-Memories FF- HELP ME OUT! PG. 41!!! - Page 10

"Its no problem...uhm Krishna I do have a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about," the doctor said as they stepped out of the door on to the front porch.

"Sure," Krishna said casually, not very sure he wanted to hear what the doctor had to say. Surely he must think of him as some sort of horrible husband, not being able to take care of his wife...much less feed her.

"Krishna, I have checked Pratigya and she is doing okay, but thank God you called me and I got here intime without much of a hassle. It was obvious she hadn't eaten for a while...and that isn't what she should be doing with her health in such a state. I need you to keep her healthy, make sure she is eating, sleeping enough...you get me right Krishna?"

"Yes doctor," said Krishna who thoughts were actually occupied by another question. "If you don't mind me asking doctor...uhm...the pills..." Krishna trailed off as he didn't know how to put the question in to words.

"You mean, did she overdose? I'm sure you will be relieved to know that no, she didn't overdose. There was no indication of overdose, I am guessing she probably had a pill or two to help herself sleep, but pills combined with an empty stomach and her health the way it is...well it is just an emergency waiting to happen." The doctor's answer sent a flood of relief over Krishna...so she at least can stand me enough that she doesn't want to kill herself? That question had been eating Krishna alive since the doctor had arrived, and him answering it was the greatest gift anyone could have given Krishna in that moment.

"I'll take your leave now Krishna," the doctor said, taking Krishna out of his thoughts.

"Thank you once again doctor," Krishna said as the doctor walked away.

**

Krishna walked in to the living room to see Pratigya lying on the couch, her pale skin looking whiter thanever. She looked noticably weak, and the contrast between her plain yellow sari and the colour of her skinwas evident. Her breathing was steady, her chest heaving up and down in a repetetive rhythm. Krishna went over to her to check her pulse, like the doctor had advised, to make sure her body wasn't giving out again.

He walked over to the couch and sat on its edge beside Pratigya. He brought his two fingers to the pulse of her neck and then hesitated to touch her. He then shook off his own guilt...I am doing this for her benefit anyways. He touched her pulse and kept his hand there for a couple of seconds, it seemed to be normal.

He took his hand off and just sat there for a minute, staring at her face intently. She looked so weak and even in her sleep she looked uneasy, perplexed, like she was crying out for help. He slowly took her hand in his, she winced and he second guessed himself quickly placing her hand back down. A moment passed and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully again, he sighed...here he was second guessing himself and even a little scared about taking his wife's own hand!

He brushed the hair that had fallen off of her face with his hands and pushed it behind her ears. "Im so sorry Pratigya...you're going through all of this because of me and I can't even help you." Here in this silence, pouring his heart out to his sleeping wife, he tried to find some solace. "I promise to take care of you, I promise to be the best husband, person...whatever you want me to be," he said beginning to chokeup. "Just please get better...I love you" he whispered. There was nothing then but pin-drop silence in the room as his response. Suddenly Krishna's mobile went off breaking the silence, he jumped out of his trance and went to pick it up.

Pratigya opened her eyes a slight crack to check if Krishna's back was to her. She sighed...here she was pretending to be asleep, out of sheer embarassment or not wanting to be hassled with questions, she didn't know. She listened to Krishna speaking on the phone, trying to make out what he was saying, he was speaking quitely for her sake, thinking she was asleep, but there was something else in his voice...something that was telling Pratigya there was another reason he was talking in such a muffled tone. His voice sounded agitated, uneasy, almost on edge. Pratigya concentrated on trying harder to listen to what was being said.

"Look I told you this before...no I realize that," Krishna said in to the phone. In the silence of the house you could hear it was another man on the end, but what he was saying couldn't be made out, but it was obvious his words were making Krishna troubled. "This isn't the time...I know! But listen, this isn't the time! All I am saying is just do what I told you to do...I don't want her near our lives, keep her away...fine...fine...look, its late. I will call you tomorrow." With that Krishna cut the phone and turned around abruptly, making Pratigya shut her eyes quickly.

Did he notice I was awake? What will he think...that I am snooping on his phone conversations? Pratigya's heart was beating out of her chest as she heard Krishna's footsteps coming closer to her. She tried her hardest tostay calm, and keep a straight face...or else he would know she was pretending to be asleep. His body was beside the couch now, looking down upon her, she could sense his presence. Suddenly Pratigya felt like she was being lifted from off the couch, and into his arms...she was being lifted off of the couch! She suddenly felt her head close to what she guessed was probably his chest, as she could feel his heart beating against her. She wished she could hold on to him more tightly, as she felt a little scared, but that would be an obvious indication that she was awake.

As if he could read her emotions pefectly, Krishna tightened his grip around her. It was as if all her fears suddenly seemed to wash away. Not only the fear of being dropped, but for that moment she was in his arms all herworries were washed away, the feeling that everything was going to be alright. Pratigya was shocked at her own emotions...it wasn't like everything was okay and all her problems were solved, but then why was she feeling this way?

Krishna took her up the stairs and was stumped as he reached the top...should he take her to their bedroom orthe guest bedroom? He decided pretty quickly that he would take her to the guest bedroom, as he didn't want her to feel worried or confused when she woke up. He would just stay in the guest bedroom also to keep a watch on her. He finally reached the guest bedroom and put her down gently on to the bed, he lifted the blankets and put them gently over her, so none of his movements would wake her up. He looked at her for a moment, sleeping peacefullyand then left the bedroom to get a glass of juice, in case she woke up, he would give it to her straight away.

Pratigya heard Krishna's footsteps leaving the room, she took this oppurtunity to once again open her eyes. Her thoughts were clouded, it was like her mind was having a battle with herself. Everything he did for her, still treating her like some sort of queen after had given him such a hard time...he was still going out of his way to take care of her, why? It was probably killing him to keep distance from his wife...and here he was being so patient? Her mind was split, a part of herself wanted to give this all a chance and the other part of her wanted to just run away.

Come on Pratigya, you can't just run away from all of this...leave someone out in the cold, since when did you become so heartless? So you don't remember your lives together, or how much he loved you...you may just come to remember all of it, and then you will regret all of this behaviour...but what if you don't come to remember? You can still come to love him, no? People can fall in love with anyone if they try hard enough...but do you want this to be forced? What if you can't handle this down the line, how long will you be able to face the fact that you cannot remember...will you ever be able to tolerate the fact that you cannot remember? Stay or go? In the end its your decision, and whatever the outcome of it, good or bad, your going to be the one who is going to have to live with it. Her head was muddled with thoughts, going back and forth between different thoughts. Finally she had too much and decided she would just clear her head for now and attempt to go to sleep...her eyes eventually closed and she finally gave in to sleep.

**

It was the morning and the sun poured in through the guest room windows. The sun hit Pratigya's face and she slowlyopened her eyes. She was still tired and so tried to cover her face with the blanket, but it was no use, she had already been woken up. She sat up straight in the bed, and there what she saw surprised her. Krishna was on the small couch asleep, but in an upright position, his head leaning across the back of the couch. Had he stayed here the whole night? Pratigya couldn't help but be surprised at such a gesture.

Just then Krishna began to move in his sleep, he woke up suddenly, his body aching from lying upright on the couch so long. He looked up and saw Pratigya looking at him, he didn't meet eyes with her though...he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable in any such way. He suddenly remembered the juice he had put on the night table beside Pratigya's bed. He got up and came towards her, Pratigya getting confused at what he was doing. He took the juice from the night table and held it out in front of Pratigya. "Drink," he said calmly. Pratigya just stared at the juice for a second...how could he be so caring? Why was he doing all of this? She suddenly felt embarassed for her actions last night and lowered her eyes, not wanting to meet his. "Please," he said with the same calm tone, pushing the glass closer to her lips. She finally took the glass, still not meeting his gaze and began drinking the juice.

A relief spread over Krishna, at least she wasn't being as stubborn as yesterday. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything," he said "Shanta aunty isn't coming in today...I'll just work from home today. I don't think her old bones can handle it if anything went wrong," he said justifying why he was staying back, and that too in his own home. Pratigya just nodded and Krishna stood there for a moment, not knowing if he was expecting something else. He then walked out of the room.

Pratigya finished off the glass of juice and put the glass back on the night table. For all the thoughts she was fighting with yesterday, this morning she knew what she wanted to do. Something so unclear last night was all of a sudden as clear as water this morning. She didn't just want to walk out on six months of her life, she would never be able to bear the thought of going home with such a void. If she went home, she wouldn't be able to have anything that may trigger her memory...but she wanted to stay here, she wanted to remember. Besides, she was beginning to realize that Krishna wasn't that bad...he was beginning to take the shape of a husband she had always wanted. She would investigate, with or without anybody's help and reconstruct the last six months of her life on her own...

**

Krishna finished putting the last bit of breakfast on the table, he wasn't sure if Pratigya would like it, since she wasn't ever the biggest fan of his cooking. Oh well, its not like it has to taste good, she just needs some food in her body. He was about to return to his laptop in the living room when he heard the sound of thunder outside. It seemed to be a sun shower, the weather was so decietful. Rain began to pour loudly hitting the glass of the back door of the kitchen. Krishna went up to the door and looked outside...

**

"Oh its raining," Pratigya said as she came in to the kitchen. Krishna instantly turned around to see Pratigya standing in the kitchen. "You know I-" she began.

"Just love the rain," he completed her sentence.

"Yea," she replied softly, looking away. "Actually Krishna I was just going to take a bath...but besides this sari I don't have much else in that suit case. I mean-"

"Oh sorry. I will get some saris out for you and place them in the guest bedroom," Krishna said as he began to walk away.

"If you just tell me where they are I will get them myself, you don't need to go through the hassle," Pratigya said to him.

"No its fine, its not hassle. I will get them." With that Krishna walked out of the kitchen. He didn't want Pratigya to walk in to their room, even though he realized he should have taken all the pictures and memories down in it. But why should he? It was the one place in this house where he didn't have to hide the memories, and he thought at least he deserved that one place. Maybe not changing the room meant he was hanging on to some hope, the hope that everything would one day return back to normal. If he changed their room as well he is indicating to himself that all hope is lost, but he didn't want to let go just yet...

**

It was later on in the afternoon and Pratigya came downstairs from setting her clothes inside the guest room drawers. Krishna was working away on his laptop, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes every so often. He didn't notice Pratigya coming down the stairs, he was distraught over his work. Pratigya meandered over to the kitchen, looking for something to do.

**

Pratigya set the cup of tea down in front of Krishna which made him look up from his work. "Whats this?" he asked, instantly getting up.

Pratigya didn't expect his response, she instantly though she had done something wrong. "I'm sorry I-"

"No its fine. I just meant why should you have gone through the trouble?" he asked, assuring her she hadn't done anything wrong.

"I just saw you were working hard, I thought you may want some tea..." she answered trailing off.

"Uhm...thanks," was all he could mumble out. He was touched by the gesture, her concern for him, even if it was only a tad, made his heart cry out with joy. "Thanks...sit," he said motioning for her to sit. She sat on the couch next to him, and there was an awkward silence between the two.

"So-" she began

"Thanks," he said thanking her once again for the tea.

"Its no problem," she said feeling slightly shy.

"I just, its great tea...so thanks, like I said before, thanks for making it. Because it is wonderful tea," he said fumbling over his words.

"You...haven't tasted it yet," she said, looking at the ground to hide the smile that was coming upon her face.

"Its ju-just...you always make great tea," he said as he finally sipped it.

"Um...actually...I have something I wanted to say to you," she whispered.

"Sorry, what was that," he said edging closer to her.

"I said," she said, speaking a bit more loudly, "I have something to say."

"Oh...feel free," he said, a bit shocked that he ever made her feel like she had to ask to say something.

"I-I...its just...sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me, and I-"

"Look if its bothering you so much to say whatever it is you want to say, its okay...you can tell me another time," he said noticing how uncomfortable she was.

"No, please let me speak. If I don't get this off my chest now...I just...I wanted to say, I'm sorry." The words escaped her lips quicker than she had expected, and they were followed by yet another awkward silence. Why isn't he saying anything? She thought, his silence making her feel more guilty.

"I-I...there was no need for u to say sorry," he began "I'm sure anyone in your situation would have done the same. I'm just shocked your apologizing, there was no need," he answered, also justifying why he had been silent for a moment. How did he have this uncanny ability to read her thoughts? To assure her of something she feared, or was unsure about when she hadn't even voiced it out loud.

"I just...it doesn't matter if my behaviour had a reason behind it...it was wrong for me to take it out on you," she said sighing.

"You can take whatever you want out on me," he said suddenly. He realized what he had said, damnit! Why didn't you think before you just let that out.

She looked up to meet his eyes, and for the first time since he had brought her home from the hospital, Krishna saw a certain softness in her eyes. They didn't look confused, perplexed, hollow as if they were crying out for help, but they looked warm, thankful and even...dare he think it...happy.

See Pratigya? After everything he still has so much patience, isn't this a quality you always wanted in your husband? Despite everything he was still taken aback by your apology...still thinking you hadn't done anything wrong! Isn't this the type of person you want standing by you...is this all so bad? Pratigya's conscience screamed at her inside her head. Suddenly the phone ringing caught them both of guard and they realized how deeply their attention had been fixated on each other. Both a little embarassed by it all.

"Sorry," Krishna said as he got up to answer the phone. He was on the phone for a while, talking about what seemed to be some business matter. Pratigya sighed, getting a bit restless, Krishna noticed this and took himself off the phone for a second. "Sorry, its an important call, it may take a while," he said.

Pratigya was embarassed he had noticed her irritation, she didn't even know why she had wanted his attention...after all she had saideverything she needed to say. She got up, still slightly embarassed and left Krishna to his phone call. She walked to the kitchen and out the front door, just wanting to get some fresh air, after all she had been inside the hospital for weeks and in this house for almost two days. Pratigya unlocked the back door of the kitchen and stepped outside in to the garden. The garden was large beautiful, its green lawn seemed to be continuing forever. The same beautiful flowers that outlined the front of the house, were along side either side of the back lawn.

Pratigya walked around the garden, wondering how far it went. The garden seemed to extend forever, and she finally saw its end when she noticed the landscape was starting to dip downwards and there was a small net fence she could see. Beyond the net fence in the distance there seemed to be a large body of water, and beyond that you could see the inner city. Pratigya went slowly down the small slope until she reached the fence. She took in the view, it truly was stunning, capturing both the beauty of nature and the city lights. This really is a dream home, she thought, realizing this place managed to stun her all the time.

She didn't know how long she had been looking at the view but she realized the sun was starting to set and decided to go back inside. As she turned around to leave the pallu of her sari got caught in the net fence as she began walking up the slope. She was jerked back a bit and this made her stop and turn back around. She pulled hard on her pallu to set it free from the net, but instead she lost her balance on the slope and went hurling back on to the netted fence.

A sharp pain pierced the back side of her shoulder. She bit he lip, the pain seering down her back, she realized suddenly what had happened. Tears rolling down her eyes, she realized what she had to do. She bit her lip even harder to stop herself from screaming, and took in a deep breath and quickly with all the force she could muster pulled herself up. She fell on the ground, squealing in pain, the place where the metal net had gone inside her began releasing blood. She could feel the blood going down her shoulders and on to her back. She got up, stumbling over her sari. She receded to crawling up the slope, finally reaching the top. She wanted to call out Krishna's name, but she didn't want to keep burdening him, although she knew that what she was doing was beyond practical.

Inside she still wanted to hold on to some sort of independence, and maybe that was why she didn't cry out Krishna's name. After this experience she had become so dependent on other people, she was beginning to be defined by other people's terms and now she just wanted to hold on to the last bit of independence.

**

Pratigya finally made it in to the house, she grabbed on to the wall to steady herself. She didn't know where to find the bandages or anything to stop her blood from running. She stepped in to the living room, Krishna was nowhere to be found. She wandered up the stairs, holding on to the railing as she went up. She was halfway up the stairs when her aching body gave out and she had to sit, her body in more pain than it had been before.

Just then Krishna walked inside the house, shocked to see Pratigya sitting on the middle of the stairs, wincing in pain. "Pratigya!" He yelled as he ran towards her on the stairs. "Pratigya! What happened?" He said kneeling in front of her.

Tears rolling down her eyes, her face turning livid with the excruciating pain, she softly whispered, "Kris-Krishna."

"Here, put your arm around my shoulder," he said coming to the side of her. She seemed to be frozen of the spot, and Krishna didn't waste any time, so he just picked her up in his arms as quickly as possible. He took her over to the arm chair in he living room and placed her there. As he put her down he noticed the blood that had stained his arm. "What?! Pratigya-" he was at a loss for words. "Where is all this blood coming from?" Krishna didn't wait for Pratigya's answer who was far too much in pain to listen to what he was saying. He brought his hand closer to her to lift her back up the check the wound, but she held his hand.

"Its on my shoulder," she said quietly.

"Let me get some medicine," he said as he quickly left the living room.

Pratigya sat there, holding her shoulder. The pain hadn't lessened, in fact it seemed to be getting worse. She rested her head on the back of the airmchair, trying to take her mind off the pain. Krishna ran in carrying some medicine, "its a disinfectant, let me put it on you." Pratigya sat there silently, she didn't know if she was comfortable enough for Krishna to touch her...there was still some distance between them...

Krishna saw how uncomfortable this situation was making Pratigya, "let me help you, it must be paining," he said trying to assure that help her was all he wanted to do. She just stared at him for a while, the pain slowly becoming worse...how much more of this could she take? She bit her bottom lip...it was too much for her to handle.

"Pratigya please," he whispered, his voice pleading with her to understand. He moved towards her and she moved back on the chair. "Please," he said, not willing to give up and suprised at his own patience.

Another jolt of pain seered through her shoulder once again, and a single tear came down her cheek. She knew she needed his help and there was no point in fighting it...she just nodded slowly. A relief came over him, for the first time he didn't just have to stand by and look at her in pain. He moved towards her and stopped behind her, she was still wincing in pain. The blood had stained her sari and shoulders, her stubborness even suprised him now...she had waited so long before letting him help her. He stretched his hand to help her, but suddenly noticed where the wound actually was, on her shoulder, which was covered by the sari blouse...he couldn't apply the ointment without moving the blouse off her shoulder. His hand shook as he stayed fixed in that position.

She turned around abruptly, noticing his frozen position. She looked at where his gaze was fixated, and she too then realized what he had. Their eyes met, and he quickly took away his gaze and put down his hand. "I don't mind," she finally said, the words even suprising her. Maybe it was the pain or the fact that she had seen how hesitant he was to touch her, showing she could trust him, she didn't know, but she said yes. She moved further up in the armchair, so he had a little more room.

He slowly touched her shoulders, his touch making her wince. He took his fingers and gently removed the blouse down her shoulder until he could see the wound. Pratigya turned her head to the side, not wanting to meet his gaze, and deeply embarassed that he had to see her bare shoulder. His hands still shaking, Krishna took a bit of the disenfectant on the tips of his fingers and put it on the wound. He checked to see Pratigya's reaction, but her face was covered by her hair. So he proceeded to rub the disenfectant on the wound, and on the skin around it. It made the wound sting badly and Pratigya squirmed, and despite the fact she was trying to keep it in, she let out a small cry of pain.

"Sorry, sorry..." Krishna said taking his hand away quickly. Pratigya still hissed in pain, and Krishna, without thinking, brought his head down to her wound and began to blow on it. Pratigya suddenly felt air on her wound, it was relieving...but then she realized what was happening. Despite the pain she was in she quickly stood up, Krishna moving back at her sudden movement.

"Sorry...I-I jus't cannot see you-" Krishna said trying to find an explanation for what he now realized was such a foolish act. He stepped towards her, Pratigya looking a bit worried...what was he doing? He came in front of her now, and then he put his arm around her. Pratigya was beyond confused now and was about to move back when she noticed her had picked up the pallu of her sari and brought it on top of her shoulder, draping it around, so to cover her. "I'm sorry," he said once again.

Pratigya stood there stunned, holding the pallu in place where he had put it. She felt slightly guilty for what she had thought he was might have done. "You should get some rest, come I will help you up the stairs, and tomorrow we will get a doctor to check it out for you," Krishna said, moving to her side. Pratigya did not fight him this time and began walking slowly, he walked quitely by her side, in case she needed the support.

**

It was the morning and Pratigya turned in her sleep, the pain in her shoulder waking her up. It had lessened since yesterday night, but it was still there. She got up and heard a knock on the bedroom door. "Come in," she said as she slowly climbed out of the bed.

"Oh Pratigya dear, your up...how are you feeling this morning?" It was Shanta aunty.

"Thank you, I'm fine," Pratigya replied.

"Good to know...Krishna told me what happened," said Shanta aunty and she began opening the curtains.

"Where is Krishna?" Pratigya asked suddenly.

"In his room, he told me he is running a bit late for work...but to be honest I think he wouldn't leave the house first without checking if you are alright," Shanta aunty said giggling to herself.

"Oh...I'll be right back," Pratigya said as she made her way out of the room.

"Sure, sure," Shanta aunty said as she dusted the curtain, humming a tune, a bit lost in her own world.

Pratigya walked out of the room, thinking she should say 'thank you' to Krishna for everything he did last night. Even though he would of just told her something like 'it was his duty,' she still felt the need to say it. There were still some formalities in their relationship, that she for one couldn't shake off so easily. She walked towards his bedroom, guessing it was on the opposite end of the hall, the one he was about to take her to, her first day in the house. She walked past a couple of small bedroom, until she saw at the other end two, huge glass double doors. She figured this must be his bedroom, she went up to it and knocked on the door. There was no answer, she knocked on it quitely again, "Krishna" she said this time. Still there was no reply, she was about to walk away, when some feeling inside of her made her turn back around. Although it was against her better judgement, she went up to the door and slowly turned the knob. The door opened a crack, "Krishna" she said quitely as she took a step inside.