10. Spaces
The greatest love stories are wedged on beginnings of a tragedy.
*****
She shoves words into spaces where they aren't supposed to go - cramming them in tiny crevices where no one would bother a second glance. Talking is her way of escaping the cagey feeling she gets while surrounded by happiness that involves Arnav and Lavanya. The family is making their relationship official and for a nano second she hopes for Arnav to refute.
He smiles instead.
Arnav was like an edge of cliff where depth is both daunting and alluring at the same time.
*****
Its a party with its ironic subtlty of declaring the world the relationship of Arnav and Lavanya. Her family is invited, of course. They mingle, mix and find people to talk to. She stands in balcony, the cotton of her sari not providing the warmth her skin demands. She takes the bite of chill in the air with gritted teath and jackrabbiting heart. She wants to curl into the shadow of the corner and hide till everyone is gone and the ebb of lights and laughter died out. Her lips crack with constant worry of her teeth on them.
"You aren't inside."
She doesn't turn around jerkily or flail under sudden intrusion on her quiet time. She heard his footfalls and the waft of his perfume before he entered balcony. She holds her ground and her movements are surprisingly still; gracious even.
"Noisy. Crowdy. Bright-y." She decides on neanderthal monoworded response.
"Too many adverbs in your answer, don't you think?" The easeness in his voices cramps her chest. He is happy. Why wouldn't he be? He won the unannounced contest going on between him and his grandma and the party was the way his grandma was approving of his relationship with Lavanya. So everything was coming together for me. While she was left in the sidelines questioning her sanity.
"Probably." She cannot help but quirk her lips. Arnav chuckles shaking his head and her stomach churns.
"I read somewhere that JK Rowling was criticized a lot for the generous use of adverbs in her books." He comes up to stand next to her and sees her watching parking lot. Her quirks and actions still manage to surprise him.
"But she got what she wanted. So who cares," she replies loftily and proceeds to empty the glass in her hand. Apple juice, Arnav notices distractedly.
"You weren't inside when grandma introduced Lavanya to everyone." His tone has an edge of accusation to it. Khushi stomps down the bubble of irritation that gurgles in her throat.
"Why? You got what you were fighting for. Did you want my blessing or something?" She congradulates herself for maintaining aloofness though she wants to hurl her body away from everything that was Arnav.
Arnav looks surprised and his shoulders stiffens. "No...I thought you would be happy to see Lavanya. You helped a lot in making her what she is today, you know?" Arnav seems genuinely confused.
Khushi gapes at him. "Lavanya has always been amazing Arnav. I always thought being onself was enough. For you and your family, it clearly isn't." She slams half emptied glass on table and catches railing tightly to contain the irritation that has been building since the day Lavanya opened up to her.
Arnav narrows his eyes, humor long gone from them. "Bit late to go around with that moral compass isn't it? I mean you took the job without much fight, didn't you? No one forced you or anything."
She shrugs knowing it would irritate Arnav. "They aren't the same." She lashes out. She doesn't know what's right and whats wrong. She doesn't know if she crossed some sort of line drawn between two humans in terms of respect and understanding.
She doesn't know why she didn't refuse when her first instinct was absolute annoyance towards the offered task. Was it the distant hope of placing herself better than Lavanya in front of Arnav and his family? Or was it showing off the supposed knowledge Arnav's grandma thought was necessary to become a member of the family. Or was it all a subconscious ruse to get closer to Arnav?
Arnav clutches her arms and pulls her towards him. "Get off that high horse of yours Khushi. You and I aren't all that different." His tone has lost the ease and lightness it had few moments ago.
"Stop touching me without my permission." She hisses. Arnav drops her arms and takes several steps back as if burnt. She absently runs her fingers on her arms where his palm had been to soothe the angry imprint of his fingers. She walks away from the balcony but his voice stops her.
"Don't forget to collect the payment for your hardwork. With the way the night has turned out, you may even get a bonus."
He walks past her without as much as a glance.
His words aren't cruel. It was said with much indifference to an employee by an employer. She had foolishly thought it would end up being otherwise.
"I'll cash your cheque in morning." She calls out.
She takes great pleasure in the way he fists his palms and the tension that sets between his shoulders. She whispers a good-bye in her mother's ears and steps outside Raizada mansion.
Things are far from over between them. But for tonight, she was done.