Arranged Marriages?

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HareKrsna108

@HareKrsna108

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: munnihyderabad

Ahhh nice topic..

i don't know about love marriages since mine is an arranged marriage... and i can say arrange marriages are fun in a way..

in love marriage..

- you know each other very well.. after getting married there is nothing new to know or adjust or you know the phase of getting to know each other will be missing...

- in arranged marriages,.. u don't know anything about ur partner..
after the wedding u start to know about likes and dislikes..
share your past life with each other.. we discuss our life from kindergarten to the time u get married...
we almost become an open book to each other...we get to know each other..and in this process of sharing the experiences we become friends and we have the care, concern. understanding and trust...with each other...and finally falling in love...

In love marriages the initial steps are missed after wedding since u know everything about each other.. so i don't how their life will be😕

but as for as arranged marriage.. i asked my parents for an arranged marriage.. most of my cousins have married out of love.. but i was all excited and always wanted an arranged marriage.. which is fun😳

and for any marriage--- this is the essence of it

Perfect relationship is created by conscious effort and not discovered all of a sudden. The incompatibilities have to be resolved by a continual mutual adjustment and reconciliation by a willing attitude of 'give and take'.

Marriage is marriage and is not a mere love affair which is but an infatuation. Love affair is a relationship just for the pleasure of the person involved and it has no consideration of the families of the persons. When the pleasure wears out, the affair is gone.

But, marriage is a life commitment.If you make a sacrifice, you are not sacrificing to that person. It is a sacrifice to a permanent relationship.Love bears all, endures all. If the relationship has pains, remember that life is a mixture of joys and sorrows.

Just loved your analysis...sooo beautiful =D Also i like how in Vedic culture to a married girl any other man younger then her son is treated as a son and any man older then her husband is treated as a father =D Her husband is meant to be a spiritual master wife and if she faithully serves him, they both go back to heaven where they live forever serving God. Marriage is a sacrifice made, which will eventually help one to go back to Kanhaji if the couple make serving Krsna the goal of their life=D

Yeah and if you fall in love after marriage...then you do not have to have the fear that your partner might not marry you =D cos he would already be married to you =P

Marriage is marriage and is not a mere love affair which is but an infatuation. Love affair is a relationship just for the pleasure of the person involved and it has no consideration of the families of the persons. When the pleasure wears out, the affair is gone...

is like the most important point =D...like marriage is no longer the union of two families anymore...and there seems to be sooo much ego between couples...if they truly loved each other they would forgive...

Edited by HareKrsna108 - 13 years ago

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-Eris-

@-Eris-

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

It depends nowadays even if you have an arranged marriage you obviously talk to your fiancee after your engagement. So the courtship period is really similar to the one you have with your boyfriend. You and your arranged marriage fiancee will definately put in extra efforts to work it all out so i think its almost the same now. Except that you know all your boyfriends faults but it takes some time to get to know your husbands 😆

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Nandita / Tina

@5cents

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

Love marriage or arranged marriage...shaadi to shaadi hai jaise bhi karo. "Unconditional Love" is the foundation of any marriage before or after is of no consequence. One has to work hard to make marriage work. My mom always says...Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end!

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Learn some ...
Stress management
Disaster management
Disappointment management

Marriage will work my cutoos

Just my 5 cents😎

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Nandita / Tina

@5cents

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: vibz88
It depends nowadays even if you have an arranged marriage you obviously talk to your fiancee after your engagement. So the courtship period is really similar to the one you have with your boyfriend. You and your arranged marriage fiancee will definately put in extra efforts to work it all out so i think its almost the same now. Except that you know all your boyfriends faults but it takes some time to get to know your husbands 😆

Vibha, I guess, the real fun starts after fish is caught and is marinated for grilling😆

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Madhura

@Madhura2105

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

the way you run your marriage is more important, despite of it being a loved or arranged one.. because marriage is all about sharing n compromising n understanding.. 😊

and once when you understand your spouse the marriage becomes a smooth sailing then... 😊

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Srilatha

@Srilathalolla

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Really speaking it is not the question of Arranged or love marriage.I think it is the understanding between the couple and the way they share their feelings and responsibilities.

In love marriages there may not be support from parents some time so it up to the boy and the girl to lead happy life. But in arranged marriages that is not the issue if there is any difference then the family members also help them to resolve.

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752993

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

#17

As some of you have already written, Arranged/ Love marriage- these are just terms/words...it is the attitude of the couple, sacrifices, their submission to one another is what really keeps a marriage going.
Mine was an arranged too, but both my husband and I still didnt get over our past relationships at the time of our wedding. We loved different people before our wedding...During the courtship time, we shared both our stories.
There was no "love" at the start of this relationship, but for me, there was an intention that no matter what happened in the past, this is the person(my husband) I want to get married to even though I don't love him yet. IIt was the same for mu husband. It took us a while after the wedding for us to get to know each other. We were friends and then became husband and wife. We are married 7 years now and have a wonderful son and we are a happy little family enjoying every day, every moment. We often talk bout our courtship days and we laugh.

So yeah, arranged or love, it depends on the couple to make it work. Yes, we have to compromise, we have to make sacrifices...everything will not be all so rosy. If your heart has already made up that I will be with this person till the point of my death, then everything falls into place.

So whoever is single here, Marriage is a wonderful institution...there is work that needs to be done constantly from both the sides but its exciting. So yeah go for it!

Ok enough of my long post. I think this is the longest post i have ever posted😆

now back to watching SNS...

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idiotboxwatcher

@idiotboxwatcher

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

I had a love marriage and I am happy for it... someone here mentioned that love marriages miss out on the initial getting to know each other phase since they already know each other... and I have heard this often from proponents of arranged marriage... I strongly disagree...

For me "marriage" is an altogether different term from "Wedding"... a wedding is just a social ceremony that binds a couple into life-long commitment... but marriage is what they make of such a life... For me, my marriage to my husband started from the day we expressed our love to each other and our decision to spend our lives with each other - come what may... that promise I think is the basis even for a wedding to be solemnized... so we started "getting to know each other" from that day... we had our wedding ceremony 4 years after that, but in our minds we were "married" to each other. I think mental, emotional and spiritual marriage is the basis for any marriage clicking - be it arranged or not. In arranged marriage, "marriage" happens after the "Wedding" and in love marriages "marriage" happens before the "wedding"!! So no, I disagree that we missed out on the getting to know each other phase... that beautiful phase is as much there, memorable and sweet in love marriages as it is in arranged ones... in fact I feel it was kind of "safer" for me to be in love and marriage with someone I know for sure values me, loves me and wants me as much as I do him, rather than be bound to someone I wouldn't be sure if he would want me as much as I want him... each to his own.

That said, once a couple starts living together in a marriage, no matter if it was an arranged marriage or not, the success of the marriage depends on a looot of factors mentioned here, including making the effort to understand differences, accepting each other's fault, compromising on liking each other's family, agreeing on parenting/financial decisions etc etc...I believe Marriage is a life-time avocation that lends meaning to one's life.

Now, at the risk of offending some people out here, as much as I admire Gopi's resolve, I can never be like her... perhaps because we come from different social backgrounds I don't know... but to keep caring for someone single-sidedly without hoping , expecting , or even setting a deadline as to WHEN or WHETHER my husband will ever love me back is something of a nightmare for me... I have several times thought what I would have done if I were her and surprisingly I get the answer that I would exactly what she is doing! At different points in the serial during different tracks, lot of posts have mentioned "Gopi should leave!" ... I am like "Leave to where?? And do what??" She is uneducated, without a degree, without a rich father... where will she go after protesting against Ahem's treatment? She is sheltered in MM, with a sweet MIL ... she has made it her life... good decision! I believe Sandhya in DABH should leave... leave, leave, leave please! But Gopi, no, Gopi is in the best place she can be, even with Ahem's past ill treatment and present inexpression of love.

Edited by idiotboxwatcher - 13 years ago

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