(29 Nov) It's time to feel...

Without you I merely existed from day to day...with you I know I will find...All that I have been searching for...My completeness, my eternal peace of mind.../...Forever is what I want with you...through all the turns and bends...Our hearts have found each other...as soul mates, lovers, and friends!!!!!

"What's happening to me? I can't understand...Why?"

Yash's journey had begun long ago...this journey of rediscovering lost life...long, long ago before they even met. This journey of completeness that began with a touch has now ended with a handhold that promises of eternal togetherness as two souls finally embrace. Yash had walked through that awareness in ignorance because the past haze engulfed him then. Now he is opening up to this awareness...He is feeling the plethora of emotions she always evoked in him...which was so instinctive then is so deliberate now. He hated her silent anger when he changed Ansh's school without consulting her...it had disturbed him, then. Her silence still disturbs him. He was very disturbed by her indifference after the boxing match when she slept on the sofa. Her indifference still disturbs him. He enjoyed her laughter and play in rain with Ansh that first day...He still adores her laughing, smiling face. Her anger at being arrested because of him that first time intrigued him...Her anger still thrills him. So what has changed really...except that Yash is awakening now to all that he had suppressed in his persistence to live in the darkness of past. His heart is awakening...and accepting. His heart now reciprocates in freedom to all that mind had held back. For the first time Yash's heart is winning the battle over mind...Well, the heart has its reasons that reason knows absolutely nothing about!!!

Today both made some silent promises to each other. He felt hurt that she was too preoccupied to even look at the changes he brought into the room...yet he was more concerned about what was bothering her. How could he know that she was wallowing so deep in guilt that she couldn't face him.

"I was living a lonely, incomplete and sad, an empty and barren life before you...You filled my life with myriad of colors, and I lived again, smiled again, laughed again. I cannot lose you now. I love you so much. The day you turn your back on me will be my last breathing day. I hate myself for lying and hiding from you howsoever forced the lies may be...Not any more. I promise I'll end the lies once and for all. I shall break down all these forced-upon barriers that hold me back to reach you with the honesty you deserve. Very soon I'll ensure nothing comes between us...very soon, Yashji!!!"

"I never would have thought that after Arpita, someone else could become so special to me. You have changed my life and taught me to live again. I cannot even imagine my life without you now. You, your being with me, your happiness means everything to me now. You complete me. Henceforth, whatever difficulties, whatever ups and downs come our way, I promise I shall not let any misunderstanding, any misperceptions come between us...because my existence breathes through you...I am because you are!!!"

They sense each other in a melee... they are completely in tune with each other in a crowd...their footfalls create a melody of their own in the noises of the world...a melody that only the other's heartbeats receive and respond. They journey together in sync...their footsteps merge into one...just as the souls have. Without a second thought two hands have collided in this walk together and the world has started to make sense. Once he held her hand in delirium and stopped her from leaving...today she does the same. In their much-awakened subconscious, they consciously seek each other...fill the spaces between each other's fingers...find solace in that grip!!!

She wakes up to a dream...sees herself looking at her own self all around her...her kids...and him, her Yashji!! "Dear God...he did this? For me? Should I then dare hope? Should I?"...Her face registers hope, glee, innocent pleasure, absolute happiness at the change of colors in the canvas...the change in panorama that she had never ever dared hope...a mirage that really turned into an oasis...her haven, their haven...at long last!!!

Her beauty is what he needs to behold before facing the day...a beauty that captivates him, makes him pause for oh that one extra precious moment...just one more...may be one more...!!! And then he realizes the bangles hurting her, causing unease to her sleep. He couldn't stand that...he could never stand it, could he? Any hindrance to her lovely face, that is...even if that meant a strand of her own hair. He has no heart to let go of the hand that had reached out for him in her sleep...so he lets it be and sits beside her, confessing the dilemma, the turmoil that his heart is going through..."Aartiji, I accept I was a little hurt when you overlooked my efforts last night, but the question is, Why should a little issue like that have bothered me? Maybe because I am unable to bear your indifference to whatever I do for you...I need you to react to me. Get angry...don't ignore me. You know I like your anger, your sulking, your laughter...even your teasing me...what kills me is your unresponsiveness, your silence...