Domestic Violence

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Rich`

@cs-07

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

I am still watching the show and maybe am being judgemental

but i really have to say this

why are women so forgiving. why do they chose to forgive instead of being separated or divorced.. why does the freakin society look down on divorced women or separated women.. WHY.. the woman who was being physically or verbally tortured. why do people chose to stay in their marriages to try to igve the marriage a chance even when everything else fails.
the woman in SMJ took a divorce but it took her 16 years. am proud of her but am not proud of the fact so many women dont do anything.

Say, I get married and my husband is a prick, as far as i can tell, i know my parents would tell me to give the marriage a chance or noone else will marry me and my life will be spoiled.

In our neighbourhood and our social circles we know of so many women and families, where children and wives are silently suffering.

i dont feel sympathy even for myself. only sadness.

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Rich`

@cs-07

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Another issue, Empowered women .. financial independence is regarded as something that it makes a woman stronger

but even empowered women ARE suffering in DV.. how does ur financial independence make u strong when u r being tortured. and not do anything abt it.

it makes me angry.

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Here's a thought: The men fear the independent woman and choose to denigrate her because they are afraid that the women they are abusing at home, might get inspired by the independent woman and leave them to fend for themselves.

The women, on the other hand denigrate the independent woman because they are jealous - "if I had the guts, even I would live a violence free life". Since they lack the guts they despise and make it difficult for the unencumbered woman. It makes it easier for them to say "I can't leave my rascal of a husband, see what happened to the girl who took divorce; the life I'm leading is at least better".

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Just got into an argument with my father. He was saying that what is there to make such a hue and cry about it, a man raising his hand on his wife happens in every household, so it's no big deal. Mom and I just looked at each other and said, yes it's no big deal, but why are you so upset if we say the women should hit back? If it's no big deal, then it's no big deal to be hit back too. Even a dog will bite the person who kicks him.

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567043

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

I am still watching the show and maybe am being judgmental
##### There is a NEED for the younger generation to be judgmental and harsh in its judgement of the prevailing patriarchal mind set
but i really have to say this

why are women so forgiving.
###### It is an attitude and mind set that is drummed into the distaff side-mostly by another woman-the mother and later the mother in law

why do they chose to forgive instead of being separated or divorced..
#### It is a combination of MANY factors that have hobbled women's choices down the years.This unspoken training is imparted so imperceptibly that some times it takes years of introspection or some act of SHOCKING violence for women to be jolted out of their long term conditioning.
why does the freakin society look down on divorced women or separated women.. WHY.
###### WHY? Because women who dare to break free of an abusive relationship upset "The Natural Order" of a patriarchal society.
. the woman who was being physically or verbally tortured. why do people chose to stay in their marriages to try to igve the marriage a chance even when everything else fails.
##### Some of the reason I can think of:
1) Societal,specially parental pressure
2) A severe misunderstanding of the acceptable way of expressions of spousal love
3) A lack of financial independence.
4) A fear of social embarrassment
5) The false notion that it is for the benefit of children to be in a family-even a divided and violent one.
6)WHAT will I do/how will I manage alone?
7) Lack of parental/sibling/family support for decision to "break the family" even if SHE is broken
8) A congenital lack of self confidence in the young girl child perpetuated by parents,
husbands,in laws and later sons too.
9) A lack of knowledge of her rights coupled with a lack of awareness of the protection available to safe guard her body,heart,mind and life.
the woman in SMJ took a divorce but it took her 16 years. am proud of her but am not proud of the fact so many women dont do anything.
#### At least she DID-many women are unable to & spend their whole lives in abusive marriages-physical,verbal and emotional

Say, I get married and my husband is a prick, as far as i can tell, i know my parents would tell me to give the marriage a chance or no one else will marry me and my life will be spoiled.
#### Standard but IRRESPONSIBLE and dangerous line of argument taken by cowardly parents unwilling to shoulder the responsibility of a "fallen-from-grace" daughter

In our neighbourhood and our social circles we know of so many women and families, where children and wives are silently suffering.
#### Shouldn't you be doing something for them and perhaps learning from their experiences.

i dont feel sympathy even for myself. only sadness.
##### Don't be so quick to be sad-there are signs of change-my generation would NEVER have even THOUGHT of discussing the problem of DV with strangers-it would have remained a dark & dirty secret...I'd think awareness and an acknowledgement that there IS a problem are the first steps that your generation has taken.
KUDOS.

Edited by znursingh - 13 years ago

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Rich`

@cs-07

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Chitrashi
Here's a thought: The men fear the independent woman and choose to denigrate her because they are afraid that the women they are abusing at home, might get inspired by the independent woman and leave them to fend for themselves.

The women, on the other hand denigrate the independent woman because they are jealous - "if I had the guts, even I would live a violence free life". Since they lack the guts they despise and make it difficult for the unencumbered woman. It makes it easier for them to say "I can't leave my rascal of a husband, see what happened to the girl who took divorce; the life I'm leading is at least better".

#blakc

not true. a woman wakes up at 5. makes breakfast and lunch .. does all the household errands except maybe jhadu pocha and bartan and then the husband when he sees that there is no dal or sabji to go with his lunch or breakfast, he comments subah se bas yehi bana hai. 😡

the woman also goes to work and comesback tired but she is still expected to make tea and breakfast for the patiDEV. cause he is tired but maybe she was having her spa day!!

the man now goes for his pampering sprees with his facials and bleaches and the woman doesnt care AT ALL.. but she is still at the receiving end cause she doesnt speak up and when she does.. she is the homebreaker or the woman who cant hold the house together,

🤢

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Rich`

@cs-07

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

love you zem..

i really want fellow women, young and old, to wake up, even the men.
a boy/man is so protective towards the mother being a mummy's boy or not. how can they hit back at the woman who is also a mother of his child or even if someone else;s child.

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Sorry to say this but women in India raise their sons with much less care than they would animals. Even dogs are trained on how to eat, where to go to the loo, not to "play with themselves" when there's company etc. I see maybe 1 in 50,000 men who can pass one of the three criteria.

If a woman is lucky and she hits the marital jackpot, she might get a husband who doesn't physically assault her, but the rest will do so gladly and nonchalantly. The concept of mental, emotional and sexual violence that women suffer in the name of marriage is not even being explored so far.

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: nirvanlove

#blakc

not true. a woman wakes up at 5. makes breakfast and lunch .. does all the household errands except maybe jhadu pocha and bartan and then the husband when he sees that there is no dal or sabji to go with his lunch or breakfast, he comments subah se bas yehi bana hai. 😡

the woman also goes to work and comesback tired but she is still expected to make tea and breakfast for the patiDEV. cause he is tired but maybe she was having her spa day!!

the man now goes for his pampering sprees with his facials and bleaches and the woman doesnt care AT ALL.. but she is still at the receiving end cause she doesnt speak up and when she does.. she is the homebreaker or the woman who cant hold the house together,

🤢

That's my entire point. If men did not use abusive language to refer to an independent woman. If an independent woman was not ill-treated by society more women might decide to walk out of their marital homes. So in order to keep the larger population subjugated and under the yoke, it is important that the smaller population is given a tough time and made into social outcasts.

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RiMa_972

@RiMa_972

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Today's epi was so touching...and very very thought provoking. I myself have no answers to many of the questions asked here...I dont know how I would react if I was in such a situation, but I would like to think and I do believe that I would fight back.

But , in my own family [ sasural], I have seen many women being the victims of Domestic Violence, and though they are outraged, and do fight in their own little way, they are reluctant to take the final step and say NO !

It makes me very sad, and whenever I get a chance, I make it a point to tell them to fight back...

It is very disturbing to see that most of them are unable do so...and sometimes it is not even because of lack of support from others.

Like Shanno said - the victim herself has to decide and be strong mentally and react and try to put a stop to it

Kudos to all the women who have been able to stop it or walk out and rebuild their life...And may God give the others enough strength to do so

And I wish Men all over would realise the brutality of what they are doing - which I guess is equivalent to asking for the Moon!