Baby Steps- epi feb 7 - Page 6

Originally posted by: Laila2009

Actually, whether is it flowers, roses or coffee...those are all things that typically we see in the honeymoon phase following an abusive episode.

Totally agree with you there.

Originally posted by: Laila2009

Respect has to come from Mr. Khan right now...what we saw was the height of disrespect in the past few days. Regardless of Zoya's behavior, she has never descended to such a low level. Zoya's attempts to talk about his past was not a disrespectful act and cannot be compared to what she endured...it was a polite effort on her part but tragically unnecessary considering the circumstances.

I saw a very poor step made by Mr. Khan..to say that it is the best to expect because of his personality is making an excuse...his apology only came after learning the truth and while it might be heartfelt to some, it came out of guilt for hitting the wrong person and not because he did wrong...he made excuse..."I was scared" and "I didn't mean it" (But he did and to hit out of fear...what kind of person is that?) No, his bringing the coffee was still symbolic not in an effort to be nice but to cleanse his guilt. Typical acts of abuse are followed by a honeymoon period where the victim is given flowers etc. Here she got bitter coffee.

I saw very little dialogue taking ownership of his actions repellence.

If Zoya accepted it is because she is NICE person but tragically a flawed one who does not have the ability to hold herself with boundaries and this will eventually lead her to getting victimized again.

I find it hard to conceive friendship let alone love built on this apology, but this is 4Lions show I have learned.

Originally posted by: bheegi

Hi everyone

So, they finally talked! Communication- the antidote for all misunderstandings made its appearance today. We have to remember, Asad is not a great communicator and once he has made up his mind, it takes a lot to convince him otherwise. Remember- mere ghaav itni jaldi nahin bharte hain dialogue? He is not a good listener either. Given this background, I was happy that he made an attempt to talk and listen today. Asad and Zoya both value their relationships but the difference is- Asad cannot get out of the chains of his own broken relationships. He wallows in his own grief and prefers to ignore others sorrows ( eg Mariam, zoya etc). Zoya, on the other hand makes others sorrows her own. This is her way of dealing with her own grief. By suppressing her own issues, she tries to fix everyone's issues and that's why gets into messy situations many times. Yes, Asad is a bit too selfish and zoya a bit too selfless. Once they reach a meeting point, they will both probably attain a happy medium. That will happen when they start respecting and understanding each other.

I think both have issues with respecting each other- not only Asad. Asad as we have seen, has insulted her time and again but even Zoya, should learn to give him space. She knows he is a private person and doesn't like anyone interfering into his space. She keeps forgetting and just like today, tries to reach out to him when he is not ready. She needs to learn to be a bit tactful when dealing with him.

Today, they both took baby steps towards trying to understand each other. I am happy they talked and despite what people might say on the forum, I felt Asad's apology was quite heartfelt and genuine. I wouldn't expect him to bring roses or cards to manaofy her. His gesture of reaching out to her, making coffee for her and giving her a chance to speak is a big step for Mr. Akdu.

Zoya does have self respect but she is too kind hearted to hold a grudge against anyone. She understood his fear about losing his mom and that's why she accepted his apology and coffee. Zoya is a great human being and Asad will definitely learn to appreciate that one day. Till then, these baby steps will help them become friends if not lovers yet.

Originally posted by: bheegi

Thanks Shaz. I think here its a case of expectations. Zoya has seen asad closely and I think she never expected him to ever apologize for what he had done. She was badly hurt both physically and emotionally and I am glad she made that clear to him today. Till now, she had never told him how his actions and words have made her feel. His gestures of touching her shoulder, sitting beside her, making coffee for her (albeit bitter and dark) ,letting her speak and apologizing for hitting her were more than she ever expected. One has to remember this is mr Akdu who has a huge ego and he is someone who doesn't let people get lose to him. That's why she forgave him. She is a kind hearted soul but not a person with no self respect. I think he was quite remorseful and for him to admit that he was really scared to lose his mother was a way of reaching out to her.

Originally posted by: bheegi

Thanks Freud (nice name:)

Yes, this is their love story. Even if they are flawed and have major issues, they are made for each other.