AN ASYA SS: CONFESSION ON HOLD(16+) completed last part5#pg56(new15/8)

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

sgksg3

@sgksg3

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#41

NOTE ---
.
.
plzzz i m bit confused .somepplz are saying that my os is plain, sweet, clean and some folks are advising me to add 18+ bar on my os ..so plz let me know what should i do .those u want me too put 18+ bar plzz hit the like button .if the likes on this note exceed 7 i will put 18+ bar .but frankly speaking i think i hv put a very small cozy mitwa moment nothing adult in that ..
So plzz think and if u seriously want a barrier then only hit the like button plzzz.!!
.
.
Thanx
sgksg/KD

Quote

Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#42

A good first attempt and you have a lot of promise. Here are some tips:

Tense - stories are written in the past tense...if you go into the present and flip flop it confuses the reader.

You don't just tell a story, you show it...you show the reader how Asad and Zoya felt...how was she nervous? How was she afraid...you did this well in some areas. I liked how Zoya finds the nightdress in the bag, but we have NO idea how this nightdress looks. How transparent was it/?What was the color? Was it long or short? What was Asad's reaction when he saw it? If it was that provocative, why did Zoya agree to wear it and not ask for one of Asad's kurta's?

What was Asad's reaction to finding Zoya in his bed in the morning?

Zoya afraid of thunder and just running into Asad's arms all of a sudden - what was their reaction? Things happen for a reason

Remember, when you tell a story, how do you want your reader to feel at the end? Do you want them blush, laugh, cry, giggle?

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#43

Originally posted by: sgksg3
NOTE ---
.
.
plzzz i m bit confused .somepplz are saying that my os is plain, sweet, clean and some folks are advising me to add 18+ bar on my os ..so plz let me know what should i do .those u want me too put 18+ bar plzz hit the like button .if the likes on this note exceed 7 i will put 18+ bar .but frankly speaking i think i hv put a very small cozy mitwa moment nothing adult in that ..
So plzz think and if u seriously want a barrier then only hit the like button plzzz.!!
.
.
Thanx
sgksg/KD

Nothing adult in your story so no need to do that.

Quote

sgksg3

@sgksg3

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#44

Originally posted by: Laila2009

Nothing adult in your story so no need to do that.

ohh thanx from the core of my heart and the wonderfull piece of advice which u hv given me ..i will surely mark a point in my mind when i will write the next one ...thank you so much and being a novice in this field of writing i seriously need such advices .
Thanx

Quote

Barayah

@irock321

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#45

You don't need to add that 18+ bar...It would just destroy it! I mean yeah who doesn't want an intimate scene! But if you look at their actual personalities in the show...they wouldn't do that! Keep it classy and sweet, it automatically gets intimate and romantic! You don't need a steamy sex scene to make it good! I thought it was good anyways! I loved it because it was completely Zoya and Asad. Keep up the good work!

Quote

sgksg3

@sgksg3

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#46

Originally posted by: irock321
You don't need to add that 18+ bar...It would just destroy it! I mean yeah who doesn't want an intimate scene! But if you look at their actual personalities in the show...they wouldn't do that! Keep it classy and sweet, it automatically gets intimate and romantic! You don't need a steamy sex scene to make it good! I thought it was good anyways! I loved it because it was completely Zoya and Asad. Keep up the good work!

thanx for ur advice and also for liking my OS

Quote

sgksg3

@sgksg3

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#47

Originally posted by: irock321
Ohhh shit! That was amazing!!! Please continue! Loved it! I want to see the reaction of when he wakes up ...then Zoya should say that she accidentally fell on him while closing the window and then he wouldn't let go xD🤣🤣🤣

i will try to continue it sooner!