Posted:
Shhh...be quiet, stand still...we know you are used to giving orders Major Hottie Sa...so why not learn to follow a dictate or two?? Why not order your heart to stand still, why not command your heart beats to quit the drum beat cause the problem is, with every beat it lets out your secret. You might pretend that you can't hear it beat for Paro, you might act indifferent and callous and ruff n gruff, but your traitor heart betrays you every time. The heart beats so loud, the whole world can hear them proclaiming your obsession with a certain damsel.
Its not just your heart, its your eyes too. They reflect your concern, your pain, your pleasure, your agony...heck they reflect heaven and hell depending on what is happening with your precious Paro. And if we are court marshalling, why not let your long, lean and mean fingers share some blame too ?? Cause the way they hesitatingly touch Paro, definitely is a classic cat out of the bag case. Their tender, loving touch, their constant hovering over your Paro, their need to take care of her every comfort, every need, their need to incessantly touch her...phew.. they simply let all your secrets out. Not to mention your sensible body that becomes totally sensitive around her !!
Yup, your secret you know, that you love your Paro till the ends of the earth. That you would do anything...practically anything, like laying down your life, for her. Your most closely guarded secret, that you adore that little doll. You want to protect her like crazy, you want to save her from pain, any kind of pain, that will break her heart or mind or body. And that's precisely what you are doing. Keeping her away for a life time's heartbreak cause only you and you alone know that you can't keep her happy. You can't love a woman, especially the sweet innocent Paro, like the way she deserves. Afraid that you can't be the man she dreams of, she needs and wants. You cant be hers, Rudra, cause you are too bitter, too vitriolic, too harderned!! And you are running scared that your poison will rub off on the little angel. You are afraid of plenty more...a zillion secrets bubbling in your insides.
Your fears, your insecurities, your hopelessness, all have been your hidden demons for years. But with Paro's advent, came the biggest monster of all, the fact that you have fallen irrevocably and deeply in love with this simple girl. Now that's a secret that can never be told!! You can't feel again, cause that will mean opening your heart to certain pain, certain angst. That will mean going through hell again, a different kind of hell than the one you have been suffering for the past 15 years. And we can't blame you, once bitten, twice shy, so you better shut up !!
But, Major Sa...we think its too late!! The secret might already be out, thanks to the way you behave around her. All one needs, is to look at your tightly controlled body language, your whole body, heck...your whole entity, screams that you are head over heels in love with her, but that's something you will never confess. Just one look at your eyes, and you are caught!! Aman, Baapu Sa, Laila, Maithili, Kaaku Saa...all are clued in now!! Its the biggest public secret !!
Of course you can pretend, and that's precisely what you are doing!! Lying to yourself, fooling one and all. Acting that no one can guess how deeply you feel about her. You only allow yourself to care and show when no ones watching. You can let your tenderness and love flow, where there is no audience. When you are alone with a senseless Paro and your love, you can finally let yourself go. In the loneliness of nights, when the whole world is sleeping, including your adorable Paro, you can finally indulge your senses, set them free, finally breathe your love ...sshhh its a secret !!
