An AsYa OS : UNTIL YOU (part 3 page 20)

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can call me Mrs Enrique Iglesias

@enrique

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#11

1st thanks 4 pm

Loved it

That was super cool os blue . ..mi hope u dnt mind me calling dat ...

Loved hw asad helped her from those morons ...

Hayyy love zo in this avtar she is cute

He lost his sensed looking at her eow

Cool continue soon

Pm me wen u update ...

Love maggie

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CrazyBilli

@CrazyBilli

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#12

Bang-on start. 👏.and it definitely deserves a 2nd,3rd,4th part..😉

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Oishi

@Oishi23

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#13

Its really good..loved their first meeting... you should continue this..it will be great FF if u continue

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blueflames

@blueflames

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: enrique
1st thanks 4 pm

Loved it

That was super cool os blue . ..mi hope u dnt mind me calling dat ...

Loved hw asad helped her from those morons ...

Hayyy love zo in this avtar she is cute

He lost his sensed looking at her eow

Cool continue soon

Pm me wen u update ...

Love maggie

Thank you for reading.
Yeah you cn call me blue bluey anything 😉

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kdramafan

@kdramafan

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#15

This was brilliant and yeah, it should have asecond part

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Soumya Singh

@soumyasingh

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#16

that was really good...

please continue soon...

an do PM me when you do...

thanks!!

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malini

@malini96

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#17

i loved it

do continue soon

and plz add me to ur pm list

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Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#18

You did a good job. Thank you for doing something different and not the same old same old meeting of him running into her with his car as I have read on several fan fictions. Story moves at a fast speed; no unnecessary fluffiness and excessive descriptive writing - some people give too much verbiage and background info - as if we do not know what is going on in the show...straight to the point. Font size, presentation and grammar - good..

Characters are likable - very important.

I would have added from Zoya's part that even if she was wearing a burkha these guys would have bothered me; it is not how a woman dresses that attracts attention but the disrespectful thinking of these males...I know the term 'eve teaser" is used in India but what these guys were doing was plain old harassment... and if Zoya does know karate, what was the reason she didn't use it?

Btw, what is she doing at the dhabba...has she run away from her home to avoid meeting her suitor, Asad?

Edited by Laila2009 - 12 years ago