FF: Adrift Completed Feb 3rd 2014 - Page 12

Mitasha woke up tired, not having been able to sleep much yet again the previous night. Contrary to her expectations, life was not getting any easier to live. Though she was well-adjusted in the new routines of the life she had built herself, and one could say she had found some measure of peace having "quit" her cursed life, living each day was still a chore. She was lonely, she was hurt, and she was in deep, constant pain. She worried about her mother and missed her sister. Most of all, she thought about RK every waking second. And when she slept, she woke up with nightmares of RK hurting himself. As per Bittuji, he had been doing better in the last few weeks. Maybe he was finally moving past her. But hadn't he already moved past her months ago when he stopped loving her?

Mitasha wanted to hate him, in fact she had hated him, but she could never reduce her love for him. And thus, the thought of any harm to RK still made her heart stop beating. Even though she never wanted to see him again, time had allowed her to look past her pain somewhat and try to understand what really went wrong in her marriage. RK did love her at some point...how did she lose that?

Yes, it was RK's fault. It was Ria's fault.

But Mitasha couldn't help but wonder sometimes if her life could have turned out differently if she had done things differently. She knew about RK's insecurities, yet she hadn't done everything she could to show him how unfounded they were. She had left RK drift away, feel alone and left behind. She had let RK be trapped by Ria in his moment of vulnerability.

The truth was, Mitasha admitted to herself, she had quit.

And thus, she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had stayed and fought. If she had pulled her drunk husband out of Ria's arms that night, slapped her and thrown her out, and then brought her RK back to her senses by being his love, his support, his rock, his friend and his biwi that he needed.

So while most of the times, the pain of RK's betrayal strengthened Mitasha to hate him and move past him, every now and then, stealthily on a lonely dark night, the Madhu still alive in her wept for the love she lost, wept for giving up what meant the world to her, and wondered how cruel destiny had been.

Today was one of those mornings after one of those nights. Lost in thoughts, Mitasha reached her class at the orphanage but was surprised to form no one in the room. She was running late, so she definitely would have expected most of the children to be there. She only had to wonder for a few seconds before a couple of children came running down the hallway.

"Mitasha miss, come come...we came to take to you" they hurriedly spoke, panting, even as they were already dragging her back in the hallway. She had finally managed to win their trust, and now the children in her classroom were really fond of her. Judging by the noise, she gathered everyone was in the big hall downstairs, where they had most celebrations. Also, as this was the biggest orphanage in Delhi, many philanthropists and industrialist wives came over from time to time with journalists in tow, but as far as she could remember, no such event was scheduled for today.

They were joined by a few other children as they reached the back entrance of the hall. It was fully packed, so it seemed some celebrity had come, although Mitasha did not spot any camera crews. As she made her way in the crowd, a familiar voice sent a shiver through her spine.

"Madhu"

Instinctively, she pulled her shawl over her head, but the voice was coming from the head of the corridor. Sure enough, she knew who it was, and even though she wanted to turn back and leave, her legs refused to obey her commands as soon as her eyes saw RK standing several feet ahead of her on the stage, and she stood there fixated.

"I lost my Madhu...I couldn't be there when she needed me...because I was weak. Because I forgot what she had taught me - that life is about valuing what we have and what truly matters to us instead of chasing after what others have and letting that define our success. That is why, kids, I will say this again. Believe in yourself, work hard, and always remember what is most important to you and what makes you truly happy. You can do anything, you are special. Don't be defeated by pride. Be honest. Be happy."

Applause filled the room. As RK turned to get off the stage, his eyes met with another pair at the back of the hall...a very familiar pair of eyes that swam with pain and tears. RK stopped and for five seconds, they held the gaze, before the person seemed to disappear in the crowd. RK thought he saw a scar under the shawl as the girl turned away. He tried to move in that direction, but that was impossible with the crowd that surrounded him.

*********************

An hour later, RK was back in his car, feeling much better than he had felt that morning. The last few months had changed everything in RK's life. He had lost everything, including the will to live, but destiny wanted him to suffer for his deeds. Fair enough, he had thought, and had finally tried to live the way Madhu would have wanted him to. He didn't want the on-camera glamor anymore, so he had spent the past few weeks wrapping up his movies and had decided to be a producer full-time. He drowned himself in work, because breathing was difficult if he had a moment to think about it. As far as he was concerned, he was dead inside already, but he had to survive like a living corpse from one day to another tormented by the guilt of killing his Madhu.

This week he had been in Delhi wrapping up his final acting schedule. This morning, he had decided to drive himself on his way from shooting to his hotel, when he had seen the orphanage at a traffic intersection. Somehow, it reminded him of Madhu - she loved children and was always helping out those in need - and he instinctively pulled over to go inside. He called someone to send gifts for the children and wandered in, hoping to spend a few minutes of peace with the children. Of course, he was a celebrity, and his arrival news had sent the whole place into a tizzy. Soon enough, he found himself taking pictures and delivering a speech. Now, back in his car, he felt grateful and humbled for the few stolen moments of joy and purity. Something had disturbed him though. He was haunted by a pair of eyes he had caught, but couldn't find. It was a girl covered in a shawl, he was sure, and for some reason, that glance - a mere eyelock from 40 feet apart in a room of 150 people - that glance was enough to raise a storm inside him. He felt like Madhu was near him, and his soul ached in longing. Whoever that was, had innocously stirred up RK's pain again and he convulsed in the knowledge of the pain that he had caused Madhu, the pain that had killed her.

RK's phone rang and disrupted his free-fall in the wells of his misery. It was Bittuji and he sounded worried

"Chief, I am at the hospital. Padmini ji's condition is worsening. The doctors have moved her in the ICCU."

"You stay with her Bittuji. I will take the next flight and get there in a few hours"