||~ The Sunshine of My life #3 AsYa FF ~|| Next thread link Page 146 - Page 11

Dilshad had come down to fetch some water for herself when she had heard two loud voices and the sound of Aahana's wails coming from the garden. She had peeped from the window to see Asad, Zoya and Aahana spending time together. If she hadn't known either of them she would have guessed they were a couple and the baby was their child. They looked like a happy family and the sight made her smile and swell with pride. She had been distant, hadn't been able to muster courage to talk to anyone, or involve herself in any work. She had wanted that time alone, to dwell on her life, on her mental state now. But she had seen, observed and understood the changing equations between her son and Zoya and couldn't have been happier and content as she was now.

**********

"Zoya what kind of a colour is that, so bright and flashy," Asad pulled away the pink and red dungaree Zoya had picked up and picked up a grey and white one instead.

Zoya frowned," We aren't buying the dungarees for you Mr Khan, it's for your one year old daughter who happens to be a girl, don't make her like yourself," Zoya reprimanded him and hit his hand away while he was trying to check the clothes on Aahana.

"Miss Farooqui I know very well what my daughter wants, stop putting away everything I choose," Asad said making a face, feeling conscious with store keepers staring at them because of their ongoing bickering.

"Acha? Aap Aahana se pooch lijiye usse kya chahiye, phir itna overconfidence dikhana," Zoya challenged and put both the dungrees in front of her.

"Which one do you like sweetheart? Aapko kaunsa chahiye?" Zoya prodded Aahana with a sugary sweet tone.

Aahana stared at Zoya who was smiling at her and then at Asad who smiled too but then smartly motioned his eyes to the grey one. Aahana stared at both the pieces of cloth in front of her for a while and then picked the grey and white one. Asad smirked and looked at Zoya who was already moping at her loss. Asad was just about to mock her choice when Aahana flung the grey dungaree in her hands away and hugged the pink one to herself. Zoya laughed out loud and gave Asad a smug look.

Asad's jaw almost dropped surprised to know that Aahana could make such strong choices already. He looked at Zoya who was playing with Aahana, tickling her and the beautiful sight of them laughing together gave him an unexpected feeling of fulfilment.

Zoya passed another smug look, lifting her brows.

"Fine fine... stop gloating now Miss Farooqui. Aahana ne aapki pasand ki sirf ek cheez li hai, zaroori nahi humesha aisa ho," Asad dared.

"Fine let's see," Zoya accepted. Strapping Aahana to herself she moved to another counter and both Asad and Zoya asked for their choice of frocks. And again Aahana chose the one Zoya had selected ticking Asad off who grinded his teeth in annoyance.

Zoya smirked to herself," Ek kaam karte hai Mr Khan, now you choose something you wouldn't ever buy for Aahana, something of my choice," Zoya suggested.

Asad nodded and picked a neon green frock with toons painted on it. Aahana immediately tugged at it and babbled," Aanu Aanu," surprising Asad and making him chuckle.

"Ok fine ladies, I give up. You two shop together." Asad sighed and moved back.

"Arey aap kaha ja rahe hai? Aapki marzi nahi chal rahi isliye yaha khade bhi nahi rahenge?" Zoya teased.

"Aur der yaha khada raha toh pata nahi aur kitne bhayanak kapde dekhne padenge. You shop for Aahana, I'll go collect a few other things I wanted," he said marching away, Zoya almost stopped him to ask him for money, but was embarrassed to since she had walked into a mall without anything on hand.

Asad walked back a few seconds later and handed Zoya his credit card, "How do you plan on shopping without this Miss Zoya Farooqui?" he taunted making Zoya smile and snatch the card out of his hand.

*********

After buying gifts for his family, Asad took the elevator to the food court. Zoya had messaged him saying they had sorted most of the shopping for Aahana's clothes and had stopped to eat.

Asad spotted both near an ice cream shop and rushed towards them. Zoya had Aahana seated in front of her on the table and was feeding Aahana and herself from the same cup of ice cream.

"Zoya ye kya kar rahi ho, don't feed her that, she'll catch a cold," Asad panicked and taking out Aahana's napkin wiped on non-existent dirt from her nose.

Zoya rolled her eyes," Bu Hitler Khan." but without any hesitation continued to feed Aahana, while Asad kept hovering around her grumbling about her eating the ice cream.

"Relax Mr Khan, you promised you'll let her be, now you're being your protective self all over again. Ek ice cream khane se kya hoga, zyaada se zyaada ek do cheek hi aa jayegi. But look at her now, how happy she is."

"But what about when she's ill and crying Zoya?" Asad asked being his practical self.

"Jo hua nahi uske baare mai soch kar abhi ek khushi ka pal kho de Mr Khan? Life isn't worth living if happiness coming your way is measured because of what we fear for the future."

Asad had practically lived his entire life only seeing the negative even when there was so much positive around him. He was enthralled at Zoya's zeal for life and optimism.

"Here Mr Khan aap bhi khaiye," Zoya said passing him a cup of ice cream which was already almost melted and smiled," and taste a little happiness like your daughter is."

Asad almost sniggered at her cheesiness but biting his smile pulled at the cup and gulped down the ice cream. Aahana who had enjoyed Zoya's attention all this while turned around to taste from Asad's cup and opened her mouth flaring her sticky palms towards him.

"Watch it Aanu," Asad's OCD kicked in making Zoya giggle. She caught hold of Aahana's palms in the air and signalled for him to feed her. Asad fed Aahana and wiped her dirty mouth with his fingers. Seeing the ice cream laden on his hands Aahana held his finger between her mouth and her growing teeth pricked him.

"Ow!" Asad winced and glared at Aahana which instead of scaring her only made her laugh. Zoya put her arms around her tiny waist and pulled her towards herself laughing along with her.

Asad moaned in protest but seeing them engrossed in their own fun stopped mid way. It had been ages he had seen Aahana actually spending time like a child would. He realised how wrong he had been in protecting her to such an extent that she had missed out on distinctive moments like these. No matter how hard he would try to be her mother, he always managed to be her Abu, her protector. He could understand her pain, her every call or cry and gauge what it meant every time. But all he could do was placate her; not replace it with the fulfilment and completeness the innocent child demanded unknowingly.

Today seeing Zoya and Aahana bond for the umpteenth time Asad realized what Aahana was missing in her life and how desperately she needed it.

**********

"Oh my God!" Zoya gasped staring around at the huge kids playing area in the mall, with games at display, which could be played and then purchased from the racks later.

"So Miss Farooqui, how do you plan to buy toys for her? This can't be decided on the colours?" Asad mocked her.

"I told you that Aahana will shop for herself today," Zoya said putting Aahana down on the matted floor. Aahana who was over enthusiastic all along couldn't contain her excitement anymore and squealing she crawled swiftly towards the toys.

Aahana's first stop was the stationery section, picking up a coloured pen she mindlessly moved it around the white board on the floor.

Asad and Zoya chuckled and reached down to her, Zoya ruffled her hair affectionately," Seems like she'll grow up to like drawing like her dad, going to be an architect like Abu hmm?" Zoya said.

After a while of careless scribbling, which Aahana did feigning seriousness, she crawled to the rocking horse. Asad followed her while Zoya picked up a set of coloured pens, crayons and white sheets for Aahana.

Asad picked and placed Aahana on the horse and shook it a little for her making her clap fiercely in happiness. She wanted to try pushing it herself and hit on the bars ahead making it move with a jerk. She was about to lose balance and fall when Zoya came rushing and helped Asad hold her, both of them holding her from her stomach, their hands almost knotted together. They stared at the other for a fleeting moment and moved back smiling slightly.

Asad was amazed at how understanding Zoya was of a kid when she wasn't even a mother herself and hadn't even known Aahana from too long. Zoya had taken Aahana around the entire section and picked up whatever Aahana had played with the most. Content with the shopping she had done, and with Asad's credit card drained a little more, they moved out with a tired and half sleepy Aahana.

************

"Zoya aap yaha kya kar rahi hai? I was finding you all over the floor," Asad asked annoyed. He had taken Aahana to the washroom and when he had returned Zoya had been missing.

"Uh sorry Mr Khan I was just looking around. Ab chale, Aahana seems sleepy and anyway sab shopping toh ho gayi," Zoya said turning around.

Asad walked back to see what Zoya had been staring at and saw a mannequin adorning a white long dress. It seemed as if she had really liked it, but then why didn't she buy it?

"Uh Zoya take Aahana and call for the car at the valet, I'll come in a minute." Asad passed Aahana in Zoya's arms.

"But Mr Khan.." Zoya called out.

"Just 2 mins, I forgot something, " Asad waved her off and marched back.

***********

Aahana had nodded off to sleep in her car seat on the way back home, tired from the day's activity.

"Uh Mr Khan, I've been meaning to talk to you about something, May I?" Zoya asked hesitant to talk about what she had been thinking for a while.

"Sure Zoya why are you even asking," Asad asked.

"Mr Khan mujhe lagta hai ki aapko.. aapko apne Abu ke liye ghar mai Quran Khwani rakhni chahiye.." Zoya fumbled, unsure how Asad would accept her suggestion.

Asad shocked by the sudden statement pushed the brakes with a force. Instinctively Zoya's hands recoiled to the back seat and shielded Aahana lest she move forward and hurt herself, a gesture Asad didn't miss.

With a vague softness in his eyes Asad gulped back the lump in his throat," Zoya .." he uttered not knowing what else to say, he wasn't good with words.

Seeing the whiteness on Asad's fisted knuckles Zoya stroked her thumb over them.

"Mr Khan I know this a little hard for you, par aap bhi toh sochiye. Chahe aapke Abu ne jo bhi kiya ho, Phuppi loves him, always loved him. He was her husband after all, he was a father to both her kids. No matter what grudge she holds against him, she can never let go the love and good memories she has off him. She wasn't able to spend even a single moment to have a closure with him. Her pain, her unsaid complains and love everything has been left untouched. Her life has been left incomplete Mr Khan. She hasn't even gotten the chance to do anything in honour of her deceased husband. Agar kisi tareeke se unki Dil ki is khwaish ko poora kar de toh shayad woh iss situation ko better handle kar sakengi."

Asad heard Zoya uninterrupted and stared out of the window thoughtfully. He shut his eyes feeling her thumb on his fist and loosed his grip and held her roving thumb with his, squeezing it. And Zoya had gotten her answer.

***********

That evening when Najma and Zoya had gone to the park with Aahana, he gathered some courage to walk up to Dilshad's room. He entered her room and found her fermenting her feet with an electric heater. Walking up to her he sat by her feet and authoritatively moved the pad away. Taking her feet and placing them on his thigh he proceeded to massage them gently.

"Asad ye kya kar rahe ho?" Dilshad said trying to pull her feet away.

Pehli baar toh nahi kar raha Ammi, aaj se pehle jab bhi pair dard karte the, aap hak bulati thi dabwane ke liye.." Asad said wistfully.

Dilshad sat back a lump forming in her throat as tears threatened to flow out.

"Ammi kal ghar mai Quran Khwani rakhi hai..woh.. Abu ki liye. Ayaan ne bataya tha ki unke ghar mai bhi hui thi. Waha hui hai, toh yaha bhi hone chahiye, actually ye khayal pehle Zoya ke mann mai aaya tha, and she is right..isliye" Asad spoke slowly and sensitively.

Dilshad gaped at Asad, hearing him utter the words Abu' for Rashid and was even more surprised at his decision for organising a prayer.

They sat in silence for a while with Asad pressing her feet till she felt relief.

"Ammi aaj hum shopping ke liye gaye the, toh mai aapke liye kuch laya hun," Asad forwarded a packet of CD's of Dilshad's favourite ghazals. She was surprised that he had remembered her complaining how her old cassettes had stopped working and she missed hearing the numbers. The tears she had been restraining flowed incessantly. She felt Asad holding her chin upward and the pads of his fingers wiping at her tears lightly. Kissing her forehead he walked out of the room and Dilshad gave into her emotions and sobbed letting all her emotions out.

***********

The next day a little near mid noon Asad stood by the door greeting the guests who came over for the Quran Khwani. He stood by the entrance and glanced at his family huddled together praying. He looked at his Ammi, her eyes were closed, an expression of serenity and peace on her face, which had been missing all these days. Zoya had been right all along. Thinking of her, he turned to look at her and smiled to himself.

She had taken over the entire responsibility of the house in her hands like it were her own. Even today she had been on her toes since the second she got up, arranging the house, preparing for the prayer, making refreshments for the guests. And now she was praying with all her heart as if she had known her Abu all along. And what touched him the most was the bundle of sunshine who was sitting on her lap.

Asad hadn't wanted Aahana to be part of the prayer, but Zoya had insisted saying it was important that Rashid got the blessings from each member of the family, Aahana being his granddaughter and had made her sit in her lap and fold her tiny palms in prayer. The tears in Dilshad's eyes that moment had warmed Asad's heart.

Asad joined everyone on the floor once the guests had left and shut his eyes. He prayed for his Abu's soul to rest in peace, forgiving him with all his heart to give him an honourable departure aboard. He had lived most of his life with anger and resentment for his father, but a father himself he had now realised how it would feel for his own child to curse and loath him like he had to his father. He could probably never forget the deceit, but he had decided to let go. He wanted to be a man his daughter would look up to and would be proud of, not someone she would fear and distance from.

After the Quran Khwani had ended, the ladies sat down in the living room to eat, while Asad took Aahana and excused himself wanting to be alone.

A while later when Zoya entered his room, she saw Asad sitting in a reclining posture on the settee in his room, with Aahana in his lap both asleep and had a huge album placed on his lap. She approached the pair and bent down to see snaps of his childhood. There were pictures of him smiling and playing with Rashid and Dilshad. She stared at the pictures tenderly and glanced at Asad and Aahana, noticing just how similar they both looked as kids and chuckled softly. Seeing him so joyful in the pictures made her sigh in hope that he would be at peace with his past and be as happy in his life again. Gently pulling the album away, she spread the covers over the both of them and drew the curtains, letting them rest after a long exhausting day, physically and emotionally.

************

Zoya went to check on Dilshad next and found her smiling to herself, seeming at peace while thinking something as she sat by her window on the marble panel adjoining it.

"Arey Zoya aao na beta, betho!" Dilshad said calling out to Zoya when she saw her enter.

"How are you feeling Phuppi? I've seen you so relaxed after so many days," Zoya said her face mirroring her love and adoration.

"Yes Zoya you're right, aaj bahut dino baad mujhe sukoon mehsoos hua hai. I have always tried to be a dutiful wife, a responsible mother, but when I got the news about Rashid, I felt like I had failed him. What he did was his mistake, his destiny, but as a wife, as his lover, I felt broken that I couldn't give him the one thing he would be incomplete without, forgiveness. No one deserves to die like that. Lekin aaj itne logon ki, aur humari prayers unn tak pahunchi hai, ab mujhe sukoon hai. "

Zoya smiled and hugged her from the side, leaning her head on her shoulder. Dilshad tipped her face to kiss Zoya on her head affectionately.

After sitting like that in silence for sometime Zoya spoke "Phuppi mujhe bahut khushi hai ki aapke dil ko sukoon mila. But there's still someone in this house who is reeling under the pain. Aur aap bhi janti hai mai kiski baat kar rahi hun."

Dilshad looked at her in understanding and nodded, tears glistening in her eyes," Mai janti hun Zoya, tum kisi baat kar rahi ho."

"Toh aap unse baat kyun nahi karti Phuppi. Aap janti hai na Mr Khan aapse itna pyar karte hai, how much you matter to him. Aap unse naraaz hai, disappointed hai, ye jante hue woh ek pal bhi chain se nahi reh sakte aur na reh pa rahe hai. Aap unse itne dinon se itni khafa itni dur kaise reh payi." Zoya implored.

"Zoya mai Asad se naraaz nahi thi, mai iss baat se naraaz thi ki meri di hui tarbiyat ke bawajood, Asad mai itne gussa tha ki woh apne Abu ki bigdi tabiyat ke baare mai jaante hue bhi unse milne nahi gaya, mujhe nahi bataya. Maine ye umeed nahi ki thi. Ye mera gussa nahi, ye mera us par hak tha. Kyunki mai jaanti hun woh mere jasbaton ko achi tarah samajhta hai, ye bhi samajhta hai ki ye mai usi ke liye kar rahi hun."

"Uske liye? Phuppi woh kitne toot gaye hai ye aap mujhse poochiye. He's been dying every moment ever since you stopped talking to him.."

"That is what I wanted Zoya. I wanted him to be alone, without me, and then make him understand how he can't lean on me all his life. I may or may not be with him eventually, one day even I will go to his Abu, one day he will have to give Najma and then Aahana away too. Tab uska kya hoga beta? Mere Asad ka kya hoga? He'll be alone, like he is now," Dilshad said sadly.

"No he isn't alone Phupi, and he never will be, I'll be with him always I promise," Zoya said impulsively, unable to hear Dilshad talk about Asad's impending loneliness.

Dilshad smiled, happier than ever before hearing the words Zoya had uttered, for which she had pushed her son away even after she had come over her initial anger for him. Zoya gaped at her, suddenly realising what she had said and looked away consciously.

Dilshad smiled at her in affection and pulled her into her arms again. She kissed her forehead and cupped her face in her palms," Thank you Beta, thank you so much for loving my son the way you do, for mothering Aahana the way you do; for making this house yours and completing it with your presence."

"Phupi?" Zoya implored in a heavy voice laden with confusion.

"Mai janti hun kit um Asad se pyar karti ho, I've seen the concern, the admiration and love in your eyes, in your every action, for him and Aahana. And I wanted him to realise that when he has no one to fall back on, he will have you. I wanted you to realise that you are not alone, you have a family, in my Aahana, in Asad."

"Mai Asad se naraaz thi, par meri naraazgi sirf us ek pal ki thi jab maine woh khabar suni. I understand my son and his every decision. I may have been disappointed, but I was never angry. I saw you two spending time together, you supporting him, him depending on you. And I knew what I had to. Even though it has killed me every second to not be with Asad when I know he needed me, but I am glad I did what I did." Dilshad said proudly gazing at Zoya her eyes dripping with affection.

Zoya's eyes blurred with tears and she bent forward and embraced Dilshad tightly, moved by her affection, her concern and understanding, finally feeling the love of a mother, and finally being part of a family she never had.

"You love Asad, right Zoya?" Dilshad said patting Zoya on her head.

Zoya stared at her for a while before nodding," It took me a while to realise but I do, more than I can say, I love Aahana, and her Abu," Zoya said smiling through her tears.

"Will you be my Bahu?" Dilshad questioned gazing at her softly. Taken aback at her question Zoya asked," But how Phupi? Mr Khan doesn't love me. He doesn't see a future with me. I am just a friend for him, nothing more."

"He just doesn't realise it Zoya. Because he's always told himself that he isn't allowed to love, because he fears losing anyone anymore. But when did the heart listen to the brain Zoya? I know my son and I can see it in his eyes, the love that he hasn't realised, but is growing within him. And I know he'll understand it soon enough," Dilshad said reassuringly.

"Are you sure?" Zoya asked earnestly.

"He is my son Zoya, I understand him and his feelings even when he isn't around me, trust me." Zoya nodded at her smiling and hugging her thankfully again.

"Phuppi?"

"Hmm!" Dilshad responded as she patted her hair lovingly.

"There is something you don't know about your son. Something he hasn't told anyone, probably not to himself."

"What?" Dilshad questioned confusingly.

"He loves his Abu Phupi, he may have said he hated him, but he never did. Phupi all these years he has been funding Ayaan, Nikhat and Nuzhat's education," Zoya affirmed.

Dilshad stared at her astonished at her words, tears brimming in her eyes again," He never wanted his Abu to face the same bitterness from his other children as he had from him and Najma. He says he did it for his siblings, but if we know Mr Khan, we know he never says what's really in his heart."

Dilshad let out a painful sob at that while Zoya wiped her tears," He needs you Phupi! Please go to him, he needs you.."

Dilshad nodded as she stared at the golden hearted girl sitting in front of her, " Call me Ammi Zoya, I want you to call me Ammi."

Zoya let out an estranged cry, happy tears rolling down her eyes and said,"Ammi!" and hugged her again.

***********

Dilshad smiled at the adorable sight in front of her. Asad and Aahana sleeping cuddled on the settee. She went and slowly picked Aahana from Asad's lap and settled her in her cradle. Kissing her on her palm she moved to Asad whose head was dangling uncomfortably. Lifting his head in her hand she gently laid him on her lap. She stared at his face as she fingered his hair and saw a tiny smile pass form on his lips. Smiling to herself she bent down to kiss his forehead.

"Ammi!" he mumbled in his sleep making Dilshad smile softly. Feeling her tender fingers massage his scalp Asad opened his eyes to see her divine form right above him. Not knowing if it was a dream or reality he stayed in her lap basking in her love.

"Sorry Ammi," he whispered, his eyes wet and voice muffled, " I am really sorry," he said clasped his arms around his waist and snuggled closer. Days had passed hoping and praying that his Ammi would let him in, let him be by her side, let him hug her, so that they could share their sorrow together. Feeling her touch and love again, he let his tears down and cried in her arms.

Making him sit up Dilshad hugged him, laying her head on his chest," I am sorry too Beta."

"No Ammi, don't say that. Ammi kabhi maafi nahi mangti. You have every right to be angry on me, to be disappointed in me. I am sorry that I failed you.."

"You can never fail me Beta, you and Najma are my pride. You have only given me happiness since the minute you were born. You can never be the reason of my pain. I am just sorry for not being with you when you needed me."

"Nahi Ammi aisa mat kahiye. Even if you don't talk to me, even if you don't let me be around, your presence is enough for me. All I need is to see you safe and sound, happy and at peace, I want nothing more," Asad whispered making Dilshad pat his head proudly and kiss his head again.

"Ammi.."

"Hmm?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Haan bolo Asad.."

"Ammi chahe kuch bhi ho jaye, aap mujhse kitni bhi naraaz ho, kitni bhi khafa ho, but please never push me away like this, never..," Asad said pleadingly.

"Never, I promise.."

Asad smiled and snuggled closer.

"Asad can I ask you for something too?"

"Anything Ammi.." he said moving away looking into her eyes imploringly.

"Sahi waqt aane par mai tumse kuch mangungi Asad, aur mai jo kahungi tumhe karna padega, karoge?"

"Ji Ammi," Asad said at the blink of an eye, even though he was curious what his Ammi wanted from him. But he knew whatever it was would always be the best for him.

Dilshad smiled appreciatingly and squeezed his shoulders.

"Thank you Ammi!" his eyes shining with relief.

"Don't thank me Asad, if there is someone whom you need to thank its Zoya," Dilshad stated surprising Asad. He understood what his mother meant even though she hadn't gone ahead and explained it clearly. He just knew what Zoya had done, there was nothing to question, nothing to understand. He hugged his Ammi again and spotted Zoya across her shoulder, standing at the door way gazing at the both of them, smiling in satisfaction.

His eyes dripped with a new found feeling for Zoya, inclining his head he mouthed a Thank you' to her, to which she nodded in response.

Dilshad looked behind to see Zoya standing in the doorway and got up. Walking up to her she stroked her head once before leaving the two alone.

Zoya smiled at her retreating form, blinked at Asad and turned around to leave, only to be held back.

She turned around to see Asad holding her hand firmly. Even before she could question him or say a word she felt being pulled into a tight hug. Asad's arms entwined around her tightly, nestling her tiny form closer to himself. Zoya was taken aback for a minute, unable to figure what to do, she kept standing in his embrace her hands hanging lose. When she realised he wouldn't move away, she wound her arms around him and hugged him back.

An eternity had passed or so it seemed; when he loosened his hold around Zoya. Making a little distance between them Asad stared at her, with a whirlwind of emotions running in his mind. Uncertain and shy, Asad held her by her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her forehead. He didn't words to express his feelings, the gratitude, the admiration and she didn't need words to understand him.

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