Part 36: Decisions, Decisions.
Arnav was pacing, once again, in the guest room, lost in the redundant thoughts when a knock interrupted him. Much like Khushi had earlier, Aman poked his head in.
"Can I come in?" He asked tentatively.
Arnav simply nodded and resumed his pacing, waiting for Aman to speak up. A few long seconds later, Arnav found Aman standing a few steps into the room, lost in thoughts.
"Aman?" Arnav prompted.
"Huh?" Aman jerked out of his thoughts making Arnav raise his eyebrows.
"Is everything okay?" Arnav stood in front of his manager cum friend.
An odd expression crossed his face before worry took over. He bit his lower lip and looked up at Arnav.
"I...I asked out Anjali..." Aman confided.
Arnav's eyebrows shot up immediately. In all these years, this was the first time Aman was sharing something personal. Aman, himself, didn't know why he was speaking to Arnav, of all people. Perhaps because he knew that whatever he told him, Arnav would keep it a secret.
"Aman?" Arnav prompted again when Aman didn't explain further.
"She said she needs time to think about it..." Aman sighed and his shoulders slouched. "She said I don't know enough about her past to make such a decision...but it doesn't matter, you know? Her past doesn't matter to me."
Arnav had no idea what to say to the man so he just kept silent and offered a listening ear...which, it seemed, was what Aman was looking for anyway.
"She's a single mother, I know...I don't know what the history is but I know that any man who let go of her must've been an idiot! I've been single for as long as I can remember and she is the first one in years who has attracted me this way...and now...I'm worried that she's going to refuse."
"Did you tell her that her past doesn't matter to you?" Arnav blurted, surprising himself. Hell, if he was surprised, Aman was shocked to find his boss offering words on this topic.
Aman looked at Arnav wide eyed for a few second before composing himself. "No...She didn't give me a chance to say much...I mean...I didn't want to seem pushy after she said she needed time..."
Arnav shrugged. "Then give her time. Sometimes, time puts things in perspective for you." Arnav said his eyes distant as he related the importance of time in his own love life.
The two men stood in comfortable silence, each lost in their thoughts until Aman spoke.
"Do...Do Y-You know anything? A-about her past?" Aman asked hesitantly.
Arnav shook his head and smiled, recalling Khushi's words. "No I don't...and even if I did...It's not my story to tell. You should talk to her about it."
Aman smiled at his boss and nodded. Arnav raked through his brain to find what to say next or what to do because Aman still seemed upset about the whole thing. This time the silence was a bit awkward because neither of them knew what to do or say.
"If Akash sir was here, he probably would have given me a hug." Aman chuckled, trying to crack a joke into the stiff atmosphere.
Arnav opened his mouth to say something but closed it when no words came to him. Well, he had already shocked Aman once today...why not continue the trend?
So Arnav took a step closer and gave Aman a quick brotherly hug. "Don't worry...it will work out."
As Arnav pulled back, Aman gaped at him with a jaw dropped, all shame and embarrassment put aside. He was shell-shocked at Arnav's gesture and wasn't going to bother hiding it.
"What?" Arnav questioned, sounding annoyed.
Aman closed his mouth and shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I don't know what Khushi m'am is teaching you but I should tell her to continue the classes. Seems to be doing you good."
Arnav smirked. "Yeah, do that and she'll make you a student too. Now get out...I've got some thinking to do."
"Are you sure you want to stay in here? I mean...we're all sitting in the backyard...having fun conversations...and..." Aman cleared his throat suggestively. "Khushi m'am is there too."
Arnav raised one eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Shut up, Aman."
Aman grinned. His boss, The ASR, was back in the room. Still grinning foolishly, Aman left the room and joined the crowd in the backyard. As he took a seat on blanket spread on the cool grass, his eyes scanned around for Anjali.
"She's gone to put Ishan on the bed." Khushi muttered to him.
Aman smiled sheepishly. The next second, his smile became devilish as he muttered, "ASR is in his room."
Khushi raised an eyebrow. "I didn't ask..."
Aman shrugged. "You wanted to."
"Shut up, Aman." Khushi smiled.
Aman chuckled. "Like husband, like wife." He muttered under his breath.
"What did you say?" Khushi's eyes zeroed in on him.
"N-nothing." Aman smiled innocently.
Khushi narrowed her eyes at him but let it go.
*
About an hour later, only the adults were left in the yard as the children had fallen asleep in Amber and Aditya's room. The five of them sat there and chatted about any random topics. From books to movies, from foods to places, from philosophies to politics.
Angad and Kripa were in the middle of an argument about the recently released Aashiqui 2 when Aman excused himself to get some water.
"Can you please make sure that your boss took his medicines?" Khushi called out just as he was about to step into the house.
"Yes M'am...I'll check on him." Aman smiled rushing into the house.
"He didn't need to kill himself...I think the director did that just to have a sad ending..." Angad argued.
"He sacrificed himself for her success because he didn't want her to let go of music for him." Kripa shot back.
Khushi and Anjali just rolled their eyes at them.
"Well, whatever it was...I thought the movie was great!" Anjali tried to break the argument.
"Yeah...and the songs were good too!" Khushi added in, picking up on Anjali's attempt.
"But see...it was more logical for him to be sent to rehab so that he could quit drinking instead of him--" Angad was cut off by Aman.
"Um...You should check on ASR..." Aman looked worried, almost shocked as he stood at the French doors looking out into the yard.
Immediately, the other four stood up, rushed into the house, and followed Aman. They were all somewhat confused when he led them towards the kitchen instead of the guest room. Everyone's faces portrayed various expressions of shock. Angad's mouth had fallen open. Kripa's eyes had widened. Anjali's eyebrows were arched high on her forehead. Aman's expression was blank with shock. And Khushi's face consisted of two saucer sized eyes, a set of lips formed into the perfect shape of an O.
"That is not my boss...That is not the ASR I know." Aman whispered furiously a few long seconds later.
"No it's not...that is Khushi's husband." Kripa whispered back, trying to suppress a chuckle.
Khushi had her mouth covered with one of her tiny hands at this point. Her eyes were still saucer sized as she looked at her husband. Kripa patted her shoulder and Khushi felt the other four leave. She wanted to call out to him but she couldn't. Her voice had disappeared.
Never in her life had she thought she would see Arnav Singh Raizada standing in a kitchen, by himself, lost in thoughts, frying jalebis!
This was such a Khushi thing to do...making jalebis when upset but since when did Arnav start doing that? She didn't know how long she stood there, looking at him as he made jalebi after jalebi. At last, when she felt her mind click back in gear, she removed her hand from over her mouth.
"A-Arnav?" She called out to him tentatively.
He paused and looked up at her, looking surprised himself.
"What are you doing?" She asked softly as she walked up to him.
Arnav looked sheepish as he turned the heat off. "It seems to help you when you're upset or bothered."
Khushi raised her eyebrows. "Are you upset? What happened?"
"No...I was just restless...I've been thinking a lot..." Arnav cleaned his hands with a hand towel as he spoke.
Khushi sighed, knowing what this was about. "Arnav...you--"
"No." Arnav cut her off. "It needed to be done. And your jalebi making trick helped...I can now fully understand why you do that..." Arnav smiled.
Khushi scanned his face, trying to find some hints about what was on his mind but she found nothing. She watched on as he picked up a jalebi and held it in front of her.
"How did I do?" He gestured her to take the spiral sweet.
Khushi blinked once and then looked at the sticky spiral in front of her. She took it between her index finger and thumb and couldn't help but smile at the warmth and the scent of the delicacy in her hand. She bit into it at once and looked thoughtful as she chewed on it. She made a face as she swallowed. Arnav raised his eyebrows at her questioningly and she smiled in response.
"I'm only joking...this is perfect!" She shoved the rest of it into her mouth and licked the sticky syrup off her fingertips.
"Great! Then I guess there's not harm in sharing." And with that, he picked up the plate and fled the kitchen, leaving Khushi standing there with a frown on her face.
"Stupid Lad Governor." She said to herself once she gulped. "Run all you want for now but once they leave, you're stuck here with me."
*
Khushi closed the door behind herself and turned to see Anjali stifling a yawn. Arnav had already fled the scene once Angad and his family along with Aman had taken leave for the night. Anjali had decided to stay back to spend some time with Khushi. While she was thinking about what to do with the Aman situation, Khushi's presence would be helpful, she knew. Khushi had reprimanded her saying that she didn't have to ask if she could stay over.
"You should go to sleep, Anjali. You look tired." Khushi noted.
"Ishan's been keeping me up at night." Anjali said lovingly.
"Don't worry...you can sleep tonight...I'll put him to sleep if he wakes up today."
Anjali smiled at her. "I miss living with you."
"Who told you to leave, then?" Khushi accused as the two women made their way to the backyard.
"I'm glad I did...because now the guest room is available for Arnav..." Anjali teased.
Khushi picked up the blanket spread from the floor and started folding it, without responding to Anjali's light hearted jab.
"He seems a bit worried today...kind of distant." Anjali noted as she picked up the cushions.
"He just needs some time to think about some things..." Khushi said absent mindedly. "And as far as I can remember...you have some things to think about too, right?"
Anjali sighed. "I can't put him in danger...being with me puts Aman at risk..."
"There is no risk." Khushi spoke sharply, stopping someone dead in their tracks at the French doors. "Shyam is in jail and he is not getting out any time soon." Khushi took a deep breath to control the sudden rage in her veins. "Anjali...when you think about Aman...do you see any ray of hope?"
Anjali bit her lower lip and nodded. Khushi smiled. "Then don't let it go, Anjali...don't let your past overshadow your present and future...it's not fair...it's not fair to you...it's not fair to Aman...and more than that...it's not fair to Ishan. I'm sure you see how comfortable Aman is with him..."
Anjali nodded as Khushi's words registered with finality in her head. The two women turned to go back into the house when they saw Arnav standing in the doorway. His eyes were fixated on Khushi with an unreadable expression. Anjali glanced between the two and then reached out to take the folded blanket from Khushi's hands. Quietly, she made her way into the house, past Arnav.
Khushi stood rooted in her spot as she saw him take steps closer to her. After an entire day of him running from her, she hadn't expected him to show up like this.
He had been raking his brains to put into words all that he wanted to express, all that he wanted to ask but as usual words had evaded him. Until this moment. Until he had heard her talking to Anjali about a ray of hope. That simple sentence had triggered a whole set of sentences in his brain and he wasn't going to waste any more time wandering about aimlessly.
He knew what he wanted. He knew what he needed. Khushi's advice had found its rightful place and Arnav had made a decision.
He would begin forgiving himself. He would start trying to let go. For her. For him. For them. For their children.
As soon as he stopped in front of her, he reached out and took her hands in his, unsure of where the sudden burst of courage came from. Maybe it was because of her presence. Maybe it was from the unfathomable emotion in her eyes as she looked at him.
He took a deep breath and began, getting straight to the point. "I want to trust your trust in me. I don't want to let our past overshadow our present or our future. All that matters to me right now is you, Amber, and Aditya. I'll do anything to keep you in my life and if that means letting go of the past...the memories...then that's what I'll do."
He rested her hands against his chest and took a small step closer. "You've been putting in way more effort into this mending process when it should be me...I'm being selfish and letting the guilt engulf me...because I've become attuned to it, Khushi...in a very sadistic way...it brings me some sort of peace... It's what I've accepted as a part of my punishment...it makes me realize I'm still a human being...that I'm not a complete emotionless, heartless beast...but now, I want to let go of that guilt...for you...for us."
Arnav paused to take a composing breath. Khushi gave him a small smile, encouraging him to go on.
"I know it won't happen overnight...everything is too deeply carved into me for that. Slowly, eventually, I'll erase it all as much as I can...but I can't do it alone...I'll need your help...Lend me some of your optimism...your strength...because I know that as long as I have you by my side, I'll overcome anything...I'll even manage to forgive myself with time."
Khushi looked at him, masking the surprise she felt very well. It always stumped her when he spoke so much without her interruption or prompting. Yet, the words didn't feel rehearsed. He had her full attention since the first word and she was still looking at him intently as if waiting for him to continue speaking.
A few seconds passed in silence but neither said anything. Arnav went over his thoughts once more to find anything that he had forgotten to say. He wasn't sure what to make of her silence.
"Now would be the time to say something, Khushi." Arnav said, nervousness making its way into his fluttering heart.
"I already said everything I wanted to when I talked to you earlier...and right now...you've sort of rendered me speechless...I wasn't expecting you to make a decision so quickly..." Khushi smiled warmly.
Arnav smiled. "You said it was the perfect time."
"It is." Khushi said with finality. She squeezed his hands lightly and looked into the warm pools of his orbs. "Thank you."
He felt his breath get caught in his throat for a second and the next thing he registered was that he had pulled her into an embrace. His arms found their rightful place around her slender waist while her hands wrapped around his chest. Her head leaning against it with her ear over his heart while his chin rested on top of her head.
"Thank you, Khushi...No matter how much I thank you, it will never be enough." His arms tightened around her waist and he felt one of her hands gently rubbing his back in a soothing manner. "I...I love you Khushi...Always have and always will...no matter what the future holds."
Khushi knew he was referring to what she had said to him. Somehow, her mind had very conveniently pushed away that bit. Now, the memory stared her in the face as he indirectly mentioned it.
"I can't promise you anything. I can't promise that...at the end of this...this dating thing, my decision will change. I just want to make sure that you know that because I don't want to lead you on. I'm trying to behave like I normally do around others and its taking a bit of effort...I can't give you an estimate of any timelines or any outcomes. I mean...how can I promise something I'm unsure of?"
Khushi recalled her own words as she listened to the erratic beating of his heart. She knew that, now, it was her decision. Though he had faltered a couple of times, he had regained his resolve and did what was necessary to keep this attempt going. She had helped him out with it. Now she had to sort out her own heart.
She knew she trusted him but how deep did that trust go? She knew she had locked away the past. But she hadn't dealt with it...she had ignored it. Sometimes ignorance was bliss.
Would she be able to ignore it forever? Was she ready to promise him a future? Was she ready to go back home with him if he asked? Was she ready to give him the rights a husband has on his wife?
She didn't know.
Next Update:
My First ArShi OS Ever! (New Year Special!):
Surprise! I have a feeling you guys weren't expecting an update from me today but here it is as a New Year's gift! I hope you enjoyed this part! The next update will be in the New year and will mark the start of a semi-new beginning for Arnav and Khushi in this story.š³
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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