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-Nafisa-

@-Nafisa-

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: Xarina
I understand what you are saying Nafisa. But define 'modern' man. Is this the same modern man who will proudly tell all around him that he is enlightened and that his wife goes out to work too, but once inside the house he will sit with his feet up. His excuse. He has had a hard day at work. But his wife has been out to work as well and had just as hard if not much harder day at work and then come home to her second job. Why does not this modern man think that if he gets up and helps then the household chores would be done in no time and he would have a much calmer wife. If the wife cooperates and goes out to work to earn money to help with the household bills then surely should she not expect the same consideration from her husband. Whichever way you look at it, girls get the raw deal from parents to in laws to husbands. God only knows when it will change.

When we realise that no matter how much we talk to our husbands to change and to help us in the home, it won't change as men don't listen, if we accept that we will be happier. What we can do is employ a nanny or aupair to do the housework. I know what you are thinking aupairs won't look after our kids well and the kids will be more attached to her then you or won't love you as much...lol and the house won't be done the way you want it, but perhaps that's the choice we take when we can't do everything ourselves (housework and earning a living). It's either that or go with our parent's wishes and marry the old fashioned man and stay at home and do one job, be a homemaker.

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-Nafisa-

@-Nafisa-

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

We can't really blame our parents entirely, they want us settled before they death. Therefore, want to make sure we get the best possible match quickly. The best family and good provider. If they don't act quickly that catch will be hooked by someone else.

Marriage is like a market in it's own way, women are judged on they own suitability too, just like men (above), young, pretty, has a masters degree, can provide healthy kids (that's why must be young). The older the woman means you miss out on the best crop of bachelors...and your parents worry that they will die and leave you a spinster that's why the rush to marry you off.

Boys parents as I said they want a daughter-in-law to do the work because they are getting old now (mother-in-law) and are tired of working in the house for their families.

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ANJ4

@ANJ4

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: suk19
Ashwin parents are complicated especially indian ones, mine included, parents need to live their lives they had fun in their day n age so now it comes down to their children they want us to babysit them because they have done so much for us we have to repay them back. ideally if they get this right let the children live their lives let them go out in the world make a name for them selves let the children think about their children. i am not saying abandon your parents but to have a relationship where rather than the child being suffocated to let them be free let them have fun let them be responsible visit your parents go n stay weekends with them but let the children make their own decisions not theirs.
i have said to my girls its your life after you leave my home me i am here will always be here until god takes me i dont want to be a burden to my child neither to i want my child to be a burden on me i want them to be successful make a name for themselves so i can feel proud

very nice .

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Kehkasha

@K.Ahm

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: Nafisa_blossoms
We can't really blame our parents entirely, they want us settled before they death. Therefore, want to make sure we get the best possible match quickly. The best family and good provider. If they don't act quickly that catch will be hooked by someone else.

Marriage is like a market in it's own way, women are judged on they own suitability too, just like men (above), young, pretty, has a masters degree, can provide healthy kids (that's why must be young). The older the woman means you miss out on the best crop of bachelors...and your parents worry that they will die and leave you a spinster that's why the rush to marry you off.

Boys parents as I said they want a daughter-in-law to do the work because they are getting old now (mother-in-law) and are tired of working in the house for their families.

in that case i would say i m very lucky. I come from a conservative muslim family and yet in my family no girls are forced to get engaged or married at young age.

so basically i have seen many parents who do such things but i m a bit lucky i would say, my ma-papa wants me to graduate n stand up on my feet first and then think about marriage...

since traditions hold importance in my family love marriage is banned, but that does not mean i dont have choice, in fact even in arranged marriages choices are asked and if v like someone then parents do support us...

i agree for some daughters are burden my own uncle (from my mum's side) married a girl who was like 15 yrs old n she has 2 kids now at 19😲 she is just a year older than me n has 2 kids..so yes some r lucky n some r not...n one of my friend got married last year and i was like seriously is she getting married i mean how, why was the question in my head

so yes for some jaldi se shaadi karake hum apna farz ata kar de is the thinking and for the boys mother 'choti ladki laongi toh she will stay under my thumbs n i can control her' is the thinking.

even after so much modernisation some are living in the stone age, and as childrens we are doing the same by agreeing with our parents... a child has the right to put his/her foot down n say no to marriage if not happy but the culture and traditions does not allow us to think so...n some parents take advantage of it...the day we come above staunch traditions we will be able to put an end to such thinking...following traditions is healthy but in future it should not become the noose around ur neck...

in sathiya the mother made him what he is n so blindly following her gave ahem pain but yet the respect he has for his mother stopped him from going against her wish...this is what makes children bitter sometimes... that they cant breathe freely,,,,,,, its a differnet matter that now ahem loves gopi...in most marriages that does not happen

Edited by mjht_ArVi4ever - 13 years ago

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CravingKhana

@CravingKhana

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

Shaun very interesting...topic...but there is no one anwer suits all...

we have here represented those children who have got caught to the demands of parents and those are on the brim of releasig their won kids and hope not to make the same mistakes...

and of course those who are yet to enter this tangled web...

tho cultures do prescribe our way of thinking it is not entirely culture that dictates how we act...

practices of old that made sense in a society have been singled out for thier convienience bought out of its environment and in the name of 'culture' been alvishly strewn around in environments that donot really suit it ...and end up strangling its occupants...

in terms of early marriage...re Saathiya...that is still the norm...and acceptable in the society of the play...the children you name are not really children by age but by maturtiy and I think in its way the makers are trying to display the pors and cons of the system...

but when the audience is so vast and their world view so different understanding certain concepts and playing around with intricasies become a thwarted effert...

for example you mentioned living together...In gujarat in this small town It might be another century b4 the first person dares do anything close and may be fear of such esperimentation is what makes em more rigid in their practice...

I was bought up by parents who were quite forward in thier thinking...atleast in comparison with thier peers...yet it was a balancing act...as in certain views my dad broke barriers in certain my mom did and the other parent was the restraint...yet in certain values they both held back...my mom to date is a very ritualistic person...

I was a the youngest daughter who moved out at 17

put myself thru school involved in a profession alien to my society ...backpacked across the globe...was made understand the mechanics of a car b4 I drove it etc...and yet the day I got married my parents celebrated like no tomorrow...the ease of a burdon they had handed their daughter off to another was there...this 'burdon' is the thought of a daughter without a anchor...a very different thougth but yet a burdon ...can I blame them for it...

Speaking to my 95 yr ol gran...a child bride at 14 will also give one a completely different perspective on this whole issue...

hey Xar/ Suk Naffisa...great input girls ...and also those I did not mention...(its cos I dont know ya) but great responces...