OS - Lost Without You !!

As far as memory served him, Ahem couldn't remember of a time when he napped in the afternoons. He woke up with a splitting headache. He couldn't think straight, his head felt heavy and his thoughts were muddled. The thing he needed most was his cup of green tea. He knew it would help his head.

He got out from under the sheets and realized he was sleeping in his vest and shorts. He looked around for his kurta, found it on the night stand put it on and pulled his tracks. He walked out of his room towards the kitchen absolutely certain that it was the one place he would find his wife. As he neared the kitchen he could see his wife near the kitchen counter working away in a daze. He called out her name; he liked the sound of it. He could see that he had startled her and saw her trying to put her pallu on. He asked for a cup of green tea, saw her nod and walked away without waiting for her response. His head was making him grumpy and as much as he would have loved to he was not in the mood for small talk.

He walked back to his room, unable to focus on anything. As he was waiting for his green tea to be brought up to him, the quiet of the room took over. He began to relax and close his eyes only to be disrupted by the clanking of bangles. He saw her put his green tea on the coffee table. He was hoping the green tea would fix his headache. He slowly glanced at the clock and realized it was almost past seven and dinner would be served in an hour or so. He asked her about the menu for dinner and was happy that it had kofta, a dish he craved for. He couldn't help but feel smug. He heard her turn and before he could say anything, saw her run away. He couldn't understand this.

He freshened up in time for dinner and still felt a little hazed. He was, for some reason very hungry. He went down to dinner only to find his father and him eating. His father was soon done and excused himself. His mother was nowhere to be seen, he asked his wife after her. After hearing her reply, he assumed they would both eat together and headed to his room.

Back in his room, he could sense something amiss. He didn't quite know what it was, yet. He failed to understand why he was rather slow and sluggish this evening. His mother came to see him before she turned in for the night enquiring about the task she gave him. Task? What task ? he asked himself and when nothing came to him he gave up. He decided to let a good night's sleep help him clear his thoughts and head. He went to the couch, his bed since his wife's accident and fell into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up the next day feeling rejuvenated and himself. He found that his wife had as usual freshened up and getting ready to get her chores done. Blue suits her, he thought but he liked her better in the green and maroon saree she wore yesterday. He noticed that she seemed a little lost and was staring blankly into the mirror on the dresser and before he could enquire she was out of the room. He realized he was falling for her and this transformation had been gradual. He liked her simplicity, her innocence, her will, her selfless caring nature but most of all her faith in God. He had never come across someone with so much goodness and hope.

His thoughts drifted to the events that happened over the past few days, and was surprised by the power with which he was drawn to her, she was always on his mind. He missed her on the trip they made to temple when he got his new car and was surprised when he took her out to show his car and asked her to drop him off at work. Where did that come from, he wondered. He enjoyed spending time with her and wanted her to be around him. He admitted that he enjoyed the attention and care she gave him and it was kind of addictive. He had caught himself looking out for her a few times when she wasn't around.

With Gopi already in the kitchen, he realized he would be late for the pooja and he didn't want to upset his mother. Besides he liked seeing Gopi do the aarti. He dashed to the washroom to shave and bathe. He was disposing off his old tooth brush when he noticed the broken bangles in the bin. He wondered how his wife must have had those broken coz she was a very careful woman. Making a mental note to ask her about it when he saw her in a while, he went out in anticipation of his green tea , prepared with all the love and care by his wife while hoping secretly to get a few minutes with her before he went down and faced the world.

He found that she had laid his clothes for the day neatly on the bed and the tea was sitting on the coffee table. He was disappointed that he had missed her. So much for rushing out to get a few minutes to themselves, he thought. He went down; saw everyone ready for the daily puja. His mother was looking at him with concern. He still couldn't figure out what chore she was talking about. He had breakfast and went off to work without being able to catch a glimpse of his wife.

He couldn't stop thinking about his wife and was finding it hard to focus. He thought of calling her. Calling her for what, he found questioning himself. Errmm, can a husband not call his wife and talk to her. He then remembered the broken bangles and decided to check if she was alright. He called her cell phone but couldn't get through. He was getting restless but decided against calling the landline. Her cell phone rang finally but there was no answer. What, was the point having a cell phone if one couldn't reach someone they wanted to, he wondered. He was getting anxious. He called the landline and his mother answered, he made something up about a file and then she reminded him of the unfinished task. He just couldn't understand what his mother was talking about. He called her again to check on the task and it was then that he realized he was missing something important from yesterday.

All he could remember was people playing Holi and wishing one another. He had flashes of his wife. He knew he was keen on wishing her but kept getting distracted and he remembered the laddoo she offered him yesterday. The rest was hazed and all he could remember was waking up with a splitting headache. He just couldn't let that go but was helpless. He tried hard to recollect but it was in vain. He couldn't even remember how he got into bed. His head began throbbing again and he wanted some green tea.

He was missing his wife's loving smile and before he could continue he heard a knock on the door. He saw Jigar walking in with his laptop. Before he could understand what was happening, Jigar started a slideshow of the pictures he clicked yesterday. He was lost and wasn't paying much attention and the pictures of people who he couldn't care less about were making him drift until he saw the picture. He couldn't remember posing for that or the family picture. How was that possible? Too many questions he thought. He tried to retrace his steps backwards from the moment he woke up and after the laddoo his wife gave him. He tried to quiz his brother but he wasn't much help. But it was a start. His brother mentioned about the family photo sessions and couldn't control himself over his brother-in-law's antics. He, at least knew his wife was with him. Maybe he should ask her, she could help him retrace the events from yesterday.

He went home early and completed the chore his mother had given him on his back. His eyes looked around for Gopi, the moment Meethi open the door and when he couldn't find her, he asked for her. He was relieved to find her in the kitchen, alone. He simply asked her to get her a cup of green tea to their room and went away. He noticed she looked lost, almost sulking. What was eating her, he wondered.

He freshened up and waited anxiously for his wife to get him his tea. He didn't know how to broach the subject with her lest it hurt her. He began to recreate the events from yesterday. It occurred to him that he woke up in his vest and on the bed. This was so unlike him, he never slept in his vest, no matter what. He then remembered him looking for his kurta and finding it on the night stand. And since he could find the pajamas he had to settle for his tracks. Did he? Did they? His mind began to race fast and he realized his heart was thudding already. It didn't take him long to understand what transpired, he kept getting flashes of his wife's innocent face beaming with happiness and her eyes filled with love. He couldn't believe that he forgot about the most important moment in their lives for whatever reasons. He then realized the way his wife was behaving yesterday and this morning. He remembered her being happy yesterday, cooking his favorite meal and he didn't remember!! Bummer .. Everything fit into place, at least things that mattered. The one big and most important memory they created and he messed it up for her. No wonder she looked lost and glum.

His chain of thought was interrupted by the clinking of bangles, he looked in the direction of the sound to find his wife walking in with her gaze lowered, almost mechanically and his heart broke. He saw she set the tray on the table and was turning to leave. He just didn't know what to say.

Are you alright ? the words just jumped out of his mouth. He saw her nod, turn and leave. He could see her eyes welling up. Dear Lord!! He had to make it up to her. He just didn't know how.

He played by his instincts and waited for her to finish her chores to return to the room. He knew then, he wouldn't be disturbed and would have her all to himself. He kept looking at the clock every five minutes and wondered what was keeping her or taking her so long. He then realized that she could be avoiding him. He decided to take the bull by its horns.

He stood by the kitchen door watching her finish her chores. He just couldn't look at the sullen face any longer. He cleared his throat to make his presence felt. He saw her turn and look in his direction. He knew there was no other way of doing this and walked upto her took her hand in his and started walking towards the stairs and their room. Once they were in, he locked the doors. Pheww !!

He led her to the bed, made her sit on it and poured her a glass of water. He, then cleared his throat again knelt on the floor facing her, took her shivering hands in his and said, "There is no better way of doing this in fact I am unsure if I know of any way at all. I am sorry for last night. I am guilty of letting you down. It was a little while earlier that I recollected what happened yesterday and I am sorry for that. I am sorry that I couldn't recollect the most beautiful memory we lived. I am sorry that you had to go through all this. I am sure you are devastated by my off handedness but please trust me it was not my fault. I am not sorry for what happened between us but I am sorry the way it did. ". He realized his wife was taking a while to process all this. He continued, looking into her eyes "I should have maybe told you about how I felt about you, but I somehow never got to it. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and give us another chance to begin. I love you Gopi, for what you are and for who you are but most importantly for what I am with you". He could feel his heart pounding, Damn.. if she didn't say anything soon, he knew it would explode. What she said next took his breath away and it was something that he could never forget. "I can't do without you Ahemji... am lost without you... "'