Life is funny. It has its own sense of humor that turns slapstick sometimes. In short life laughs at our expense and all we could do is twiddle our thumbs and wait for the comedy to get over. We grimace but life has no mercy in its practicality. It changes you for better or worse but it changes you for sure.
Thoughts swirled in Aarti's mind just like the milk poured in a mug in front of her as she mixed it with a spoonful of Bournvita. With her constant stirring, it had now started to foam. She quickly removed the spoon and started mixing the second mug and then the third. It was bed time for her kids. She smiled unbeknownst to herself. She couldn't remember the last time when she did something for Ansh alone. Payal and Palak had become a part of her life that was as inseparable as Ansh. She had done every possible thing to break their resolve of not accepting her as their new mother. That tore her heart. Those initial few days as they pushed back on every single move she made to break the ice. They grew clingy on their father and while he understood it alright, he couldn't be there for them 24X7. And today, he had forbidden her from taking on their responsibility. That had hurt more than when kids had rejected her. They were young and impressionable. Buaji had narrated them the stories of cruel and monstrous step moms and they saw her as one after that but why would he be so nave and insensitive. She was not a childless woman. She had her own kid and understood the tugs at heart that a woman feels for children.
After Yash's vehement refusal, Aarti retreated back to her kitchen. The only place she was probably meant for in Sindiya household. A woman that would cook and take care of the kids and now even the take care part was being snatched away from her. That made her desperate. She needed a purpose to be in this house. She needed a solid reason why she would share bed with a man nothing more than a stranger to her. She needed a compulsion of sort that would stop her from stepping out with Ansh everytime her mother in law descended down on her and her son. Vidhi and Paridhi had tried consoling her, none of them really aware of what her life had always been. She kept herself busy with Kitchen and kids. The office time was over. Everyone was home except Yash and though she felt guilty, she was thankful but he returned just in time for dinner. As she readied his plate, he announced even without looking at her that he was going back to his room and wont need dinner. He hands stalled but only for a second. She did not need Gayatri or Vidhi to remind her of wifely duties. She beckoned Ansh to behave on the dinner table and walked away with the plate laden with food.
As she pushed open the door of their room, she was shocked to find all lights out. Where was he? Next moment she found him standing next to the lone bay window the room had. His first wife's ' Arpita's full size photo frame gleamed in the moonlight that had filtered in. The marigold garland around it swayed a little in the soft breeze that was blowing outside. She took deliberate steps, her desperation growing with each. She was acting like a wife, bringing him food when he had clearly mentioned he didn't want. That was bound to make him upset but couldn't he of all the people understand her situation? She was trapped between a man that considered her nothing but an intrusion in his life and his parents who expected her to shed all her dignity to keep trying to win his heart, even if it meant against her own wishes!
She cleared her throat expecting him to turn to her. He didn't. She cleared her throat again but it elicited no response either.
'Suniye..' She willed her voice to remain steady. Of all the times, she needed it now the most.
Yash turned his face to her and as always she stopped breathing. Frustration gripped her hard and fast. There was something she had been meaning to say and here she was unable to continue with the most involuntary body functions.
'I don't want to eat. You can take that back.' She thought he was trying to remain calm as well.
For a moment she thought to take his words as an order and run away to the safety where his eyes wont bore down her soul. Where she could breathe the air and feel human but how long can it go on this way?
Without saying a word, she balanced the plate on a coffee table next to the window and while she knew he expected her to leave, she turned back to him. She was right. His eyebrow raised, he looked at her waiting for her to say something that was remotely wifely and he would take all his frustration out on her.
'Muze aap se kuch baat karni hai'
When she got no answer back, she knew it meant for her to continue.
'Mai ab aur yaha nahi reh sakti. Muze ye ghar chodke jana hi hoga'
He turned towards her, meaning he had paid attention to what she was telling. There was no question just a perplexed look on his face. Another signal for her to continue.
'Hamare rishte ki sacchayi hum dono jante hai'waha bahar baithe logonki hamse aur hamare rishtese kafi ummide hai. Jab ki hum jante hai ke unki sari ummide hum puri nahi kar sakte, kuch ummide jarur hai jo hame bhi ek dusare se hai' thi.'
She looked up and found his eyes on her. She quickly looked away. She needed sanity to get through what she was trying to say and those eyes always did something to her sanity.
'hum dono jante the ke ye shadi.. ye punar vivah ham ne hamare bacchon ke liye kiya hai. Take unhe dono, maa aur pita ka pyar mil sake. Take jindagi me aage jake koi unpar ungali na utha sake ke unki parvarish me koi khot hai. Aap meri is ummid par khare utare hai'
A shade passed over Yash's face but he looked as confounded as ever.
'Aapne Ansh ke gusse ko samaja, use apne tarike se mana bhi liya. Wo shayad ab tak aapko apna pita manta nahi hai lekin wo aapki ijjat jarur karta hai. Uske liye aap ek good boy ho. Par mera kya? Muz par ye pabandi kyon lagayi ja rahi hai ke mai Payal aur Palak ke liye ek acchi ma na ban saku? Aap hi ne to kaha tha ke is shadi ke piche aapka ek hi maksad hai aur wo hai aapki bacchiyon ke liye ek maa ka hona to ab jab mai unki maa banna chahti hun to aap kyon rok rahe ho muze?'
Her voice faltered and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She looked up and while those eyes continues to drive her crazy, she did not look away.
'Ek maa ka matlab sift unke khane pine ka khayal rakhana ya school ke liye ready karna nahi hota Yashji. Ek maa ka farz hota hai apne bacchonka khayal rakhana, har us chiz me jisme unhe ek maa ki jarurat hai. Unki padhai, unka bhavishya.. unke sanskar., unhe sahi galat ke bich ka farak sikhana, jaha jaruri hai waha unhe datna bhi!! Agar muze ye sab ka hak nahi hai.. agar muze sirf ek nanny banke hi rehna hai to aap aisi hazaro nannies afford kar sakte ho. Aapko meri koi jarurat nahi hai. Mai is ghar pe ek patni nahi hun aur na ek maa to fir mai yaha kyon rahu?'
The perplexed look on Yash's face was replaced by something else. Something that was incomprehensible for Aarti. Was he angry to have spoken to in such a manner or was he actually contemplating on what she was saying.
'Rahi baat Ansh ke future ki, to haan shayad yaha se nikalana uske liye sahi nahi hoga but muze mere bte ke liye pita ka pyar nahi chahiye jab ke uski behene ek maa ke pyar ko tarasati rahe. Wo is baat ko hamesha apne dil me leke chale ke ek sauteli maa sauteli hi hoti hai'agar unke jindagi me mai maa ki kami puri nahi kar sakti to muze Ansh ke liye Pita ka pyar pane ka koi adhikaar nahi hai'
A tear finally rolled down her cheek but she wiped it away quickly. She didn't want to look weak especially when she didn't feel that way. For the first time after their wedding, she was being herself.
Yash stared at her as if he was seeing a whole new different person. The tame and obedient part of Aarti had disappeared to make way for a woman that was determined to claim what was hers. He wasn't the kind to take guilt trips but her words were true, from the heart. Was it difficult for her to go by the book whose rules were pre-written by him? Just be a nanny to my children but when it really came down to the life decisions, she was to step back and allow him to be the only parent in charge? Her life would have been easier. She would have had a shelter over her head, respect in the society as a married woman. She didn't ever have to worry about her future and Ansh's. Sindiya house may not have cared for her emotionally but they would have made sure she had all that she needed. What else would an ordinary woman ask for?
He turned back to the window as he answered his own question. She was not ordinary. She indeed came from a needy family. She indeed came with a baggage of her own but she refused to thrive on anyone's pity or mercy. She wanted to do what she perfectly well knew she was chosen for. She truly wanted to be a mother to Payal and Palak and wasn't that something he wished for? Then why was this confusion?
Her sniffs interrupted the train of thought. She had turned back on her heels to leave the room but as he surveyed her, she turned back to him suddenly, catching him unaware, staring at her.
'Aapki chuppi ka matlab shayad haan hai.. to thik hai.. mai kal subah hote hi is ghar se Ansh ko lekar chali jaungi. Mai wapas Ansh ke dada dadi ke pass to nahi ja sakti lekin muzme aaj bhi itni himmat jarur hai ke mai apna aur apne bache ka pet paal saku'.
He saw her face casting off a radiance as if she was lit from inside. The warm moonlight made her features stand out and in an instant he knew she meant what she had said! She would go away with Ansh.
What was he supposed to do? Should he surrender Arpita's only living memory ' her children to another woman? Was he too late to think about it now? They were married and he had repeated it time and again that he had gotten married for his children and his current behavior, his vehement denial was contradicting with the very base and purpose of this relationship. May be it was best for them to part ways right now when the hurt is less. Or maybe he should give his daughters a chance to feel what it is like to have a caring mother. May be..
He turned to stop her from going but she was gone already. There was a chaos outside and he could hear people talking loudly but couldn't make out what it was about. He ran outside to the dining area where he had last seen everyone gathered.
Everyone had moved to living room and they huddled around someone. Wind whooshed out of his lungs as he saw who it was. Payal lay on the sofa, her head resting, to his chagrin, on Aarti's lap who looked as if she was going to faint the next. She was rubbing Payal's palms with her own and calling her out. Papa was talking on the phone, with doctor presumably. Mom was crying and Vidhi Bhabhi was looking after her.
He rushed and plopped down next to Aarti. Their shoulders touched. This was the first time after their eventful first night that they were in such close proximity but he didn't find Aarti flinching away like she normally would. She continued to call out Payal's name softly, touching her forehead and cheeks in between. Yash looked up at her and he was sure that's how his own mom looked when he was unwell. That's how any mother looked when her 'own' children were suffering. There was no show, nothing over the top about her concern. She was just being what she promised him she would be. She was just being what was expected out of her.
She stuck to Payal throughout the evening as Doctor visited and checked on her. She had fever but he didn't think it was emergency enough to have her hospitalized. It was common for kids to develop fever, out of nowhere and faint as they go on with temperature for hours before they are exhausted. To his surprise, the doctor ' their family physician who would normally call him aside to talk about such matter called both of them this time and while explaining the medication and their turn, he spoke almost entirely to Aarti alone. May be it was a mother, a woman who does this best. May be he was being called upon till today because Arpita was gone. May be after today, they did not need him to be around as barring him, for everyone else Aarti had replaced Arpita already. He felt exhausted.
Aarti had retreated back to Payal's room where Ansh and Palak sat huddled around her. Aarti had her arm around Payal who was stirring now and another around Palak assuring her that nothing was wrong with her sister. Ansh, normally restless and naughty, sat tight lipped observing his mother taking care of Payal and Palak. His innocent face was devoid of any anger or fear of losing his mom to them. Yash felt ashamed of himself.
With a decision he moved towards the bed and sat down. Palak came running and hugged him tightly.
'Aarti..'
She looked up from Payal's face to him as if she was unaware of his presence all this while.
Words failed him. Her face looked worried but it also contained the same determination as he had seen before.
'aapko chinta karne ki koi jarurat nahi hai' mai tab tak yaha se nahi jaungi jab tak Payal thik nahi ho jati' bhale hi mai uski maa na ban pau.. but as a nanny to aap muze uska khayal rakhane de sakte hai na?'
She looked at him without wavering her gaze even for a second. There was a challenge written in those eyes. A challenge for him to ask her to get out now. A challenge to prove that a child does not need a mother in times like this. A challenge for him to prove her wrong.
He looked away. He wasn't sure he was up for it.
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
