Originally posted by: *Jaya*
QT - here is a rather serious set from me.. Answer at your leisure 😊
Since any man can't probably ever get past the BIG E, G and O when it comes to his own life, do you think its okay for the woman in his life to pamper the same and act accordingly to maintain peace in the family? Why or why not?
This is a tough question. All men have egos and the adversity presented by their ego is inversely proportional to their accomplishment, their success and the security they provide to the family in outside world IMO.
Even as an economically independent woman, there is a need of that certain security and familiar & comforting intimacy, else why would they marry in the first place? Just love by itself needs not boundary.
Okay, having said that, I think that ego of a successful man may be easier to pamper, since it gets pampered enough by outside elements. Chances are that such a man will go on occasional ego-trip and you and the family will not be severely affected. (I am assuming the love and respect is intact in this relation ofcourse, else no point being with him in the first place) So woman can go ahead and dpamper some, remembering not to become a doormat!
However, chances of EGO-ISSUES hampering peace MAY increase in a houseold where the man feels less accomplished. Now the woman needs to judge her husband, know whether his relative failure is due to his shortcomings and attitude not to improve.. or is it a down phase.. She needs to understand that she is not her punchbag and his ego trips cannot be hurting her personality. She should SUPPORT by pampering and do the needful and help him build CONFIDENCE.. Lot of the harmful ego arises in inferiority complex :(
If the man is a severe egoist (pampered all along by his pre-M family, and it really hampers life of wife and kids, I would expect the wife to check all the bonds that make this relationship worthwhile. IMO, wives should clearly discuss the issue peacefully and describe why his being so egocentric is detrimantal to happiness. If he loves and respects her opinion, he will be convinced atleast after a few attempts. Peace ofcourse is essential but not at the cost / risk of wife becoming a doormat.
If EGO is the main issue / weakness of a man, what is it for a woman and why?
This will get me lot of footwear thrown at me, but I feel that women tend to be excessively emotional.
As an example of it hampering their lives, I will say that they/we expect unreal mushy romantic marriage and are a bit overly dramatic. It is standard knowledge that men act a certain way after marriage. Will constant nagging change them? Is making them henpecked our victory? In the worst diversity, women find so must strenght to fight! We brag about how we are stronger and hence God makes us endure parturition pains and all that. So where is the strength in day to day life? Why the bickering and constant need of attention from husband and nagging? Beats me. Playing cool and being self-assured is the key to getting the attention. ( there are all kinds of exceptions ofcourse, will never deny that).
If unchecked by husband, women going to dramatic extremes could eventually enter their son's life playing the same nag.. and sometimes even hurt who they love the most.. They should control those emotions going overboard IMO :)
What are the biggest strengths of a man and a woman? How can they work on their strengths to overcome their weaknesses?
Oops, I cannot answer this unless I opt to give a cliche'd term such as love, ability to protect / sacrifice something! Our strenghts and weaknesses usually reflect our childhood, our learning from our parents, their life-experiences clubbed with our own! We are also constantly evolving in terms of maturity.
What my strengths were 10 years ago, are no more my strengths ( traffic stopping hair which I once mentioned to be funny somewhere, I have lost it to age! , ok j/k.. but you do get the point) I have newer srengths I gained in past 10 years of experience.
In DNA age, so many women work at par with men and share strenghts and abilities... I think that right from the beginning, when parents mould their kids to have good virtues, excellent role models, focus, curiosity, determination and when they support the kid when he/ she fails until the kid learns to overcome any failure w/o giving up.. a STRONG human is made - man or woman. The key factors being integrity, character, goal, determination and confidence. The weaknesses will often be defeated. There will be days of feeling weak, but those days won't extend into a lifetime!
Is there anything called an ideal marriage? If yes, define it. If no, why do you think it does not exist?
I don't believe in ideal relationships of any kind. The very reason we have God above all.. Everyone fails in something, everyone hurts someone, everyone misbehaves and crosses the line. Great relationships are the ones that do not hurt so much that one would not want to be family anymore..
Between parent and kid, it can be kid expecting unconditional love and parents expecting respect and acknowledgment. Between husband and wife, the most intimate yet blood -unrelated (in most cases) relation, the expectations are probably the highest. An ideal marriage would involve two people loving each other, with identical habits, identical taste, identical goals, identical priorities, identical families and no issues generated by them.. so much identical is unreal.. Differences make it complementary and exciting, yet they also mean occasional disagreements some over trivia, some over serious matters. I am yet to see a single man / woman who has no coplaint of their spouse. A marriage as ideal as it gets would have substantial harmony, love, understanding, trust and intimacy. Those do exist IMO, but aren't ideal. 😊 If you were given a choice, which one would you prefer - marry someone you love, or marry someone who loves you (assuming that both ways option is ruled out). Why?
marry someone you love. If you really love them, it has to be easy for you to make them love you back. If for a reason it is not, you can explore another option. I do understand that failure is playing with fire.. But then, if you never plunged into seeking love, you may regret later.. The caviat is that the other person needs to make exactly the opposite decision as yours. If they down-right refuse to give you a chance, then isn;t it best to move on? :)
Is it okay to have a relationship that does not culminate in marriage? Can one maintain a friendly relationship with a person after knowing that they can never be married (for some reason)? Is it justified? Why or Why not?
I am assuming there is love and perhaps committment involved. In DM, I once realized that I was typing 20 years ahead of time! I will take the risk again.
ONLY if the woman is economically independent, emotionally stable, absolutely aware that the relationship will not culminate in marriage, yet willing to consummate, thinks ahead of possible consequences of bearing a love-child and its responsibility.. and after this profoud thinking, her hear beats for that someone (who is not CHEATING on his wife) I see nothing wrong in their wanting to be friends and together.
The friendship / relation is justified when it does not harm any other person. It is the wise decision of 2 people who are independent! and is based on understanding and love.
What would you want your first child to be - a boy or a girl? Why?
answered in Rahul's set. I would like either, but I would say GIRL because everybody seems to favour boys! Also, girls can be dressed so cutely.. and cuteness matters to me :)
If you could choose 5 qualities from 5 extra-ordinary people for your child, what would you choose from whom?
My dad's sense of humor
My mother's strength
(they are extra-ordinary in my eyes)
Rosalind Franklin's calm and composed & brilliance & dedication to her work
Asha's voice / Kishore's voice
Swami Vivekananda's depth, spirituality and clarity of thought at young age
Why is baby pink a color for baby girls and sky blue a color for baby boys? Dont you think that by choosing colors for a kid based on gender, the parents start to distinguish from day one?
Yes , it bothers me why it is this way. some cutie baby boys would sooo cute in pink and they missed out! I wonder if it is for dumb people like me who cannot distinguish a boy from a baby girl, but then we get confused when they wear red and orange and green anyway.. and we don't quite matter most importantly 😆..
Distinguishing yes, but I don't think it has anything to do with discriminating. Girls are not discriminated atleast in the middle class and above here!
Whereas, in several asian countries, they are not distinguished by pink and blue, yet discriminated none the less.
Why do you think that most of the woman who want to make it big remain alone or have broken relationships? Is there a realistic solution possible to this issue?
It is fairly common, but not necessary. I think that when someone is overly focussed on their career, while the world passes by, the emotional person inside them reminds them to be like other women, to catch up with what other priorities in life could be at a certain age are. Many of them perhaps rush into relations. after marriage though, many fail to change their lifestyle around their husband, which could be hurting the relationship.. many perhaps don't get the support anymore, once the spouse realizes this is mighty hard work and tough goal the wife is seeking. Again, some wrong choices / sacrifices could be made. It adds strain on the relationship and it could break. having learnt from one, they may / may not got another one. Realistic solution is not fall to the temptation unless heart and brain screams - this is the one, becos this is the one..
this is not the one, just becos u need to get someone by now, since clock is ticking & high school pals are flaunting their cute kids..
Has there been any regrets the way you grew up? How are you ensuring that your child does not have any?
I was raised in the most perfect manner I would say, absolute love, trust, freedom, care and discipline just adequate.. I would not replace a second of my childhood for another. I don't have a baby yet.
What is the most important quality that can help a woman as she passes through the different phases of her life… as a daughter, as a wife and as a mother?
Understand the other person, put yourself in the other person's shoes and do what you would like to be done to you and say what you'd like to hear.
That one quality can make us care, love, undertand, support, guide as required
If you could change 3 rituals of Hinduism, which would you choose and why? -
misconstrued religious practices make my blood boil. Also, we are such diverse people, that I wonder what actually was preached as a Hindu ritual. If forced sati, forced dowry and widow toture belong to that category, then anyone can tell why I hate each of them.
Tell me about 3 incidents of Indian history, which are responsible current state of India in the global forum today. Would you want to change any of those? Why and in what way?
Since we don't tend to learn anything from history and are busy being hypocrites and pseudo in terms of secularism, democracy, equality, even today, I wonder if any incidence would have really made a difference. 60 years after independence, i am neither optimistic, nor pessimistic. Economy is clearly booming, but we are also aping things we need not!
- failure of 1857 revolution - kicking out the British w/o unifying the country may have given us several states.. something to ponder.. would the states have stopped fighting among each other? no idea..
- 15th august 1947 - unresolved kashmir and division of hindustan, unification of states - forcibly united states of India, and we still make fun of others' accents, leave out entire regions in TRP greed, fight over national anthem, among others..
- !4th April 1891 - Dr Ambedkar was born, if I added thoughts, they may not be PC 😆
Hindi TV Shows
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
