Red: The Colour of Love
Chapter Four
"The reason she isn't coming into my dreams is because she's in my reality" Asad spoke softly as realisations dawned upon him. After confessing one of the most beautiful feelings that exists for us as humans, a feeling that warms our hearts and spreads light over the darkest aspects of our lives, Asad was disheartened the next moment, his reality was too complicated for him to accept such feelings. He was overwhelmed no doubt, it was bound to be love as his feelings were too strong to be anything else. But where does he stand now?
"That means Zoya was the woman of my dreams? I mean, how, two years I have dreamt about her? How could I not have met her before?" Asad closed his eyes. He didn't know what questions he should ask scared of the answers his own heart will give him. "Her eyes, they always seemed so familiar, even before I met her. Does that mean the engagement night, and then bumping into her in front of the jewellery shop wasn't the first time I met her?" Asad questioned pressing his forehead. Those flashbacks of her getting painted with red were new to him yet it seemed like he lived those moments. Has he really met her before all this? If yes, how could he have let her go? He was in love with Zoya Farooqui, but right this moment, he was sat here as her sister's fianc. What kind of a test is this Almighty?
He had agreed to marry Aaliyah on his mother's insistence, but along with that, he couldn't deny he wasn't doing it for Zoya. Zoya, the girl he hadn't met but felt connected with, her trials and problems seemed like his, her win seemed like his win. No he wasn't in love with her then, maybe he was, but the point was that he didn't want her to fail as a parent. If he rejected Aaliyah, he would be rejecting Zoya's upbringing, and he couldn't insult her like that going through everything she has. Who knew that Asad would fall in love with Zoya the moment he set his eyes on her? Who knew his deepest darkest secrets were her? Who would have known that a girl who he respected just by hearing about her, would be the same girl he couldn't stop speaking about? Where does he go from here? What does he do with these feelings? Tell her his heart told him. What about her responsibilities his mind reminded him. He remembered telling her that true love would wait for her. Which he would. But, would she allow him after breaking his relationship with Aaliyah? How would Zoya feel knowing that Asad doesn't want to marry her sister... but her? That would kill her. Which would kill him in return. He doesn't want to create any problems for her but neither does he want to marry someone knowing that he loves the other. That'd be injustice to both her and his love.
"What do I do?" Asad asked himself feeling disheartened that he couldn't find a non-selfish reason to accept his love but neither could he find any reason to reject his love. He was stuck in a situation that would hurt him no matter which path he decided to take.
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Asad walked out of his room in deep thought, he looked over at his mother who has laughing on the phone. A tired smile adorned his face seeing her laugh so openly, it was a rare sight and he didn't want it to disappear. He looked towards the lonely dining table; he didn't want breakfast today. He slowly moved towards the sofa and stood over her watching her intently waiting for her to hang up.
"No no not Zoya, Zoya's sister Aaliyah. Yes. You missed the engagement but you'll have to come to the wedding" Dilshad spoke into the phone. Asad closed his eyes. "MashAllah, both of the girls are very beautiful. Don't worry bataungi, kash mujhe mil jati. Zoya won't agree anytime soon. She loves her siblings too much, she wants to fulfil all her responsibilities before settling." Dilshad burst out laughing as the aunty cracked a joke on the other side. "Tum bhi na. Ofcourse not, Samiha, the small one is 11 now. Of course she won't wait till her as well. Yeh kya bakwaas kar rahe ho" Dilshad went serious. "Please aise baat maat kijiye. I would gladly take both of them. If Zoya agreed, I would've taken all three children. Take care of yourself. Bye" Dilshad pressed the phone down. She looked up at Asad, "this lady is too much. She wants Zoya but not her siblings. What rubbish." Asad blinked at her. "It's good, this lady doesn't deserve Zoya. Did you want to say something?" She looked at his soft eyes waiting for her.
"Ammi uh yes." Asad's voice came out in a whisper. "Woh Miss Farooqui, Aaliyah... I mean I er engagement" Asad's voice refused to come out clearly.
"What about it? Zoya was so happy Asad. Honestly, I've never seen her this happy like she was on the engagement. She loves Aaliyah more than anything. She's more than a mother to her." Dilshad smiled thoughtfully. Asad swallowed hard.
"But that girl, there's something in her eyes I can't quite read. I hope Almighty sends love into her life and makes her realise that responsibilities can be shared. Right?" Dilshad asked Asad. Asad nodded slightly, his heart stinging.
"Ammi the engagement-"
"I forgot to send gifts to your khala from the engagement" Dilshad got up from the sofa in haste. "Your breakfast is on the table beta" Dilshad ran towards the stairs.
"Ammi, I love Zoya" Asad spoke in a soft dejected whisper.
He wanted to share her burdens and responsibilities, he wanted to love and give her the happiness she deserved. Was he wrong in wanting to tell Aaliyah the truth about his feelings? Or would he be manipulating her just so that he could get what he wanted without Zoya rejecting him? Was that selfish? How can love be selfish?
"I don't want to attain her. I want her love and acceptance. I want to be that true love for her, and I'm willing to wait till however long it takes for me to be that for her" He whispered into his hands. He couldn't speak to his mother. What was he meant to do now? It took him the whole night for him to come up with that one way out but he couldn't even take that route. Should he talk to Aaliyah? His fingers played with the ring, he walked into his room and decided to return this back to her. He wanted her to give it to him, he wasn't going to steal her right, he was going to make it his destiny.
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"I'm fine don't worry. I was just cleaning, the dust is just getting to me. You have fun, bye love you!" Zoya threw the phone before preparing her whole body to endure the earthquake.
"Atchooo!!!" Zoya blew into the tissue feeling every bit of her shake the little energy she had in her. She clutched onto her baba's cardigan shaking on the sofa. She rubbed her twitching nose, which had already turned tomato red.
"Why am I ill?" She cried feeling sorry for herself. "Why?" She sniffed, "Whyyy" She exaggerated her cry leaning back against the sofa. She closed her eyes hearing the doorbell ring.
"I am not alive..." She ignored the bell. It rang again. "I am deaf" She shouted with her broken voice. "You want to get killed today, don't you? I swear if it's her, I will make sure she's the VIP guest at Aleem's wedding" Zoya opened her eyes and got to her feet almost fighting to keep her balance. "Woah" she held her forehead slowly guiding herself towards the door. She opened it and stared.
"As- are you okay?" Asad looked at her alarmed seeing her fighting to stay on her feet. His eyes ran over her appearance, an old male cardigan that was strangely oversized for her petite body covering her pink princess pyjama top and most of her joggers. His eyes ran back up to her face, her watery eyes, messy hair and her Rudolph red nose gave away her state.
"Hi" Zoya blinked trying to keep her voice normal and failing miserably, she rubbed her nose and tucked a few loose strands behind her ears. Asad smiled, she looked adorable. "Can I hel- atchooo" Zoya blew into her tissue, "hel- atchooo, atchoo, atchooo!" She looked at his concerned expressions before fainting into his arms.
"Zoya, heyyy..." Asad whispered watching her eyes open slowly. His hand brushed over her forehead, growing worried of her temperature that was rising by the minute.
"What happened?" Zoya looked at him.
"Well erm, your sneezing caused the earth to shake and... Sorry, I mean erm, you fainted due to weakness, and this temperature... I think. Have you been to the doctors?" Asad asked her while trying to push her head back onto the pillow but Zoya sat up and leaned against the sofa. She shook her head.
"Well doctor is on his way..." He told her already knowing what her answer was going to be.
"I'm fine, relax Mr Khan. It's nothing, it will go away. Sorry about my little... Yeah, you erm did you want to discuss somethi-' She paused mid-sentence, her eyes twitched, Asad passed her a tissue and nodded as she sneezed.
"It's not fine and yes I did." Asad looked at his hand; Zoya followed his eyes towards her baba's ring. She watched his finger play with it slowly taking it out. She placed her hand over it, he looked at her shaking head. Asad took it off and held it in front of her.
"It's yours' Asad whispered spreading her fingers and placing it on her palm. He closed her hand and looked up at her, "For someone to make it his destiny!" Zoya smiled sadly staring into his eyes; the deep emotions flowing from his eyes had her heart beating frantically. She felt those heartbeats cross a border that was forbidden by her heart. She crossed a bridge that was not built for her. Her lips quivered realising what she had allowed herself to feel. She removed her fisted hand from his, her eyes drawing a sudden barrier.
"Mr Khan, I er, I and he cannot share the same destiny, because this ring... This ring has already found its destiny. It's not mine any longer' Zoya bit her lips together trying to stop her heart from revealing the hidden meaning to those words. Asad watched her hand open before placing the ring back on his finger. "It's yours now Mr Khan. Let me get you something to drink-" He grabbed her hand pulled her back down.
"The doctor has been written in your destiny so sit quietly" Asad eyed the sofa before smiling. Zoya returned his smile, both of their eyes on the ring. Asad sighed inwardly feeling restless still not knowing what he should do or say. Yes, he wanted this ring to be in his destiny but that destiny he wanted to share with Zoya, not with his relationship with Aaliyah.
Zoya felt something clawing inside of her, though she honestly thought that ring was his now, her heart couldn't accept it disconnecting her from her father's wish of it belonging to her life partner.
This ring will be a part of me I want to pass on to your life partner my dear...
Asad watched her eyes close, her wrist still in hold. Zoya's hand went over his hand as she remembered her father's words. She didn't want to let go of her father's memories, they may be ornaments to others but to her, they were her comfort that he was still there with her. Her eyes opened feeling his hand go over her cheeks to wipe away tears she herself was unaware that was flowing from her eyes.
"Are they your parents?" Asad asked softly moving his eyes over the album on the table. Zoya nodded,
"Mama baba" Zoya whispered, Asad noticed the pain in her voice. As strong as she was, her pain was as much. He admired her as she brought the album to her lap and caressed their faces. Asad touched their pictures before bringing his hand to his chest. He watched her try to hold back his tears.
"Crying alone will not get rid of your pain." Asad got up and sat next to her. "10 years later and you still haven't grieved have you?" He tilted his head sideways.
"I cried Mr Khan, we cried, we cried together but no-one heard our cries" She looked at him, what he saw in those eyes pricked his heart, "I looked back and listened, their cries were louder than the pain I was in. Their cries were hurting me more than my loss, our loss. It was important for them to grieve, it was important for them to be comforted, because no-one else would come." Her voice broke as she looked ahead of herself. "No-one else came Mr Khan... so I turned around and embraced them" Zoya smiled looking at him. Asad stared at her not knowing how to react, he wanted to ease her pain, he wanted to provide her with a shoulder to cry on, how much he wished he could have gone back in time and sent them an angel to comfort them.
"I think the doctor has come" Asad got up wiping his tears facing his back towards her and rushed to open the door. He escorted the doctor inside, as he closed the door, he didn't miss the curious looks on the passers-by. He brushed off his thoughts and followed behind the doctor.
"I am fine, nothing is wrong with me..." Zoya told the doctor.
"Am I the doctor or you?" The doctor looked at her sternly; Asad smiled seeing her pout with her head down,
"You are!" She replied meekly. She looked up hearing someone muffle a laugh.
"Right then, Asad beta, this girl needs care and some medicines... and no my love, no amount of hot drinks will get rid of this flu" He eyed the cups on the table; Zoya rubbed her nose nodding to his taunting voice. "I am prescribing some medicines for her, make sure she takes them on time, after eating" He held his specs on the tip of his nose to threaten her to eat, Zoya rolled her eyes. "Make sure she rests, and drinks plenty of fluids' He told Asad. Zoya grabbed the prescription off the doctor before Asad could and smiled at him,
"I will do Chacha Jee! Stop acting so much, I am fine!" Zoya spoke teasingly; he raised his hand to hit her,
"Do you know her already Dr Mallik?" Asad asked him.
"I've known her since she was in her mother's womb" Dr Mallik pulled her cheeks, Zoya tried to move away from him.
"Do I look like a 2 year old kid to you?" Zoya rubbed her cheek,
"You still act like one" Dr Mallik brushed his hand over her head sighing, he got up with his suitcase and turned around to talk to Asad. "Congratulations Asad, you are marrying one of the two gems that exist on this earth" He shook his hand. They both looked over at Zoya who stared at the prescription,
"Chacha Jee, Syrup really?" Zoya looked up,
"And this is where I say goodbye, TWICE A DAY ZOYA!" Dr Mallik almost ran out.
"I'll get Aleem to bring these when he gets back" Zoya was about to put it on the table when Asad snatched it off her.
"When he gets back" Asad jumped up onto his feet, "Stay on that sofa, I'll be right back!" He rushed out of the house. Zoya looked on sighing. This was wrong, her thoughts were wrong, these feelings were wrong.
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"Is she okay beta?" Dilshad inquired over the phone. Najma leaned in to listen to her conversation.
"I don't know Ammi, the doctor has checked her. I think she is running a fever but she is as stubborn as ever. She never wants to rest. She is sitting there, staring at me with the most grumpiest look ever" Asad glanced back at her, Zoya crossed her arms. "She doesn't seem to be fond of syrups." He laughed nervously. "Everyone seems to be away, I don't know whether I should leave her alone like this..."
"No no, you stay with her. I will send Najma over in abit." Dilshad told him.
"What is bhaijaan doing over there?" Najma asked the question that was lurking on Dilshad's mind. Asad closed his eyes hearing her voice in the background. Dilshad smiled hearing Asad sigh.
"I will see you later Ammi" Asad disconnected the call not wanting to answer her question. He didn't know how to. He turned around and watched her blink back at him.
"Mr Khan-"
"Not another word from you Miss Farooqui. Please give me your hand" Asad put his hand out. Zoya stared at it for moment before meeting his eyes.
"I can't- erm I mean why?" Zoya shook herself. Asad winced, why, he didn't know.
"Just give me your hand" He took his hand closer to her. Zoya hesitantly placed her hand onto his, her heartbeat rising by the second. Asad helped her up wrapping his arm over her shoulder and supporting her towards the bedroom. Zoya looked up at his face, his caring yet determined face protective of her every step towards the bed. He brushed his hand over her forehead, tucking her hair feeling comforted by her presence. Her eyes blurred not being able to take so much of his love and care, they weren't for her.
"Mr Khan, please go home. I will be fine. Honestly. Please don't tell anyone else. Asim will leave his trip if he finds out. I want Aaliyah to have a good time. Please?" Zoya pouted.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone if you let me sit here without you insisting on leaving. Firstly that isn't going to happen, and secondly, your siblings are literally a call away." He told her.
"Are you blackmailing me?" Zoya tried getting up. He pushed her back down.
"Maybe Miss Farooqui, just maybe" He smiled picking up a book from her bedside table. A few pictures fell onto his lap. He looked up to find Zoya closing her tired eyes. He picked the pictures up and looked at them. One of them were his, he assumed it was the one his mother had given to her for the proposal. Skip. He flipped it over and put it back on the desk. The next picture was of a couple with a miniature version of Zoya stood in the middle. His thumb brushed over her smile in the picture as his eyes went over her pale face.
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Ayaan sat depressed while his friends played football on the fields. He wasn't enjoying his weekend away. His fisted and un-fisted his hands. He fell in love for his heart to be broken into a million pieces. The one girl he laid his eyes on, mesmerised him with her one glance, making him fall for her in that moment. That one girl he admired from the distant every day as she danced away, her anklets jingled making soothing music for only his ears to listen. He never thought the girl that took over every inch of his heart, that awakened every desire in his body to make her his, that one girl he wholeheartedly prayed for. That same girl was now going to become his brother's wife. The brother who taught him to live was going to marry the girl that taught him breathe. He did not understand how to stop his stubborn heart from loving her, wanting her. He was frustrated beyond words, he just didn't know what to do. He always shared his problems with his brother, but how could he tell him about her. His brother has suffered so much, happiness has recently knocked on his door after all these years. He didn't want to put his brother in a dilemma. His thought shifted to Zoya. Zoya seemed so perfect for his brother. He wasn't thinking this for his selfish reasons, he genuinely believes that Zoya had that spark in her... that made her the perfect partner for Asad.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AYAAN AHMED KHAN?!!!" Ayaan grunted loudly. The group of girls walking past stopped and looked back. Ayaan buried his face into his hands and for the first time in his life, he just wanted to cry or stop breathing for a moment so that he could understand his life.
"Ayaan?" He heard a low soft whisper, Ayaan slowly looked up to see her. It was her, it was Aaliyah. "Ayaan right?" She asked again. He nodded staring at her, bewildered. He watched as she signalled for her friends to carry on before making herself comfortable next to him. "Are you okay?" She looked at him intently.
"Yes ofcourse" He replied defensively.
"Well, you don't look it..." Aaliyah said hestitantly passing him a handkerchief.
"What's that for?" He looked at it weird.
"For your tears" She pointed, he quickly brushed his hands over his face to wipe away his tears.
"Something went into my eyes." Ayaan told her taking the handkerchief off her and wiping his face with it. "You? Here?" He asked her suddenly.
"Yeah, my sister sent me away forcefully. A weekend away with my friends" She pointed towards the girls in the distant. "And before you ask, I saw you here, you seemed familiar and then realised you were Najma's brother" She explained.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to take you away from your friends. I am fine, you can go" Ayaan spoke forcefully, his heart wanting to stay close to her but his mind wanting to push her away.
"It's okay, don't worry. I'll sit here and do what you're doing." Aaliyah smiled, "Are they your friends?" Ayaan hummed a reply. "You know, if I knew you would be sat here, would have brought coffee with me..." Ayaan looked at her weirdly, "I have seen you at the coffee shop opposite my dance workshops every single day. I have to say their coffees are amazing..." Ayaan watched as she spoke. He admired her beauty from up close, her twinkling innocent eyes, he soft lips and her beautiful hair. She was as stunning up close. You could tell she was hesitant trying to make conversation with him but she was putting on her brave face to cheer him up.
"You don't have to do this you know; I know this is way out of your comfort zone Aaliyah..." Ayaan looked into her eyes.
"Coffee?" She insisted.
"Ofcourse" Ayaan smiled getting up and leading her towards the coffee shop.
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Asad switched the wet cloth on her forehead before going back to the desk. He looked over the dye samples which brought her desk to life. He sat down on the chair occasionally glancing back and lifting the red material in front of him. He closed his eyes, images of his dreams of the girl in red flashed before him, but this time, her face clearly visible. It was so evident that the girl that was haunting him every night, taking away a bit of him every time she visited him and making him anxious as hell was Zoya. Nothing else made sense. It was Zoya and that's all he knew and ever wanted to know. And then that image of a splash of red colour, tainting every bit of the white on her. He couldn't quite figure out what this could possibly mean or relate it to a certain moment in his life.
"Baba" Zoya stirred in her sleep, Asad's head shot back. He jumped out of his seat and to her side within seconds.
"Zoya" He whispered, her forehead creased and a frown replaced her lips as something bothered her in her sleep.
"Baba, where are you?" Zoya whispered a cry, "I need you" Asad froze. "Why did you leave me?" Her lips trembled.
"Zoya shhh, I'm here" Asad jumped onto the bed moving her head towards his chest and embracing her tight. He rubbed her arm as she leaned against him warm chest, tears creeping from the side of her eyes.
"Why did you leave me baba?" Zoya asked again, "Tell me baba, I see you but why can I not touch you? All you do is stand there and smile back at me every night. Why can you not hug me tight like you used to?" Asad's grip tightened around her. "Please don't disappear, I need you baba..."
"Zoya, I'm here shhh" Asad comforted her, Zoya's eyes opened slowly and stared up at him. She blinked weakly at him before closing her eyes and sighing. His wide eyes, evidently worried, stared back at her.
"I'm sorry Asad... I am fine, I'll be fine" Zoya assured him.
"You are fine" Asad assured her back. "I'm here" He told her. "Zoya?" Asad looked back at her; she was so still and burning hot. Asad held his breath, he did not understand anything that just happened. There must be something bugging Zoya wondered Asad. He closed his eyes, he felt happy knowing that he could comfort her. Maybe he couldn't decrease her pain, but he wanted to be there for her. Asad looked over to her ringing phone and picked it up,
"Hello?"
"Zoya? You didn't confirm anything about that consignment, what's up?" A worried voice asked.
"Hello, Zoya's not well. She's resting. Do you want me to take a message for her?" Asad spoke unsure.
"Is she okay? I know she's not well, but could you just ask her to send me some sort of message regarding what I should do about the consignment?" Asad wanted to punch his guts out, "I know I'm acting selfish and she is unwell, but I know how important this is to her and if she lost this, she would not stop blaming herself for it." The voice explained. Asad calmed down and looked down at her.
"I will make sure she contacts you when she wakes up. Thanks" Asad hung up. He hugged her tighter as all his feelings came crashing down on him. He looked around the room he was in and then her face again, this wonderful feeling was wrong. He shouldn't be here; he shouldn't be holding her and comforting her. He was her sister's fianc. He hands shook as he slowly tried removing her head off his chest. Zoya held onto his shirt trying to seek comfort in his hold. Don't do this Asad's heart pleaded. He somehow managed to remove her grip and placed her onto the pillow before rushing out of the room. He held his hair in desperation, he did not understand what to do to make everything right, to run in there and hug her tight, take care of her and not worry about whether it is right or wrong. Because he loves her and he wants to love her.
He removed his phone from his pocket and stared at it. He placed it against his ear, his heart thudding faster and faster.
"Ammi, where is Tamater?" Asad asked his mother. "Ammi, I need to..."
"She is on her way, Asad. What's wrong?" Dilshad asked sensing his turmoil.
"Ammi, can I talk to you?" Asad asked her,
"Tell me beta."
"No Ammi, can I talk to you?" He repeated. "Because I really need to."
"You can talk to me about anything. You know that, why do you sound so unsure today? You have shared all your worries and problems with me, always, what is making you so hesitant today?" Dilshad asked.
"Zoya" Asad closed his eyes breathing out a sigh.
XOXO
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