th std when I began to have major problems with numbers and their subjects such as Maths and Physics and then Chemistry too.

' 35 marks please, I can manage about 15 to 20 on my own but I need your help with the rest' and so these were my constant prayers to Lord Ganesha and especially during Exams.

Believe it or not, someone or other, a Godsend by Ganesha himself used to sit next to me and help me copy from them and I scraped through and thanks to my buddy God Ganesha.

I never spent a lot of time with Lakshmi and Saraswathi for one had gold coins pouring out of her hands and the other sat with a veena which was a major turn off for I used to hate women with that veena like objects for they really managed to f..k our holidays, especially the bonus ones when a Prime minister or president passed away.

Sorry, but I tried hard to make sense of these people who sat next to a man or a woman and helping him open his gob wide and go, 'aaaaaaah,aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' and it went on for hours and hours and mind you that those days, Doordarshan was the only channel available.

Now imagine experiencing this hell on a Sunday morning when some important person died and one had to endure this on the one and only full weekly holiday given to us kids.

But one goddess always scared the s..t out of me and that was her, you know her, the one with big eyes and a big red bindi and sometimes with her tongue sticking out and always heavily armed and with that trident right beside her.

She used to give me the creeps and for a long time I thought she was some kind of demon, an angry spirit and I did my best to avoid her eyes and always failed.

My bad luck that my aunts were really into her and her various avatars and come every Saturday or Sunday it was off to Maangadu or thiruverkadu amman kovil.

The only good thing about those trips was the car ride from home to temple and back and those adirasams and laddus that were sold outside the temple and the running around me, bujju, bindu and mammu used to do around the temple while the elders prayed for what all elders pray for and crave for.

Some of you might know, remember but in case you don't let me tell you that Madras ( chennai) was very different those days. The moment one crossed Amjikarai, the surroundings began to change from city to farmland and by the time we reached the junction that is called Koyambedu junction that leads to anna Nagar on the left and Vadapalani to the right and straight ahead lay the twin Amman temples with Amjikarai behind us.

Since we lived around the epicentre of Nungambakkam, starting first with Mahalingapuram, then Kothari road off the sterling road and then near what is today M.O.P Vaishnav college, our aunts always took the road that led to Chetput bridge and then down and left on to Poonamallee road and towards the temples.

The landscape that began to change from even Amjikarai soon gave way to vast green paddy fields, yes in and around Koyambedu junction and it would go on and on forever.

Imagine that, a green, living carpet right on your doorstep.

Even today, that is if one has the time, one has to but drive down OMR or ECR towards Thiru Kazhugu kundram and you can see green fields and green paddy stalks waving their hands happily and being lulled by a gentle passing breeze.

Coming back to Bal Ganesh who has remained the same while I am not Bal anymore and also losing the bal on my head, I still do start the day with a talk with him and as always he smiled benevolently and says ' Go on sat, it will be all right and I am right here with you. But, Mum told me to inform you that you are due a trip to her place and that it is high time you went to see her.'

Yikes, not her and not in this places for not only is she scary looking but my tummy cant take those stale adirasams and laddus that have me levitating every few seconds.

So, I tell my childhood friend, Boss, please put in a kind word for me with her and tell her I will see her in one of the local branches, preferably In the local Shiva temple where she is called " Aralakesi" instead of Maangaadu Amman and Karumari Amman.

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day.

Hey you

Like that first kiss, most people remember where they were when they heard a song for the very first time and if they remember it then it stays with them forever and on their playlist.

Was a time when I wondered why old people grumbled so much about the new music that I and others my age were listening to and kept comparing them with the music from their times.

What goes around comes around and in a loop.

A few years ago, a song from Vijay's new film " Sarkar" had just been released and a few days before the film itself was going to be released and I was in the gym and just about to finish and leave when some of the young ones called out to me, ' Sir, Paathuttu ponga sir' and so I did and did that to just to humour them and amuse myself.

My bad luck, the song was that indecipherable song "Simtaangaran" and after a few seconds I looked at my coach and he thought the same and we both voiced our opinions loudly.

' O..A, what language is this?'

Hearing this all the fans became sad and to appease them, I said, ' Kids, there is nothing wrong with Vijay whom I like a lot and he looks better with each passing day. But, please don't ask us to join with you guys and listen to such songs with such lyrics. For, Kannadasan and Vali are still living in us and along with Ilayaraja.'

The young guns replied, ' Saar, all old songs saar. Come to the new generation and new trends.'

Holy crap!

A repeat of the 2nd and 3rd sentences

Was a time when I wondered why old people grumbled so much about the new music that I and others my age were listening to and kept comparing them with the music from their times.

What goes around comes around and in a loop.

I remember exactly when I first heard Santana's Black magic woman and it was in my 5th std and I remember the first time I heard Alan parson, pink Floyd, dire straits and Richard Clayderman in Alan Bartley's house.

I remember the first time I heard Neil Young and J.J.cale in Pradeep's house.

I remember the first time I heard Ilayaraja's music for Annakili with my late grandma from her radio.

I am really sorry, but I think old songs trump new songs any day with content and melody.

Maybe today's songs have better sound engineering but if you have no proper lyrics and sweet melody, it is like a well-groomed good looking person with an empty look in their eyes that reflects their empty minds.

I am locked and loaded with enough old and gold songs for the remaining part of the journey and so thank but no thanks to songs that have no meaning and no heart and is just part of a trend that soon fades and I mean that.

Try recollecting 10 songs from last year and now try recollecting 10 songs from your good old days.

You will not stop at 10 and will go on and on and past 100.

That reminds me of the Phil Collins song " Against all odds" that I first heard on Ramu's tape recorder while we were on an excursion during the 10th std.

I remember the first time I heard about the existence of the late " Prince" from my dear pal Sanju and way back in the 11th std.

That will do, old dog.

Bye for now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP7qPDeoIv0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHm8VhgO9p4&list=PLUg6vO2_neOQr7E4oLRYxWkmPWM36DDZk&index=8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C4FzTqA_Pw&list=PLUg6vO2_neOQr7E4oLRYxWkmPWM36DDZk&index=13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTUUV1btJpE&list=PLUg6vO2_neOQr7E4oLRYxWkmPWM36DDZk&index=21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjRs0KjYzbo&list=PLUg6vO2_neOQr7E4oLRYxWkmPWM36DDZk&index=45

Unknown and Nameless-14

Pallavi pointed to the trolley and said, ' Darlings, your poison, your choice.'

All three barely gave a glance at the expensive bottles of booze and all three of them instead stared at her and said, ' There is something different about you from when we met last time.'

Rani flicked her fingers rapidly, a few times like she always did when she became emotional, and it mattered not whether she was angry, excited, shocked, sad or anything but she flicked her fingers.

The others knowing her and her habit very well let her speak and Rani looked at Pallavi, ' you look more alive and beautiful than before and as if that was even possible. There is something new in your eyes, and also at the same time, there is something missing in you and ..'

Pallavi a bit uncomfortable tried to escape and waved her hand and said, ' Chee, you girls are just imagining things.'

Betty and Amaravathi held her firmly and said, ' Not so quickly foxy lady,and told Rani, ' baby, finish your examination and your results.'

Rani came even closer and said, ' That sadness that always lingered deep in your eyes is not there and you seem to be free and unburdened.'

Pallavi smiled, ' I was not aware that you all could read me so well' and staring at rani, ' you witch, I have to be careful from now on.'

Betty asked excitedly, ' Pallu, you got laid, right. You have met someone and are having an affair. Correct.'

If it had been anybody else who had said those words, she would have torn their eyes out with her claws but then Betty being who she was, Pallavi let it go and said, ' Right on two and wrong on one.'

All three went ' OMG! WOW! Pallu, wtf is going on? come on sweetie, out with the all the gory details.'

' I got laid and it was beautiful and it was with my husband. I have met someone but that person is a friend and no I am not having an affair.'

Rani spoke and her words confused them all and they all stared at her.

' You slept with your husband. Big deal. But, didn't you tell us that it had been more than a year since you slept with him. What happened? did he get you drunk?'

Pallavi sensed a bitterness in Rani's words, but unable to fathom from where it stemmed from, she instead remained calm and said in a sweet voice, ' No, we were not drunk and it happened because we were both in a great mood.'

It dawned on all three of them that Pallavi indeed had something important to share with them and that was the reason that they were all gathered there at her place.

Amara leaned back, ' Pallu, I think I speak for all of us when I say that you better start from the beginning and from where this obvious change has come over you and that too in a span of a few days.'

Pallavi nodded, ' I will come to that person and the changes'

Rani butted in, ' this person, this friend, is it a he or a she?'

Pallavi answered, ' rani, how does it matter if it is a he or a she?'

' It matters Pallu, and it matters a lot.'

' Okay. It is a guy I met in " SERA" our favourite watering spot.'

Betty squealed loudly, ' I knew it.F..k me, I knew it. You have met someone who has got your juices going and unable to do it with him , you slept with your husband.'

The words were not only crude but rude and it seemed to deliver a statement about her character and instead of erupting in anger, tears formed in Pallavi's eyes and she looked at Betty, ' why are you being so mean and so bitchy? I have not even finished saying what I began and here you all are jumping to all sorts of conclusions.'

Pallavi looked at Betty Bhavna, ' I have known for more than seven years now and in all those years, from what you have told me, I can safely say that you have slept with more than a hundred different men.'

She looked at Betty and then at Amara and then at Rani,' Please tell me how many men I have slept with, in all these years that you have known me?'

All of them shook their heads and Betty said, ' Pallu darling, I wish you would slap me silly a hundred times for I can bear that but not the pain of seeing you cry. I am sorry sweetie. You know me and my f..k..g motor mouth. Please, forgive me.'

Amara glared at Betty, ' Do you always to make all your decisions based on your horny h..e? Do you think the whole world revolves around your stupid old C..t?'

It was Betty's turn to create tears and they just came and Pallavi hugged her and consoled her, ' idiot, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Not fair, dee.'

Rani not very amused by all this remarked with her characteristic sarcasm, ' She is crying because you called her a stupid old C..t, Amara.'

All four of them burst out laughing and were soon crying tears of laughter and joy and Rani not letting go went on attacking, ' Did you girls know that our Betty here spends more money on bikini waxing and Brazilian waxing than on her jewellery? The people at " Wink" and " Vurve" say that they can run their parlours with only her as a customer.'

Betty tossed her 10,000 rupee hair cut and said, ' Well, my lovers like it clean and neat. I aim to please.'

One by one they all began to fix their drinks and then sinking into the Italian sofas, the three looked at Pallavi who smiled and told them what she had been up to the past few days.

' Girls, I have started working in our export factory. I leave with Devan and come back with him after work and late in the evening and that is why I have been missing in action the past few days.'

All three of them stared at her and then stared at each other.

Betty asked, ' what are you doing in your husband's company?'

Amaravathi asked, ' why all of a sudden and that to now?'

Rani asked, ' did your husband force you into this or shame you into doing something that will pass off as work?'

She looked at all three of them and smiled and then all four turned on hearing the security man Bharaini's voice.

He looked at her and said, ' Ma'am, there is a Mr.Ashok who is here to see you.'

' Thank you, Bharani. Please show him in.'

She got up and said, ' girls, just a sec and I will be back.'

Pallavi left and Rani asked, ' Ashok. Who is this Ashok?'

Amaravathi shook her head, ' God only knows and then again maybe he is working with her.'

Betty said, ' I don't know but the way Pallu reacted on hearing the name, it makes me think that they are very close to each other.'

Rani angrily, ' how is that even possible when we know everything about Pallu? unless she has been concealing her real self from us and is a totally different person from who we think she really is?

Then they all looked and saw Pallavi walking towards them with the stranger called Ashok and all of them saw her holding his hand and were left feeling totally flummoxed.

Betty slowly got to her feet and hurriedly placing her drink on the table, mumbled to the others, ' I don't know about you women but that is one seriously hot guy.'

Amaravathi mumbled back, ' Betty, for god's sake keep your legs closed shut along with your Gob or else Pallu might break open a bottle on your head and I will happily join her. So, behave and stop acting like a bitch in heat.'

All three stood up and Pallavi introduced Ashok to them and he gently shook hands with all of them and said, ' Good afternoon ladies.'

Unknown and Nameless-15

Pallavi looked at Rani, Amaravathi and Betty Bhavna and pointing to Ashok, ' This is the friend I was talking about, girls' and with a smile turned to Ashok and said, ' These are my friends and my pillars on who I stand on.'

She looked at him, ' what will you have?'

' The regular.'

' Citrus salty dog?'

Ashok nodded, ' only if it is possible or else I will have whatever you are going to have.'

Pallavi blew a gust of wind from the left corner of her mouth and sent the few strands of hair that had dared to eclipse her face in a flutter and said, ' I make a mean Citrus salty, bro. You will see and in future, you will come running here for a drink rather than visit your familiar watering holes.'

She tapped him on the arm and said, ' sit and take the weight of your legs and soul for you are among friends.'

Ashok thanked her and sat down and found himself sitting right next to Rani who had not stopped looking at him, although it felt more like glaring at him.

There were two large cream sofas that could seat three people in great comfort and they were matched with two single sofas who stood as orphans and in soliloquy.

Ashok knew that to get to the single sofas in which he would be comfortable would have meant receding from them and since he was stuck in the middle, that move would have meant or signalled that he was uncomfortable with them and him being who he was, did not want that signal sent out and so proceeded to sit down right where he had been standing and right next to Rani from whom, wave after wave after intense hate waves kept crashing at him.

Amaravathi and Betty sat down and just as Betty was contemplating of getting up and taking a seat next to their guest, Pallavi returned and thus ruined her plans and after offering Ashok his drink, sat down next to him and raised her glass and all of them cheered " cheers".

Rani went on the attack immediately, ' so, you are the one who has brought on this change in Pallu?'

Ashok looked at her ' change, what change?'

Rani looked at him and the others with an expression that was not subtle in conveying " is this guy dumb" and waving in Pallavi's direction, ' Her, I mean Pallu.'

Ashok shrugged his shoulders and said, ' If there are any changes, then you will know better for I have known her only for a few days now.'

Betty nodding furiously, ' that is what Rani's question was and what it meant was how was this change even possible when we who have known her for so many years could not do bring about this change while you appear out of thin air and have transformed her and her life.'

Rani looked at Ashok with great curiosity, ' nine out of ten men would have retreated to either one of this single sofas if they had been placed in your situation. But, you sat down and that is because either you like and enjoy close contact with women which will make you a horny lech or else you feel nothing which will make you gay.'

Pallavi's voice snapped like a whip, ' Rani, wtf is wrong with you. Ashok is my guest and you better f..k..g apologize to him right this moment.'

Ashok in a calm voice, ' Pallavi, it's okay and there is nothing wrong with Rani's question' and turning to her, ' I sat down because I am comfortable with my own skin and because I accept more than I expect. Pallavi is my friend and I extend that same warmth and care to all three of you.'

' Which is a whole lot more than what Rani is dishing out to my own friend and a guest' Pallavi said glaring at Rani and sending a message that they would be talking about this afterwards.

Rani apologized to Ashok, ' I am sorry for being so rude and so crude. Please, believe me when I tell you that I am not like this normally but only when it comes to Pallavi and to my close friends of whom I am very protective about.'

Amaravathi said, ' Ashok, Rani is speaking the truth for this is the first time that I have seen her behave so rudely in all these years and frankly speaking, I am stunned by it.'

Ashok looked at all of them, ' It is a beautiful thing, a lovely emotion this state called friendship.'

Turning to Rani, ' there was no need to apologize, Rani for I understood where you were coming from and trust me when I tell you that your friend is safe with me and just that, a great friend.'

Pallavi took a large sip and growled her thoughts, ' I finally meet a man who I was physically and mentally attracted to, and I make the effort to go to him and try to make a pass and he becomes my best friend and makes me sleep with my husband instead.'

Ashok looked at her and burst out laughing and all four of them joined him and it was a beautiful moment and a moment that all of them would cherish all their lives.

Betty could not get enough of Ashok and asked him, ' are you married, Ashok?'

' No, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I will remain single.'

Pallavi was the only one who understood his words and she gently placed a hand on his shoulder and told the others, ' Ashok lost his love very recently. They were about to get married but sadly she passed away.'

All three gave him their condolences and Ashok thanked him and looked at his empty glass and Pallavi took it from him and went away to fix another round for him.

' What do you do Ashok?' Rani asked him and he answered, ' I contribute to an international journal about the medical field and the advancements in its various departments.'

He shook his head, ' a bloody boring job but one that pays well, very well.'

Amaravathi approved, ' so, you must be very intelligent.'

Betty added, ' very intelligent and very good looking.'

Ashok replied, ' there is more to me than just intelligence and good looks.'

She sighed, ' I am sure of that and I would dearly like to find out if it was only possible.'

Pallavi used her left knuckles to land a painful knock on Betty's head and said, ' Wtf is wrong with you. Is sex the only thing that matters to you?'

Rani commented sarcastically, ' Ashok, betty is looking for the perfect man to sleep with and has vowed to do that until she finds him.'

' Betty, what will you do once you find him?' Ashok asked and she replied, ' fall in love with him, what else.'

The conventional wisdom is that we choose friends because of who they are. But it turns out that we actually love them because of the way they support who we are.

Friend-a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

who came first man or woman?

Woman vs Man. who makes better friendships than the other?

Now, this question does crop up once in a while and like the mythical unicorn, the answer to this question is also a bit tough to find. But, being a woman, gives a woman an automatic jump start in the race and sadly they are already long gone by the time, man can get started.

What gave them that advantage is the power of emotions and their emotional intelligence and depth.

A man too is capable of great emotions but it is repressed from the beginning and we are told, " Boys don't cry and boys should not wear their emotions on their sleeves ".

Of course, there are exceptions but then again, they are exceptions.

A man might not want to share his emotions, cry and wail on his best pals shoulder but cometh the hour, cometh the friend and all it takes is one call and he will come running and will lay down his life for you.

But then that is rarely called for and since we are only in a story about every day people with every day lives and who have good and bad days.

Marital and Family Therapist and PhD, Tara Bates-Dufour describes 5 ways in which male and female friendships differ:

Women are more demanding when it comes to friendships. Females seek a strong emotional attachment with the women (and men) they choose as friends. Women also require more frequent contact with someone they consider to be a friend. Male-to-male friendships tend to be more casual than female-female friendships. Many men will consider someone a friend even if they do not maintain or stay in constant contact.

Men are happy trading off, reciprocating favours with one another, working on projects together and hanging out in a group of acquaintances, “the more the merrier’ while women typically prefer to go out with one or two close friends.

Male-to-male friendships tend to be “side-to-side”, fostered and maintained through shared activity while female-to- female friendships are more frequently “face-to-face” and are fueled by investment in the friendship and by more communication, personal connection and mutual support.

Men are more likely to use humour to taunt a friend, viewing this as innocent fun whereas women are more likely to refrain from taunting and poking fun at someone else out of a fear that this might hurt their friend’s feelings.

Male-to-male friendships are less fragile than women-to-women friendships. Men are more likely to remain friends after an argument or a fight whereas women are not.

Men are more likely to remain friends after an argument or a fight whereas women are not. ( Caution, important notice, please remember this).

Writing a love story is difficult at best. But, writing about women and their thoughts is ... and that too for a man to do so is a tall mountain to climb.

I began to write this new story for many reasons but amongst them, the most important one is for me as a man to better know and understand a woman, my wife and also my many woman friends.

I understand and recognize the fact that this is a sticky wicket, a quicksand grave but then again, this story is a story about me and my questions and my own answers to the problems that plague man and woman.

I have, will and take more liberty in telling stories and I also take all the blame for it when they go wrong.

In the end, they are just stories but if they can shed light on answers and other issues, then that is a win-win situation for all of us.

All of today's problems stem from judgements and opinions and you and me know that all of us have that and that they differ from each one of us.

My tryst with this forum and its members started with a story called Muhurtham and today after nearly 15 years, here I am telling my own story as a writer and not as an actor.

I wish you all a beautiful day, a peaceful Sunday and give you all my best wishes, love and blessings. Be well.

Unknown and Nameless-16

Ashok swirled his glass and looked at the tiny whirlpool that danced around inside his glass with an eye for its centre and with his eyes still on the circling orange salty dog,' I beg to differ from what Pallavi said a bit earlier when she said that she finally met the man who she thought she was attracted to, both physically and mentally attractive for I think she just crossed over to me sensing my own loneliness and then coupled with her own thoughts, we became friends and here we are after just a few meetings and that too in a bar, the last place one would expect to find a friend.'

Pallavi touched his glass with hers and said, ' Mr.Ashok, I agree with you one hundred per cent. Sitting here with you, I think I was just lost, lonely and feeling all that because I was just drifting along without any purpose.'

Rani still curiously aggressive and strangely so, asked Pallavi, ' why do you think that Ashok was able to bring this sudden change in you which Devan could not? Does than mean that your new found friend is wiser and more loving and caring than your husband of twenty years?'

Pallavi stared at Rani and then looked at the other women and said, ' Who is this Rani that is asking all these weird and vague questions and where is that sweet and cuddly bear of a woman that we are used to?'

Ashok glanced at Pallavi who said, ' I got this, and since this is about Devan, I have to answer and stand up for him and for my marriage.

Rani, Devan was never the problem. My own insecurity and inferiority complex were my problems. I should have spoken to him about my thoughts and dreams a long time ago. But, I did not. I chose not to and instead buried them deep inside me and plunged into my marriage and my husband and then my son. But, little did I realize that things that we bury and hideaway keep gnawing at our self and scrape, bruise and then begin to fester into an open wound.'

She looked at the others, ' There were so many times when Devan asked me if I was happy, just being his wife, mother and a homemaker and I said yes. I lied to him, for I was scared to spread my wings and fly and even when he was ready and waiting with open arms to catch me when I fell and when I failed.

Maybe, Ashok was the moment, the right time and the right push needed and that was all I needed to do what I have been wanting to do.'

She looked at Rani, ' so you see babe, it is not about others and is only about you.'

She raised her glass and declared, ' My drinking, my meeting with all of you has nothing to do with my husband for he was never the problem and was never the reason although it is the practice and habit of most of us to pin the blame on others when all you have to do is stand up and make your point and make your voice heard.'

Ashok and Amara clapped loudly and then Betty joined them both but not Rani for she decided to turn her full attention to her drink that she downed with one big gulp and asked Ashok, ' do you smoke Ashok? for I feel like smoking right now.'

' Sorry, Rani. I don't smoke but on rare occasions, I do enjoy a cigar with friends.'

Pallavi slapped his shoulder and told Rani, ' Babe, you know my room right. On the bottom draw of my dressing table, there is a box of Cubans that Devan has saved up for a long time and I think the time has come now for them to be smoked.'

She looked at Ashok, ' Go with Rani and smoke your cigars and come back for lunch will be laid out.'

The master bedroom had three balconies and each one of them was as big as the rooms themselves and Ashok whistled loudly and said, ' my, my this is beautiful and it surely must be good to be rich.'

Both unwrapped their cigars and slicing the tops away, lit up and blew, blue and expensive smoke that danced away like ballerinas and went on to mix with the air that made up Chennai.

Rani stared at Ashok who was staring out of the balcony and said, ' please, don't play with her feelings, Ashok. She is happily married and really loves Devan.'

Ashok turned slowly and after staring at Rani for a moment, smiled and went back to staring at the huge garden below.

' Didn't you hear what I just said? '

' I heard you Rani, loud and clear and my answer is that none of you, you especially, have to worry about Pallavi or her marriage for we are just friends and also that I will soon be leaving Chennai and will not be coming back.'

Then he turned and faced her, and said, ' you should tell her, Rani.'

Rani's eyes reflected her confusion with Ashok's observation and in a tentative voice asked, ' tell who and tell what.'

Ashok's eyes were on her and they reflected his sadness that filled his voice when he said ' You should tell Pallavi that you are in love with her.'

Unknown and Nameless-17

It is a sad thing to see someone's reaction when they confront the truth about themselves. It is like a death, dying of one life for like death, a lie is shattered and can never be put back again and as it was before breaking.

Some will turn angry, ferocious and launch a physical and verbal attack. Some will withdraw and slip another mask over their faces and lives.

Some will go numb with shock and fear and become desperate and will do anything to hold on to their existing lie and known life.

Rani smiled and seeing it, Ashok felt it was the most saddest smile that he had ever seen and its sadness was the same that had filled Catherine's face before she had left him.

But then he saw that Rani was just not a bitter, angry and frustrated person and that she was a woman with courage and wisdom and it was this Rani who spoke, ' Pallavi is a special person and a very intelligent person. When she mentioned you to us, I wondered how this was even possible for many a man has fallen at the very first hurdle of their moves to get into her pants.'

She inhaled a huge amount of smoke into her lungs and held it for a long time and at the same time she held his eyes with hers and then blew the smoke out of her mouth in a steady stream of blue clouds.

' That's it Mr.Ashok.Are you done?'

Ashok instead of replying, turned away and went back to staring at the garden and the swimming pool and stayed silent.

' Are you going to tell her about me?'

' It's none of my business and it is something between you friends.'

' Then why put the mirror of truth to my face and force me to stare at it with your observations.'

He shrugged, ' maybe, you should ask yourself that?'

' What do you mean by that?'

' Exactly as my words. You should ask yourself why someone would put a mirror to your face and force you to confront yourself.'

Rani's face loosened a bit and visibly relaxed and she asked, ' I know I was being a bitch. A nasty bitch.'

' If you could be that to me at our first meeting and without knowing anything about me, then maybe you should stop and think how you are with others. Importantly, those who love and care for you and who are a part of your life.'

Rani stared at him and he stared back and she asked, ' how, how did you know that I have feelings for Pallu?'

' Do you want to talk about it, Rani?'

She smiled and stared at her cigar and saw that it was nearly done and then saw that Ashok's cigar still had more than half a life left in it and stubbed hers in the large ceramic ashtray that had been comfortably placed on a ledge nearby.

She shook her head and let out a large sigh and boldly reached out and took Ashok's cigar and laughed loudly.

He looked at her, ' penny for your laughter.'

' The reason I laughed is because of this weird and absurd situation that I am in right now. Here I am, talking to a near-total stranger and that too about my sexuality that I have hidden and buried for most of my adult life.'

' This is exactly what happened between me and Pallavi at the bar. We saw, met, connected, and here I am connecting with you.'

' I guess I can talk to you. If Pallu trusts you, that is good enough for me.'

Ashok looked at her, ' Rani, you don't need to tell me anything. For even though I understand your situation, I or others will never be able to understand and the only person who you need to understand you and support you is Pallavi. The reason I told you to talk to her about your feelings is because, it will free you, lessen this burden you are unnecessarily placing on yourself and on your daily life.'

Rani looked at him and asked, ' Are you f..k..g crazy? Stop and think about she will react and stop and give a thought as to what will happen to my friendship with her and the other.'

She pulled deeply on the cigar and shook her head vigorously, ' No way, Ashok. I would rather go on like this than risk losing her and our friendship, that I value more than my love for her.'

He looked at her with eyes that she thought were filled the kindest and yet the saddest feelings and then froze as he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her head and whispered, ' All the best.'

Pallavi chose this moment to enter the balcony and she clapped her hands loudly and screamed, ' Rani getting a kiss and that too from a stranger. This is going into the records my darlings.'

She raised her camera and told Ashok, 'bro, Please do that once more for the camera please.'

Ashok looked at Rani who smiled and then he did something that stunned both the woman for he gently pulled Rani to him and hugged her tightly and Pallavi yelping like a puppy clicked them away and captured the moment and froze time.

Then she raised her camera and took selfies of all three of them.

Lunch went on and on and late into the evening and then one by one all of them stumbled back to their homes and back to their lives.

It was nearly 11.00 pm when Devan came back from another hurried trip that he had made to Mumbai and was informed about the lunch party by his cooks.

Subhadra bai reported excitedly, ' Sir, madam made mutton pullav and two chicken side-dishes.'

Devan looked at her and rolled up his sleeves, ' bring whatever madam to the table for I am hungry, really hungry.'

Both the cooks stood staring at him and then Subhadra bai commented, ' sir, I have never eaten such tasty food in my life. And to think that you have been eating the food that I cook all these years.'

Devan looked at her, ' Temple Prasadam should be eaten only once in a while and on special occasions. My wife's cooking is also a prasadam.'

He heard her gentle snores and smiled and slowly crawled to her side and placing a soft kiss on her lips lay by her side with her in his arms and she mumbled in her sleep, ' did you eat what I cooked?'

' Yes, baby.Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Now, go back to sleep.'

Momentary heaven on earth

Imagine that, a day, a holiday

just you and the road stretching, running away

just you and your car, your bike or a horse even

just the road and just the journey

Imagine that, a road lined with tall soldier trees

really tall and towering and throwing shadows

on all that they eyes see and survey

and on all land that is under their purview

your eyes spot a silver ribbon in the shadows

a running, gurgling and babbling silver stream

a brook, a rivulet, a tiny river running on its own

Imagine stopping and getting down

and placing your feet in the water

and just laying back on the green soft grass

that is all around you and with the tree

as a large umbrella over you

Imagine, soft lulling Ilayaraja's songs

being carried on the breeze

some words are lost and your lips

voice them and fill the lost ones

and make sense of them

those words and thoughts

that are always lost in translation

and thoughts and feelings that we

lost in the fires and cremations

of life and in living it

Imagine that and I hope it

comes true for you and for me and for all of us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJzhzFfnPPk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJYRZvZzYxk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjrhx_2X8TE

Unknown and Nameless-18

Even though it was a Sunday, Pallavi's subconscious mind told her that it would be good for her to persist with her newfound regimen of getting up early and going to work with her husband. Since this was only a recent start, Pallavi woke up not wanting to break that cycle even though it was a holiday.

" God worked hard at creating everything for six days and then rested on the seventh day and which over the years became a rest day. But, not for me for my work and creation is just about to begin" Pallavi thought to herself as she lay awake in bed.

A streak of light fell on her face and she turned to see her husband hurriedly shutting the door of their walk-in closet and reached for her bedside lamp and switched it on.

She saw Devan dressed in a white kurta and white pyjama and teased him, ' mister, the state elections are only next year. why then are you dressing up right now like Rahul Gandhi?'

He smiled and apologized, ' sorry Pallu, I thought I would get away without disturbing you from your sleep.'

She brushed his sorry away with a wave of her hand, ' I was awake before the light disturbed me.'

Sensing something off in devan's mood, she asked, ' baby, all okay. why so serious?'

Devan laughed, ' the poor guy who played the Joker in that batman film made that line immortal and infamous?'

He sat next to her and slowly lifted the strands of hair that had fallen on her face and said, ' Pity, that guy killed himself just before the film released to such rave reviews.'

His fingers examined her hair lovingly, ' I see a couple of white strands.'

' does not matter anymore, Dev.I am in my forties. A wife, a mother and now hopefully a creator too. My looks are not a priority anymore and my only priority is doing something with my talent, passion and time.'

' Who is this Pallavi? what magic has cast you anew?' Devan jested and he gently placed a soft kiss on her lips and said, ' My dear wife, you have my complete support to do what you want and need to do.'

Getting up, he looked at her, ' One of my college friends sent me a message informing me that one of our friends is not doing well and has been admitted to the hospital. So, I thought I would drop in and say hi and wish him a speedy recovery.'

Pallavi threw away her quilt and said, ' Do you want me to come along with you?'

Devan smiled, ' No. I will be okay and moreover you don't know this person and I myself haven't seen him in about 25 years.'

He smiled, ' Don't wait up for breakfast for I am sure that the guys will want to have breakfast together and then it won't stop with that and it will be lunch by the time I get back.'

' Okay. I will see you for lunch, then. I am sorry about your friend. Please convey my regards and best wishes to him and his family.'

Reaching for her phone, she saw several dozens of Whatsapp message and only opened the ones she thought were important and saw that her three friends had thanked her for a great time and great food and had wished her good night. She quickly typed a good morning to all of them knowing pretty well that they would see it only a few hours later.

Finished with the morning tryst with the bathroom, she came down and asked Subhadra, her cook for a coffee and just as it was being placed on the table, she looked up to see, her security guard standing there.

' Ma'am, there is a priest wanting to come in to meet you.'

' Priest, wanting to meet me. Just give them some money and send them away, please.'

' Sorry, ma'am. This is not a brahmin priest but a Christian one.'

Pallavi looked at him, ' maybe they have come to collect donations for their church and today being a Sunday, they know that everyone will be at home.'

She called for Subhadra and told her to take 1000 rupees from the kitchen fund and give it to the priest at the gate and went back to her coffee and said loudly, ' Hindu or Christian, it does not matter for priests are priests and are always out for collections.'

She had just finished taking her first sip when Subhadra came back with the money still in her hand and informed Pallavi that the priest was not interested in the money but had come to talk to her about a personal matter that involved her.

Irritated and frustrated by this sudden and rude request and an invasion of her time, she cursed for a few moments and then told Subhadra to invite the priest in and also asked for another cup of coffee for the visitor.

The morning sun crested the tree and unfettered by clouds it too made a sudden appearance over the trees that lined the compound of their house and at the same time the priest walked up the stairs.

The sun created a magical halo around the priests bald head and he stood in his white cassock and Pallavi knew that she had indeed done the right thing by inviting him in.

She stood up and greeted him, ' Good morning father. Please come in.'

The priest thanked her and entered and Pallavi noticed that he seemed a bit stooped as he walked and wondered if he was carrying an invisible cross on his shoulders and hurriedly brushing away her vivid and wild imagination, she requested the priest to sit down and join her for a coffee.

Sitting down after the elderly priest had sat down, Pallavi looked at him and in an unsure voice asked him, ' Father, you have me at a disadvantage for I am very sure that we have not met before this moment. Unless we have met before and I have forgotten about it.'

The priest smiled, ' Same goes for me too, although in my case I would attribute to a loss of memory to my old age..'

' Father, my name is Pallavi Mahadevan.'

' I am Peter but please call me father for I am that by age and also by the work I do.'

Pallavi smiled pleasantly, ' Please tell me father, how can I help you?'

Father Peter smiled, ' You can help and for this matter that I place before you, you are the only one who can help.'

She looked at him expectantly and Father Peter taking the cue, said, ' This is regarding your friend James and his request.'

' But father, what request?'

' His final request of course, Pallavi.'

Pallavi spread her hands in confusion, ' I am sorry father, but maybe you have come to the wrong address for I have no friend or know anyone by the name James.'

Father Peter smile sadly and looked away, and whispered, ' I see that our friend has left me to do the hard and painful work.'

' What friend and what painful work?'

' When I said our friend, I meant Ashok who converted last week and I was the one who baptised him and welcomed him into the arms of Christ.'

' You mean the Ashok I know is James.'

Pallavi's face began to cloud with a kind of unknown fear that one feels when something bad is going to happen and her face and voice were filled with worry when she asked Father Peter, ' How is he? Is he okay?'

' I am sorry Pallavi.But Ashok passed away last night.'

The pain that she felt in her head and heart was numbing and she felt her eyes spinning and had to grip both the armrest of the sofa firmly and taking sharp and quick breaths she said, ' But, he was here. right here with all of us. We ate, we laughed and we had such a good time.'

Unable to take the pain anymore, Pallavi began to cry loudly and cried nonstop for several minutes.

Then she looked at him and asked in a pathetic voice, ' Was it a heart attack or some sudden thing?'

It was the turn of father Peter's eyes to fill with tears and he said, ' No. He committed suicide just like his Catherine did, a year ago. Poor soul, he will finally be with her forever.

But, he was methodical and brave until the end and also called for an Ambulance.'

' Why call for an ambulance, Father?'

' Organ Ambulance. It was all signed and legal and they got there in record time.'

If in life we cannot be one and remain separated then we shall unite in death and be one forever-Satish

Penultimate chapter