The Malignant Self-Love of Shreya Bhagat and KaYa's dard ka rishta!!

Cycles of over-valuation (idealisation) followed by devaluation characterise many personality disorders (they are even more typical of Borderline Personality Disorder than of the Narcissistic one, for instance). They reflect the need to be protected against the whims, needs, and choices of others, shielded from the hurt that they can inflict on the narcissist.

The ultimate and only emotional need of the narcissist is to be the subject of attention and, thus, to support his volatile self-esteem and to regulate his sense of self worth. The narcissist is dependent on others for the performance of critical Ego functions. While healthier people overcome disappointment or disillusionment with relative ease - to the narcissist they are the difference between Being and Nothingness.

The quality and reliability of Narcissistic Supply are, therefore, of paramount importance. The more the narcissist convinces himself that his sources are perfect, grand, comprehensive, authoritative, omniscient, omnipotent, beautiful, powerful, rich, brilliant, and so on - the better he feels. The narcissist has to idealise his Supply Sources in order to highly value the supply that he derives from them. This leads to over-valuation. The narcissist forms a fantastic picture of his sources of Narcissistic Supply.

This is what happened when Kabir despite her requests to give up on the story on her Pharma Company went ahead and thus challenged her ability. He gave her a sort of adrenaline rush. Her friends probably declared him to be a step ahead of her and someone she cant tame or make a puppet out of. To add he was good-looking, a man with a moral compass, stubborn just like her, ambitious yet emotionally very fragile, sensitive to her pain and existence, her needs. A perfect bait. No wonders she idealized him as she told to Mrs Kashyap.

The fall is inevitable. Disillusionment and disappointment set in. The slightest criticism, disagreement, or differences of opinion are interpreted by the narcissist as an all out assault against the foundations of his existence. The previous appraisal is sharply reversed: the same people are judged stupid who were previously deemed to possess genius, for instance.

Now this seems to be a VERY IMPORTANT point to be noted.

Narcissit have two reasons that makes them go into the devaluation stage:

1. Lack of interest.

2. Slightest of disparity in pov with their victim that they regard as a massive insult and spoiling of the perfect delusional fantasy they created in their minds.

Shreya was completely disillusioned by the fact that she had been able to manipulate/tame a supposedly "unattainable" man. She was on a high and never gave importance to things like his status or his financial condition. She was blinded by her emotional high of having her victim under her pawns. But as soon as they got married her perfect delusional fantasy picture broke. Obviously Kabir had issues with her lifestyle. He had said he first wanted to be "worthy" of her financially but the fact that she assured him of adjusting in all circumstances made him marry her. He was be-fooled. So when Shreya realized she had finally tamed the "stubborn" journalist and she had him, physically, emotionally and mentally invested in her, her interest instantly began to dwindle. Even despite being financially strong herself, her husband did not have the stature to stand in front of her friends. Kabir had sensed this before marriage but knowing her impeccable ability to mask, she made him beleive she only loves him and will easily give up on her luxurious lifestyle for him, rather i am sure she might have sacrificed her lifestyle for a while too to create an impression that what all she was intrested in was Kabir Sharma the man.

This is the devaluation part of the cycle and it is very painful to both the narcissist and the devalued (for very different reasons, of course). The narcissist mourns the loss of a promising "investment opportunity" (Source of Narcissistic Supply). The "investment opportunity" mourns the loss of the narcissist. Sometimes, the narcissist idealizes a new source of supply or a source of superior, hi-grade supply by comparing it unfavourably to another source ("comparative devaluation" of an "idealization-devaluation couplet".)

This is exactly what Manav revealed tonight. She had her share of flings and affairs behind Kabirs back. Already disinterest had set in after attaining her victim. And her already inflated ego was bruised by the fact that Kabir wanted her to spend wisely and not spoil herself in the company of her bad friends. Her picture perfect delusion of Kabir Sharma was butchered. I am sure he used to warn her on her lifestyle and his stature even before but she never bothered because she was blinded by the bet and to tame Kabir. Now shreya Bhagat was searching for better prospects out of her matrimony.

But what is the mechanism behind this cycling? What drives the narcissist to such extremes? Why didn't the narcissist develop a better (more efficient) coping technique?

The answer is that the over-valuation-devaluation mechanism is the most efficient one available. To understand why, one needs to take stock of the narcissist's energy, or, rather, the lack thereof.

The narcissist's personality is a precariously balanced affair and it requires inordinate amounts of energy to maintain. So overwhelmingly dependent on the environment for mental sustenance, the narcissist must optimise (rather, maximise) the use of the scarce resources at his disposal.

Not one iota of effort, time and emotion must be wasted lest the narcissist finds his emotional balance severely upset. The narcissist attains this goal by sudden and violent shifts between foci of attention. This is a highly efficacious mechanism of allocation of resources in constant pursuit of the highest available emotional yields.

After emitting a narcissistic signal (see The Narcissistic Mini-Cycle), the narcissist receives a host of narcissistic stimuli. The latter are, simply, messages from people who are willing to provide then narcissist with Narcissistic Supply. But mere readiness is not sufficient.

The narcissist now faces the daunting task of evaluating the potential content, quality, and extent of Narcissistic Supply each and every one of the potential collaborators has to offer. He does so by rating each one of them. The stimulus with the highest rating is, naturally, selected. It represents "the best value for money", the most cost/reward efficient proposition.

The narcissist immediately over-values and idealises this source. It is the narcissistic equivalent of getting emotionally involved. The narcissist "bonds" with the new source. The narcissist feels attracted, interested, curious, magically rewarded, reawakened. Healthier people recognise this phenomenon: it is called infatuation.

To remove doubt: the Source of Narcissistic Supply thus chosen need not be human. The narcissist is equally interested in inanimate objects (for example: as status symbols), in groups of people (the nation, the Church, the army, the police), and even in the abstract ("history", "destiny", "mission").

A process of courting then commences. The narcissist knows how to charm, how to simulate emotions, how to flatter. Many narcissists are gifted actors, having acted the role of their False Self for so long. They wine the targeted Supply Source (whether primary or secondary) and dine it. They compliment and sweet-talk, intensely present, deeply interested.

Their genuine and keen (though selfish) immersion in the other, their overt high regard for him or her (a result of idealisation), their almost submissiveness - are alluring. It is nigh impossible to resist a narcissist on the prowl for Sources of Supply. At this stage, his energies are all focused and dedicated to the task.

During this phase of narcissistic courting or narcissistic pursuit, the narcissist is full of vitality, of dreams and hopes and plans and vision. And his energy is not dissipated: he resembles a laser beam. He attempts (and in many cases, succeeds to achieve) the impossible. If he targeted a publishing house, or a magazine, as his future Source of Supply (by publishing his work) - he produces incredible amounts of material in a short period of time.

If it is a potential mate, he floods her with attention, gifts and inventive gestures. If it is a group of people that he wishes to impress, he identifies with their goals and beliefs to the point of ridicule and discomfort. The narcissist has the frightening capacity to turn himself into a weapon: focused, powerful, and lethal.

He lavishes all his energies, capabilities, talents, charms and emotions on the newly selected Source of Supply. This has a great effect on the intended source and on the narcissist. This also serves to maximize the narcissist's returns in the short run.

Once the Source of Supply is captured, preyed upon and depleted, the reverse process (of devaluation) sets in. The narcissist instantaneously (and startlingly abruptly) loses all interest in his former (and now useless or judged to be so) Source of Narcissistic Supply. He dumps and discards it.

Now shockingly this process is self-destructive. A Narcissist wants to attain someone/thing because the prey has highest degree of value to it but the fact that they are preyed upon ortamed makes the victim lose value. Just like a trophy! Once you achieve it you aim for the higher.

He becomes bored, lazy, slow, devoid of energy, absolutely uninterested. He conserves his energies in preparation for the attack on, and the siege of, the next selected Source of Supply. These tectonic shifts are hard to contemplate, still harder to believe.

The narcissist has no genuine interests, loves, or hobbies. He likes that which yields the most Narcissistic Supply. A narcissist can be a gifted artist for as long as his art rewards him with fame and adulation. Once public interest wanes, or once criticism mounts, the narcissist, in a typical act of cognitive dissonance, immediately ceases to create, loses interest in art, and does not miss his old vocation for a second. He is likely to turn around and criticize his erstwhile career even as he pursues another, totally unrelated one.

The narcissist has no genuine emotions. He can be madly in "love" with a woman (Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source) because she is famous, or wealthy, or a native and can help him obtain legal residence through marriage, or because she comes from the right family, or because she is unique in a manner positively reflecting on the narcissist's perceived uniqueness, or because she had witnessed past successes of the narcissist, or merely because she admires him.

Yet, this "love" dissipates immediately when her usefulness runs its course or when a better "qualified" Source of Supply presents herself.

The over-valuation and devaluation cycles are mere reflections and derivatives of these ups and downs of the narcissist's pools of energy and flows of supply. Efficient (that is, abrupt) energy shifts are more typical of automata than of human beings. But then the narcissist likes to brag of his inhumanity and machine-like qualities.

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Narcissistic Rage

Narcissists can be imperturbable, resilient to stress, and extremely calm, almost sangfroid..

Shreya never got stressed by Kabir's low financial status. She was too blinded by the fantasy of attaining him.

And even in her second cycle of valuing Kabir after arriving to KKN, again Shreya never got stressed when she saw Kabir Ananya together...she was calm. She knew Kabir was baffled by her entry in his life something that added to her narcissist supply. She was downplaying it and making him look like an over valuable object - That praise to Malvika and again and again saying if Kabir agrees it must be correct. Then giving Manav a dose when he tried to bad-moth Kabir. Somewhere she was sure she had an upper hand in Kabir-Ananya situation and she will turn the tables on Ananya.

Narcissistic rage is not a reaction to stress - it is a reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement.

She showed her rage when his financial status posed as a threat to her fantastic picture of Kabir Sharma.

And second time too, she was never stressed by KaYa bond.She got stressed when Kabir Challenged her. She again and again remembers the prorposal as the proposal was her "challenge" a so called massive blow to her ego.

Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury.

Rage has two forms, though:

I. Explosive - The narcissist erupts, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.

We have seen this in the past two epis 😆

II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) - the narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and is plotting how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damage the work and possessions of people whom they regard to be the sources of their mounting frustration.

Exactly what she did to Kabir. She damaged his reputation at his workplace. She manipulated his family. She harassed him by making him feel unworthy and guilty of spoiling her life/not loving her enough. And when he did that mistake she used it to rip his reputation and career.

And this is exactly what she wants to do now. Kabir has hauled her out of her composure by proposing Ananya. He has went against her plan. Now she wants to punish him. By making Ananya hurt him. By challenging his authority at work using Manav. By creating issues at his workplace like the Manav-Ronnie tiff.

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But but but my friends, the scariest point here is not her rage but her being challenged. Earlier her rage was because Kabir spoiled her delusional picture of perfection. She had already lost interest in him after attaining him and then when their views did not match after marriage, she considered it as an assault to her ego. And thus she punished him in a way to disown him.

But here she has yet not attained him. She is NOT disinterested in him and usse pehle he Kabir challenged her. This has made her more energized and equally rebellious. Its sorta double challenge for her. Not just she has to punish him for challenging her plans but also attain him for herself.

And knowing this I must say KaYa have a massive task at hand. This is gonna be one roller-coaster ride. Shreya will indulge in alternating cycles of giving pain to Kabir and Ananya, both will be hurt and injured at each others pain. The fact that their pain is now connected will make it a vicious cycle.

But the last straw of hope is that this very fact is KaYa's liberation! Their pain is interconnected. They will not fight for themselves but fr the other, and hence liberate each other. Their khushi ka rishta will now also experience the dard ki kasak this time, and how immensely even that's important! 😳

In a way you are correct. I feel the story of Reporters is not new. But the handling is. The reactions and reasons of characters is. Planning/Plotting/Scheming and Evil challenging the good is an integral part of all sorts of cinema. Be it TV or Movies (Both BW/HW and any other film/tv industry). And afterall thats what life is. Ego clashes, superiority complex, hunger for status and money, low moral values or weak moral compass, all these things are too common even in real world. But the new aged modern angle to this old story is the trading of the grey shades in the fight of white and black. When the evil forces the white to start showing shades of grey( like Kabir doing that mistake due to shreyas evil) and when Black starts moving slightly towards grey due to the complexities of life and influence of good (like shreya who is now lonely and thus along with stature/money/fame wants a companion who had too much emotional investment in her i.e. Kabir)

So what makes this show different is its various shades of grey that are there in every character.Earlier we only had the whites and blacks, but here we have a hero who is perfectly flawed and a vamp who who is suffering from an attention-seeing mad self-love sorta syndrome.And these shades of grey are not illogical (like a sister scheming against a sister for a guy) but quite logical as everybody has a legit reason to be grey. Even Shreya has - Her over-ambitious nature and her massive self-love has made her so lonely and frustrated. This is a by product of the modern lifestyle...the cut-throat corporate world - As the tagline of Reporters said.

So from that perspective I am not yet too disappointed in Shreya as she is pretty believable. The recent example being Indrani Mukherjee - A woman who could murder her daughter for her so called ambitions and lifestyle. You would agree with me that such people are not normal. They have some subtle psychic issues which though cannot be marked as "madness or mental imabalance" but become a trouble for all around them. Havent we come across such people in our offices or extended families? I am sure everyone must have...