Ladies and - well - ladies, welcome to our new chat show, Lassi With Lukkha. Allow me to introduce to you your host and dost - me, Lukkha Singh. Gracing our show's premier with her presence is none other than the undisputed Kween of the Idiot Box, Ms. Kektaa Kapoor...
Lukkha Singh - Welcome Kektaa ji, please take your seat...
Kektaa - Oh thank you Lukkha (sits down)
Lukkha Singh - Please have a Lassi ji...
Kektaa - Nahi Lukkha, today I have kept a fast for the success of my new show 'Buddhe Acche Laggte Hai' on Mony TV. So no lassi, only 'shakahari' beer.
Lukkha Singh - Oh err- anyways. Under your able leadership, Babaji Telefilms have made legendary shows like Kyunki Chhas Bhi Kabhi Dahi Thi, Kahaani gar bar Si, etc. How was the journey?
Kektaa - Oh it was wonderful. All coz of Janta ka pyar and Babaji ka ashirwad.
Lukkha Singh - Your shows have always come up with something interesting - be it mother and granny appearing younger than their sons or numerous illegitimate children of the protagonists and ofcourse, the 300 years old Baa! In one of your shows, the vamp not only changed her face, but grew taller by 5 inches after plastic surgery. How do you manage these things?
Kektaa - Sab Babaji ki kripa hai. You know, I am a perfectionist. So I have set up Babaji Research Laboratories to research and perfect on these innovative and out-of-the-world technologies.
Lukkha Singh - But recently two of your shows - Tera Laila and Kitni Musibat Hai - were shut down prematurely disappointing many loyal fans...
Kektaa - It's the fault of channel walas. They are all jealous of my success. But they don't know; no one can give them more popular and original stories like me. Hmph..
Lukkha Singh - True. Very true. Kektaa ji, two years back you attempted to make a Greco-Roman Fashion parade called 'Kahani Kekta ke Kahabharat ki'...
Kektaa - Oh yes!! That was one of my most promising shows. Which other serial will give you tattooed Gods and Goddesses or epic characters wearing designer clothes and flaunting Six-pack abs? I had even planned several original tracks like Kunti plotting to poison Gandhari, Draupadi having Extra-marital affair with Karna, Shikhandi doing plastic-surgery to kill Bhishma and many more. I am sure they would have surged the ratings, but the idiot channel pulled off the show!! Jealous people!!
Lukkha Singh - Alas! Their loss. Recently you have started a popular youth show called 'Pee Ki Ye Ek Nishaani' on Sitara One. Please tell us more about the show.
Kektaa - The show is basically about the Dark Love between the 'Chamgadar' called Abu and 'Kabutar' called Pee and their crossbreed 'nishaani' - a 'Chambutar'.
Lukkha Singh - Your show underwent much criticism. It was alleged that it's 'shamelessly copied' from the western series 'The Toilet Saga' and 'The Chamgadar Diaries'. Is that true?
Kektaa - Nonsense. My all stories are completely original and innovative. People copy me, I never copy anyone. My rivals love to spread such rumours but they don't affect me.
Lukkha Singh - Kektaa ji, some fans are annoyed that the lead pair, Veeru aka Abu and Sukhmani aka Pee are never seen together in interviews. Instead, Veeru is always spotted with her girlfriend Bobbyz and is heard speaking about their marriage, honeymoon and future bachhas all the time. Do you think it's right for a lead actor to date anyone other than his onscreen partner?
Kektaa - I know Lukkha. The leads of my other shows like Kitni Musibat Hai and Pechida Rasta etc. date only each other. That helps to increase my TRPs, you know. But Veeru is such a fool. I often told him to dump Bobbyz and start dating Sukhmani, but he won't budge. But anyways, as all know, I am an extremely professional person and never mix it with personal life.
Lukkha Singh - Your show ran into another controversy when you decided to rename Abu as Arju. Miss Dinky, the spokesperson of Kanahiya Protection Squad averred that only Kanahiya Singh Govardhan has "the solemn right to be called Arju, the 'Dil ka Dactar'", and "no one can take his place". While Ms. Paalak, the writer of Sitara One's erstwhile popular show Dimaag Mein Ghaas, said that you want to "use Arju's name to gain popularity" and branded you with the titles 'Naam-chor' and 'Kopy-Kat-Kektaa'...
Kektaa - How dare she?? She's the one who copies me. The story of Dimaag Mein Ghaas was copied from my hit show Kasauti Adultery Kii. I was the one to innovate the technique of 'Dupatta Romance' with Prema's 9 meter long dupatta falling on her lover's face. I was the one to show EMA & adultery between a married girl and her ex-boyfriend. Paalak stole all my original ideas. Just wait. I will file a law suit against her. I'll not leave anyone. I am THE Kektaa Kapoor. I am -
Lukkha Singh - Calm down Kektaa ji. Calm down. The world is not a fair place, you see. Why did you replace the evil Siddy and Queen Metty, the 'pehla pyar' of Abu, and introduced the Bheriya brothers Jacky and Neelu?
Kektaa - Oh, you see I am a great animal lover and I love all sort of beasts. But there were too many Chamgadars in the show. So to bring diversity I thought of introducing the Bheriyas. In future, I'll introduce some more creatures to create awareness about these extinct species.
Lukkha Singh - How noble Kektaaji! One of your pivotal characters in the show is the multi-talented Chai Wala Baba, who not only sells chai to the Dark Lovers on their date, but also forecasts weather and foretells future. Who exactly is this man?
Kektaa - Actually he is my personal astrologer. I owe all my success to him. He's the one who advices me on adding how many K's to my show's name will make it hit etc. After Kahani Kekta ke Kahabharat Kii bombed, I realized that he's a great actor as well. So I had promised him that one day I would give him a meaty role in my show.
Lukkha Singh - Extremely generous of you Kektaaji! So what is the present track of the show?
Kektaa - Well...Pee has forgotten Abu and is enjoying joyrides with the naughty Bheriya Jacky, who never misses any opportunity to kiss, hug or lift Pee, while the noble Chamgadar Abu is now shown sacrificing his Dark Love. Meanwhile Pee's father, Mr. Dobby is impressed with the Bheriya Jacky and contemplates him as a 'yogya damaad'.
Lukkha Singh - But this has not gone down well with the loyal audience of the Insane Forum, who claim that you have 'betrayed' them.
Kektaa - Who told you audience is not happy? Many were bored by Abu's dialogue "Stay away from me, Pee" and Pee's previous 'Touch-me-not' behavior and now they are enjoying Jacky and Pee's budding love. I have received several requests to get Jacky and Pee married and continue their pappis and jhappis.
Lukkha Singh - Indeed, an increasing number of fans are drooling over Jacky-Pee's 'sizzling chemistry' instead of the 'boring' Abu. But still many loyal fans are aggrieved at the turn of events. For example Miss Basanti, a devoted AbuPee fan, has swore to 'consume poison' if Pee kisses Jacky once more and Miss Jhilmil, claiming that Pee's character is being 'spoiled', has issued her 70th warning to leave the Insane Forum 'permanently', while the ever-optimistic Miss Richi is observing a fast-unto-death unless her 'mu bola pati' Siddhu Kartik returns to the show. So why don't you listen to these fans Kektaaji?
Kektaa - Look Lukkha, now you are making a serious allegation! How can you say that I don't listen to my fans? I listen to every request and personally go through every message, every petition and every 'gaali' that the fans hurl at me. And then I do everything as per my own wish.
Lukkha Singh - You are really a dedicated woman Kektaa ji. I am sure after reading this, fans won't misunderstand you or your intentions. Any message for your fans?
Kektaa - Yes of course. Please watch Pee Ki Ye Ek Nishaani at prime time on Sitara One and not on Youtube, and please keep sending your feed backs, spam our websites and call us 24x7. Stay assured, none of your requests shall be fulfilled, but it will generate lot of revenue for us.
Jai Babaji.
😳
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