FF: Partial Amnesia Pt 31Pg145-6th Dec - Page 38

LOL I liked Savni too :D But nothing surpassed Prida! 😍 i was so upset when the show was ending because i was completely hooked onto them. But thankfully i found another addiction soon enough in Shanak! 😍 Shanak were like a complete package *sighh* no couple can be Hot and Cute at the same time except Shanak! <3 <3 Good you watched Prida you wouldn't know what you missed lol. Yea there was an article that said Chandana was uncomfortable in the marjawan song but Gaurav is such a professional the chemistry came out amazing <3 Haha i did men and kids now i'm doing women which is tougher!! :O

6^th December 2011, 23:00

"Shaannn!!" Akshay jumped onto Shaan and hugged him so tightly he almost fell back. Shaan hugged Akshay back but his eyes were fixed on Khanak, who was still touching her stomach, staring into space, now a somber expression on her face. "Shaan! Shaan! I'm going to become a dad!" Akshay held Shaan's shoulders and said loudly into Shaan's face. He noticed that Shaan was not looking at him. He followed Shaan's gaze towards Khanak and understood. Leaving Shaan he went over to Khanak. Shaan stood still at the spot he was in, a million worrying thoughts running into his mind. "Bhabhi?" said Akshay.

Khanak looked up with a jerk as though woken out of a sudden dream. She removed her hands hurriedly from her stomach, wondering how on earth they had reached there. Embarassed she gave Akshay a small smile and said "Mubarak ho" immediately looking down. From the corner of the eye she saw Madhvi fussing over Khushboo, who was rolling her eyes and kept saying she wanted icecream that they were supposed to have had. She felt eyes looking at her. Immediately she looked up and her eys made contact with Shaan's eyes. Yay mujhay kyu dekh rahay hain? She thought. She hurriedly looked away. Sunil, inspite of the excitement that had surrounded them, noticed Khanak's discomfort too and came over to her.

"Beta tum nay khana kha liya? Tumnay aur Shaan nay?" He asked sweetly.

"Hmmm" replied Khanak, suddenly feeling as though she had lost her voice.

"Toh jao jaakay araam karo---hum sub bhee so rahay hain----it's been a long day ----" Sunil said. He looked at Shaan, who had still not removed his eyes from Khanak, and sighed. Khanak took the opportunity of no one (except Shaan) looking at her and left the living room hurriedly, striding towards the stairs. Shaan's eyes followed her till she was out of sight.

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6^th December 2011, 23:15

Khanak stood near the window of the room and let her hair fly in the cool breeze of December. She shivered slightly but did not care. Her hand kept jumping to her stomach, as though it had a mind of its own. Why though? Thought Khanak sadly. What was going on? 'Bhabhi ki maa bannay ki khabar say mujhay ajeeb sa kyun laga? Mujhay khushi kyun nahi hui? Yay meray saath kya horaha hain?' She didn't even realize when tears began to escape from her eyes. When the hot tears touched her icy cold cheeks making them sting, she gasped in horror at the realization and hurriedly wiped them with her sari's white pallu. Just then Shaan entered with a plate of apple, a serious expression on his face. He sighed seeing Khanak's back towards him and kept the plate on the table. Evidently she had not noticed that he had entered but when he closed the door behind him she turned. Shaan's heart broke into a hundred pieces when he saw Khanak's red eyes and her red nose. She turned her back to him again, hoping that he had not noticed her little moment of unexplainable weakness.

"Khanak?" Shaan said softly in her ear and Khanak gasped. She didn't even know that he had come so close to her. Khanak turned around and looked down.

"Aap yahan kyun ayay hain. Mujhay neend arahee hain. Mujhay sona hain----aap bhee---sojayay---" she said, as a lump formed in her throat at which she instantly got annoyed. Why was she upset? She asked herself for the millionth time.

"Khanak----" Shaan breathed holding her shoulders as Khanak continued to look down. She didn't shrug them off. His arms on her shoulders felt soothing, calming, yet something was missing. Something invisible that the two of them had. That was no more.

All of a sudden Khanak looked up and fake smiled. "Mubarak ho! Aap Chachu bannay walay hain!"

Shaan's gaze intensified as he kept staring at her. "Khanak----" he breathed again.

Khanak felt herself giving way to Shaan's proximity. She wanted to shrug herself out of his grip. She HAD to shrug herself out of it. "Aray!" she said suddenly, fake smiling again "Aap nay Natasha jee say baat ki? Wohh arahee hain na-----unho nay apko maaf kardiya na? Wohhh------" Khanak stopped abruptly. Shaan had let go of Khanak's shoulders and moved back a step, continuing to look at her tear dried face. He folded his hands and took a deep breath. Khanak looked side ways, not having to make eye contact with him.

"Main tumharay liyay apples laya hoon. Kha lo. " Shaan said calmly, irritating Khanak.

"Mujhay nahi khanay----" Khanak said in a small voice, hardly caring for how annoyed she suddenly felt.

"Kha lo----Tumhari yaadasht kay liyay achay hain-----apples khanay say yaadasht jaldi waapis ajayay gee" he said, his hands still folded, as he looked at Khanak closely. Khanak felt a stab of anger.

"Nahi chahiyay mujhay apni yaadasht wapis!!!" Khanak said in a loud voice. "NAHI CHAHIYAY!" she yelled into Shaan's face. "Kya karoon gee main apni yaadasht ka!?Haaann? Bolay? Kya karoon gee! Sub kuch toh pata hain mujhay! -------Aur kya janna hain mujhay?! Bolayyy!-------Bolay na!! ----- Kyun ayay meri yaadasht wapis! KYUN!!! "She said angrily , tears of frustration welling up in her eyes again. "Kyunnn!----" her voice trembled as she questioned.

Shaan felt his heart clench tightly. He came forward and engulfed her trembling form in his arms. He hugged her tight asmore tears flowed from Khanak's eyes which she failed to explain to herself as well as to the man who had his arms around her. She clutched his white shirt tightly just above his chest, using both her fists. Shaan felt his shirt go moist and tightened his hug, one hand travelling to Khanak's hair, stroking it lightly as he closed his eyes bitterly, his face screwed up.

Minutes passed in silence just like that, Shaan hugging Khanak with Khanak's face and hands buried in Shaan's broad chest. They felt they could be like this forever but finally Khanak released herself from Shaan's arms, her eyes still red, looking embarrassed at what she considered her moment of weakness. She lookd down but when she felt Shaan's eyes staring at her she could not take it anymore and looked up. What she saw was warmth but also sadness. What she saw was unasked questions; questions she felt herself surrendering to. She made fists out of her hands and pressed them together tightly so that they would not move on their own accord. Shaan's eyes flashed to her fists and then back at her face again in an instant.

"Shaantanu-----kya apkay saath----kabhee aisa hua hain------kay---aap waisay heee----bina koi wajah----udaas ho? Mera mutlub-----" her voice cracked horribly again and her fists opened automatically to touch her stomach again. Shaan noticed her hands move to her stomach. Slowly he reached for her hand on her stomach, removed it from there gently, brought it above to his face's length and pressed it between both his palms, holding it tightly.

He didn't answer her. He didn't know what to say. What could he say when he KNEW what Khanak was going through? When he knew that even though her brain had no recollection that she had lost her child, their child, her inner self pined at the acceptance of that truth. How could he tell her all of this and not expect her to react? But Khanak had shown major strength in accepting all the facts that had been shoved at her during this time. Perhaps she could handle the fact that she had lost her baby too.

Was it time to tell her the truth? Shaan thought as he slowly left Khanak's hand and made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him, extremely miserable. He could not believe that just an hour ago he was having the time of his life dancing away with his wonderful wife.

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7^th December 2011, 00:15

Shaan sat on the stairs alone, again playing with the picture of his son, caressing with his thumb that part of the picture which was the head in Khanak's womb.

"Hey buddy---" Akshay came and sat beside him, making Shaan jump.

"Hi bhaiiya----" Shaan took a deep breath and attempted to hide the picture.

"Don't hide it yaar---I've already seen it----" Akshay said, smiling a little. "That's Sushant right?"

"Yea----"Shaan said bringing the picture forward again, embarrassed. "Bhaiya I'm really happy for you! Father haan?" he gave Akshay a small smile.

"Shaan, Khanak kaisee hain?" Akshay asked placing a hand on Shaan's shoulder.

Shaan half snorted. After a while he said "Bhaiyaa----apko pata hain-----main humesha sochta tha-----kay mera bacha mujhay chor kar chala gaya------kay meri poori dunya khatum hogaee-----laikin mainay-----mainay kabhee bhee yay nahi socha-----kay Khanak par kya guzray gee-----jub usay pata chaley ga-----" Shaan talked in broken sentences, making an effort to make his brother understand. "I mean----bhaiyya------I never thought did I? I was alone in my grief for my baby-----never stopped to think what Khanak would have gone through----she'll break apart bhaiya----I never realized-----I was so selfish------I'm still selfish-----I want to tell her----tell her everything----but she'll be devastated----" his voice became a whisper. " I found out today-----today bhaiya----seeing Khanak like that-----her world will break apart----break apart----I can't do this to her---" his voice trembled. He made no sense he knew but it was important that he said this to someone before he went mad. He wanted to say it loud and clear so that his own confusions would be cleared. So that he could seal it. Khanak could not find out about the baby before she got her memory back. Period.

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The rest of the month passed away in a blur. Shaan got busy with his singing project and Khanak started preparing for her private classes that she would take to pass college. Shaan and Khanak's relationship undertook a major change since that fateful night on the 6^th of December. Both had reached an unspoken conclusion that what had happened that night was not to be discussed, it was just meant to be remembered.

Khanak started feeling relaxed when Shaan was around and Shaan in turn started being his normal fussy self when Khanak was around. They talked about his music, his songs, Khanak's vegetarianism and how it irritated Shaan sometimes; Khanak would tell him specifically which tune she disliked in his song and would tell him to get rid of it at which Shaan would retort with a " I don't like all the green clothes in your cupboard! Get rid of them!" which was followed by a "Aap nay meri cubburd kholee?!" followed by Shaan digging his fingers in his ears as Khanak jumped to take them out, struggling with her height and his towering form.

Shaan would accompany Khanak to Mitul and Geeta now, making small talk in the car, telling Khanak small snippets of information that she could recall like her favourite stall from where she'd eat Chaat, or the park she went for a walk in. Shaan would smile at her recollections and feel confident of her memory coming back. Sometimes he wondered whether it really was important that Khanak's memory came back. He realized he cherished even these moments that he spent with her, as a friend, as a confidant, as a person who'd argue with him at the smallest things and let the biggest issues pass away without complain, as a nagging woman who told him how he never switched off the bathroom light when he came out, and as a beautiful angel who clapped when he sung his latest song. He recalled his mother's words 'Trust me beta---the time would come when you would realize that Khanak getting her memory back was never the core issue'- and coming back from yet another doctor's appointement and stopping on the way for Khanak's favourite bhajiya, and her smiling at him so lovably, Shaan understood that his mother was right. That Khanak getting her memory back was not important anymore. Khanak beginning to love him was important. And he was sure he would make her fall for him. Again. Perhaps he already had, he thought and smiled at Khanak, noticing and grinning at a blush creep up on her cheeks.

Much to Khanak's dislike, Natasha had moved into Shaan's house again. This time however, it was on the pretext of taking care of her pregnant sister, Khushboo. Khanak could not help but notice that Natasha and Shaan spent less quality time with each other. Infact, Khanak realized one day putting two and two together, Natasha would spend an awful lot of time with Dr, Mitul when he'd come over, laughing girlishly at his jokes and once or twice she even caught her blushing from a distance as Mitul said something to her which Khanak could not hear, being in the kitchen. Dr. Mitul's continuos visit whereas on the one hand made Khanak suspicious, they made Shaan amused.

Even though Khanak disliked Natasha she could not help but get irritated when she would laugh away merrily in the hall sitting with Mitul when Shaan was off to work. "Inko dekho! " she'd say to herself. "In ki Shaantanu say shadi honay wali hain-----aur gair murd kay saath aisay bethee hain jaisay kay-----jaisay kay yahee inkay honay walay pati hain!" She felt that Natasha was not being loyal to Shaan with her constant flirty nature with Mitul. She did not like Shaan being cheated like that, she used to think vehemently. Once or twice she tried to tell Shaan that Natasha was being too "friendly" with Mitul but she could not bring herself to break his heart. Surprisingly, Mitul was the innocent one in the whole scenario as far as Khanak was concerned. "Wohh toh kitnay achay insaan hain-----Natasha jee hee unko apnee taraf ghaiir rahee hain----apnay jaal main phansa rahee hain!" she said to herself again one day after seeing them having a nice little chat in the living room accompanied by Khushboo and Sunil.

"Aray Khanak, Aoo na humaray saath baitho!" the glowing Khusboo said.

"Nahi errr----main parhnay ja rahee hoon bhabhi----" she said, leaving but not before giving Natasha a dirty look at which Mitul and Khushboo burst out laughing and Sunil reprimanded them for worrying his 'bahu'. Natasha who was digging herself in icecream, did not pay attention to what was going on.

"What? What happened?" she said looking up when she noticed everyone watching her "Has the date of the wedding been fixed?" she asked blankly. Natasha was desperate to get married now. The wedding was on hold keeping in mind Khanak's delicate position but the pandit had said that if she did not get married on before February 14^th , she would not find a good enough mahurat for the next 1 year! People had begun to ignore her when she'd talk about the wedding.

The 3 of them rolled their eyes at Natasha's obsession and went back to their conversation. Mitul looked at Natasha and smiled at her angelic form. He really did want to marry her asap!