This marriage has had it far too easy.
Two children bond instantly one day, at a dusty bus stop. They meet, years later, on the Rajasthan sands, setting up their lifetime's equation--- caregiver/cared-for---from that meeting. No words, no regular introduction to each other. The lovely innocent being attacked by the bad men rushes to the powerful, handsome stranger. That man, without a word, defends her honor, her very life, with his own. She is, from that moment, fated to re-live her total submission to him-- and he is fated to repeat this action of saving her, and caring for her until it's embedded into him, becoming a part of his DNA. Two impossibly beautiful people now get thrown together again and again, until inevitably, they cannot help their attraction, even if mentally they are at war.
Then, the mental war---it just---disappears. She gives in to him. She accepts his words. She changes her world view. She sees that he has been right, and she has been wrong. He has never lied to her. Never, been wrong. Everything he has said has come true. He has been prophetic, and eerily accurate. Her life is once again in his hands, and, this time around, she sees it. She sees that her life has never been safer, she has never been more cherished, treated like fragile porcelain. His voice is gruff, his hands are rough. His eyes are gentle, his protection is like a blanket around her. He is her one truth, in all too confusing world. He is solid, the only thing solid in a world where her father-figure Tejawat is trying to kill her, her Mamisa is declaring her a stranger, her community is pretending she does not exist.
How easy, to then fall in love with this god-like man, her protector, her savior, her ... childhood friend?!! And there, the final piece drops into place, and she gives her feeling its real name...she is in love. She never questions him after that moment. She knows that back during their chor-police days, when she did, she found out she was horribly wrong to have questioned his words or his honor. So no. She will not question him. She will cherish him, seek his affection, do what she needs to do for him as his wife, a role she revels in. Yes, she is not stupid. He did not want her to be his wife. She had been too impulsive in asking him for her haq. It was something she did, instinctively. Her instincts when it comes to their hearts are stronger than his. And so, being his wife is a role she has got, through ugly circumstances. She regrets his anger that made him do it while he was drunk. But she knows that he wanted her to be his wife, unconsciously, all along. He even admits it in front of the Mahila Samithy.
She is nothing if not practical. She is a survivor. She will survive the time it will take for him to realize that they have been fated, all along, to be each other's. This faith is as true for her as the air she is breathing and the love that is beating in her heart. She is not being selfish in asking to be his wife--- has she not always been his? His only friend? Then his prisoner? And now..his wife. The payment for what she demands is him marrying her cruelly. Damaging her heart. So be it. No questions. She accepts his eight hate vows.
And then-- she sees each of them being broken by him, double quick. She watches him struggle to hate her, when his eyes and his every action says something else. She is secure in their world, where he will never harm her, even if he is harsh and angry. Her faith in him does not waver, because he constantly confirms it--- the sarcastic "srimathi" changes to the possessive "mhara patni" within one day. Their relationship is treated by him as real --before their family, in public AND in their private life. She (slowly) is given right after right over his well-being, his life.
She is secure. Her own love will be enough for them both in the meantime. Yes, she is going to be ignored, yelled at, treated harshly for now. She knows he has pain within. She knows he will make her pay for the past, that his hate of women will be corrosive, bitter. But they have time. They have their whole lives ahead of them. She will wait. He is her savior. Her protector. How can he not love her, when she has seen he cares for her, when she has seen his heart and looked into his eyes and she can read nothing but "Paro" in them both? She will wait. She will watch over him, she will be his wife, and she will of course, win him. He is already hers---he just needs to realize it, this silly, difficult, amazing, strong, astonishing man.
And then---he almost dies. She sees his life, the life that should never flicker, almost snuff out before her. The man who seemed so untouchable---is down. He, her eternal protector suddenly needs HER to protect him. Instantly, she does exactly that. She fiercely watches over him, identifies the threat, confronts it. And she turns to her own source of faith, and gives him up because that seems to be what Bholenath wants from her, for him. Without hesitation, when the time comes for her to protect him, to now put her life on the line (and there is no question in her mind--her life is her Rudra) she does that.
What she does at the mandir-it is not any less than a bullet wound. She takes a mortal hit to her heart as she makes that vow. Then she hides that hit, so she can watch over him and keep protecting him--- until its time for her to pay for this sacrifice. She goes home. She shares everything with her Jija, but not this. Because this is her private payment for his health, for the many times he took a wound for her safety. This is her wound, for his safety. And putting her deal with God aside, she now gives him every protection she can imagine. Physically she eats his food, she watches over his needs like a hawk. Emotionally she reconnects him to his father. Forces him in her own way to LIVE. To share his pain. The pain she thought she had a lifetime to drain out. She needs to get it out of him before his hand heals. She holds his hand in her own, so he has courage to face his demons.
There isn't a lot of time. He must heal internally, too. Of course she remembers what she has vowed. But crying over it in random corners of the Haveli is WASTING her time. Tomorrow will come tomorrow. She has right now, with him. She does not want him to pine for her---hell, he doesn't love her, why would he pine? But if he remembers her as a good wife, as a nice woman, maybe..just maybe...he wont hate women any more. She won't be here to enjoy his softer nature. She knows this.
She isn't trying to make him suffer. Anyway, how much MORE can he suffer than what he has already gone through, for the fifteen years between that bus stop and today? Is it better that he stay closed off, bitter, burning, so he won't change at all? Is it not better that he recognize care, he feel affection, he knows that he is loved? Know that he is worthy of being loved? Is it better to be happy for a few days, than to NEVER be happy at all? He will change, and she wont get the benefit of it. But his family will. He will be happier if he can open up, whether she is there or not. She does not matter, all that much. Not really, not yet. She hopes, someday, he will trust her enough, care for her enough. But she does not know about his love for her, as it consumes him right now--because he has not spoken it.
There is no ego in Paro. No preening before the mirror, thinking... Wow! I am gorgeous, I have broken every last defense within this man. He wants me, he loves me already. His eyes burn me wherever they touch, he is losing his mind over me. No coy glances over open doris, no seductive touching of his body. She is practically unaware of what happens between men and women, she is innocent of lust, of desire. She knows, vaguely, that there are intimate acts between man and wife---but the words there are MAN and WIFE. She is not stupid. She is unworldly. She is, actually, a hugely literal person. She believes EXACTLY what she is told. Word for word. She would never have believed Tejawat's evil had he not been the one to TELL her. She would never have believed Rudra could "lie" to her, because when he teases her, she takes him at his word. Now, when Laila tells her (fake) stories about how she has the same childhood/feelings/imli addiction as Paro, she again, believes Laila wholly. She would!
She believes what she is told, and does not deviate from that to interpretation, to do analysis or look for any double meanings. It is the one character trait of hers that has remained constant.
And so...Laila comes in. Initially, she is so unconcerned over Laila, Rudra cannot quite believe her to be real. But why should she feel anything but sorry for a woman who loved her Rudra, and didn't get him? The woman loved him so much she tried to kill Paro. But that is because Rudra is, and has always been, Paro's. That is how soul mates work. That is what the doll, the bus stop, the Fate of their meeting promised.
And then---a literal truth. From the man who never lies, except, perhaps, to himself. The truth she is told is so shocking, she cannot hide how it changes her entire belief system. It changes Laila from a bit player into another woman who has rights on Rudra, whether he sees it or not. It changes who Rudra was for Laila, for eight years. And eight years! His companion, the care-taker of Rudra's pain before her--this woman! So Rudra must have felt something for Laila, surely? She loved him!
Too many contradictions, too many people changing, too many world views shattered.
Her Rudra? How? So is she not his childhood sweetheart? Where did that little boy go? If he was a god before, he is a man, now. And Paro does not KNOW men. And the one she has married---she is getting to know things about him that don't make sense to her literal, black and white mind. How can he be with Laila for eight years, day and night and not BE Laila's Rudra? Does he not have his heart to give Paro because Laila has it? Why ELSE would he be with Laila, sharing his body with her, something she as his wife does not even have? Laila has had more of Rudra than she has had..so how can he not love her? Who is the person who should wear this red string? Paro? Or Laila? He says Paro matters...why should she? If she wasn't his soul mate, which is why Laila had him for those eight years , then why should Paro only matter? Laila is hated now? But how can she be? In so many ways, Laila is LIKE Paro, right? She loves Rudra! She has done nothing to hurt him! She knows his likes, his dislikes!
So Paro turns to her Man. Not to her God. Please. Please tell me. Tell me why I am different, how I am different. If you love me, tell me. If you don't, let me go. If you care for me, then a thousand Lailas don't matter to me. But if you are asking me to understand your actions, not your words...then remember who I am. Actions HAVE two ways of being interpreted. But words---words are just themselves. I no longer have the time to wait for you to work out for yourself what I am to you. If you know what I mean to you, if you think of me as your wife not because of circumstances, but because of your heart---I need you to say the words out loud, to me, to yourself.
My eyes, my heart, my fears tell me, I never had you. You have told me, again and again, that I do not have you. I have no rights over you. So don't just give me your actions now. Actions that are hurtful because they just confuse me when I am this frightened, this lost. Yes. Your eyes, your actions, your concern tells me I am yours. So TELL me the words I need to hear. Don't paint a circle of fire in the sand. Don't tell me I matter, BAS. Tell me WHY---because as far as I can see it, SHE should matter too, and should matter MORE, given your past.
While he has begged her to believe him that Laila does not matter--he has not told her WHY she should not matter. Before Laila showed up, Paro thought his heart was buried inside him, and would need time, affection and love to unearth. Now, she fears it was never there in him, and she is the trespasser, here. He needs to tell her WHY she is not. And no wife, no woman, will accept this blanket declaration--- the beautiful woman who in many ways seems to resemble you, who I shared my life, my job and my body with for eight years does not actually matter at all to me-- without knowing...WHY.
There cannot be a married baisa among the RR forum members reading this who disagrees with me on this truth --- that it's the testing of the marriage that makes couples work. Its not how you enjoy the good times, but how you handle the bad ones that count. Not how you GOT together, but how you STAYED together. It started off when two children saw each other. It continued when two infatuated people married each other. It got real, now when two adults, two scarred, worried, frightened, and yet deeply committed people are fumbling things up, as they face a threat together. Both of them want to give the other person what they need, what they want. Paro is ready to leave Rudra --not for her promise to Bholenath, but if Rudra needs her to go--to give him his love. Rudra is ready to kill everyone to keep her--not because she is his wife, but because she is his love.
Paro will give Rudra what he wants. He has to ask her for it. Rudra will give Paro what she needs. She had to understand his actions for it.
And we need to be patient with them both, because love is not the issue here. Selfishness is not the issue when BOTH of them are desperate to make the other person happy, at any cost to themselves. What is an issue, is the change of a supernatural, unbelievable love story into a realistic, earthly one.
Shant, Baisas. Let it play out.
Current Affairs
CID
Hindi TV Shows
Bigg Boss 19
