Okay...Zenn ...
finally got to reading your update...but before I give you my tippanni....
You were called SAAZ🤣vv🤣.. hey rafia...tum zenn ko nahi mujhe apologize karo....😃😃..hey rafia dont mind..I am quite a shaitan😛
and tera response.. good friend and .'capable member of the forum'...yeh kya certificate tha btw??? 😕😃
aww both zenn and rafia and rock. for my name ka jaap..🤗
now to my tippani:
1. Your dialogues and lines are bang on! with respect to both the characters.. you know there were two aspects that I really loved about your lines from Khanak...:
first of all each sentence of her monologue beginning with AAP...see, the beauty of the language...when one uses the word aap, it not only conveys the part that this is about 'you' but also conveys an underlying significance...'I" hold you in esteem and yet 'you'.....that single word aap kills two birds with one stone...you know there is so much in native language dialogues that we never tend to appreciate...I am a sucker for native language, because the depth is just not there otherwise...the characterization is lost...and for that I applaud you...
The other aspect,..I loved this line..shantanu, mera saamna phir say apnay us ateet say ho gaya hai jissey mein bohot peechey chor aai thi....BANG ON! itne peeche ki mudkar kabhi na dekha...shantanu ko sambhalte sambhalte kudh kahin kho gayee...my line is the underlying emotion I get from this line you have written....FABULOUS!!! sometimes one line tells you so much more and you have achieved that here...👏
2. Now, for Shantanu...from a technical perspective, your lines and dialogue drive the selfish nature of Shaan home, especially this line mujhey tumhari koi baat nahi samajhni khanak! tumne ek pal kay liye bhi soocha kay mujhey kaisa lag raha hai?
it is a bit harsh yet highly likely. However, as a character he disappoints because as a reader I want him to for once be the one realizing and supporting Khanak all by himself without any reminders, for once I want him to be the grown up. But then sometimes readers are more selfish than the characters...hai na???😳..
3. Your lines describing the underlying emotions and thoughts are fabulous!! 👏
You are a fantastic writer, please write more. I hope you did not mind my potha analysis, but hello...hum aise hi hai boss...😃
Edited by saaaz - 14 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
