An AsYa OS : UNTIL YOU (part 3 page 20) - Page 3

Originally posted by: Laila2009

You did a good job. Thank you for doing something different and not the same old same old meeting of him running into her with his car as I have read on several fan fictions. Story moves at a fast speed; no unnecessary fluffiness and excessive descriptive writing - some people give too much verbiage and background info - as if we do not know what is going on in the show...straight to the point. Font size, presentation and grammar - good..

Characters are likable - very important.

I would have added from Zoya's part that even if she was wearing a burkha these guys would have bothered me; it is not how a woman dresses that attracts attention but the disrespectful thinking of these males...I know the term 'eve teaser" is used in India but what these guys were doing was plain old harassment... and if Zoya does know karate, what was the reason she didn't use it?

Btw, what is she doing at the dhabba...has she run away from her home to avoid meeting her suitor, Asad?

Originally posted by: RiDz_rox

sabu darling... this was hawa tight...loved their first meeting... the dhoni line was 🤣 and Asad back in traditional mode giving lecture to zoya... 😛 loved it... very nice sabu.. muahzz

Originally posted by: blueflames

wow thank you for reading, and giving such a good feedback. it really means much to a person like me who has just started sharing her work with the world.

m still learning, for learning helps develop more insight into creating and being better at work.

well i agree with your addition from zoya's point, that dress does not matter its the sick mentality of men who harass women.. . but i wanted Asad being the man lecture her on self defence,that she will meet such abhorrent men almost everywhere, and she must be ready to defend herself, she cant be careless. (did i miss explaining my point??)

as for zoya's presence near the dhabba is something yet to be revealed. for that i can only request you to hang around and bear with my laziness.

Originally posted by: Laila2009

For me, this comeback from Zoya is what was missing; how about something like this with Zoya saying - that it did not matter how a woman was dressed these men would have harassed her...and then she asks me, I'm dressed this way, but you didn't so perhaps it is because you're not interested in women, but because you might have this tehzeeb in you that you think should only belong to women? And then she flashes her dimple smile and winks.

And then Asad gets flustered and reprimands her under his breath with "Batameez ladki."

Originally posted by: blueflames

this is is just too good, can i include this in my next one??