DONE IN A MAD RUSH BUT CONTENT IS ALL THERE - HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!😛
Chapter 10
They had driven almost beyond the city limits but all She noticed was the changing sky. It was already getting dark as they left and now the darkness had enveloped them but for the occasional glow of a distant light
"Where exactly are you taking me." She finally turned to Him and asked
We're almost there now, see that light over to the right? - were going there"
She strained her eyes but couldn't really notice anything significant until He swerved the car bumpily in that direction
Mumbling under her breath She wondered what the hell She was doing with Him, of all people. She stole a glance at him, his profile against the darkness still managed to stand out, the occasional glitter of his eyes. that straight nose,beautiful jaw gave him an aesthetic countenance.
No wonder, She thought wryly, people, men and women alike, were drawn to him. She shook her head quickly and gazed down at herself, feeling terribly grubby all of a sudden.
"Look at me for feck's sake, do I look suitably dressed to be going anywhere,"
"Trust me, not only do you look great but its the best outfit for where were going. Look you can see it clearly now, just there in the distance"
He was right about the seeing part.
In frontof them the light source was up ahead and above them slightly. She could make out the lights and what appeared to be a tall flagpole.
"Where are we going?"
He smiled "You'll know in about a minute"
When they arrived, she saw it was a temple.
The faint sound of religious recitals could be heard but there's was the only car in sight. As they were on an incline, looking back from where they had left the main road made for a lovely view and the city lights they had left far behind twinkled like low rising stars.
"I discovered this place a couple of months ago," He explained having switched the engine off.
"I could see the lights and it made me curious what it was in amongst all the darkness. Then when I got here I was amazed to see the Gurdwara (temple)."
She thought He was a bit mental but smiled politely at the explanation.
"You think I'm mad dont you," he smiled
Do not repeat do not answer that question! the inner voice squeaked
"C'mon - lets go." and He was out of the car. As he opened the door for her She was caught out by the suddenness of the cold evening air. The altitude and open surroundings made the air feel colder and she shuddered.
"Here," He placed his jacket round her shoulders "this will keep you warm"
God he's so perfect, everything is just perfect! the Voice preened
She was grateful for the jacket but extremely aware that She could smell Him all around her.
It was the same scent She would smell when they would be doing their scenes and had to get close for a hug. It was so familiar, so soothing She inhaled deeply, forgetting for a moment her reservations about Him and instead relishing the closeness of him.
He took her elbow and they went towards the open entrance. She could here the keertan (devotional hymns) clearly now.
Whenever my mind is troubled, whenever I want some peace of mind, I come here," He said as they walked.
"I thought it would be great to share this with you, and maybe you might feel better too."
She looked at him as they walked, He seemed so sincere, so caring, so how could be so callous? She smiled at him nevertheless to show her appreciation and they went in.
"You'll need to cover your head before you go in."
She was fumbling because of the jacket and the pallu of her sari was caught inside.
"Let me" and before She could object He deftly removed the jacket and released her pallu. Setting it over her head, He pushed a few loose wisps of her hair from her face and gently tucked them behind her ear
"Perfect, " he said appreciatively, gazing at her face all the while.
She felt good in the warmth of his look and thanked him with a smile.
They walked into the main hall together, after He too covered his head with a scarf. She was disappointed to note the keertan was being played over the loudspeakers and was not being actually recited. As they payed their respects to the Guru Granth Sahib (Holy Book) an old man appeared from the back of the hall from one of the doors!
"Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru Ji ki fateh!!! (The Khalsa belongs to God, God is Victorious!) the old man heartily greeted them.
"It's been a long time, beta," the old man spoke warmly to Him
"How did you remember this old man today and at this time"
"My apologies Gyani ji for having left it so late, you know how hectic my life can sometimes be, but I promise to come more often." The old man looked enquiringly at her standing there like a lemon
"This is one of my colleagues, an actress that I work with Gyaniji,"
He motioned in Her direction
"Say Sat Sri Akaal,"(Sikh greeting) he whispered
She did with folded hands and the old man blessed her duly by placing his heavy hand on her head.
"Gyaniji, I'm here to ask a favour of you. You know whenever my mind has been troubled and I need a way through I have always come and sought your blessings. Today I want you to give your blessings to my friend also, so she can find the answers to her questions and peace of mind."
The old man laughed. "Son, is this what your friend wants, or you?"
What now, she thought, exasperated, and she glanced at him more than a tad annoyed
"No no gyaniji - I just want my friend to be blessed, whatever chaos is going on her life I just want to help her to see the way out and have peace of mind, isn't it?"
She duly obligingly looked at the old man, who again laughed.
"Ok, but I will do an Ardaas (prayer of request) on your behalf beta and then we shall see what Waheguru has in store for you in his Hukamnama (passage read at random from the Holy Book)
They stood for the Ardaas and then sat down to hear the Hukamnama.
She couldn't understand all of what was being said, but one line for her stood out
"Saach kaho, sun le ho sabeh, jin prem kiyo tin hi prabh payo"
(I tell the truth. listen one and all, only those that have truly loved (God) will reach Him")
After the reading, the old man gave them the blessed sweet called parshaad.
"Sit for a while, beta," the old man motioned to her,
"The reading was very good, it's a good omen for you. I am sure you already know His message - follow your heart and be true, for only through true love will we all know God himself." He smiled and gave them both aashirwaad,(blessing) by placing his hand on their respective heads.
" I have to return to my prayers but please, stay for as long as you like. Waheguru's doors are always be open, but especially for those who remember him or need of clarity."
With that the old man was gone.
"The Hukamnama was really good," He said His eyes shining
"Do you really believe in all this," She asked
"Absolutely! Somehow the Big One up there has an uncanny way of telling you what you already know in your heart - he just explains it better!"
She looked at him briefly and smiled hesitantly, pondering his words and whether he was a little nuts...
" Let's just sit for a while longer then we'll go outside"
The keertan was still going and a different shabad was playing. The beauty of the shabad was in its simplicity and even She could understand the meaning of the words
"Tum sio jodi, tum sio jodi, saachi preet hum, tum sio jodi...
Tum sio jod, avar sang todi
Tum sio jod, avar sang todi..."
In the Shabad the devotee Bhai Ravidass talks of his love, the purity of his love and his all consuming relationship with God, for which he has relinquished all other ties to surrender to Him.
The words were truly beautiful and the melody made them resonate even more within - She understood now why He said he found peace here, because here love was ideal, it was pure, it was for God, an invisible surreal partner who never cheated or betrayed you...of course it would appeal. In the real world it was different, people were not pure, people hurt you and cheated on you...
She looked across at him where he was sitting on the floor cross-legged with his back completely straight. His eyes were closed and he looked completely absorbed in his meditation. It was a truly beautiful sight and so She looked guiltily awaywhen suddenly those eyes flew open and looked in her direction.
"Shall we go," he mimed and She nodded.
"Well?," he asked when they came outside "isnt it beautiful and peaceful? Dont you feel so much better"
"It is," She conceded " I had no idea you were so...spiritual,"
"Neither did I until I found this place. Let me show you something else. Here, put the jacket on again"
To the side of the temple there was a point from which you could see all the comings and goings, the hustle and bustle of life below. The lights winked back at them where they stood taking in the view.
He drew closer to her
"Are you warm enough," He whispered close to her ear and his warm breath slightly tickled
She smiled and said "You must be feeling cold yourself, why dont you have this back"
"No no, that wont keep me warm, " He was looking straight at her now and what She saw made her look down self consciously
He took her arm and turned Her to face Him. He cupped his hands around her face and drew her near
"Looking at you does though," She could feel his warm breath on her face and was drawn into those dark eyes as he shifted to the left and drew her cheek to his own and pressed their faces together as he brought his body closer and put one arm around her
She felt stiff in his embrace and wasnt sure if it was the cold or just guilt as the Girl's face swam in front of her eyes. Quickly, she lifted her hand and removed his hand from her face.
"We should go now," She said quietly and she walked away from him
"Hang on, " He said coming after her "I need to tell you something,"
She stopped momentarily and turned round as he came towards her
"I brought you here no just for your peace of mind but for mine too. To give me the strength to say something I have wanted to say to you, pretty much since I saw you the first time...," again He took her face into his hands, searching her eyes
She daren't meet his gaze but finally allowed herself the indulgence and saw his furrowed brow
"What is it, what did you want to say"
"You really ought to consider a nose job, girlfriend, that profile does you no favours!" His laughter sparkled in the cool evening air
She was incredulous, and punched his arm in protest but soon joined him in laughing. Only He really could do that to her, worry her, surprise her, torment her and then alleviate all her tension by making her laugh.
As their mirth subsided, he straightened up having been almost bent double
"That, is when you are at your most beautiful. That is how you should always be and how I like to see you most."
"Why?" She asked finally
"I mean, why are you always so nice to me? Actually no, why are you being nicer to me than usual? What has changed?"
"I think we both know." He was looking at her steadily
"Do we? well enlighten me then "
"You know as well as I do we enjoy each other's company.."
"Granted, so?"
"You don't exactly flinch when I'm near you"
"Another granted but then we have known each other for a while now - I just dont find you as repulsive as I once did" She said mischievously, but his eyes told her He knew otherwise and He smiled slightly
"You want the truth? think you can handle it" he said slowly. They were head to head now and the tone of his voice had become serious
"You and me, we're good together, and I dont just mean when we act"
"I, I, that's not" She was stammering now
"In fact we would BE really be good together if you stop fighting yourself and just give in, accept it, like I have"
She turned away then, afraid her face would show the very truth He was speaking about but he just hugged her close from behind instead
"It's always been you, you must surely know that, only you," as he buried his face in her neck
"That's rubbish" She broke free and stood breathing hard without looking at him
"Don't you dare deny it!!" he thundered
"You're standing here of all places, so dont you deny you want me the same as I want you. I know you do" He was so angry but She was not far behind. She spun round to look him and glared
"Nothing has changed!! So I had a few laughs with you, what does that mean? I shared some of my pain with you - what does that make you?" She was so upset her breath came in gasps and She felt cornered
"And dont you give me that righteous crap!! How dare you, after what you did to that girl, do you have any idea how distraught She is? She's a complete mess over you and you treated her like shit! You denied she was your girlfriend time and time again, so dont you dare try to browbeat me!!"
She was breathing hard now and was worried her anger would give way to tears of frustration.
He rushed over to her and took her hands. He looked tense and his eyes were tortured
"I never loved her...I always, always loved you, right from the beginning"
She was transfixed to his face, still breathing hard but his were alight in a pain She had never seen in Him.She felt her anger ebb as he spoke quietly now, earnestly wanting her to believe
"The irony for me is that my character did the same and succeeded. Me? I was working with you all those hours, all that time and too scared to tell you because you were with that spineless ass-wipe and telling everyone how in love you were," the last bit was spoken cynically
"You were getting on with your life and I just thought I didn't stand a hope in hell. I tried to move on, that Girl made the time easier but I can assure you she's no Miss Innocent wallflower, she knew full well it benefited her in more ways than one, " He didnt mean to sound savage but to her it sounded harsh and She said as much
"Harsh my ass! She was the driving force not me! I tried to tell her loads of times that I didn't mind going out now and then but that girl clung to me like a bloody limpet. And hell yeah, there were days when having spent time close to you on set, it was hard to be alone and that girl could fill a gap the same way a sandwich does a hungry man!!"
Again She glanced at him reproachfully and he acknowledged her. Leaving her hands, He now cupped Her face
"I 'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it, hell I'll apologise a million times if it helps but understand it's you I loved, it's you I wanted to be with and when you dumped that excuse for an asshole, no way was I going to let you slip by me again"
She smiled a little this time, at the reference to her ex boyfriend in particular
Heartened by her smile he laughed too
" Don't you get it Fatty?" he smiled and this time his eyes were dewy
"I love you, I always have and I always want to and will anyway"
She placed her hand gently on his cheek and he closed his eyes and exhaled spent now, as the tiniest of tears trickled down His cheek, as the words He'd rehearsed so many times, had dreamed of saying to Her, were now said for better or for worse.
They both put their arms around each other and held each other tightly for what seemed like an age
Releasing each other enough just to press their heads together in a joint silent acknowledgement, she broke the silence
"What are we going to do?" she whispered as She exhaled into the cold night air
Edited by kEEnkEEn - 13 years ago
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