Koffee with Karan and the mentors

This week, Koffee with Karan had some special guests – the mentors of the successful show SaReGaMaPa Challenge 2007. Following are transcripts of the show.

Karan: This week my guests are from the show SaReGaMaPa. Originally, I was supposed to call the director and host of the Amul Star Voice of India show instead, but Gajjendrra Siingh turned up without having taken a shower, which was unacceptable. Let me tell you, all my men need to be the three S's – Successful, Sexy, and Scrubbed. (Sniggers heard from studio) Now don't be naughty. I'm only talking about the men that I grill on the show. (Sniggers increase) Humph! Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is none other than Ismail Darbar.

Ismail Darbar comes in, wearing a garish blue sherwani, greets Karan, and sits down.

Karan: Welcome Ismail ji. How does it feel to be on this show? 😃

Ismail: I am very… uh… iske aage bhool gaya..

Karan: Oh, well we are delighted to have you here.

Ismail: Sorry, I no understand English.

Karan: Oh yes, okay. No problem. Mujhe bahot khushi ki aap apna keemti waqt nikaalke yahan aaye.

Ismail: Aisi koi baat nahi hai. Aajkal mere paas time hi time hai.

Karan: Yes, aap to mujhse bhi pehle studio mein maujood the.

Ismail: Tumse pehle? Main to tab se baitha hoon jab se studio khula bhi nahi tha.

Karan: Itni jaldi? 😲

Ismail: Kya karoon. Ghar pe baitha to biwi bolti hai ki koi kaam dhanda to karta nahi - kam se kam kitchen mein haat batao. Isiliye mauka milte hi bahar nikal jaata hoon. Isi wajah se aajkal dopahar ka lunch bhi gharane ke contestants ke saath hi kar raha hoon. 😳

Karan: I see. Waise bahot din se aapki koi movie nahi aayi. Aapki next movie kaunsi hai?

Ismail: Jab pata chalega to bataaonga.

Karan: Okay... that's nice. Now moving on to the show. C2005 mein aapka gharana jeeta tha. What are your chances this time?

Ismail: Mujhe apne gharane ke chances aur better lag rahe hain is baar. Woh isliye kyonki is baar main pichli baar se bhi zyada bekaar hoon, aur main apne shishyon ko zyada time de sakta hoon.

Karan (to audience): So Ismail ji feels that this time his gharana will win the contest. But will he? I think one man would have something to say about that. That's my next guest, Himesh Reshammiya.

Himesh enters, wearing the usual assortment of jacket, jeans, and topi, and takes a seat.

Karan: Himesh, I'm sure you've been busy nowadays, what with the show, your commitments, and also your new movie.

Himesh: Yes Karan, I am very busy. Kya karoon, roti ka sawaal hai. Just 2 days back I went to Bangkok for shooting for my movie.

Karan: Tell us something about the movie.

Himesh: The movie is shot in Germany on a very big budget. It has everything that the public wants - a cute new heroine, a sexy item girl, and beautiful songs, of 4 different genres, composed and sung by me.

Karan: Talking of your singing, people say it is very nasal – what do you have to say about that?

Himesh: I am tired of answering this! It is not nasal - it is high-pitched! 😡

Karan: Okay, high-pitched it is. But what do you have to say about the criticisms?

Himesh: People will criticize. Lekin jab tak sar pe topi hai, aur ghar mein roti hai, mujhe kisi ki parwa nahi.

Karan: Recently there was controversy on the show about a singer from your gharana, Mussarat, singing songs of the same genre – what was that about?

Himesh: Woh bahot lambi kahani hai – I will have to sing the song from my movie that Mussarat sang to make you understand. The song was sung by 2 singers, but Musarrat sang both parts himself, and I will sing and show you.

He proceeds to curl his wrist, look to the sky, and sing Main jahaan rahoon. Karan fidgets in his seat, and silently signals to go for a break. Back from the break, and Himesh is now singing another song from one of his other movies. Karan continues to fidget and waits patiently until he finally finishes.

Karan: 😳 That was great. Okay now, moving on to…

Ismail: Ruk mere bhai. Himesh ke to do-do gaane sun liye, mera kab sunoge?

Karan: Oh you sing too? Please sing!

Ismail proceeds to sing the song… you guessed it… Woh kisna hai.

Karan: 🤔 Ismail ji, you desperately need a new movie. Meri agli production ka music aap hi dijiye.

Himesh: Ismail Darbar! Ismail Darbar! Ismail Darbar! Ismail Darbar! 👏

Ismail: Shukriya! Ab main ghar pe khaana kha sakta hoon. 😛

Karan: Himesh. Ismail ji feels he will win the challenge once again. What do you think – what are your chances of winning this time?

Himesh: 200! 200! 200! 200! 200! Full 200% chance hai! Is baar mere paas topi hai, roti hai, movie hai, Hindustan hai, Pakistan hai, Bengal hai, aur Assam bhi hai! Ismail ji ke paas kya hai?

Ismail: Mere paas... A - maa - nat hai!

To be continued in the next post.....

Karan: Okay! Now let's call our next mentors, the dynamic duo of Vishal and Shekhar! 😃

Vishal and Shekhar come wearing tattered jeans. Shekhar is also wearing a nerdy checked shirt.

Karan: Vishal and Shekhar – the new kids on the block! How does it feel to be on the show with such experienced people.

Vishal: Karan, experience doesn't just come with age. It comes with balding hair. And as you can see, I am completely bald. So that makes me the most experienced.

Himesh: Aisi baat hai to ruko – I'll just remove my topi!

Himesh removes his topi – the screen is intentionally blurred and a message flashes across the screen – 'We apologize, but the following visuals are inappropriate for children.' Only after he puts his topi back on does the message go away and the screen returns to normal. The other mentors look slightly shaken. Karan as always clasps his hands together and fidgets in his seat.

Karan: 😳 Okay… that was interesting. What about you, Shekhar? I hear you have a huge fan following after this show.

Shekhar: Well.. what can I…

Himesh: Galat! The biggest fan following belongs to me!

Shekhar: Er… yes, bu….

Himesh: I perform in big baseball stadiums abroad, in front of 35,000 people, where only foreign stars perform!

Vishal: Himesh, let Shekhar speak! 😡

Shekhar: Thanks. Well I was just saying - I have a wife and a daughter. So just wanted my female fans to know that I'm not really available.

Karan: That's nice. I also want to let the females know that I'm not available either, for reasons entirely different than yours. 😳

Ismail: Lekin main available hoon. Mere liye 2 aur shaadi jayaz hai. 😃

Karan: 😕 Okay this topic is taking a very different turn. So I think I'll call our next and final mentor, Bappi Lahiri!

Bappi da comes in what looks like a white Cinderella gown all the way down to his ankles. He's also wearing at least 4 heavy gold necklaces.

Karan: Bappi da. Aapko SRGMP show mein kaisa lag raha hai. 😃

Bappi: Show bahot occha hay. Bacche log occha perform kor raaha hay. Bas thoda aur mehnat, thoda aur riyaz ka zaroorat hay.

Karan: And how do you like working with the other mentors?

Bappi: Sab mentor occha hay. Thoda kathor hay magar Abhijeet ki torah rude nahi hay. Bas, mozaa aa raha hai. Asha didi bhi bahot occhi hai.

Karan: Talking of Asha ji, wasn't there a controversy recently over a singer she eliminated?

Vishal: Yes, Sarika. She was the best singer, but we feel she was unfairly eliminated. 😡

Ismail: Haan, mujhe bhi laga ki accha nahi hua. Woh bahot accha khana banati thi. Ab main dopahar ka khaana kahan khaaonga. 😔

Shekhar simply nods and bobs his head.

Himesh: Main to us din wahan nahi tha Karan, isiliye main comment nahi karoonga. Lekin ek baat boloonga - I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!

Karan almost falls off his seat in excitement! He manages to get up but goes into non-stop fidgeting mode.

Ismail (to Karan): Sambhal ja bete. Woh tumko nahi, Asha ji ko bol raha hai.

Karan: Oh… okay 😔

To be continued....

Karan: Moving on, it's time for our Rapid Fire round! Here are the rules. I will ask you all questions one-by-one and you must answer them, but don't take too long. The person who performs best will win my Koffee hamper! Any questions?

Ismail: Main coffee nahi peeta, sirf chai leta hoon. Assam se free monthly stock jo aata hai.

Himesh: Coffee hamper mein roti included hai kya?

Bappi: Kya hum coffee hamper ko exchange korke gold le sokta hai?

Karan: No. The coffee hamper simply includes biscuits, chocolate, and a packet of coffee, and cannot be exchanged. Okay. So let's start with Ismail ji. My first question to you, Ismail ji, is pick your favorite genre: classical, rock, sufi, or pop?

Ismail: Yeh pop kya hai?

Himesh: West mein pitaji ko Pop bolte hain. Isi baat pe yaad aaya – I want to thank my pitaji, Vipin Reshammiya, who is responsible for all my success.

Bappi: Nahi Himesh, tum golat bolta hai. Humare Bengali mein Pop motlab gunaah. Maine kayi Pop ke picture ke liye music bhi diya tha – Pop ka Onth, Pop ki Sozaa, Pop ki....

Vishal: 😵 You all are crazy! Pop is simply a kind of music!

Shekhar nods his head.

Ismail: Chodo isko. Koi aur sawaal pooch Karan.

Karan: Okay – your 3 most favorite film directors.

Ismail: Sanjay, Leela, aur Bhansali.

Karan: 😕 Um okay… your favorite song.

Ismail (starts singing): Woh kisna hai, woh kisna hai, woh kisna hai ai ai, woh kisna hai!

Karan: Okay here's an interesting one. Your favorite wife. 😉

Ismail (becomes serious): Karan, jitna bold tumhara last movie tha, utna hi bold sawaal poocha hai tumne.

Karan: Uh… okay sorry. Let's move to our next guest – Himesh! My first question to you: Pick one – Shahrukh, Aamir, or Salman.

Himesh: Salman bhai! Salman bhai! Salman bhai! 👍🏼

Karan: Pick one – Kajol, Rani, or Preity.

Himesh: Katrina bhabhi! Katrina bhabhi! Katrina bhabhi! 👍🏼

Karan: Okay Katrina was not one of the choices. 😕

Himesh: She is my Salman bhai's choice!

Karan: Okay, but with all due respect, I don't think she is in the same league as the others I mentioned.

Himesh: 😡 Quiet! She is unique! Original! And what's important – Salman bhai ki wajah se unke paas roti ki kabhi kami nahi hogi! Hogi bhi to main thodi bhijwa doonga! Vinit ko bhijwaya tha - unko bhi bhijwa doonga!

Karan: Okay okay.. final question. Zyada zaroori kya hai – roti ya topi?

Himesh is stuck and ponders over this for a long time.

Karan: Okay you need to be quick…

Himesh: Give me 23 hours and I will come up with an answer.

Karan: I'm sorry – you have to answer now.

Himesh: Topi! Roti milne ke liye topi ka hona zaroori hai! 😎

Karan: Okay – interesting. Now, let's move on to out next guests – Vishal and Shekhar. My first question: Shahrukh, Hrithik, Abhishek.

Vishal: Abhishek.

Shekhar nods his head in agreement.

Karan: Preity, Rani, Priyanka.

Vishal: Priyanka.

Shekhar bobs his head again.

Karan: Your best music – Jhankar Beats, Dus, Bluffmaster.

Vishal: Jhankar Beats.

Shekhar simply nods his head.

Karan: Okay nice, let's move on to Bappi da now. My first question: Your favotite singer - Lata ji or Asha ji?

Before Bappi da can say anything, Himesh pipes up.

Himesh: Asha ji! I love her! 😳

Bappi: Ob Himesh bola to mera bhi wohi hai. 😊

Karan: Favorite actor of your times - Amitabh, Mithun, or Jeetendra?

Himesh (again speaks up): Amit ji! Woh itne mahaan hai. Main unki pooja karta hoon!

Bappi: Ob Himesh bola to main ogree korta hoon. 😊

Karan: Best singer of today's times?

Himesh: Me! Me! Me!

Bappi: Haan Himesh – tumhara awaaz bahot originol hay. 😊

Himesh: Aaj Bappi da ne meri tareef ki hai! Main bahot khush hoon. Isiliye main aaj aap logon ko apni original awaaz mein apni nayi film ka remix gaana - Mehbooba - sunaaonga. Oooooooooooo....

Karan, Ismail, Bappi da, and Vishal slowly sneak away from there. Only Shekhar stays there, bobbing his head and clapping at Himesh's song. Finally Himesh looks back and sees that everyone is missing.

Himesh: Yahan to sab chale gaye. Bas main aur Shekhar hai. Chalo, Shekhar didn't answer any questions, which means I am the only one left to claim the hamper!

Shekhar: Himesh. 😒 At least give me the chocolates from the hamper. I'll give it to my daughter. She loves them. Waise bhi you only like rotis.

Himesh: No sorry. I am going to give the chocolates to a cute little girl, Riia, who has acted in my movie.

Shekhar: Riia? But isn't she your heroine in the movie? 😕

Himesh: Yes, she is. She's only 15. And she calls me Himmy uncle.

Show ends.

(All in good humor. No offense to be taken by any fan. Apologies in advance.)

Special mention to Tisha for inspiring me to write again with her TattleNews articles, and to Anu for suggesting the idea that I spoof on the KWK concept.

Himesh ke style mein 20! 20! 20! for you 😆

Very well written Shady 👏

😆😆👏 too good shady!!😆 these are the ones i really luved. they are just too funny.😆

Originally posted by: shadyhtown

Himesh: People will criticize. Lekin jab tak sar pe topi hai, aur ghar mein roti hai, mujhe kisi ki parwa nahi.

Himesh: 200! 200! 200! 200! 200! Full 200% chance hai! Is baar mere paas topi hai, roti hai, movie hai, Hindustan hai, Pakistan hai, Bengal hai, aur Assam bhi hai! Ismail ji ke paas kya hai?

Ismail: Mere paas... A - maa - nat hai!

Originally posted by: shadyhtown

Bappi da comes in what looks like a white Cinderella gown all the way down to his ankles.

😆 Shady.... with the written part i am really impressed by the emoticons u are using. they are aptly used.👏😆

🤣 Fabulistic!!!! Wow Shady! Tum bhi kya kamaal ke lines likhte ho boss! Ye raaz humse pehle chupake hum pe bada zulm kiya!
You realize now that you will be obligated to provide us with more laughs on a more regular basis 😛

Kitne badhiya badhiya writers hai yahan!

Shady dear, keep it up! I'm still laughing too hard to write coherently 😛 🤣

Shady you've got Karan's speech manerisms down pat! 😆 Too good! I loved the entire show! And once again, HR proves that the man with the "high-pitched" voice, takes away the prize 😉

Too Good Shady - Right usage of emoticons at appropriate places.. That added a great humor.. 👏 You definitely must start writing articles 😊

WOW... this is really amazing !!! 👏 👏
You really had me going... for a while there, I thought it was really true 😳 😳