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There I stood, gazing into his guilt filled eyes, and desired nothing more than to be locked in his iron grasp once more. At that moment I knew he was real, not just a figment of my imagination, I was so close to feeling alive again. As I hesitantly approached him my hands began dripping with sweat, my heart racing over and beyond the normal speed limit, tears forming in my eyes, but I swallowed everything down; I couldn't allow him to see me be passive anymore.He gestured for me to keep getting closer yet the voices in my head begged me to run away like I did back then. Finally I was inches from him, and he continued to stare into my eyes. Slowly a smile crept upon my face, he smiled back, laughed nervously, but I couldn't figure out why things ended the way they did. I mean right now everything's fine right? We hugged, started talking, catching up on each others lives, and I wanted to leave because I felt the hunger growing inside me but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The tension between rose as the night went on, sensations taking over my body, the lust overpowering any control I had, and I didn't feel bad because I knew damn well he was thinking the same things I was. I found myself in this awkward position, we both ached for the others touch, cared for each other like we did back then, but there was only one problem; he belonged to someone else while my heart still belonged to him. I decided it wouldn't be so awful to at least ride the ferris wheel with him since we were at a carnival. He seemed to be holding something back, and I thought he wasn't comfortable so I resorted to feeling horrible again. We got on the ferris wheel, sat across from each other, looked into each others eyes, and suddenly he grabbed my face; my heart sunk like an anchor to the bottom of the ocean. My mind went blank, I was aroused on this intense level, and I didn't care what happened because I knew what I felt for him was true. He pulled away countless times leaving me breathless and upset. "I can't do this. I'm sorry," he quietly whispered. Disappointment flooded through me, this isn't really happening again is it? He certainly knows how to drag my feelings around like a ragdoll. When we got off the ride I walked away with tears stinging my eyes, and my heart beating with malice. He tried to comfort me, telling me he wished he could kiss me without possibly regretting it, and chose to hold me instead. I felt pathetic, foolish, trashy, confused, empty, nothing how I thought I would feel from seeing him after months. Saying goodbye to him was painful though deep down I was ready to go home. Watching him run sent this sharp pain in my heart, I had the urge to fall on my knees and break down, I couldn't believe he was so close to me yet so far away. That night I cried myself to sleep, replayed those intimate scenes over and over, dreamt of him, and woke up feeling the way I did when he left me for another girl; hollow and alone, the only emotions I know now.
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