SS: Unraveled. *COMPLETE* 22/4/14

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zanayaforever

@zanayaforever

Navigator

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

Rudra's pain was so tangible; now i am feeling a weight in my chest 🥺 ..
i was confused about d bold lines..may be u shud mention it in d beginning..
And pls niyo,don stop like dis,both going separate ways.. 😭 ..sequel chahiye abhi ke abhi..

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custodian75

@custodian75

Rocker

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

Beautiful. Wish Rudra would give word to his feelings and say it loud.

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Aruni.

@Aruni.

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#13

Haaw! Such a nice one! Will be waiting to read more...

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TheMogambo

@TheMogambo

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#14

a very good one...and we hav a part 2...yippie !!!

Thanks for the housewarming gift...niyoti..😊

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Lavender mist

@bluemoon255

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#15

this was beautiful niyo baisa. I feel sad for them.😔 glad there is a second part. waiting for the update.

Edited by bluemoon255 - 11 years ago

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Meena

@chotidesi

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#16

Niyoti, you're fabulous. Amazing. Wonderful. Fantastic. Phenomenal. I'm running out of positive adjectives. I want this to happen. I want him to realize her loss deeply, to feel it within every part of him- and then I want him to manaofy her and make her come back with him. Not by force, but of her own will.

This line: Paro was packing. With an unaccustomed nervous flutter of his heart he concluded that the trunks looked far too heavily stuffed for a short trip away.

You've depicted his noticing that she doesn't seem like she's going to come back very well. The nervous flutter- the tightening of his heart- everything tells him that something is wrong, that she is planning on leaving him. And it hurts him, and you've shown that so, so well.

I also really liked this line: The wide smiles that had earlier been bestowed freely had been replaced by cautious ones and for a man who had vowed to keep his distance he felt the loss far too keenly.

He promised her he'd keep his distance, but I think he'll start living for her smiles and her laughter- This line just stuck out to me. She's so generous with her love right now, I want to see how it'll be when she's hurt by him, when she doesn't want to win him over- when he has to do that.

Wonderful job, Niyoti- Every time, you set the standard higher.

Edited by chotidesi - 11 years ago