Chapter 6.
Zoya's three weeks in India finally came to an end, she had booked to return back tonight. It was hard to believe how quickly the time had passed, she promised her family and friends that she would consider returning for good when they pressurized her to stay but for now she had to go because of work commitments.
Zoya would never accept nor admit it, even to herself but she had wanted to see Asad one last time before leaving. Ever since their argument at the wedding, it seemed like he had pledged to not only avoid any communication with her but even the functions she attended. Zoya's longing gaze kept flickering back to the closed door of his room when she went to bid bye to the Khans but he didn't come out nor did anyone mention anything about his whereabouts. She left for the airport with a heavy heart.
Zoya had been back for almost a month, and since her return most of her time had been taken up by her patients. Being a gynecologist wasn't really easy, she had to be on call and standby all the time. However, despite its shortcomings she loved her job. The beautiful soul that she was and the personality she had was an added bonus in interacting and forming a bond with her patients. The cases were not always without complications but the joy of bringing a new life in this world and the smiles she received in return from the patient and their families was definitely worth it.
Zoya fell back on the couch with a thud after returning from an emergency case with Omar, an 18 month old baby whom she was babysitting for her friend who had met with an accident last night. She turned on her side to observe him as he gurgled and threw his hands and feet in the air trying to reach her. Dimples became prominent in Omar's cheeks as he smiled at her widely as she slipped her fingers in his small palm. She leaned forward and peppered soft kisses all over his chubby face making him laugh.
Ever since her return a feeling of uneasiness and restlessness surrounded her. She had found herself thinking more and more about Asad, it didn't matter how much ever she tried to divert herattention or change her thoughts, one thing or the other lead her back to him.
"This is why I never wanted to go there. I knew after seeing him I'll remember everything from the past." She muttered getting up to prepare cereal for Omar.
"Did you even forget him for a day? You just fooled everyone by throwing yourself into heaps of work but you can't fool me, not anymore. I'm aware of every beat that your heart beats and the name inscribed on it." Her inner voice said as a matter of fact.
"Wasn't the heart enough to complicate things for me that you joined it and started lecturing me? Go away, I don't want to listen to anyone." She replied with agitation.
"I am ashamed that I realized the truth so late. The heart was always right. You've made the right decision but at least admit the real reason to yourself. I don't mean to trouble you but it's better if you accept the reality before it's too late." The nagging voice told her.
"Who are you to tell me what to do or not? I know what I'm doing and whether it's right or wrong, so just back off. Urrgghh, I'll go mad if this keeps happening." Zoya pulled her hair back in frustration. This had become frequent since her return. Earlier she only had to bear with one but now her brain had sided with the heart and together both played with her thoughts and emotions respectively.
Rahul witnessed Zoya's emotional turmoil from the kitchen door. He now understood her even better after their little trip to India. He was giving her space to clear matters herself but looked like she was adamant on not resolving things. He really needed to push her so that she faced and accepted the reality. Omar's voice broke his trance and he cleared his throat loudly to gain her attention.
"Hey when did you come?" Zoya asked with a smile, relieved to get a change.
"When you were busy telling someone off." Rahul replied with a smirk which she ignored and laid the breakfast as he was ready to leave for his duty.
"Oh God, when did you come back?" Zoya rushed to the entrance to hug Maya who was hiding behind Rahul.
"Rahul just picked me from the airport." Maya said wrapping her arms around her friend.
"I missed you so much. I'm so glad you're back." Zoya said emotionally.
"Yeh na kisi ko resemble karta hai but I can't get who it is. Tum logon ko nahin lagta? Tch issey choro, Zoe don't you think he looks like someone?" Maya asked with eyes fixed at Omar's face.
"No idea." Zoe replied with a shrug.
"I don't know who he resembles but I know he will surely earn himself a name in movies, dekha nahin hai is ki looks abhi se kitni hero jaisi.." Rahul was cut off as Maya hugged him tightly.
"Hero.. Ye hero se milta hai." Maya said happily.
"Hero kaun?" Rahul asked confusedly.
"Aray hamara Asad. Yeh bilkul uski copy hai. Dekho same colored eyes, same dimples, a sharp nose and the same skin color." Rahul shook his head hearing his fiance. She was crazy but today in her craziness she had hit the right spot as he noticed the look of surprise on Zoya's face which she masked immediately.
"I swear if I had not been engaged to Rahul, main tou Asad se shaadi kar leti. Itna acha or shareef munda kahan milta hai aj kal?" She ended sadly.
"Aur tumhe kaise pata ke woh shareef hai?" Rahul asked with a raised brow leaning forward on the table.
"Dekho jo larka itna handsome ho ke bhi akela ho or har larki ko ignore karay tou wo shareef hi hua na. Bus main thori late ho gayi. Maine apni nahin apni cousin ki baat kari thi ussey. Per wo kisi se pyaar karta hai." Zoya choked on her coffee hearing this.
"Lekin us ke saath koi dikha tou nahin." He asked rubbing Zoya's back.
"Haan isi liye maine baat ki thi but he refused very politely saying that he loves somebody."
"Acha he doesn't look like somebody who believes in love. Don't look at me like that Maya. I found him stern and straight forward, someone who wouldn't waste a single moment on relaxing or enjoying life." Rahul said eyeing Zoya whose lower lip wobbled.
"Maine suna hai aise larke deewano ki tarah toot kar pyaar kartay hain, hayye kaash mujhe bhi koi aisa mila hota." Rahul rolled his eyes at Maya's dramatics.
"Maya.. Tum bhi kyaa.. baatien kar rahi ho, chalo breakfast finish karo. I..I'll get more j..juice." Zoya gulped hard and tried to change the topic but her voice failed her.
"Ex..excuse me." She fled from the room in haste, not wanting to break down in front of her friends. Rahul's words hit home, she felt like someone had ripped off the bandage from her deep unhealed wound, letting it bear the sting of the harsh weather.
The air was chilly and sky was covered with thick grey clouds ready to open up and pour down any moment. It was another night when Zoya was stuck at the hospital due to a critical surgery. She stood at the hospital's terrace watching the city drowned in dark and quiet due to the upcoming storm. She sighed loudly as her thoughts went back to the events of today. She had submitted her resignation to the managing head of the hospital and Rahul was the reason behind it. He had decided to move back to their homeland and so she had followed suit.
"Oh common, you seriously can't be doing this again." She rolled her eyes recognizing her irritating inner voice.
"Can't you let me rest in peace for a while?" She asked exasperated.
"When did I bug you today? I had been busy the whole time." Zoya turned around to see a confused Haider standing at the terrace door.
"Not you I was talking to.. To myself." She paused abruptly thinking what to say.
"Oh my poor Zoe. I can see the work stress is showing its side effects but you have nothing to worry my friend, we have very good psychiatrists in our hospital and I'm taking you to them tomorrow." She nudged him in the stomach as he side hugged her and they laughed together.
"You love him a lot don't you, even more than me?" Haider said sadly turning to look out towards the city.
"No, I don't." She replied instantly.
"Really, then why are you going back?"
"I had to go back one day. You know Mama was already pressing me to return." She reasoned.
"That's nothing new. She has been doing that for the past 7 years. The trip to India made you realize all that you're missing on, didn't it?"
"It's nothing like that."
"I know you can't stay here without him."
"I have and can stay without him. Why are you saying all this anyway?" She questioned irritatedly.
"Because this is my chance to make you admit that you love him more than me and that I'm super upset about it. Dost dost na raha. Pyaar pyaar na raha.." Haider replied dramatically.
"I don't love Asad dammit. Why don't you all understand?" Haider turned around sharply as Zoya screamed and ran a hand through her hair in frustration.
"Asad? Where did he come from? When did I talk about him?" He asked with a raised eye brow.
"Yes Asad. You only brought him in the discussion. Otherwise what were you going on about few minutes back?" She said accusingly.
"I was talking about Rahul, Zoe. I was saying you love him more than me that's why you're going leaving me behind. But forget that; tell me how did you think I was talking about Asad?" Zoya closed her eyes tightly cursing herself for her outburst but it really wasn't her fault too, now was it? She had to constantly fight her heart, conscience and recently her brother too regarding Asad.
"Actually.. Rahul has been talking about Asad a lot recently so I thought you were also.. I'm sorry." She said looking down. Haider shook his head and held her shoulders to make her face him but they were interrupted by a nurse who came to call Zoya as her patient had gone into labor.
"What's the matter? Why did you ask to meet suddenly?" Haider asked sitting down in front of Rahul in the hospital cafeteria.
"I don't know how to help Zoe, Haider? Have you noticed how lost, restless and reserved she has become since returning from India? All she does is work, work and more work. However much Maya and I try to divert her attention, she goes back to being silent and brooding." Rahul said defeatedly. Haider narrated the incident from the evening making his forehead crinkle with worry lines.
"I'm sure Zoe's weird behaviour has something to do with Asad. You've known them both for years Haider, can you tell me what happened between them?" Rahul asked.
"I've known Asad for the last 12 years as he is Eesa bhai's friend, who is my cousin. Asad has always been intelligent, witty and a fun loving guy; ready to do anything challenging. With looks that paralled models he had a huge female fan following both at college and university. He had many girls as his friends but nothing more than that. Phir Zoya us ki life mein ayi or woh change honay laga, he stopped going out with his friends, most of his time was spent with her. In short his world revolved around Zoya. You know he used to pass deadly glares whenever I touched her and I so loved irritating him that I did it deliberately in his presence." Haider laughed.
"I know man; I've seen him glaring at me when I touched her. They seem quiet close earlier so why aren't they on talking terms?" Rahul questioned.
"I'm not sure what happened between them that they stopped talking altogether but I know that Asad had no clue about why Zoe cut off all ties with him. He was miserable for the first few months after she left India. He tried every way to contact her, to talk to her but she just didn't reply. Phir us ne khamoshi apna li, he didn't communicate with any of us either. I spoke to Zoe about this when I joined you guys here but she made me promise not to talk about him again. You know the rest." Haider replied.
"I bet everyone over there knows that Asad loves her except for Zoya herself. She is so stupid at times that it's unbelievable." Rahul sighed.
"I know man. But I hope she at least gives the poor guy a chance to speak and explain himself once she returns." Haider said.
"I'm going to make sure she does." Rahul assured him.
Zoya flicked through the pages of Inaaya's wedding album absent mindedly after returning from the hospital but paused when she came across a picture of Asad from the wedding day. He looked as handsome as ever in his navy blue sherwani teasing Hassan but Zoya could see right through his facade. He was pretending to be happy for his family.
"Kyun kara apne aisa Asad? I know you're hurting too, I can see it in your eyes. Then why did you ruin our relationship? Kya aap sach mein mere liye waisa sochtey hain, was I only a responsibility and a burden to you? Kya wo sab jhoot tha tou jo maine mehsoos kia or dekha aap ki aankhon mein? Boliye na Asad." Zoya cried silently.
Flashback.
"Zoya went straight to her room upon returning from the party and luckily for her everyone had retired for the night as they knew she would come back with Asad. Tears rolled down her face as she laid wide awake throughout the night, staring at the ceiling and replaying her time in this house. Silently she wished for all of it to be a bad dream and to wake up from it soon but Asad's aloof and distant behaviour during the next few days confirmed the words she overheard. She noticed anger and hate in his eyes whenever their gazes clashed so assumed that he did indeed wanted to escape her company. Zoya started to shrink back in a shell as her heart broke. She flew to Shimla to meet her parents and asked their permission to go abroad for further studies. It wasn't an easy task to convince them, they were reluctant not because of money or distance but because they knew she couldn't stay alone but when she pleaded them to give her a chance to become independent, they gave in.
"Zoya, are you okay? Is everyone okay back home? Why did you leave suddenly?" Asad asked as she had left without informing him.
"Everyone is fine Asad. It had been long since I met Ammi and Abbu so I thought of visiting them before my exams." She replied.
"You're coming back right?" He inquired unassuredly.
"Yeah. You have to bear me for a little more." She said with sad smile thinking he wanted to get rid of her soon.
"Don't be silly Zaza. Why would you even think like that?" He scolded her.
"Bye. I'll talk later." She avoided his question and cut the talk short.
"Come back soon Zaza. I miss you." He said softly.
"I miss you too Asad." She replied with moist eyes.
After her return Asad went back to being himself with her but now Zoya maintained distance. She didn't indulge in conversations with him or take his help for studies as she didn't have the courage to stand his facade. Her heart broke every time he did something to please or cheer her up because she thought he was doing it all so as to not let his father down. Nobody at Khan Mansion knew of Zoya's future plans of going abroad as she had kept it a secret. She eagerly awaited for a response from the universities she had sent applications to. Asad had also completed university and was all set to join Rashid in his business. Zoya came to know about the farewell party at his university from a friend. She was upset that he didn't mention anything about it to her and thought it must be because he didn't want to take her along and her assumption was confirmed on the party eve.
"Hello." Zoya answered the call on land line while working on her I-pad.
"Hi Zoya. It's me Sanya. Is Asad home?" Asad's friend asked.
"No, he's not. He's been out for a while."
"I was waiting for him to pick me up for the party. I guess he must be on his way then. Thanks. Bye." Sanya ended the call excitedly. Though Zoya reasoned with her heart but still it hurt to visualize Asad with another girl. All interest lost in her work, she decided to head out herself to erase the sinking feeling.
"I'm sorry for leaving you alone last night. Actually a friend was injured in an accident and his family was out of town so I had to stay back with him." Asad said the next morning as he joined her for breakfast. She looked at him with a blank expression not understanding what to say or do in response.
"It's okay. You don't need to explain anything to me." Zoya said in a clipped tone.
"Please don't be mad Zaza. I'm really sorry." He held her hand on the table to which she forced a smile and pulled her hand away.
Yusuf was over the moon when Zoya received positive replies from two prestigious universities. Zoya thanked God for letting her be the reason behind her father's smile.
"May I know in whose thoughts is my Angel lost?" Dilshaad asked entering her bedroom upon finding Zoya sitting in front of the dressing table.
"Kisi ke nahi. Mujhe ap ko kuch batana hai. Please naraz mat hoye ga. I didn't tell you earlier because I wanted it to be a surprise. I've got accepted in Harvard University." Dilshaad's eyes went wide hearing Zoya.
"Dilshaad I guess you were here to call Angel down not stay back here. What happened? Is something wrong? Why do both of you have such expressions?" Rashid asked walking in to find both of them looking at each other with baited breath.
"Zoya ka admission Harvard mein ho gaya hai." After a moment of shock Rashid engulfed her in a fatherly hug and that was all it took for Zoya to break down. She hugged him tight and cried her heart out. Rashid and Dilshaad caressed her head lovingly understanding her state, what they thought to be tears of happiness were in actual tears resulting from the emotional turmoil, heart break and above all the grief of leaving behind this house and its people who had now become her home and family.
Rashid called for a small family celebration to celebrate Zoya's success. Zoya knew Asad would be shocked with this news because earlier she was against the idea of leaving India. She expected him to question her sudden decision but he stood there with a blank expression as everyone took turns to stuff her mouth with sweets.
"Congratulations." Asad spoke with clenched teeth, not meeting her eyes.
"I wanted this to be a surprise that's why.." Zoya tried to explain but he cut her in the middle.
"You don't need to give me any explanations. All the best." He said flatly.
"Ammi I'll be out for the night, please don't wait for me." Asad said turning around to leave. Zoya saw the flash of hurt and pain in his eyes as their eyes met but it wasn't what she had expected to see in them.
She didn't join for dinner too as her appetite was lost. She was perturbed due to the current situation. Asad's reactions and expressions were always different from her expectations.
"Was he really upset or was he acting? No, no. He wasn't acting. I can read his eyes but why is he hurt if I'm leaving? That's what he wants, doesn't he?" She argued with herself pacing around the room.
"He has been doing this for a while. He keeps avoiding me on and off. I don't understand what he wants anymore but I won't allow him to do this again. Asad, if you want me to stay, just say it once. I won't leave if you ask me to. Please Asad, I don't want to go." She sobbed holding the picture frame next to her bed.
Asad distanced himself from everyone. He spent most of his time studying the office files locked up in the study. Nobody suspected the change in his behavior as they assumed he was preparing to join the business world but Zoya's heart ached seeing him being so indifferent. She wanted to spend time with him before she left but he stopped spending time with her.
"Asad." She spoke softly peeping inside the study. He looked up from his desk and stood up on seeing her. It was the first time in a week that they were coming face to face.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you. Just wanted to remind you that I'll be leaving after two weeks." Zoya said hesitatingly, her hand turning and twisting the door knob nervously, as he looked on blankly.
"I wanted to spend sometime with my bestfriend before leaving. We have planned to go away to our farmhouse for the weekend. Can you take out some time for me?" She asked hopefully. He just nodded before going back to reading the file killing all her efforts of striking a conversation with him. She walked out sulkinly.
The weekend passed away quickly as the friends got together and made the best of each minute. Zoya became emotional seeing the love and concern they had for her. Asad had surprisingly been his jovial self, participating in every activity, pulling everyone's leg and playing pranks. The gang as always targeted Zoya to take revenge from him as he otherwise never come under their traps. Both of them sided against the rest of the friends and made sure they won all the games. He spent time with her like there was no conflict between them at all. Zoya was really happy with the turn of events but what she really wanted was for Asad to stop her from going but all her hopes were crushed as he didn't approach that topic even once. She took that as a signal that he didn't want her to stay and was just being a nice friend. Few days later she received a call from Sanya, Asad's university friend when he was away for a workshop in Singapore for three days.
"Hey Zoya. How are you?" Sanya asked cheerfully.
"I'm fine." She answered.
"I know you must be thinking why I called, actually I wanted to ask you something."
"Yeah go ahead."
"Zoya, you are close to Asad and he shares everything with you. Did he tell you anything about surprising me?" Sanya asked hopefully.
"No, he didn't." She replied clearly but her heart sank thinking of reasons why Asad would surprise Sanya.
"Oh, he told the boys in our batch that he had a big surprise for all of us. So I was hoping he would finally propose me but anyways you don't know too so let's see what he has for us. Bye." Zoya's body trembled and she dropped on the bed. She could not even imagine something like this. Asad's words from the party echoed in her mind where he had called love a waste of time and declined any relationship with her besides a friend. She now understood that it was his way to keep his relationship with Sanya under wraps. Tears pricked her eyes as she felt her first love slip away from her hands. Zoya decided to leave in Asad's absence as she knew she could never see him with someone else or say goodbye to him. Thus she left a day before his return and stepped towards a new life blocking all his efforts to reach out to her."
"I'm sorry for being rude that day Asad. I know I hurt you a lot by my words. I should have asked for an explanation rather than telling you to stay away. Believe me, I didn't want to but it was very difficult for me to be near you and yet be so distant. You lost only your friend Asad, but I, I lost my bestfriend and my first love. So I said the first thing that came in my mind. Please forgive me. Dekhye ga ab jab main aaon gi, tou sab theek kar doon gi. I can't force you to love me but at least I can have my friend back, haina?" Zoya caressed his face in the picture. She leaned back on her bed closing her eyes with a contented sigh as accepting the truth made her feel lighter. She decided to leave the matters which weren't in her control on Allah. He would surely guide her back to her home, her destiny.
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