Remarriage- Questions to the Kakis of this world

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#21

Originally posted by: smiley20
awesome post just love it👏

Thank you😳

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Keerthana

@keerthus.9

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#22

Your each and every point is 100% acceptable.

All questions to be answered by everyone sincerely keeping aside their religion,customs,etc.

Then we may find no one against woman or PUNARVIVAH.

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Shobha

@ssroomani

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#23

Excellent post Kadeen! I did not have the time to read it in detail in the morning, just skimmed thru it but read it fully now!

These ideas and traditions still exist though times are changing. I have personal experience of some of these stupid so-called traditions and I am one of the rebel survivors, so I understand your angst perfectly!

But times are changing...slowly, but definitely changing!

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: Nxt_rockstar
Amazing post dear!👏
I bow your for this research and then interpretation of it. You have just put all this in best manner. I think this can't be better. 👏
I am glad that your brought up this issue. Kudos to you for this.👏 Thank you😳

What you mentioned above, explained everything. Why women status in society is weak today? Why we women are taken as commodity? Why our dreams and desires must align with the men in our lives? Why a woman is supposed to be "taker" of whatever she is being offered??
All these questions find answers in "all these norm plants here!"

A woman is defined by all this because she is given a norm lists to follow. Apart from these norms, she is not allowed to be anything or something. Let it be a illiterate woman or a modern one, after a certain level of Independence, ends up in these norms.

Her dreams and desires are always asked to be in alignment of what you mentioned. All these symbols of married lady, narrows her space to breath in.
A man is allowed to search his skies with support of his wife and a woman is supposed to help his husband in every way. Where is her sky? When a husband conquers, troubles, betrays, struggles, breaks and looses, "our" word is there to allocate the happiness, burden, sorrow, frustration and so on between them. But wife is supposed to take all this alone when her life shows all these colors. She timely being accused and warned to stay away from "discovering her self".

All those vows which you mentioned. I just noticed something. Man says "we" and woman says "I". why such an expectation!! Man fails everyday in performing "we" part and woman daily lives that "we" plus "I" part both. She handles everything being on forefront and man are complimented for a beautiful family. Of course exceptions are there. 😳 You noticed that too, huh? I didn't want to mention anything because the fact is, I would be opening up a can of worms by breaking down the marriage vows of another person's religious institution. All I have to say is I noticed that the woman's part of the vows have a certain tendency for unconditional love while the man's vows make him sound a bit more like a benevolent god. (Since husbands are like god to their wives in Hinduism, I guess that explains it.)

In case of divorces, women are advised to sustain the relationship to the ugliest extent, because she has to adjust and gulp the bitter to the last extent until and unless she breaks down or man himself asks for a divorce. Relationship or marriage was for happiness and companionship of both then why she is not allowed to decide for her happiness or to evaluate that if she wants to sustain a fail relation. Man's mistakes and blunders are forced over woman. She is forced to tolerate all this and if she agitates, she is tagged as "bad wife".

She has all the rights to decide for her life and happiness. A girl who might be "amazing and progressing human" before marriage, ends up as puppet of others. And wires of this puppet is mostly handled by "women". What a shame!

After demise of husband, all the colors are retrenched from a lady. why??!! She is the same human. She is grieved not dead. She is in pain not painless. She has same heart which should be entitled with even more colors to start a life all over again. She should be given hopes and love instead of loneliness and white. I agree one hundred percent!!

Apart from topic. I want to add up something.

Today women are considered as "a class" for whom norms, storms and forms, all these are prescribed and taken as same.

I seriously get mad when someone just consider me weak because I am woman! Similarly after a good presentation or interview when interviewer tells me "You were good and "beautiful" or "cute" or any other compliment which has nothing to do with my skills. A woman is too a human who possess skills, talents and recognition. Don't judge or stop her from being happy just because she is a woman! Don't show me chivalry because I am a female. That's how society distinguish me from males. That's how line and gap arises. The day, human will be treated as humans, I think females can see a clear sky.

There is a serious need to break the narrow mindsets and these one-sided norms. These stupid norms took ages to get strength, I don't know, removal of them, will cost how many ages and lives!!😳

I agree with everything in your post. Frankly, I love this entire response!! I don't have anything that I want to add or take away from this, and I think you've covered even more the inequality in the way of life a woman is forced lead- even in the modern world. Do you know that about two weeks ago on CNN they were discussing that women still get paid less than men for the same jobs...in the U.S.? How is that even logically correct? Women are constantly forced out of high powered positions because some man somewhere up in the hierarchy decides that she is incapable of balancing her home life and her career. What nonsense! When our girl children are harassed, molested or raped, rather than having the instinctual feeling to protect, the first thing that is done is to accuse. In divorcing, the woman is always the one accused by "well-meaning" relatives of being inadequate. "Maybe if you had cooked his favourite dish more often, he would not have strayed." or "Why did you have to complain about him coming home late at night? You should have just ignored those text messages and let him get his temporary fun." Why is it that in every single relationship the woman is expected to not only put herself last, but completely disregard her own feelings? Shouldn't there be equal responsibility in maintaining a romantic relationship? Don't her thoughts and needs matter too? Why is it that motherhood is associated with the complete suppression of all other aspects of a woman's life? Sure, as a mother you must love and nurture your child, you must put aside some dreams as part of an adjustment, but not everything needs to be booted to the curb. Motherhood is supposed to add to your life, bringing in its hectic, chaotic twist to the world you're making a way in. It should be your choice of whether you want to make your home life your entire world, or balance it with a career or the fulfillment of some dreams. No one is saying that a woman is allowed to neglect other duties to satisfy her desires, but rather that their should be the right to have these various aspects of life without stigma, judgment, and abuse.

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#25

Originally posted by: KS1000
100% agree dear i don't why people cann't get it after all women also a human they also feel the world like others if they are not happy with their marriage why they cann't get their own decision to keep their life happy. We cann't live in our one mistake for a whole life time we must have a chance to move. Great work dear love it to the core,👏

Neither do I my friend, neither do I. The ironic thing is though, our own womenkind are the ones who help to keep up these twisted ideas. We help everyone think that it is okay to treat a woman as a doormat because she will keep loving you to the end. We make it seem fine to stay in a marriage where we are miserable because a marriage should be kept to its last dying dregs until the man says"It's over." Everyone should have the right to move freely in their life, not one rule for males, and another rule for females. Thank you for enjoying the post!

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#26

Originally posted by: keerthus.9
Your each and every point is 100% acceptable.
All questions to be answered by everyone sincerely keeping aside their religion,customs,etc.
Then we may find no one against woman or PUNARVIVAH.

Thank you. I agree, these are all questions that need to be looked at by everyone, keeping aside our religions and customs, etc because some of these questions are a matter of being humane, not just abiding by our respective traditions, religions, etc. Then hopefully, women like Bhua and Aarti can have a punarvivaah without baseless accusations, humiliating words being thrown at them, and other such despicable behaviour.

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: ssroomani

Excellent post Kadeen! I did not have the time to read it in detail in the morning, just skimmed thru it but read it fully now!

These ideas and traditions still exist though times are changing. I have personal experience of some of these stupid so-called traditions and I am one of the rebel survivors, so I understand your angst perfectly!

But times are changing...slowly, but definitely changing!

Thank you for making the time to read this Shobs Di. It's troubling that even with changing times, some of these things still survive, but like you said, times are changing. Better slowly than never, right?😃I'm just glad you're one the "rebels" for want of a better word.😆

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Sheema Rajoo

@sheema_rajoo

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#28

Kadeen you deserve more than a standing ovation for this write up not only for your boldness and courage for stating out these points but also for your extensive research that even I, who was born as a Hindu, didn't know of. You've really enlightened me with this write up and yes, it is not our traditions which are flawed but it's how society perceives these traditions that is miserably flawed. Powerful people in the society bent and carved traditions to their own whims and fancies and it was adopted by everyone else. I love the way you said we women continue to encourage these perceptions in our daughters and sons. We degrade other women in these positions instead of helping. We perpetuate and enable this sort of inequality by setting different moral standards for men and women.

I cannot agree more Kadeen. It is an absolute shame that a woman is and can be another woman's worst enemy. I really don't understand how a woman can actually support such degradation and even pass it down to their own children by saying it's ok to do so as it's a norm. People create these societal norms, not tradition or religion.

Kudos for such a fantastic write up Kadeen. I'm so thankful that you did such a write up which is not only enlightening but a platform for people to rethink and reconsider their stance on this social stigma of inequality.

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Shobha

@ssroomani

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#29

Originally posted by: Kittya_Cullen

Thank you for making the time to read this Shobs Di. It's troubling that even with changing times, some of these things still survive, but like you said, times are changing. Better slowly than never, right?😃I'm just glad you're one the "rebels" for want of a better word.😆

Not just a rebel, Kadeen...a rebel survivor! 😉 The emphasis is on the second word, that is why I said times are changing! 😃 It is not enough to rebel but one should survive to propagate the new ideas! 😊