FF :Love that both 'Kills and Heals'(C 21-23/pg47) - Page 6

PART 4:

Later that evening :

Dilshaad was resting in her room as per doctor's instructions and zoya hadn't left her room all day. She had cried a lot after hearing tanveer's words and realized that it indeed was not her family. Asad hadn't been able to concentrate on work all day and returned home early that evening. He went up to Dilshaad's room to check on her and found her asleep. Not finding anyone in the living room, he went to his room and changed into his tracks and a black t-shirt. He had been thinking about zoya all day and decided to go to her room as he too had to apologize for his inappropriate behavior. He knocked on Zoya's door but didn't get any response. He knocked again. Still no response. He slowly opened the door to find zoya asleep. He turned around to leave but something caught his eye and he stepped inside to see what it was. On reaching zoya, he realized that she was hugging a photo frame with asad, dilshaad and najma in the picture and holding it close to her heart. Asad's heart teared up at her sight and his eyes filled up with tears, slowing flowing down his face. He realized how hurt she was after what tanveer told her this morning. He slowly sat down on her bed, next to her, trying not to wake her up in the process. He took the picture out of zoya's hand slowly and placed it on her side table. He then began to wipe zoya's dried up tears and lovingly caressed her face. She looked like a little baby who had cried herself to bed, tear strains all over her cheeks, and slightly visible frown lines on her forehead. He wanted to pick her up in his lap and cuddle her for the rest of the night. He wanted to apologize to her but knowing that he won't be able to go past his 'wo..actually's', he decided its better to talk his heart out when she was still asleep.

"Zoya, I know….. I shouldn't be here like this. I know you don't want to see me or talk to me. I also know you're here just for ammi's sake and will leave very soon. I know I have hurt you, judged you, disapproved of you but zoya there is something that you don't know. Something I have always feared to accept. There is something that ties the both of us together, in a way that when you're happy - I'm happy. When you're sad - i'm sad. When you're hurt - I'm hurt even if i caused you that hurt in the first place. If you cry, your tears flow from my eyes too. I broke your heart but in the process, I broke my heart into a million pieces as well. I took away your family from you, but i took away my family's happiness from them too. I'm sorry zoya. I'm so so sorry. I pushed you away so far that even when I extend my hand towards you, you're no where in reach. I know I have lost you and no matter how much I try, you'll never forgive me for breaking your heart, for breaking my heart, for breaking our hearts. You're not the misfit zoya, I'm the misfit here. I didn't have the courage to stand by my feelings, to stand by what my heart said, to stand by what my emotions begged me to do. I was scared zoya. I have always been scared of falling in love. But you came along and made me realize that this Asad Ahmed Khan has a heart too, a heart that beats for you. *long pause*….. I am Rashid Ahmed Khan's son, Zoya and no matter how much I want to run away from this reality, it never fails to catch up on me. Who knows when my blood will decide to show its true colors? The last thing I want is to hurt you zoya and that's why I pushed you away, far away from me. But…. my heart betrays me every time you come in front of me. You were right. I was jealous. Jealous to see you with anyone except me. I have desired you zoya, desired you for as long as I can remember. I have never felt this way for anyone else except you in my entire life. Your eyes, your lips, your scent, your touch..*he slowly grazed zoya's lips while she was still asleep* I have wanted you and only you. I have wanted to hug you, kiss you, touch you for the longest time now. I can't give the place you have taken in my heart to anyone else even if i try. But I don't have the right to ask you the same. As you said, its your life and I no longer have the right to demand anything from you. But remember zoya, Ammi and najma were, are and will always be your family", with that he started to get up and leave…

"And you Mr. Khan? Will you always be my family too?", zoya asked him opening her eyes, filled with tears and stretched her arm to stop him from leaving.

Asad was stunned. He didn't expect her to wake up all of a sudden, she seemed to be in deep sleep. Not sure if she heard everything he said, he tried to escape again, not able to look at her after expressing so much in front of her.

"Mr. Khan, I won't let you leave before you answer me", Zoya tightened her grip on his hand and got up to face him, looking directly into his eyes now.

"Umm… Ms. Faaroqui, yeah vo actually… I meant that we all are like your family", asad tried to explain it to her without giving in too much this time and got up quickly. "Sorry to disturb you Ms. Faaroqui, I just came here to apologize for my behavior this morning. I shouldn't have…. Anyway, good night" , with that he left the room in a hurry without sparing her another glance and rushed to him room. He closed his door and leaned on it, finally releasing the breath he was holding.

Zoya couldn't believe what asad had just said. "He desires me? He wants me? He LOVES me? Allah miya, what's wrong with Mr. Khan? If he feels so deeply for me, why the hell he didn't admit it before? Why didn't he talk about his fears before taking such a big step? Why can't he get it through his 'incredibly thick skull' that he is nothing like his father. I know he never loved tanveer but then why is he hurting me and himself by getting into a relationship he doesn't want to be in. Is it just because of phuphi's challenge? Her illness? He still thinks I'm not right for his family? Did he take the wrong decision in a haste because of his fears that he'll hurt me? Allah miya, what should I do. He said that I'm not a misfit but he still didn't say that I can be the perfect fit for him, for his family. What should I do Allah miya, this man is so confusing. The wedding is approaching soon and now that I know how he feels about me, should I try to stop the wedding? Will he allow it? Will he want to call it off with Tanveer? Will he want to get married to me instead? He said that he desires me but he never once said he wanted to marry me. Will he want to marry me, if i succeeded in stopping the wedding? There are so many unanswered questions allah miya." Zoya lied on her bed, trying to figure out the complicated man she was in love with.

oOo

It was day 6 and there were 4 more days left for asad's nikaah. Everyone in the house was in deep thought about the approaching nikaah, some in favor of it and some against it.

Zoya : "Allah miya, I just have 4 days and I still don't know how I'm going to stop this nikaah. But firstly, I have to make things straight with Mr. Khan. He has to accept it in front of me, not when I'm sleeping, that he loves me and wants to marry me and everything else was a big mistake. Once that's done, I'll take it from there and think of a way to stop this nikaah."

Asad : "I shouldn't have said all that to Ms. Faaroqui last night. What the hell was I thinking? That she won't wake up when I'm talking my heart out just a few inches away from her? How am i going to face her now? What if she asks more questions? Its 4 days to the wedding and I know it in my heart that I don't want this. I have never wanted this. I can't spend the rest of my life with Tanu. She is just a friend and can never be more than that. The past few days, after the engagement, have been some of the toughest days of my life. I have not been able to talk to zoya, not been able to see her as and when I want, not been able to hold her. I know that we are poles apart, we are very different from each other, I even called her a misfit. But then, can I imagine a life that doesn't have her antics, her shayri, her pranks, her warmth… NO! NO! What should I do? I am already engaged to tanu and I can't back off now. Ammi is sick and the last thing I want is to break the promise I made to her, to get married in 10 days. And what about tanu? What has she done to deserve such a humiliation. She has always been there for me when i needed a friend. I can't just insult her like that by calling off the engagement. Nobody will accept a girl who was left at the altar like that. I can't do that to my best friend. I am fully responsible for the decision I took and I can't let her suffer the consequences for it. But what about Zoya? Can I see her with Farhaan? *No, not even over my dead body* He kept pacing in his room in the hope of reaching out to some light at the end of the dark tunnel.

Dilshaad: "Its 4 more days till the wedding. I'll make sure that my son gets married on the decided date and the decided time. I won't let any curse define my son's life and his happiness." after some deep thought, she questioned herself " But is Asad happy? I haven't seen him happy ever since I asked him to get married in 10 days. What's bugging him? Is it the sudden marriage? Or is it the person he is getting married to? Does it have something to do with Zoya? I have always felt that there is some strange bond between the two, a bond where no matter how much they fight with each other, how much they hurt each other, at the end they both recoil back to each other. But then why did asad choose tanveer and not zoya. What is he thinking? What does he actually want?"

Tanveer : "Aaah.. so finally I'll be Mrs. Asad Ahmed Khan in 4 days. And all this will be mine. The money, the power, the honor and not to forget a father for my baby. But I don't trust asad with zoya still in this house. What if he changes his mind. Till now, I have managed to keep them apart. But what if they close the distance between them and sort out their differences. I have to think of a permanent solution to get rid of this zoya", just then she received a text message on her phone. It was from Imran who wanted to meet her to give her the final installment for keeping her mouth shut about the baby in front of his family. "Oh so he wants to meet for the last time then. Great, lets make it memorable for Imran Miya, well at least for old times sake. Plus what's the harm in enjoying him one last time before he gets married to that Nikhat and I get married to Jammy. God knows, when this Jammy will give me the pleasure of being his wife, even after our marriage. I'm sure he'll be lost in zoya for a while, let alone giving into my seduction tactics", she left the house immediately.

Asad stayed home that day since Dilshaad was feeling low and hadn't stepped out of her room. He wanted to make sure she was alright and decided to work from home. Najma was busy with the wedding planners, who were taking care of the decorations in the backyard. It was late afternoon when zoya finally gathered the courage to question Asad about last night, about what he actually wants. She knocked on his door and entered to find him lying on the couch with his hands on his forehead. He opened his eyes and suddenly jumped awake to find Zoya standing in front of him. Zoya was again wearing a sari, a pink one this time, looking as beautiful as she looked the other night.

Asad : "Ms Faaroqui ? You here? I mean.. I mean do you need something?", he was pleasantly surprised to find zoya in his room, dressed like that again. She hadn't entered his room since the day of his announcement so he was very happy to see her in his zone after so many days.

Zoya : "I need to ask you something Mr. Khan and I want you to be honest with me", she was determined to get her answers today by hook or crook. She needed his approval and confirmation today because both of their futures depended on his answers.

Asad : He knew what she was going to ask and he wanted to run away from there. Even though he had the answers to her questions, he couldn't say them out aloud. There were many, many things stopping him from answering her questions truthfully. "I have to get some work done, Ms. Faaroqui. I'm sure there'll be another suitable time for you to ask your questions", with that he tried to walk away from her.

Zoya : "I'm sure you're very busy Mr. Khan but I promise I won't take much of your time. I just have a few questions and if you decide to be honest, we'll be done in a few minutes", she was not going to take his crap today. she wanted the truth and nothing else.

Asad : "What do you want to know Ms. Faaroqui? Whatever it is, ask and get done with it. I don't have all day for your stupid questions and non-stop blabbering", he faked his anger to scare zoya away but he knew she won't give in so easily.

Zoya : "Fine, so I'll come straight to the point then. Do you love me?", she held her breath back asking the one and only question that was going to decide her fate.

Asad was shocked. Even though he knew she was there to talk about last night, he didn't expect her to start with the most scary question.

Asad : "Ummm.. what's wrong with you Ms. Faaroqui? Why would you think like that? Is this another one of your imaginations doing overtime? And if your questions are going to be based on such stupid assumptions, I believe I can answer them some other time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other important things to attend to", he again started walking past her but zoya stopped him by holding his arm. Asad stopped immediately. He knew she wasn't going to give in so easily. He had to push her further away. Little did he know, that zoya was on a roll today and was going to make him confess no matter what.

Zoya : "So you don't love me?"

Asad : "I just answered that."

Zoya : "But you do desire me, don't you? You have wanted to hug me, kiss me, touch me for the longest time now, haven't you?"

Asad was speechless. She was repeating his words from last night. There was no way he could back off from his own statements but there was no way he was going to accept it either. He hadn't planned on telling her about his inner most feelings and he had confessed to her sleeping form, NOT HER.

Asad : "What nonsense is this, Ms. Faaroqui. Are you out of your mind? Stop imagining things Ms. Faaroqui", he was finding it more and more difficult, lying to her looking into her deep, honest eyes.

Zoya knew this was going to be hard. She knew her Akdu way too well. She finally decided that words won't help and her actions would have to speak for her. She stepped towards him and took his hands in her hands. She gently placed his hands on her bare waist, just like the other night on the dance floor. Then, She curled her arms around his neck and stepped closer to him. She stopped when she was completely aligned with him, with no space for even air to pass through them. They both experienced the same effect their proximity did to them - raised heartbeats, irregular breathing, trembling bodies, and heat, more and more heat surrounding them with each passing second. Their faces were just inches apart, and they both were drowning in the intense gaze of each other.

Asad was aroused yet frozen to his spot. He never thought that Zoya would initiate something like this on her own. He was so close to her, that if he lost his resolve for even a millisecond, he'll end up kissing her.

Zoya : she gathered her wits finally and proceeded with her questioning again, "So, you don't want me? you don't want to hold me in your arms like this? you don't want to be close to me like this? you don't want to look into my eyes like this and forget about every other worry in the world? you don't want to close the few inches between our lips? you don't want to make love to me like no one had ever made to anyone? you don't want to'. ", zoya couldn't speak further as she felt him harden around her belly and she understood that he was very well affected.

She continued when he didn't say anything but didn't try to escape either. "Why are you doing this to us? Why are you breaking our hearts into a million pieces? Why can't you accept the love you have for me, the love that i have seen in your eyes for the longest time now. Why are you scared about the future with me? Do you really think I'll let you down? You really think I'm not good enough to be your partner in life? Can't you give me a chance, our love a chance? You are nothing like your abbu. You are phuphi's son and the Mr. Khan I know, can even sacrifice his life for the ones he love. So how does the question of you hurting me comes into the picture. We have both fought with each other, hurt each other, but we had found our way back to each other in the past. Why do you think it will be any different if we have a future together''' Answer me dammit! Answer me!", Zoya was almost begging now.

Asad almost had tears in his eyes but he tried his best to push them back. he didn't know what to tell zoya. Everything she said was absolutely right. He had made a mistake by not accepting her before and he was now paying for it. He had entered into a commitment and it was too late to finally listen to his heart.

Asad : "I can't zoya, I can't", he said with a straight face, looking at the floor unable to meet her gaze this time. He knew he'll break if he dared to look at her even once now.

Zoya was at her breaking point too. She knew he loved her but she couldn't understand what was more important than their future, their lives, their relation. She knew he'll have to call off the wedding with tanveer but was his friend more important than their life? their love?

Zoya : "I have one more question, Mr. Khan and I promise this is the last one. Do you want to marry me?"

Asad's tears started flowing freely now and he couldn't control his emotions anymore. Zoya knew he was hurting, she too was hurting as much, but she had to get things straight so that they don't have to bear this pain for the rest of their lives.

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me, Mr. Khan?" She again asked. Asad looked up at her with pain written all over his face. Zoya couldn't hold back anymore and she leaned in to kiss him.

Next Part : Do things escalate after the kiss?