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Part 37: Start of Patterns
*Swati and Sarah(P4rveen12)...this one is for you two special ladies! See Swati, its 6:10 here at the moment...I'm updating before deadline😉*
"KHUSHI!" Arnav's scream echoed in the eerily quiet house in the wee hours of the night.
Khushi's throat constricted as she paused with her hand on the knob of the door to her bedroom. She had woken up a couple minutes ago because of a parched throat. After downing a glass full of cold water, she was about to make her way back to the warm confines of her bed and blanket when his blood curling scream had filled the air.
She looked at the door of the guestroom, pain etched on every inch of her face. She knew what this was about, of course. He was having a nightmare again. The same one.
Her bedroom door opened and a worried looking Anjali stood in front of Khushi. The two women glanced at the door of his room simultaneously before turning back to look at each other. Anjali's expression was a mixture of worry, pain, sympathy, and encouragement. Khushi nodded in acknowledgement, wordlessly communicating with her. Anjali looked at the room of the guestroom before giving Khushi a small smile. Khushi turned her back towards her bedroom the very moment Anjali closed the door.
With a deep breath, and determination dripping from every pore of her body, she walked up to his bedroom and rapped on the door without a pause. She waited no less than two seconds to push the door open, even though her knock was rewarded no response.
She entered his room and found him sitting up on his bed, face held in hands, his hair a messy tangle of silkiness dampened by sweat, a thin sheet of sweat also covering his arms and neck. The shivering and trembling of his body coupled with the ragged breaths made her realize that he was sobbing silently, apparently unaware of her company. She quietly closed the door behind her and took measured steps towards him.
His body froze into a statue the second she stepped within an arm's reach. He made no other attempts to move or look at her but his body language screamed of his realization of her presence. She reached out and tentatively placed her small, warm hand on his cold, clammy shoulder. He inhaled deeply before he ran his hands down his face, in an attempt to clear the tears off of his cheeks. He stared at the door with bloodshot eyes, determined to avoid looking into her face. He didn't want to see the pity.
"Arnav?" Her voice was barely an audible whisper but it was music to his ears, to his agonizing soul.
His determination shattered; his head turned and his eyes slowly rose up to her face. Everything was expressed on that face, in those eyes...everything but pity. Her eyes were pools of worry, concern, and affection. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she tried to think of something to say or do. The stress lines on her forehead added a tinge of pain on that beautiful face. Her lips set into a thin line, illustrating her anger at the situation. Yet, all of these emotions were cleanly blanketed under a vast sheet of sheer calmness and peace.
His own face expressed naked fear and desperation. His eyes pleading, his tearstained face ample proof of the suffering, his trembling lower lip represented the inner battle he was having. Yet, he was unaware of how vulnerable he looked at the moment. He looked no different from an almost-five-year-old Aditya when he woke up from a bad dream. Khushi smiled a little as the words automatically came to her. It was a small sentence of two words that seemed to mean the world to Aditya after a nightmare. It was all it took for him to brush away the dream and go back into the embrace of slumber. Like father like son, after all, wasn't it? If it worked for Aditya, Khushi had an inkling that it would work for Arnav too.
Khushi squeezed his shoulder gently and held his gaze confidently. "I'm here."
Arnav swallowed a lump and the gateway for his tears opened once again. The moisture rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably as he let his arms snake around her waist and hid his face in the softness of her stomach, holding onto her for his dear life. She allowed the hand that was resting on his shoulder to snake around him so that it supported his upper back while her free hand reached the thick hair on his head, caressing and soothing gently.
Khushi felt the top of her night dress getting wet as it soaked up the tears he shed. She could feel the tremble of his lips through the thin material of her top as he tried to gain control over the sobs. Khushi continued caressing his hair as she held him against her snugly and protectively. She murmured the two worded simple sentence every few seconds reassuring him of her presence as if him clutching onto her like a lifeboat wasn't assuring enough.
When his breathing calmed down, Khushi gently pried herself out of his grip as she went to the nightstand in two quick steps. Picking up the small bottle of Ativan and a glass of water, she handed him a pill along with the glass, taking a seat next to him. She gently rubbed the middle of his back with her hand while he took the pill and drank the entire glass of water.
"Do you want more water?" She asked gently. He shook his head in the negative. Once she had reached over to place the glass back on the table, her now empty hands immediately reached for one of his. His hands rested on his thighs, balled into tight fists. Khushi's small hand covered one fist and her thumb stroked across, back and forth, between the knuckles of his little and ring finger. They sat in silence as he tried to absorb the strength and stability that emanated from her.
The silence between them had always been companionable. No constant exchange of words was needed. She remembered sitting by the poolside for hours with him, just reading quietly or looking at the stars, or doing nothing in particular and just enjoying that peace and quiet. It was one of the qualities of their marriage that both appreciated...and perhaps still did because neither made an attempt to say anything.
Arnav already felt that she knew too much about these nightmares...much more than he ever wanted her to know...which was nothing. He never wanted her to find out about these horrendous dreams but she knew. He wasn't about to tell her what he saw every day in these dreams. Especially not after he had just decided to move on and let go of the guilt. Knowing what his dreams were about would only make her think that he wasn't trying to let go hard enough. And he couldn't have that.
A few minutes later, Arnav loosened his fist and turned his hand over. Looking at their hands, he slowly entwined his fingers with her slim ones. They didn't know how long they sat there like that, quietly holding hands, but eventually, Arnav's eyelids started drooping. Khushi squeezed his hand once before she stood up. She nodded to him, silently telling him to lie down and get sleep. He followed as if he were a robot whose remote control was in Khushi's hands. She pulled up the soft blanket up to the middle of his chest while he watched her with admiration. She gave him a gentle smile and took a seat next to him.
"I know you're not ready to talk about it right now but some day, Arnav, I hope you'll tell me what these nightmares are about." Khushi said moving some stray strands of hair off of his forehead. "I won't ask you again...but I will be waiting until you're ready to tell me what you see in these nightmares. Take it from a mother who has seen her kids have nightmares of ghouls and monsters...talking about it helps."
She smiled earnestly, leaned over and kissed his forehead. Her gesture conveyed the unsaid goodnight'. Watching the faint smile on her face, still holding onto one of her hands, Arnav eventually drifted off into slumber; more from the effect of her presence rather than the medication.
*
As dawn broke out in this end of the world, another end was drowned in the hues of dusk.
She couldn't help the couple of tears that escaped her eyes and fell onto the photographs in the album resting on her lap. A small hand reached up and wiped her cheeks.
"When will chachu come back?" The young voice inquired.
"Payal?" Her husband's voice echoed from the doorway a second later.
She wiped her cheeks once again and looked up at him. With a sigh, he came and took a seat next to her, lifting his son, Sahil, into his lap.
"Chachu will be back soon, beta." Akash smiled at his son who was fond of his Arnav Chachu. The Arnav Chachu who had conveniently disappeared for a good few months now.
"And will he bring me a brother or a sister?" The innocent child questioned.
"We don't know yet honey." Payal caressed Sahil's hair as she rested her head on Akash's shoulder.
"Why don't you try to give him a call tomorrow morning?" Akash suggested.
Sahil looked upset as he crossed his arms. "No. I'm mad at Chachu. He promised that he would call me two times every week. He doesn't call."
"I will call him and yell at him for breaking his promise. Now go and wash up...it's almost dinner time." Payal smiled at him.
The child jumped out of his father's lap and ran out of the room. Akash pulled his wife closer and kissed her temple.
"You were crying." He accused as he pried the album out of her hands and started flipping through it.
"I wish things would go back to the way they were...it's not same...it's been five years, Akash...but the grief just doesn't leave the family." Payal said tearfully.
"Go back to normal?" Akash couldn't help but scoff. "You know that can't happen, Payal. We're all trying to deal with it...we're all trying to return to normalcy. But things won't go back to the way they were." Akash sighed, pausing at a family picture.
Indeed, five years ago, everyone was happy. In fact, five years from today, the family was ecstatic with Arnav and Khushi's wedding preparations. There used to be echoes of laughter and light banter in the now quiet and gray house. It was as if happiness left with Khushi herself. Oh, the irony!
"Are we? Are we trying to return to normalcy? Nani won't talk to Arnav...Mami and Mamaji avoid talking about Khushi at all...You are indifferent towards Arnav too...can't you forgive him, Akash?" Payal whispered.
Akash closed the album and put it away, looking straight ahead as his lips set into a thin line and eyebrows knit together in a disapproving frown.
"Akash...your brother needs you. You talk to him but it's not like before...you two live in the same house but might as well be strangers. You have seen what he's done to himself in the last five years...I'm sure you see him punishing himself...the depression...the nightmares...he's no better than a dead person walking around. The only time I see some happiness in his eyes is when he's around Sahil. Just give him one more chance..." Payal pleaded with him for the nth time in the last five years.
"The day I find Khushi, I'll forgive him. But until then, I owe my friend that much. Khushi to me was what Arnav is to you...you can't see him in pain for too long and I can't see Khushi in pain...and I don't even know what else she has been through in these years...I don't even know if she's dead or alive. It's like she has disappeared off the face of the earth!" Akash said frustrated with his failure at trying to locate her.
Payal reached out to place a hand on his knee and gave him a few seconds to calm down. Akash's temper had been no better than Arnav's in the last few years. The tiniest matter angered him to a point of screaming. He was better at controlling and calming himself even when angry, though.
Something Arnav still hadn't mastered. In fact, it had gotten worse. His employees were even more terrified of him now. Arnav was a mountain of seething rage, walking through life. Not many people knew, however, that more than half the rage was self-directed.
"I understand what Khushi is to you, Akash. I know you consider her your younger sister more than your sister-in-law but Arnav is your brother! Doesn't he deserve some sympathy from you?" Payal tried to reason once Akash had calmed down.
"My brother does, yes...my brother deserves my sympathy, my forgiveness, and my support...that's why I'm not ignoring him completely like Nani does...that's why I try to be civil with him...but until I find Khushi...I won't see him as my brother...I will only see him as the man who hurt her to the point where she broke apart. And that man doesn't deserve anything from me." Akash stood up and left abruptly, indicating the end of the conversation.
*
Arnav was in the middle of a repeat of the nightmare when he felt an external force on his body. His nightmare blurred around the edges. He felt another push and pull on his arm. The nightmare blurred further.
"Buddy!" A muffled voice called out to him. The voice sounded as if it was miles away.
He felt a force pulling him on the other side of the body too. His nightmare darkened to the point of being barely visible.
"Buddy!" "Get up!"
Blank. Arnav's nightmare disappeared completely as he slowly opened his eyes. For the first time in years, Arnav Singh Raizada woke up normally. Without screaming, without sweating, without his face streaked with tears.
The ceiling shook violently...or was it the bed? Another couple seconds later, Arnav realized that he was the one being shaken awake.
He moved his head from side to side to take in the twins who seemed to be enjoying themselves. Amber tugged on his right arm while Aditya had a hold of his left. He was the object of their tug-o-war. When they saw him awake, Amber put her hands on her hips, looking annoyed.
"And mamma says it's hard to wake me up." She said shaking her head dramatically.
Arnav chuckled as he sat up. Aditya crawled up next to him and sat cross-legged, looking up at his buddy.
He cupped his hands around his own mouth conspiringly. "We came to wake you up so you don't get in trouble." He whispered fiercely.
Arnav raised an eyebrow, amused at his son's antics. "What?"
"Offo!" Amber stomped her foot exasperatedly. "Get up and get ready before you get in trouble with Mamma or Anjali aunty."
"And why would I get in trouble with your mamma and your Anjali aunty?" Arnav questioned with both eyebrows raised.
"The rule is to be awake by 8:30!" Amber looked scandalized that he would even ask such a blasphemous question.
"And what time is it now?" Arnav looked around for his cell phone out of habit.
"It's noon." Aditya said glancing at the door nervously.
"What the!" Arnav jumped out of bed, making the kids giggle.
"Go! Hurry up! Make sure Mamma doesn't see you." Aditya made a big deal of getting out of the bed quietly, tip-toeing as if his mother would hear him otherwise.
"We'll help you sneak out." Amber looked around the room for something. Her eyes sparkled as her eyes fell on the blanket.
She dragged the large blanket and with difficulty, held it up for him. He looked at her, then at Aditya before resting his eyes on the blanket. What on earth was he supposed to do?
"What do I do with that?" Arnav pointed at the blanket.
"Uff, Buddy!" Aditya pushed him a little towards the blanket. "You're supposed to hide under the blanket while we help you sneak out into the bathroom."
Arnav grinned and tried to hold back his laughter, lest he upset the duo. Did they think that hiding under a blanket wouldn't attract attention? Children and their innocence.
At that moment, a knock sounded on the door before it opened. As soon as Khushi came into view, Amber and Aditya squeaked and hid behind Arnav, the blanket forgotten on the floor next to their feet. Khushi paused in the doorway and raised her eyebrows, looking at the two heads that peaked out from either side of Arnav's legs. When her eyes met theirs, they quickly hid behind him completely. Khushi frowned in confusion and looked up at him for an explanation. He seemed amused himself as he looked over his shoulders, trying to see the twins.
"Psst. Don't move!" Aditya warned.
"She'll see us!" Amber followed with her explanation.
"Ahem." Khushi cleared her throat and crossed her arms across her chest with a mock-stern expression.
Amber and Aditya peeked out from behind Arnav sheepishly and looked at their beloved mother.
"What are you two doing here?" Khushi asked with raised eyebrows.
"They were going to help me sneak out so I don't get in trouble with you." Arnav smirked.
Amber and Aditya gasped. Amber looked at him accusingly while Aditya muttered tattle tale' under his breath with a sulking expression, making Arnav and Khushi chuckle.
"Well, your buddy isn't going to get in trouble...but you two will if I don't see you at the table in five minutes." Khushi teased.
Immediately, the kids ran out of the room, yelping and giggling. Arnav watched them disappear with a content smile on his face. He wouldn't mind starting every morning of his life this way. Being awakened by the kids, having his wife lovingly scold them all when they did something mischievous.
"You too." Khushi looked at him sternly. "But since you just woke up...I'll give you twenty minutes."
Arnav nodded like a student responding to his teacher. With a smile, Khushi turned around to leave when he called out to her. She turned her body halfway to face him, her expression questioning.
"Thank you." Arnav smiled.
"For giving you twenty minutes?" Khushi raised an eyebrow.
Arnav chuckled again as he looked at his toes and touched his right eyebrow with the thumb of his right hand. He looked back at her to find her smiling at him.
"Uh well...thank for that too but the first thanks was for last night. For staying here until I went back to sleep."
"Don't mention it." Khushi smiled and shrugged nonchalantly. "Twenty minutes." She reminded and then walked out of his room.
Twenty minutes later, Arnav found himself seated at the dining table with Khushi, the twins, Anjali, Ishan, and of course, Aman. As usual, lunch was a loud affair. How could it not be given that Khushi, Aditya, Anjali, and Aman were at the same place at the same time? Arnav and Amber remained as silent spectators most of the time, occasionally rolling their eyes at the loud laughs of the others.
Just like the day before, Khushi looked on admiringly every time she saw Arnav feed Amber and Aditya. At one point, Aditya stuffed a spoonful of rice into Arnav's mouth, causing Khushi's heart to skip a beat out of affection.
The scene shifted quickly and an old memory of her, amber, and Aditya having dinner drifted before her eyes. They were still happy in this memory but the picture seemed incomplete. Then Arnav appeared in the doorway and took a seat next to her. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before he began his dinner. And then there was darkness.
She felt a quick pang of longing.
She wanted this. Perhaps, forever.
She wanted to see him feed his children. She wanted to see him love them and get their love in return. She wanted to see her family grow in front of her eyes and no matter what she told herself, no matter how much she loved Amber and Aditya, no matter what their past was, Arnav was inevitably a part of her family.
"Mamma!" Aditya called out to her for the fourth time.
Khushi snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him questioningly. "What happened?"
"Can I take part in the show this time, too?"
Khushi scrunched up her nose. "Sorry Adi...but I don't think you'll be able to find time to practice...you have school and homework now, remember?"
"But Mamma...I promise I will finish all my homework every day! I'll even eat the salad every day!" Aditya tried to bargain by offering to eat healthier.
"No you won't!" Amber narrowed her eyes at him. "You said that last time."
Aditya stuck out his tongue at his sister and turned to his mother. Then, he put up his puppy-dog expression and pouted a little. Khushi's eyebrows furrowed. The kid knew that his mother couldn't deny that expression and he used it to his advantage!
"Stop looking at me like that! You're such a little blackmailer!" Khushi sighed in defeat when Aditya grinned. "Fine...but you have to promise that you'll finish all your homework every day before we practice."
Agreeing right away, Aditya clapped excitedly and resumed completing his dinner. Soon, Aditya and Amber stood up and took their plate and cutlery to the sink. Announcing that they were going to finish their homework, the two walked out of the kitchen leaving the adults to themselves.
"Another show?" Arnav questioned.
"Yeah...Angad called earlier to inform us..." Aman announced.
"Aman...are you on a holiday here?" Arnav questioned with narrowed eyes.
"No, ASR. I'm here as your assistant but seeing that you, yourself, are an assistant to someone..." Aman teased, throwing a glance towards Khushi.
Arnav glowered at him. "Did you send Akash the designs I approved along with the suggestions I made for the ones I rejected?"
"Yes boss. Sent them to Akash sir and he has gotten back to me stating that they'll get on that right away. He also said that he will e-mail me the details of the New York fashion show and I will let you know as soon as I get them." Aman answered with confidence. Khushi and Anjali just looked at the two men amusedly.
"Good." Arnav picked up his glass of water.
"Watch out everyone...ASR is back in the house. Seriously...what happened to the man I saw making Jalebi yesterday?" Aman cocked an eyebrow.
Arnav choked on his sip of water. Anjali broke out into a stream of giggles while Khushi just bit down on her lower lip to keep from laughing at Arnav's expression.
"I swear Aman...if you ever repeat that again...I will fire you."
"Two thousand and forty seven." Aman sighed.
"What?" Arnav spat.
"You have threatened to fire me two thousand and forty seven times. Yet, here I am. Admit it ASR...I'm the best at my job." Aman smirked smugly. He knew he was risking it, trying to tease Arnav, but after their previous conversation and the obvious change in Arnav, Aman felt it was okay to tease. He had years of teasing to catch up, so why not start now?
"Shut up, Aman!" Arnav groaned although he couldn't agree more. Aman may be silly and annoying at times but the man knew what he was doing. Aman had been Arnav's right hand man for years and that was the one fact that hadn't changed despite what happened at the office or in his personal life at home.
"Hey! It's my kitchen. Keep your office matter outside of here." Khushi chuckled, trying to end the stupid argument. Anjali just looked back and forth between the two men as if they were playing tennis.
A few minutes later, Khushi found herself in the kitchen with Arnav's company. Anjali had excused herself to change Ishan's clothes while Aman had excused himself on the pretence of looking over some documents. After clearing the table, Khushi and Arnav stood behind the sink, washing the dishes.
"You really don't have to do this you know...go and sit in the living room. You should rest anyway." Khushi tried to grab a bowl out of his hands.
"It is just a couple of stitches and a flesh wound. It's not a big deal." Arnav shrugged.
He sighed and handed her the bowl sheepishly when she just glared at him disapprovingly, hands on her hips and her lips set into a thin line.
"So stubborn." He muttered under his breath. "Can I at least stand here?" He asked her pointing towards the counter.
She nodded as she washed the dishes. She was glad that he was behaving normally...but then again, he had promised that he would try to let go. So she cut him some slack and let him stand there. She could feel his eyes on her but he said nothing. What was so amusing to watch about her washing dishes was beyond her understanding.
She let her mind wander off into the thoughts of their conversation last night. He had said a lot in those few short sentences. Oddly enough, their silence last night after his nightmare also spoke a lot about their compatibility. He was here now, behaving like he had been before the entire incident took place. Then why had he denied her the promise when she'd asked?
As she started wiping the plates, he started putting them away, taking advantage of the fact that she seemed to be lost in thoughts. She was working robotically while her eyes were distant. Arnav shook his head at her when her hands tried to grab more utensils to dry but there were none left.
Boldly, he took her hand in his, effectively bringing her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him curiously.
"What are you thinking about?" His voice came out huskier than he had expected.
She looked at him for a few seconds, wondering whether or not she should bring it up again. He raised his eyebrows at her when she didn't speak.
Ah, what the hell.
"You said you couldn't promise that things would go back to how they were before the accident...why?"
Arnav's face blanked and he blinked at her for a few seconds. He had gotten lucky at the time in the hospital room since Kripa had interrupted and he hadn't had to answer but today, he knew he couldn't escape. He sighed.
"I'm pretty sure you know why I refused to promise you that..." Arnav squeezed her hand gently. "But after our conversations yesterday, it no longer matters Khushi." He smiled genuinely.
Khushi gave him a small smile in return. "So you're telling me that now you can promise me that things would go back to how they were?"
"No." Arnav sighed, making her frown in confusion. He gave her a cheeky smirk before leaning in a bit closer. "I can't promise that things would go back to how they were before the accident because I didn't do this until after."
And with that, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to her soft cheek. Khushi froze in surprise as the butterflies stirred a little in her stomach. He pulled back slowly and grinned at her before walking out of the kitchen, leaving Khushi smiling and blushing to herself.
Author's FF Recommendation: (Something new that I've started😆)
Kuch To Tha Rabata By Farwa Ibrahim🤗
Honestly, I don't want to reveal anything about the story but if you havent read it, I really recommend that you do! Farwa, Honey...A job amazingly done. I havent finished reading yet but I'm almost done and I shall give you a long a** comment once I'm finished reading it. I hope you didn't mind me sharing it here, but its a piece of work that I really love and I think its only fair that more people get to read it!
A/N:
I hope the length of this update made up for the delay! I don't really have much to say today (surprise surprise!😆). Thank you for your wonderful comments on the last update! Now...for this one...only 11 pages till the 150 mark...so peeps, let's have those comments flood the thread so that Part 38 can mark the beginning of a brand new thread for this ff!😉😉
Love,
Katie <3
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
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